Help with Co-worker...need advice! (long)
Hello there my super intelligent and more socially-competent than I-vegwebbers...
I am having a problem with my co-worker and I need advice.
A little back ground: I started an after school art program last year and asked another woman to join me. We rent a space and split everything we make equally. She has not turned out to be a great partner. She is really nice and means well, but honestly, I do not feel that I have done any less work than I would have if I was doing it alone. Really, all she has had to do is show up. There are SOOOO many instances I could tell you about, but the only problem I want to address at this time is the MESS!
We used to work together each day 3-6, but a couple months ago we started splitting the time into 2 shifts: 3-4:30 or 4:30-6. We take turns coming in early and late. I am a little anal about supplies and putting them where they belong (I have boxes and shelves labeled so its pretty simple to do). Our floor is always a mess and I asked her a while back if we could rotate sweeping. I posted a sign and we are each supposed to sweep once per week. I don't think she has done it once.
Anyway, when I get there for the first shift, I can never find anything....I spend the first 10 min. reorganizing and looking for things. A lot of the things I have brought in that belong to ME personally are on the floor (tinker toys, plastic bugs, pieces from Operation, etc...). Also, some of my things have been lost while in her care.
When I get there for the second shift, she has not cleaned up from her lesson, and there is stuff everywhere! I have created a folder for each student, and that is where I put their work. Hers in just in piles and most of it doesn't even have a name on it! I hardly have time to do my own lesson because I have to clean up hers, set up mine, and then clean up mine.
I am the only one who does things like fill up the glue, replenish the paper, sharpen pencils, etc....I wouldn't mind doing it as much maybe if I was making more than 50% of the money! But if I don't do it, it won't get done.
I am REALLY awful at confronting people in person. I just don't have the guts to do it. For weeks I have been wanting to say something, but I always get scared and don't do it! It can't be done, I've realized.
So, I decided to send her an email. I want you to read it and tell me if you think it sounds OK>
Here it is!
Dear (art teacher),
I hope this doesn't sound bitchy, because that is really not my intent, but I just feel I have to make a request.
I often feel like when I come in I have to spend a lot of time searching for supplies, cleaning, and putting things away. I am just asking that you put the supplies back where they go so I don't have to search so much and re-organize, and also just to clean up the supplies after the A lesson. I know messes don't bother you like they bother me, but I just find it really hard to function when things get out of control messy. I think the only fair way to do it is for each of us to clean up after herself. Since we're not there together anymore, I feel we need to put things back in the same place each time so the next person will know where to find them. It will just make things easier for everyone. I usually do it during snack so that when we come in from outside, its already done.
I'm not sure what else to do about the floor. I tried to divide up the responsibility, but its not working. Do you have any suggestions?
I'm really sorry if this sounds petty or silly, but I figured it would be better to get it off of my chest than to keep it inside and let it get to me until I explode! :) just kidding.
I really want this to work out.
Thanks...and please let me know if there is anything I can do differently to make your time there easier. I really try to leave things in good shape for you, but maybe you see it differently.
If you have made it this far, I thank you deeply. I feel like such a sorry ass right now. :-\
I wish I could communicate better.
thanks, L2A
i think your email sounds very nice. i would respond well to it, i think.
that sucks - i totally understand about not wanting to confront things sometimes but it can really make you nuts. i think your letter is good - id change a few minor things..
instead of this: " but I just feel I have to make a request." id say "but i am feeling that the everyday tasks & upkeep needed to make our business a success are not being equally shared."
and at the end of your longest paragraph id add "In addition to maintaining the organization in our classroom, i feel that it would also be helpful if you could replenish art supplies, sharpen pencils, & refill glue bottles when you see it's needed. I feel like i continually find myself doing these tasks, including floor clean-up, which is something we previously discussed but doesnt seem to be working out. I'm addressing this now & hoping to solve this issue because i don't want to resent you - in fact it's exactly the opposite - i want our business to succeed! I feel like when i'm distracted by disorganization & these other tasks I'm not giving the kids my best as a teacher and that's not good for me, you, the kids or our business in general."
then i'd just say "thanks for reading and letting me get this off my chest, i'm not trying to be accusatory by any means so please don't take it that way. i'd love to meet up for coffee & discuss it further if you'd like, again my goal is to have this work out the best for the both of us."
or just say "Bitch please clean your shit up!" write that on a post-it note and slap it on her forehead. either way..
heh Good Luck!!
I wouldn't start with saying the note isn't bitchy. She'll then read it as bitchy and be defensive from the beginning.
I'd say that you are working on a better system to keep the supplies organized. Reinforce using organizational tools that are already in place (e.g., labels) and ask if she has ideas to add to or make what's already in place even better. Chances are she won't, but it will sound inclusive.
I'd write the message in such a way that if she doesn't maintain being more organized then you have the basis for a percent increase from the split. Is it too early to broach compensation before the 50/50 split for the loss of your personal items?
I dunno. I'm entirely too direct sometimes.
thank you so far! I think I will go with the post it.... :-D :-D
I am actually taking all of this advice and revising my letter. I will repost when complete.
I will probably send it tuesday night...or wednesday. Its going to take a lot of nerve to hit send.
I wouldn't start with saying the note isn't bitchy. She'll then read it as bitchy and be defensive from the beginning.
I agree with this. I know you are wanting it to sound informal, and such, but I think there's too much apologizing/downplaying how you feel ("don't want this to be bitchy," "I'm sorry if it sounds petty," etc.).
I wouldn't share my things/space with her anymore if she's going to continue to abuse them.
you will feel sooooo much better when you do though! if it helps have your husband hit the send button and just close your eyes...
I've been in a similar situation, and you have my sympathy. :-\ I agree with PPC's addition and HH's suggestion not to start with "I don't mean to sound bitchy...." You can put that at the end if you really feel the need to have it in there.
I don't really have any other advice regarding the email, but as far as getting her to pull her weight, would be possible to divide the tasks so you're not both doing the same things? Like one of you sweeps the floor, the other one refills the glue, etc. That way if something isn't getting done, it's obvious who's at fault (she can't just wait for you to do it). Then if you find yourself doing her jobs all the time you'll have specific things to refer to when you say you're entitled to more than 50% of the money.
thats a good idea pg. if shes always in charge of certain tasks it might be easier than switching off and on.
you just have to keep yourself from picking up her slack, l2a.
Tell her she'll have to eat the toilet!
I agree with everyone who says, don't start by being apologetic. She's an adult, so are you. She should be able to take constructive criticism. After all, she is working for/with you, it's your programme. If she doesn't want to contribute in a positive way, she is welcome to find something else to do. Cut out the "I'm really sorry". You're not sorry--except that you're sorry she turned out to be so lazy and uncooperative.
Women were taught to be oh-so-apologetic in the workplace, in the 70's and early 80's. I read all the "how to be non-agressive" articles in the magazines. But it gets you nowhere when "assertive" becomes "apologetic." Be kind and pleasant, but firm. You have nothing to apologise for. She, however, certainly does.
Believe me.....I wish I could say it face to face! I intend on it every day, but then it doesn't happen. Its been bugging me for weeks. Plus, we hardly ever see each other. If I say something, it will be in passing and in front of kids. Maybe a well thought out phone call would be better. Give me some balls, ya'll!
I wouldn't start with saying the note isn't bitchy. She'll then read it as bitchy and be defensive from the beginning.
I agree with this. I know you are wanting it to sound informal, and such, but I think there's too much apologizing/downplaying how you feel ("don't want this to be bitchy," "I'm sorry if it sounds petty," etc.).
+1. I hate it when people email me this kind of stuff. I prefer face-to-face conversations.
maybe just invite her out to lunch or for coffee to discuss business stuff and bring it all up. although it might be really hard for you to be unapologetic when youre saying it in person.. it's easy to erase the 'sorry's" from an email before you send it... i say do the email but make plans for a follow up in-person meeting like i suggested in my first post.
weird..... I haven't done anything yet, but yesterday she swept and MOPPED the floor! And before she left she said, "I think I've picked everything up"....maybe she got the hint when I left all her crap out on Monday.
Or, she's a secret member of vegweb!
Either way, yesterday was not a good day to bring it up. I will have to wait for the next disaster!
;)b
It's the Magic Thread Phenomenon. Or yes, she might be a VW lurker. Either way, what a relief! Don't tidy up after her anymore.
Did you thank her profusely, and tell her how much you appreciated it?! That would also give her a hint.
weird - that's great though! just don't delete that email, you may need to send it in a few weeks...
Did you thank her profusely, and tell her how much you appreciated it?! That would also give her a hint.
I had thanked her, but decided to do it again because of this, AC.
;)b
oh yeah, and I'm holding on to the email!
Maybe a well thought out phone call would be better.
If you have to do this down the road, don't do it by phone. There's too much room for miscommunication. In calm person is best because of body language 'n such - but if it unnerves you to do it in person, email is second best because you're creating a record. If you do it in person, send an email commemorating the agreements you make, so you both have a record of it and it gives her an opportunity to correct any misunderstanding of the duties and agreements. Paper trails are awesome.
I hope she keeps up her cleaning ways. ;)b
So I did it! (sorta)
I actually just casually said something IN PERSON about putting supplies away in the right spots!!! We were both at the cupboard and things were a mess and I just casually asked her to put things together that go together (crayons with crayons, markers with markers, etc....) I didn't make a big stink or bring up anything else.....this is HUGE for me!
She said she was sorry and seemed to mean it. hopefully that's all that will need to be said regarding this....the bigger issues will have to wait.
thanks all, for your help! I'm really proud of myself!!!! I know its silly but I'm not used to dealing with adults...just kids (I am such a product of my environment) being locked away in a room with kids all day.
So talk to her as you would a kid: nice and pleasant, but making it very clear what you want her to do. Break it down in simple words a child could understand. Explain about the rules of good human relations--maybe she missed that part in kindergarten.
From where I sit her behaviour sounds pretty immature and childish. If you talk to her like that nice teacher you loved in elementary, you might get through to her.
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