Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
Dear life-
why are you royally sucking so much when i'm trying so hard to make you better! i don't know what you want so i'm about ready to give up and just let you be.....
- one pathetic PB
Dear Stanley-
I fear your mouth is infected again, although I could just be parinoid. Please don't be mad at me for taking you to the vet for yet another check up.... it's only because I love you.
- your loving mom
Dear Amoxicillin,
thanks for this great rash you've put all over my face and neck. i will no longer swallow you although there are a few left. I'm sure my body will be able to fight off any potential infection, free of rashes and other odd side effects. see ya,
tino
Dear gods of flying and europe,
take the best possible care of my dear wife tomorrow, and for the indefinite duration of her stay. She deserves nothing less. oh, and bring her back safe. please.
also, Dear Universe,
help me cope well without my wife. I miss her dearly. send some adventures my way too.
<3 tino
Dear A,
Why did you screw my life up so much? I gave up everything for you and our happiness, then you turned right around and screwed me over. Now I have nothing, and I'm miserable as hell... you're so passive aggressive and you are a complete mind game. I'm left speechless and empty. After almost a month, this is still all I can say...
I wish I could forget you exist,
Dustin
Dear tinob,
I hope you called your doctor regarding the rash your antibiotic has given you. That is not a normal reaction, and although you are wise to discontinue your regimen, you should inform your physician promptly, because there is a possibility he/she will want to start you on a different antibiotic, seeing as you hadn't finished your full dose.
signed,
VW's resident medical nerd
Dear Dustin,
I am so sorry your heart is in pain, I wish I could fix it for you.
But since I can't, please know that you are a beautiful, sweet,
kind, caring young man who makes everyone smile!
Kisses for you :-* and your boo-booed heart.
In sincere friendship,
Capture
Dear life of mine,
Please help me to figure out what I want to do with you . . . at this point I'm at a complete loss of direction. I don't know what path you are wanting to take and I'm not sure where to start.
:'( Jewel
Dear Capture,
You fixed it for at least a few moments! Especially the "boo booed heart" part. Put a smile on my face.
<3's for your friendship and sweetness,
Dustin
Dear Pink and BP,
thanks for the concern. I called the dental surgeon & they just said I could stop taking them (only was one more day's worth anyhow). Hurray for rashes.
tino :)
Dear Dustin,
I'm glad I could help even a little. You're such a cutie pie I dont know who would want to hurt you like that!
I have a boo-booed heart too--we can comiserate and compare notes *lol*
More karmic kisses to you :-*
Capture
Dear OKCupid guy who sent me this letter:
"Do you drink a lot? You look EXTREAMLY old for your age!"
No I don't drink a lot--so thank you for making me feel like shit you dirty bastard!
I hope you're testicles turn green and fall off. Asshole.
With love,
Capture
Dear Ally--
You take really awesome photos of your vegan food--they are my favorite food-porn pictures to look at.
I just saw your NY nacho dip one and I *drooled* all over my key board!!!
Will you please come visit me and feed me?
Thanks!
Capture
Dear Ally--
You take really awesome photos of your vegan food--they are my favorite food-porn pictures to look at.
I just saw your NY nacho dip one and I *drooled* all over my key board!!!
Will you please come visit me and feed me?
Thanks!
Capture
Dear AC,
I axed you first. Months ago. Cappy's gonna hafta wait. (Sorry, Cap).
-VC
Dear OKCupid guy who sent me this letter:
"Do you drink a lot? You look EXTREAMLY old for your age!"
No I don't drink a lot--so thank you for making me feel like shit you dirty bastard!
I hope you're testicles turn green and fall off. Asshole.
With love,
Capture
Dear Capture,
That guy dosen't know what he is talking about. I thought you were younger than me up until I found out we were the same age. And I still think you look younger.
:-* Lisa
Dear OKCupid,
You're blind. Capture is beautiful AND youthful! Good luck with finding your match. I hope you get herpes everything you deserve in a mate.
Idiot.
-OKC Hater
dear Tino,
make up yer mind already. Are you going to get your own place or what? if so you have to start packing soon!
excited and anxious,
tino
Dear OKCupid,
You're blind. Capture is beautiful AND youthful! Good luck with finding your match. I hope you get herpes everything you deserve in a mate.
Idiot.
-OKC Hater
Cupid is indeed blind. And traditionally a small child in diapers. So what does a wet-behind-the-ears blind brat know? Zilch. Nada. Rien. Niente. Not a darn thing.
Go Cappy!! :)>>> :)>>>
Dear new shirt,
Why did you have to lose a button right the second before I was leaving to get to my interview this morning leaving me no time to fix you or change shirts? Because of you and the huge headache I had this morning...I probably looked and sounded like an idiot that couldn't dress herself. You're lucky I like the color of you...otherwise I wouldn't fix the button and you'd be stuck hanging in my closet forever.
-SB
Dear OKCupid,
Get your eyes checked because Capture looks very young. Besides, even if you thought that, you're a douche for saying it to her. Go play in the road.
-Another OKC hater
Dear sweet ladies of vegweb who replied to OKcupid douch bag--
You ladies rock hard and made me LAUGH my ass off! Thank you soo much...
....and when I got home I had a differnt mail from another OKCupid guy who mailed just
to tell me "you rock" so that totally made up for the other ass-hat :)
Thanks again for the shits and giggles!! You gals rock hard like Pat Benatar hard!!!
Capture
dear bp,
how much spinach do you put in your green smoothies? and do you only use berries for the fruit? thanks friend!
signed,
green smoothie noob
Dear VC,
OKCupid = dating site, not moron's name. Get with the program. http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/ashamed/ashamed0001.gif
Love,
VC
~~~~~
Dear VC,
I thought he was a vegweb dude named OKCupid. Sorry. And stop talking to yourself. It's weird.
Love,
VC
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear OKCupid Dating Site,
I'm sorry if I offended you. Please do a better job of weeding out weenies.
Thank you,
VC
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