The Express Yourself Thread
Posted by humboldt_honey on Aug 07, 2009 · Member since Feb 2007 · 12529 posts
The News & Debate board was designed to be a space to explore differing points of view. The Chit Chat board is a place for friendly banter. Lately, conflict posts have appeared on the Chit Chat board. This diminishes the usability of that board for people who want to come her for a peacable good time. I'm starting this thread so that if people need to vent, they can do it here - keeping in mind the forum rules.
eta: I'm planning to move my deeper conversations with people on Chit Chat to this thread. It's kind of off-putting going into it as the "venting" thread. So, alas, there's no more vending machine.
lol, I just took my contacts out, and thought this was the vending thread. like....what do vegans like to eat out of the vending machine......
OREOS!!!
pretzels!!
barbeque chips, dawg!
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330086#msg330086
HH- do you have an email so we can speak privately?
We can talk here. What would you like to talk about?
express yourself... automatically makes me think of madonna.
don't forget the packs of gum in the vending machines (sometimes).
Ok, here's something judgmental: I totally disagree with people who think colon cleansing/etc is awesome/holistic/healing/will increase your chakra/blah blah. Everything I've read about it is pretty pseudoscientific and seems to be thinly veiled bulimia. I'm tired of seeing people post about "so, how about colon cleanses! I feel awesome after them! Like I never ate anything in my entire life! Toxins are bad for you!!!"
Also, it irks me when someone takes issue with AC's popularity. She can't help being cool, k?
To recap:
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329907#msg329907
lubi, I really appreciate you responding to me and saying what you did. But that is how I feel. I haven't been very welcomed, especially by "old-timers" or regular posters. I'm not saying it's everyone's job to be friendly to everyone. I'm just saying there's this feeling of (how did Sarah put it? Oh yes!) a tight-knit family that isn't welcoming new members. I'm not letting this keep me from posting. I'm trying to establish my own friendships and cultivate the kinds of relationships I'd like to have and ignoring the clique as much as possible.
I jsut saw ANOTHER newcomer accused of being a troll last night (and he didn't even really do anything, which really kills me) by regular posters who should be welcoming newcomers. So today, when I saw it again, I jumped up and said something.
I left for a few months for similar reasons. The whole "clique" aspect doesn't appeal to me, and every new person was branded a "troll" or an alternate ego.
But then I missed the actual cool people I met, and realized that there are really only a few very outspoken folks who grate on my nerves, so I just try to ignore them.
But do whatever you feel comfortable doing, by all means. Nobody should be stressed out by an internet forum.
talking with you, today, jeana, makes me want to stick around, because you're very right, there are actual cool people that I want to be friends with.
It is only a small few who make this site unwelcoming, I think. All this "troll" stuff is ridiculous. I've seen so many newbies called a troll, or accused of trollishness or just plain ignored in favor of responding to the same old people in the same old threads. Too bad no one ever confronts them.
CK, thanks for your two cents.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329936#msg329936
The point at which something is deleted is the point at which it should be dropped. And especially not carried between boards.
Newcomers may not recognize who have been here for a while and who are also newcomers because we integrate everone into the family who wants to be a part of it. Not being able to tell new-comers from old-timers is testament to our openness and inclusion. If people would like a more positive reaction, I recommend ditching negativity and just have fun.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330042#msg330042
No one is jumping down your throat. To me, it feels like you are jumping down everyone elses throat. Just being honest here.
When has it been evidenced time and again that a topic turned someone off? If someone is new and wants to ask a question, they ask it, and we are more than happy to answer.
As for the racy threads, this is an adult website. You have to be 18 to sign up, you say what kind of relationship you want / are currently in, and you let people know if you want to have children or not. We have had this discussion numerous times before. Children should not be posting on this website.
It seems to me that a lot of your posts are very condescending, that may be why no one responds to you. And we let people into our tight-knit family, but I think that you don't want to be apart of it. I mean, you did say that you are in the minority and that the site is lame. You make it pretty well-known that you don't like many people here. No one put you in the minority. Stop berating everyone and stop being contradictory.
Like I said earlier, we're all friends here. So, do you want to be friends or not? Make up your mind and stop complaining.
this. moonkey, i feel like i've defended you a lot even when we didn't agree on things. i feel like a lot of people have tried the forgive and forget thing and start with a clean slate thing. and when there was drama in the debate boards, people honestly just brushed it off as, "she's new... she might not understand how much things can escalate and how quickly drama can unfold".
i have felt like the minority on MANY things regarding vegweb debates. i mean, i'm not as strict as some vegans on here. i don't require omnis to use different dishes or cookware so that mine will never touch meat. i don't have a problem preparing non-vegan meals for others (when my little brother stays with me, he cannot cook and i feel it isn't fair to force him to eat like i do so i make him his hot dogs and kraft mac if he wants it... i see no problem with this). while i do avoid honey, if i'm starving and someone offers me a granola bar that would be vegan other than the honey, i'll eat it. in the same situation i would not eat steak or milk... but honey, somehow, i can get over easier. i am willing to date someone who isn't veg*n. i do NOT try to convert my partners/friends away from non veg*n lifestyles. i'm polyamorous in a monogamous relationship. i have a dry/sometimes morbid sense of humour. i don't always discount foods as being "non-vegan" because of weird ingredients like vitamin d or "natural flavors". my daughter started off as a vegetarian and when she's in my care she eats vegetarian, but she does eat meat too (not my choice, hers). i mean, i think in a way we have all felt like the minority. those are just a few of the things where after i stated my point i was immediately flooded with comments like, "what??? how can you do it like that?" but you understand that everyone is going to view things differently and move on.
i think the only thing that maybe people are not liking is the negative reactions and attitude that you put out. i have kept mainly hush about it because i don't really want to cause drama. i honestly don't. and i hope i'm not one of those who you dislike and avoid and feel isn't welcoming, as i feel that i try to welcome everyone (even you). i do like you and i think you and i could talk about a lot of things and get along as long as you are okay with the fact that we might not agree on everything.
you said that people here are easily offended, but i've noticed that usually you seem to be the one who is offended easily. i apologize if i have ever offended you. i don't think that anyone truly wishes to insult anyone. i think most of us follow the rule of, "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all" or at least try to debate it in a civil manner. i know that usually if i think someone's being a total jackass, i don't say, "hey, you jackass... get off of these boards because i think you're blah blah blah". i just ignore it or try to redirect it.
i also feel that a lot of your posts are kind of done in a baiting nature. like you say something like, "people here are elitists and they don't allow anyone in their clique and this site is lame". surely you are hoping that people will hop on that and start responding with other things. and then when they do, you post about how everyone is jumping down your throat everytime you post something.
the energy you put out is the energy you receive, right? so if you post positive things, maybe you'll get warmer responses? posting that people on here are hypocrites and that this thread is not veg-enough or this site is not time worthy is rather negative. of course people are going to be defensive around you. no one is forcing you to be a part of this social forum and no one is forcing you to be a part of the threads that don't appeal to you.
i have seen MANY people (myself included) apologize to you saying, "i'm so sorry if you feel that way" "let's try to make this better" and such. but you never seem to lighten up or smile or anything.
i honestly would like for vegweb to be a peaceful place for all of us. but it cannot be peaceful until ALL of us either learn to hold our tongues until the emotions are cleared and we can say things nicer or put past feelings in the past and truly try to build positive friendships.
and as for the newbies thing... i'm relatively new (to the social aspect), i know sarah is as well, and brittney is new. i don't think any of us were ever accused of trolling or spamming and i don't think any of us didn't feel welcomed.
remember... if you want positive feedback, put out the positive vibes in the first place.
again, i'm not trying to be offensive at all. i'd still like to be friends.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330043#msg330043
as for legitimate posters, I'd rather see his posts on the front page then "Once upon a time KMK and AC ..." or "Sex Toys" AT least his posts have to do with veg-ness.
If this forum was about nothing but being vegan, this would be a dreadfully boring website. The website is about veg-ness, the forums are about the members.
i'm just noting that it can be a turn-off to newcomers who aren't involved in the regular posters' conversations, as evidenced time and again. i know forums need diversity and I like several threads that aren't specifically about veg-ness, too.
Fuck, everyone, no need to jump down my throat. Just sharing my opinion.
ABout the sex toys and more "racy" threads, kids could come on this site any time and see this stuff and that makes me uncomfortable. There should be a separate section for adult-oriented discussions so that newcomers don't see it on the boards unless they click on that section warning them adult material is ahead. I will post that in the suggestions thread.
Why is it that when i say something that is contrary to popular belief around here, I get a storm of replies?
Why is it when I talk about other things (like say how important Organic is) I'm ignored?
Tight-knit family? Yes, you guys are. No one can get in, can they? Sorry for trying.
Hey moonkeymamma, I wasn't trying to jump down your throat in the parenting thread at all. Just, it kinda seemed like you thought parents who didn't do it your way weren't raising good kids, or whatever. But, I think the problem with chatting online is that you miss the tone of voice, body language, etc. So, people here for the most part try to write really nicely so as to not be misinterpreted? I'm not really part of the cool kids club, either, and I'm sure some people find me annoying and some don't. Whatevs. I'd still like to be friends.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330071#msg330071
rainbowdust, i feel you have judged me unfairly. I think if you look back through my 250+ posts, you will find a lot of positive, warm, good things. In fact, I feel like I've done a lot to make this site friendly and welcoming and contribute in a positive way to the community. I'm sorry you (and others) see me as so negative and easily offended based on a handful of posts that you're taking out of context.
Hey, you learn something new everyday, right? I thought differently of myself and today I see another person in the mirror, courtesy of everyone on an internet forum thoughtful enough to share their true opinions with me. Thanks for having the guts.
nmpixie - no worries. glad we could clear it up.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330072#msg330072
rainbowdust, i feel you have judged me unfairly.
Just know that you tried to be her friend, rdust. We've tried to reassure mkm, but she didn't want to be reassured. We tried to befriend her, but she didn't want to be befriended. I think at this point we have to accept that she'll be offended and there's nothing we can say or do (short of agreeing with her 100%) that will change that.
I've been wondering - if rainbow dust is dust from a rainbow then it's multi-colored dust. That's so frakin awesome. If I had rainbow dust in my house I'd never clean. I'd just rearrange it. Like sand art.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330086#msg330086
HH- do you have an email so we can speak privately?
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330091#msg330091
HH- do you have an email so we can speak privately?
How about here? --> http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=29142.new#new
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330108#msg330108
moonkeymama, I come and go a lot on this forum. I'm absent for months at a time, then back on again regularly for months, and so on. Every time I come back there are new regulars, and new "things" going around this little community (such as The Shred, a vegan chef battle, and whatnot). But I never usually have any trouble getting regulars/oldies/new regulars to "accept" me. I always notice at first that people don't respond as much to my posts as more regular-regulars, probably because of unfamiliarity with me. But in a short amount of time, I'm in that clique/family/whatever thing that you refer to.
It's the internet. People set up little communities based on self-identification (vegans, raw vegans, whatever). People like to talk to people they "know"(in quotes 'cause it's the internet, srsly), so it's not the same to do that with someone less familiar or someone perceived as unfriendly. If I can make my way into this in group repeatedly, as well as new regulars (which AC was one of not too too long ago), I don't see it as any different for you. There's no reason for us to treat you like any other relatively new person - we don't know who you are at all.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330110#msg330110
rainbowdust, i feel you have judged me unfairly. I think if you look back through my 250+ posts, you will find a lot of
positive, warm, good things. In fact, I feel like I've done a lot to make this site friendly and welcoming and contribute in
a positive way to the community. I'm sorry you (and others) see me as so negative and easily offended based on a handful of
posts that you're taking out of context.
Hey, you learn something new everyday, right? I thought differently of myself and today I see another person in the mirror,
courtesy of everyone on an internet forum thoughtful enough to share their true opinions with me. Thanks for having the
guts.
here are some positive things from you that i have enjoyed:
i have a lot of fun with you doing the word association game (some of yours have been my favorites)
you had some funny things to say in the "what word defines you" thread
you seem to know a lot about gardening and seem excited about that thread
you give a lot in the form of recipe reviews. i mean, you have probably done more than i have in that area!
you also really advertise that this site is excellent for recipes, referring to them as gems and treasures.
you almost ALWAYS post something in the "3 good things" thread, so that's definitely positive
i don't believe you've missed a "congrats" to the vegwebber of the week
you care a lot about the environment (organic topics)
you give a lot of positive feedback in the poetry thread
your answers in the "what i take for granted" thread
the simple things you put in "reasons to smile"
i'm paying attention to all of it! ;)b
this was originally a super long post which i have saved to my computer. it is more of that honesty, but not necessarily bad things.
i know you offered to talk to hh privately, but if you are interested in talking to me privately you can. i really would like to befriend you. if you would like to contact me, my email is rainbowdust919 at hotmail.com put "moonkeymama" or something in the subject so i won't think it's spam... i get lots of spam. or, if you prefer, we can talk on fb. i'm keri weber in seattle, wa. if you don't want to add me on fb, that's okay. we can still email without adding each other.
i promise i'm not out to attack you. that so is not me. and maybe i should have tried to tell you all of this privately, but we aren't fb buddies and i don't have the ability to send private messages. for the sake of this thread's up beat feel, maybe we should continue this via email if you wish to continue talking to me? i'll send you the full version of my post. maybe it will be received better when it is just you and me talking and not out there for everyone else to see?
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg330115#msg330115
The Express Yourself Thread is now up and running. Let's move the who-likes-who, who-judges-who, who's lame discussions over there so the chit chatters can have their chit chat space back.
Also, it irks me when someone takes issue with AC's popularity. She can't help being cool, k?
Not when she's wearing a roadtrip! tank top and it's raining :D (check fb).
I also don't think people know how to take your rush to judgments, mkm. If you'll notice, Illogical_Atmosphere's first post was yesterday. ac and kmk have been on their roadtrip and haven't been posting other than brief updates and a comment here and there.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329678#msg329678
I am officially amazed that this thread exists! :-D
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329680#msg329680
um.....does the weather outside seem to be a wee bit trollish for you guys? or is it just me?
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329694#msg329694
um.....does the weather outside seem to be a wee bit trollish for you guys? or is it just me?
Do you mean is a welcome(?) back in order?
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329699#msg329699
welcome, illogical. not everyone is like the people you've met tonight. there's a lot of cool resources here, lots of great people happy to share and be friends.
fyi, one of the regulars will report you soon (just a hunch) because they think you're someone else, and you'll be kicked off the site unless you start playing nicer. no one can take a joke, everyone's easily offended, so caution ahead. they think you're someone who regularly insults them, they accuse people of it frequently, report the threads and then the newcomer disappears. keeps the clique in power.
frankly, the forum's lame, except for that which relates to veg-ness, but you know, enjoy whatever you find. hope you can make some friends. now, the recipes are the real treasures!
hanashi and humboldt-honey: you should be more careful about what you accuse people of. you did the same thing to me (called me trollish) when i was new. i'd hate to see illogical not post again because of how he's received by "old-timers" of the forum. i'm really sick of how people get treated around here. try being a little more welcoming, so maybe some of the newcomers we've been getting (like illogical) actually stick around.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329907#msg329907
I jsut saw ANOTHER newcomer accused of being a troll last night (and he didn't even really do anything, which really kills me) by regular posters who should be welcoming newcomers. So today, when I saw it again, I jumped up and said something...
It is only a small few who make this site unwelcoming, I think. All this "troll" stuff is ridiculous. I've seen so many newbies called a troll, or accused of trollishness or just plain ignored in favor of responding to the same old people in the same old threads. Too bad no one ever confronts them.
sorry for all the trouble, guys. i'm not out to get anyone either. i'd like to be friends and get past the drama.
hh,I'm not comfortable sharing my feelings in a forum for everyone to see. There are some things I would like to say to you and just you, and I'd rather other people didn't get involved. If you don't feel that way, that's fine. We can let it lie and go on with our lives.
Keri, you are a kind and compassionate person and I thank you for what you have to say. It means a lot that you went back and pointed out my contributions to the community. I don't want anyone thinking of me as some negative bitch, because I'm not. I sincerely meant my thank you earlier when I said you had guts.
faunablues, i appreciate your perspective. thank you for sharing it. this is honestly not as big a deal as it looks like. internet forums are such a small part of my life and what sustains me. i'm sure i'll go through seasons, just as you. I appreciate you sharing your experience. Puts things in perspective for me.
i'm not an old hand at internet forums, so I don't really understand trolls, spambots, etc. Jeana had to explain the spambot to me earlier. i tried to defend that guy, too. i'm just sensitive because i got accused of being trollish and i've seen lots of posters get accused of being some old poster that's got a vendetta against certain members. I don't know, and I guess the old-timers would know better than I would when someone is trolling or spamming or not. I'm a bit naive when it comes to forums, I guess. I'll stop jumping down people's throats for suspecting trolls. an honest mistake.
So much of whats going on, wait let me fix that. ALL of whats going on is SO unnecessary. It makes me want to cry. I love Vegweb, and theres just so much conflict. I know most of us try to keep this a really open, nice, and welcoming site. but geeze... There is WAY to much negativity on here.
I was going to respond to this, but it was in the Chit Chat thread so I didn't. The board routinely removes spam. It's nothing personal to the spammer.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329845#msg329845
Sarah-- Yeah, I started reporting him again. They really need to ban his IP and delete his profile.
who? the dude working for the company, dherbs?
why does he need to be banned? what has he done wrong?
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=22671.msg329699#msg329699
fyi, one of the regulars will report you soon (just a hunch) because they think you're someone else, and you'll be kicked off the site unless you start playing nicer. no one can take a joke, everyone's easily offended, so caution ahead. they think you're someone who regularly insults them, they accuse people of it frequently, report the threads and then the newcomer disappears. keeps the clique in power.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=29138.msg329894#msg329894
I just wanted to say I appreciate the swift response to the spam threads that have been cropping up. I hope that there's a way to prevent it from continuing, and I'm sure it's being looked into.
But, really, I appreciate the efficient moderating. I'm sure others do, too.
;)b
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=29138.msg329896#msg329896
WML is a superstar.
i really dont think we need to repost everything, it could be restarting some things that are already resolved or calmed.
i'm just sensitive because i got accused of being trollish and i've seen lots of posters get accused of being some old poster that's got a vendetta against certain members.
I think you're going to have to get past that. I didn't call you a troll or trollish. I called that particular post of your's trollish.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=28754.msg323272#msg323272
PLEASE NOTE: if anything offended you, good. i wrote this purposely less considerate than I normally write things to get people to respond, so don't get nasty. it's all in the name of lively conversation. If you're still pissed, get a sense of humor.
(bold and underline added)
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=28754.msg323254#msg323254
I'm not bothered by the self-stated trollishness of the post
(bold and underline added)
i really dont think we need to repost everything, it could be restarting some things that are already resolved or calmed.
I'm reposting it for two reasons:
1) mkm has deleted posts in the past and then referred to them.
2) I need to be clear about what I'm talking about.
(eta: The first major recap was to help people get started here in case they wanted to refer to anything that was recently posted.)
hh,I'm not comfortable sharing my feelings in a forum for everyone to see. There are some things I would like to say to you and just you, and I'd rather other people didn't get involved. If you don't feel that way, that's fine. We can let it lie and go on with our lives.
You have twisted what I said and repeatedly used it against me. I don't have confidence that the same thing wouldn't happen with email. I hope that you find a way to be less upset by things here and partake in the fun.
Ok, so here is my long description about how all of this is making me feel.
So, i've always had an insane fear of rejection/not being liked, something like that. So, whenever i've joined things, online groups, i often dont talk, or talk way to much so no one likes me. I always get insanely nervous, its more of an online thing in this sense, i mean i have it with meeting people/hanging out too (thats why i sit at home, i have a fear of making plans and people canceling because i get excited and ready and they change their minds/dont show), but whatever thats different. And i decided to talk on here because everyone was so nice and chill and welcoming. I was the hated person on the last forum i regulared on, and it sucked. So i took a long break from forums and things. But whatev, vegweb rocked so i just got on and started talking. I've always been afraid i talk way to much and everyone will get tired of me, but everyones been so nice for the most part. And i think most of the crap thats happening makes NO SENSE! half of this crap is just being stirred up by people, stuff that isnt even thought of in a bad way by anyone else. Things that have been fine for a long time are suddenly being taken as horrible. This recent stuff. It just makes me so mad/sad. This place isnt as nice as it used to be, because of these things. Why is half of this crap even being said?! I dont get it. i dont get whats happening. MKM, really, we are all trying to be so nice and you take everything the wrong way!! Honestly, what do you want us to do? what do you want us to say? could you please tell us? Like, i just dont get it?! I mean earlier, i thought so much about what i had to say to you and all of it was meant in the nicest way and i even told you this, i didnt even think it could be taken wrong and then in another post you were saying things like, "oh, how did Sarah put it...." and things. I used to be the most sensitive person EVER, like if anyone said anything to me i would cry. If my mom told my to clean my room i would cry because i thought it meant that i had a problem and she didnt like me for it, or something. You cant take everything ever said in a bad/negative way! And i have tried so hard to like stay normal through all of this. But all of this crap. Its got to me so much, i'm like crying. Which sounds so stupid, but vegweb is like, all i have during most of the day. I have like, 3 friends, most of which barely hang out with me. So vegwebers are my friends. This sounds pathetic but whatever, its how things are. I stay on here to keep myself sane, and how can anyone keep themselves sane when they have to be on their toes and watch every little thing they say?!
I dont even know if i have a point with any of this, or if it makes sense or not. But i guess, can we all just calm down? cheer up? put crap behind us? I dont want to see everyone leave vw, and the site to be ruined and filled with hate and arguments.
i've said my peace. the matter's dropped for me. i guess if anyone else wants to rehash, HH's got all the recap here.
Sorry it's gotta be that way HH. I'm not out to get you, twist your words, etc. I apologized for how I jumped down your throat with the polyamory thread. I have responded to you in other threads, tried to joke with you, start talk about a book, etc. but you maintain an icy exterior to me. i see there is no making apologies to you, or talking in mutual respect about the relationship between us and how we can mend it. Let's ignore each other from now on, shall we? Then we can avoid this unpleasantness.
no worries, sarah. i'm sorry i hurt your feelings earlier. i was hurt myself. no excuse, i know, and you're just about the last person on this site I'd ever want to hurt. i am truly sorry i said what i did and caused you to feel that way. you're such a nice person. you make this site a pleasant and friendly place to be.
Aww, hh, you didn't have to go quoting me.
;D
I was just trying to smooth things over because moonkeymama seemed all upset, and she didn't seem to understand how I (and others) knew that guy was a spammer and not a legit VegWeb newbie.
I'm a softie for explaining things to people who are unaware. Or maybe that makes me pretentious. Not sure. But anyway, I may not always agree with moonkeymama, but I also don't always agree with some of the "old-timers." I'm pretty middle-of-the-road.
I do feel pretty special having some of my posts in this very dramatic thread. I must be a full-blown regular again!
Thanks for making me feel at home, hh! :)>>>
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