Vegweb Confessions
This thread is dedicated to brutal honesty and things you would probably only discuss with a shrink or a close friend/family member. Please note that this is not a pity thread, just a venting thread. The point is to learn more about each other and possibly connect on new levels as a community
- I have a really awful relationship with my father. We just don't talk... I never call him and vice versa. The only conversations we ever have are about music, becuase the love of music is the only things we have in common.
- I have a hard time letting people get close to me. Whenever I get too close to someone, I subconsciously push them away. This has ruined the two relationships I've been in, and countless close friendships. I think this stems from my shoddy relationship with my father.
- I have an addictive personality. I've had some major run-ins with drugs in my lifetime. Thankfully, I don't partake in them anymore but sometimes I fear that my drinking will become a serious issue later in life.
I've skipped the past 3 days of work because I just couldn't deal with being there and interacting with people - I lied to my boss and said it was sinus issues. I almost wish I'd be fired so that I'd be forced to make a change in my life.
I contacted a psychiatrist last week and the soonest they were able to get me is July 28th. I know I need to be on medication again . . . I think I may have to be on medication for the rest of my life.
I'm thankful that other people have problems to share. I think you're all sstronger than I.
I posted a lot of this on the "5 things" thread, but here we go. I'm another on the list of cutters. Really, it's like alcoholosm. You're never not a cutter; you're simply not actively engaging in the behavior. It's been since February or March for me.
I hate myself. I'm ugly, fat, unattractive. I usually won't admit that I think I'm fat, but there it is. I think I'm fat. I try to excercise and eat less, but I still feel fat.
I still suck, as far as diabetics go. I'll be really good for a few days at a time, and then go way out of control again. It's causing me to be nearsighted. I don't need glasses (yet), and the doctor told me that if I take care of my blood sugar it might reverse itself. I still have a chance. But I've discovered that high blood sugar causes me to not be hungry. It helps me to eat less. It's vain and wrong, but I can't help it seomtimes.
I know that in order to persue my dream career I have to reach doctoral level. In August I'll be a college freshman. I honestly don't know if I have it in me to go to school for that long. Or the brain power. Some times I think I'm intelligent, and other times I feel like a complete cretin.
I love vegweb.
I can see myself in so many of these posts.
That's all I'll say for now.
- I' ve had bulimia (sp?) since I was about 15
- I don't think I deserve to be loved (or even liked). dont really know why I feel that way because I personally think I'm fabulous.
- I also have a 'complicated' relationship with my family (mother , father, siblings and cousins/extended family). My family would take up like 5 seasons of Jerry Springer....
- I tried to commit suicide when i was 13....in the 'psyco' ward I met a girl who taught me how to throw up...hence the bulimia.
I heart you all.
I had a fairly long-term relationship with a married man (with kids) when I was 18-19. Very few people know.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Laura...I was a bit scared
I'm not really vegan.
I'm not really vegan.
[/quote
do explain......
I'm waiting...
i think that HH and i should become cats and just hang out and do cat stuff all day. like lick each other's heads and chase imaginary mice. and sit and stare.
I licked Cat's head on his last day, so I can swing licking even as a human. We could lounge together and stare, snooze, and occassionally wake up and when half groggy lick each other before falling back to sleep.
What if SB confessed that he doesn't even own Vcon? :o
I used to be very trusting of people.
Late one night I put myself in a really stupid and vulnerable situation that resulted in sexual assault. I am shaking typing this. I still blame myself and can't believe I did something so idiotic.
Now I don't trust anyone and don't know if I ever will.
http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/love/love0047.gif to all you brave people.
(I'm so not comfortable posting my personal issues on a wide open forum. Issues. I gotz um. Not sure how to fix um. Thanks for the meditation reminder, Quintess).
I'm not really vegan.
do explain......
I am also fluent in sarcasm.
Gee, I could have made the original post down to the issues with dad (but he doesn't like music), the love of music, and the intimacy issues.
As for me, right now I'm a bit down because of job issues - I've been offered a pay raise and promotion that I don't want and my peers are putting the pressure on me to take it. Yeah, I know,many people wish they had this problem, but it is a problem. I'm also bummed because right now I have only acquaintences - no best friend, no intimate relationship. My friends seem to be going their separate ways and my phone never rings. I haven't gotten a phone call from anyone since my sister called me over 10 days ago. Another good friend just found a boyfriend and I'm jealous not only that he got a boyfriend, but that he doesn't have time for me anymore. I haven't had a date in over a year and a half. I'm turning 50 next year and while I don't mind aging, I'm worried about the solitude.
I do stay greatful for my many blessings.
I am also fluent in sarcasm.
That's not much of a confession, we knew that already.
I had a fairly long-term relationship with a married man (with kids) when I was 18-19. Very few people know.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Laura...I was a bit scared
No reason to be scared. I'm just a little :ladybug:
I used to be very trusting of people.
Late one night I put myself in a really stupid and vulnerable situation that resulted in sexual assault. I am shaking typing this. I still blame myself and can't believe I did something so idiotic.
Now I don't trust anyone and don't know if I ever will.
go to therapy. join a support group - in person or online. work through it. it can, does, and will get better. you just have to process it, and you're holding back because you think you somehow had something to do with another person's decisions and actions. and you didn't.
it's worth it to deal with it; ignoring it will create the loudest, darkest vacancy in your mind, and that will stop you from moving forward with your life. i support you. do it.
not that i'm speaking from experience or anything. ahem.
confessions: sexually molested by my grandfather for several years as a child, raped twice (two different people, two different occasions) as an adult. guess what? i worked through it. i'm happy, trusting, and - while nowhere near perfect (pretty darn close though - jk) - confident that my past has nothing to do with my present. i've left my past where it should be and can really Be Here Now.
good luck. and i'll help you in any way i can.
I used to be very trusting of people.
Late one night I put myself in a really stupid and vulnerable situation that resulted in sexual assault. I am shaking typing this. I still blame myself and can't believe I did something so idiotic.
Now I don't trust anyone and don't know if I ever will.
I'm wishing with all my might that I could hug you right now. I'm so sorry someone hurt you and that you blame yourself for their actions. I know it won't make it better but I sent you a card today (before I read this post though) I hope it brightens your day a little when you get it. If you need to talk I'm so there for you capture79 at gmail dot com
That goes for any of you--please feel free to email me even if it's just to rant or vent or cry or whatever--we are a big family and it would appear that a lot of us are really hurting right now for all sorts of reasons--we need to do something about this, pull ourselves up and out some how--I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm sick to death of feeling like this everyday--like I'm worthless and unlovable--destined to roam the earth leaving a trail of tears and pain. What do we do? How do we get better? Could cookies really be the answer? (<----- sorry, my humour made a come back a few days ago, that's a least one step in the right direction...)
go to therapy. join a support group - in person or online. work through it. it can, does, and will get better. you just have to process it, and you're holding back because you think you somehow had something to do with another person's decisions and actions. and you didn't.
it's worth it to deal with it; ignoring it will create the loudest, darkest vacancy in your mind, and that will stop you from moving forward with your life. i support you. do it.
not that i'm speaking from experience or anything. ahem.
confessions: sexually molested by my grandfather for several years as a child, raped twice (two different people, two different occasions) as an adult. guess what? i worked through it. i'm happy, trusting, and - while nowhere near perfect (pretty darn close though - jk) - confident that my past has nothing to do with my present. i've left my past where it should be and can really Be Here Now.
good luck. and i'll help you in any way i can.
I have thought about this...sometimes I think I need to...but I'm scared. I live in a small town and I'm afraid someone will find out and treat me differently. Mostly I deal with it by pretending it didn't happen and shutting it out of my mind, pretending I am this strong person who cannot be hurt. When I allow myself to think about it, it kind of snowballs (like, for the past two days) and then I just wind up feeling worse.
I swear that if I could pick one superpower, it would be to be able to take pain away from other people, like that guy in the Green Mile.
It is nice to know that there is hope for life "after" though. Thanks for that.
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