I am sorry to keep bringing this up but I am having second thoughts.
Posted by SnowQueen690 on Jan 23, 2008 · Member since Jun 2005 · 1569 posts
As the date for my abortion appointment comes near and I am getting used to the idea of being pregnant my fear and anxiety about it is starting to calm. As a result I am thinking that maybe abortion isn't the right choice. It might be nice to have a baby. I think that I would love my baby if I had one. I said befor that I don't have the money, really that isn't true. I am an engineer, out of college with a career that pays well, and would give me maternity leave for when the baby comes. I don't really want to kill it. It is a little bitty life inside and I don't want to kill it. I am 30, I am old enough. Also, my family would never forgive me if I aborted it. Not sure what I want, I am still very confused.
Do what is best for you. Do not consider other people's opinion of you based on your choice because if they cannot love you despite your choices then that puts a big question mark on the love to begin with. Friends, loved ones and family should support you no matter what you choose to do even if they dont like your choice.
This is about you, your future and your own choice right now. You can wait and decide in a week or two or go with your first instinct.
Only you are responsible for your own happiness. Hand in hand with that is the fact that you are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness.
I've stayed out of this discussion not because I'm anti-abortion because I'm not. I support a woman's right to decide what happens to her body. But since you've posted about your doubts, I'll throw in my 2 cents worth. I'm 50 and I never got pregnant either on purpose or by accident. I seriously regret that I couldn't have children. When I was in my 20s, I thought I'd never want children. One thing to consider is that after age 30, fertility starts to decrease significantly. This baby may be all the family you'll ever have besides your birth family. If you defer your ultimate decision until you have an amniocentesis test on it to check for serious birth defects, then you may feel more confident in your choice whatever it may be. Good luck.
I think by now you know everything that you need to consider when making this decision. And by posting, again, you're really just looking for people to say that you SHOULD do this or SHOULD do that. Sorry, that's not going to happen. It's YOUR choice.
Really, you should talk this over with a close friend that you trust, someone that will just listen and be there. Write it out in a journal. But YOU have to decide.
It's not an easy situation to be in. But you have to deal with it. And it's a lot easier to deal with it now, then it is to let someone else make the decision for you and be bitter about it the rest of your life.
I think by now you know everything that you need to consider when making this decision. And by posting, again, you're really just looking for people to say that you SHOULD do this or SHOULD do that. Sorry, that's not going to happen. It's YOUR choice.
Really, you should talk this over with a close friend that you trust, someone that will just listen and be there. Write it out in a journal. But YOU have to decide.
It's not an easy situation to be in. But you have to deal with it. And it's a lot easier to deal with it now, then it is to let someone else make the decision for you and be bitter about it the rest of your life.
Absolutely agree 100 percent. That was beautifully phrased, TK.
Agreed. You need to talk with someone. If you don't have a close friend you can trust you should consider seeing a counselor. If you are not familiar with counselors in your area you might want to see if your employer has EAP. They can connect you with someone.
I think by now you know everything that you need to consider when making this decision. And by posting, again, you're really just looking for people to say that you SHOULD do this or SHOULD do that. Sorry, that's not going to happen. It's YOUR choice.
Really, you should talk this over with a close friend that you trust, someone that will just listen and be there. Write it out in a journal. But YOU have to decide.
It's not an easy situation to be in. But you have to deal with it. And it's a lot easier to deal with it now, then it is to let someone else make the decision for you and be bitter about it the rest of your life.
agreed as well..... ;)
I'm curious about one thing- unless I'm confusing you with someone else (and I may be) didn't you obtain and take Plan B after your tryst? If so, I am wondering if that may have possibly done some harm to the embryo even if it didn't cause a full miscarriage. I don't know much of anything about Plan B but it seems to me that any chemical strong enough to induce miscarriage might well also be harmful to an embryo. This is certainly something that I would factor into my decision if I were in your position. Anyone?
I'm curious about one thing- unless I'm confusing you with someone else (and I may be) didn't you obtain and take Plan B after your tryst? If so, I am wondering if that may have possibly done some harm to the embryo even if it didn't cause a full miscarriage. I don't know much of anything about Plan B but it seems to me that any chemical strong enough to induce miscarriage might well also be harmful to an embryo. This is certainly something that I would factor into my decision if I were in your position. Anyone?
yes...that is she....i'm SURE someone can find the "original thread" and post it here....it was right after new years....
and i agree...if one took a chemical sooo strong....there HAS to be an effect on the embryo...
I'm curious about one thing- unless I'm confusing you with someone else (and I may be) didn't you obtain and take Plan B after your tryst? If so, I am wondering if that may have possibly done some harm to the embryo even if it didn't cause a full miscarriage. I don't know much of anything about Plan B but it seems to me that any chemical strong enough to induce miscarriage might well also be harmful to an embryo. This is certainly something that I would factor into my decision if I were in your position. Anyone?
yes...that is she....i'm SURE someone can find the "original thread" and post it here....it was right after new years....
and i agree...if one took a chemical sooo strong....there HAS to be an effect on the embryo...
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=20976.0
Call me the Masked Archivist.
I'm curious about one thing- unless I'm confusing you with someone else (and I may be) didn't you obtain and take Plan B after your tryst? If so, I am wondering if that may have possibly done some harm to the embryo even if it didn't cause a full miscarriage. I don't know much of anything about Plan B but it seems to me that any chemical strong enough to induce miscarriage might well also be harmful to an embryo. This is certainly something that I would factor into my decision if I were in your position. Anyone?
Okay....1.) Plan B DOES NOT induce a miscarriage, RU 486 does.
2.) Plan B IS a mega dose of Birth Control hormones, making the uterus lining smoother, so the embryo is less likely to be able to attach itself
3.) Hormones this early in the game, shouldn't hurt the embryo/child/what have you later on....
I know some women on Birth Control who didn't realize they were pregnant 'till mid first or early second trimester (yes, it is possible), thus they were ingesting the SAME chemicals in Plan B (aka Morning After Pill) all that time, and they went on to deliver beautiful, healthy babies.
Snow Queen, all I have to say is that you need to think long and hard about what YOU really want. Trust me when I say you don't want to end up making a choice due to another's oppinion. Like I've said before, the thing I liked about RU 486 is that I could tell others simply that I had a miscarriage, thus no one got their feelings hurt, and I didn't have to lie. If you want to have the child, you will find support. If you don't want to have the child, you will find support, and trust me, your parents WILL come around. Ultimately, it is your choice.
Okay....1.) Plan B DOES NOT induce a miscarriage, RU 486 does.
2.) Plan B IS a mega dose of Birth Control hormones, making the uterus lining smoother, so the embryo is less likely to be able to attach itself
3.) Hormones this early in the game, shouldn't hurt the embryo/child/what have you later on....
Thanks for the clarification.
Okay....1.) Plan B DOES NOT induce a miscarriage, RU 486 does.
2.) Plan B IS a mega dose of Birth Control hormones, making the uterus lining smoother, so the embryo is less likely to be able to attach itself
3.) Hormones this early in the game, shouldn't hurt the embryo/child/what have you later on....
Thanks for the clarification.
anyone else "see" what i see?
or is it just me that's blind.....i don't think so.....
Dave, Kbone, SQ, all.... I'm just simply passing on information I've gleaned from my studies in different BC options for me.... I'm happy to say I'm no doctor or nurse. I also didn't want you Snow Queen, to be terrified of having a deformed baby due to you taking Plan B, when I know that is not a factor you need to worry about right now!!!! Also, Dave, I believe in another thread, Snow Queen did state that she went to the doctor, got the pregnancy confirmed.
All I was saying about Plan B, is that it is no more miscarriage inducing than regular Birth Control pills. From my understanding, it doesn't force the uterus to contract, or shed it's lining to the extent of causing a miscarriage, in the event the embryo/egg is already attached. (where the attached embryo is shed) like RU 486. Sorry for the confusion.
anyone else "see" what i see?
or is it just me that's blind.....i don't think so.....
I'm not sure what it is you "see". Clarify?
Interesting Hanashi. I always thought Plan B and RU486 were the same thing. Of course, I have not researched this at all since I got my tubes tied 10 years ago.
Straight from the pharmacological information on the Plan B website, it works by:
"preventing ovulation or fertilization (by altering tubal transport of sperm and/or ova). In addition, it may inhibit implantation (by altering the endometrium). It is not effective once the process of implantation has begun."
ETA: I also think you should speak with a trusted friend or counselor (in person) regarding your situation.
I wasn't going to jump in on this, because I don't feel that any of us are really qualified to give you advice on such an important decision. Afterall, we only know you from a message board. But........
Having a child is more complicated than a pet. They are your responsibility for the rest of your life. The life you currently know will be over when you become a parent. It is so easy to do something wrong and nothing will ever go as planned again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if your not willing to give up everything, in case that becomes necessary, then other options to keeping the baby should be given serious consideration.
Also, having an involved father who wants the child is very important for both you and the child. I'm not talking marriage when I say that. What I mean is support for you is good and love for the child from both parents is critical.
Once again I don't feel this is the right venue for you to make such an important decision. As a parent I say this to you.
Hey Snow Queen--I just wanted to lend you my support--I couldn't even imagine what this is like for you--I will support you no matter what you decide.
http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l152/juliaknowles/hug.gif
Also, having an involved father who wants the child is very important for both you and the child. I'm not talking marriage when I say that. What I mean is support for you is good and love for the child from both parents is critical.
I don't disagree with the majority of your post, but this particular statement seems like a gross underestimation of single parent homes. Not only can single parent homes be successful, one could agrue that they have an advantage in some ways because they don't have obligations such being a souse or whatever. They can focus on being a parent (and an employee, granted) The atage goes "it takes a village to raise a child," there seems to be some truth in this...children benefit from interactions with many people. Emotional support for the parent is vital, but that support does not need to come from the paternal contributor. :-\
two parents are nice, but not NECESSARY.
VHZ, you seem to be the voice of experience.
I wish I knew the right answer, I wish I could go back in time and not make the mistake that I had. Oh if only...
Reading all of your posts it seems that being a mom is not for me right now. But if I get an abortion my parents will be furious and will never forgive me. They are catholic and totally anti abortion. But then I realize that that is the only reason that I have for not getting an abortion is because I am afraid of everybody being mad at me.
If I keep it I'm up shit creek without a paddle, if I abort it everybody in my family will hate me. I hate being in this situation.
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