Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
dear VC (eta: birthday twin!),
<3
love, hesp.
dear cap.,
wtf? i always thought you looked really YOUNG for your age? i think he is just an ass trying to play with ya.
love, hesp.
Dear Capture,
I found your profile on okcupid. You are one hot woman. Let's go train for that 10k together and afterwards we can nom on green smoothies and play with my dog. I like to run with my shirt off to show off my awesome vegan muscles.
Heart,
Vegan Hunk
Dear Vegan Hunk--
I can't wait to meet you! Please call me soon so we can plan a date!
Capture
Dear BP--
If you are my "vegan Hunk" please move closer to me so we can go out :)
Capture
dear cap.,
wtf? i always thought you looked really YOUNG for your age? i think he is just an ass trying to play with ya.
love, hesp.
Dear Hesp,
OMG! Thank you sooooo much! I always thought I looked a lot younger then my *gulp* 28 (almost 29) years too...
Thanks for confirming my long held belief--vegwebbers=right all the time OKCupid=not right (at least ifthere are saying something mean!)
Love big time,
Capture
Dear OKCupid guy who sent me this letter:
"Do you drink a lot? You look EXTREAMLY old for your age!"
No I don't drink a lot--so thank you for making me feel like shit you dirty bastard!
I hope you're testicles turn green and fall off. Asshole.
With love,
Capture
Dear Cap,
I've always thought you looked quite young for your age...like, a fresh, vibrant 22 or somethin'.
and yer cute.
Love,
CW
Dear OKCupid guy who sent me this letter:
"Do you drink a lot? You look EXTREAMLY old for your age!"
No I don't drink a lot--so thank you for making me feel like shit you dirty bastard!
I hope you're testicles turn green and fall off. Asshole.
With love,
Capture
Dear Cap,
I've always thought you looked quite young for your age...like, a fresh, vibrant 22 or somethin'.
and yer cute.
Love,
CW
Dear CW,
Awww! Yur cute too--can I date you??
Love,
Cappie
Dear Capture
that guy is a major fucktard
Lubi
Dear Capture,
Check your OKC mail again!
love,
algae
dear kansas,
i hate you. you are THE terrible place, and thinking about leaving a nice veg friendly place for youuu fills me with dread. go away.
forever yours,
catherine
Welcome to the midwest, ponycakes! Are you in school now? Where at in Kansas?
I have spent an unfortunate amount of time driving through Kansas and went to college in south central Nebraska, so I commiserate.
Look at the bright side -- your already stellar cooking skills will get even better and you will win an amazing reputation and friends with your vegan eats!
Dear both of you--
Come to Kansas City and we shall have some vegan fun!
Your faithful transplant-to-the-Midwest,
Caroleena.
Dear Caroleena,
Ahhhhh! I was totally in your neck'o'the plains last weekend! I hadn't seen this until now. One of my sisters lives in KCMO and next time I am planning a jaunt down there I will post a message for you. It would be fun to get together, and poncakes too! Midwest unite!
Peace from (newly returned to) Minnesota,
PP
Dear Capture
that guy is a major fucktard
Lubi
Dear Lubi-
fucktard is an awesome word. i am adopting it into my personal vocabulary. hope you don't mind me stealing your word.
PB
Dear CW,
Awww! Yur cute too--can I date you??
Love,
Cappie
Dear Cappie,
Sure, as long as Cute Runner guy doesn't mind sharin'. ^-^
Love,
CW
Dear Capture,
Thanks for being so inspiring to our owner. We were beginning to think that she'd forgotten all about us after we were crammed into that plastic tote so many months ago. It was nice to get out today.
Love,
CW's running shoes
Dear Capture
that guy is a major fucktard
Lubi
Dear Lubi-
fucktard is an awesome word. i am adopting it into my personal vocabulary. hope you don't mind me stealing your word.
PB
I always thought it was Fuckturd.
Fuckwit is a nice word too.
Dear Capture
that guy is a major fucktard
Lubi
Dear Lubi--
Fucktard is the greatest word every! Thank you for reving it!!!
With extra scoops of love,
Capture
Dear Hespedal,
I've not forgotten about YOU, missy! You are also a great inspiration to me, what with your mad long-distance biking skillz.....I do regret not keeping up with your trek across the states and not sending you a card or somesuch (as I had planned). But WAY TO GO on that ride!
But darnit, Capture's inspiration applies to something I already have--legs--but now YOUR inspiration just makes me angry that I lack the equipment--a bike, money, etc.--to hit the roads as you have. :'(
oh, but you did remind me that I have a barely-used bike helmet packed away somewhere.
I think I will go try to find it now. Perhaps I will strap it on for tomorrow's morning jog, just for fun, eh?
love,
CW
Dear Capture,
Check your OKC mail again!
love,
algae
Dear Algae--
Thank you! That was sooooo cute!
Capture
dear capture,
i am not this vegan hunk. but there was a group of shirtless dudes who ran by my house today (they were legit running, not like running from the cops!) and i thought of you. thus, the inspiration. i just made them vegan!
heh heh,
bp
Dear BP
Oh! Hot runner dues that are now *vegan* I think I need to move to where you are!!!
I like that you think about me *te hee hee* feeds my ego *blurpie*
Capture
Dear CW,
Awww! Yur cute too--can I date you??
Love,
Cappie
Dear Cappie,
Sure, as long as Cute Runner guy doesn't mind sharin'. ^-^
Love,
CW
Dear Capture,
Thanks for being so inspiring to our owner. We were beginning to think that she'd forgotten all about us after we were crammed into that plastic tote so many months ago. It was nice to get out today.
Love,
CW's running shoes
Dear CW--
I'm sure we can work something out--you, me, Cute Runner >:D <------- OK, that was slightly gratitious, but it's all in fun right?
<3 Cappie
Dear CR's Running Shoes,
Yeah! I'm so glad you you got some well deserved fresh air and plytime! I hope your mommie takes you out everyday!!!
You're pal,
Capilicious
Dear Capture,
of course you can use the work fucktard, I love making up words and will share them with everyone!!!
:DLubi
Dear Hespedal,
I've not forgotten about YOU, missy! You are also a great inspiration to me, what with your mad long-distance biking skillz.....I do regret not keeping up with your trek across the states and not sending you a card or somesuch (as I had planned). But WAY TO GO on that ride!
But darnit, Capture's inspiration applies to something I already have--legs--but now YOUR inspiration just makes me angry that I lack the equipment--a bike, money, etc.--to hit the roads as you have. :'(
oh, but you did remind me that I have a barely-used bike helmet packed away somewhere.
I think I will go try to find it now. Perhaps I will strap it on for tomorrow's morning jog, just for fun, eh?
love,
CW
dear CW,
omg, you should do bike and build because i am trying to get vegans to do it and if you did that would be so rad! and also they provide you with a bike you just have to fund-raise and take time off of work. i am going to see if i can add you to the facebook thread, i don't know if that is possible, though.
love, hesp.
Dear Capture,
of course you can use the work fucktard, I love making up words and will share them with everyone!!!
:DLubi
It was actually me that asked for perssion, but I'll take that as your blessing.
Pooh bear,
I would be honored if use fucktard!!!!
lol
Lubi
Lubi-
Consider it my new favorite word ;)b
PB
Dear VW,
WTF!!! 213 emails and like 76 billion new posts after about 1.5 days.........still love you!
-AC just got back from backpacking
-------------------------------------------------
Dear Cap and VC,
Thank you, and yes to both of you! Cap, you look early 20s.
<3 AC/Ally
Dear Jackhammer Operator,
6:30 in the morning is not the best time for your work outside my bedroom window. Didn't you just pave that same patch last week? This time, do it right. I am coming for you in the night.
Cheers,
amber
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