weird communication from my boss - not sure how to handle
okay, first off let me say that i know haven't posted a lot lately, but i really feel like i'm in a situation where i need the anonymity and multiple users/responders of vegweb. here goes.
my boss texts me all the time. this is fine - it's usually work stuff, maybe a few nba playoff messages (we all are rooting for the orlando magic right now), not much else.
yesterday he leaves the office and i get a text shortly after: "i know i don't say it, but thank you so much for all you do. you're the best!" and a little smiley face. i write back a "thank you!" and a smiley, not thinking much other than - huh, it's monday morning and what have i done that's so great so far? guess i really am a rad employee.
he writes back: "btw, i was happy to see you this morning - i had a weird dream about you this weekend - lol."
i'm not sure how to interpret this. it could go any number of ways, right? but i'm thrown off, it's weird, and makes me feel nervous/anxious/strange. i don't write back. i discuss with my bf. it could just be a weird dream, plain and simple, couldn't it?
an hour goes by, i still haven't written back, and i get another text: "no worries! it was one of my epic dreams...i think from all the rich food i ate this weekend. you survived! lol." i wrote back "sounds crazy. good luck at --place-he-was-at--."
wth do i make of that? my bf thinks that response makes it obvious that it was a cover, that perhaps b/c i didn't respond he had an oh-shit moment and quickly tried to play it off. i really don't know.
i feel so strange now and am kind of avoiding going near his office or anything. i don't have anyone at work i can really confide in, as i work in a painfully small office. it's me, him, and two other male way-higher-ups. all three, i should be clear, are the highest-up in the company.
what would you do? ignore it and let time lift the unease? i've already been talking to him and in his office, etc., acting like everything is totally normal. but i am having thoughts about documenting the incident confidentially w/our h.r. person - who is hundreds of miles away in the main office. we are the satellite executive office.
thoughts??
as an aside, i put this in the news and debate because i want people to be explicitly open about how they would handle, what other experiences have been encountered, etc. nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
thanks in advance, very much.
Hm. It seems like he's (just) flirting. I know sometimes I have dreams, and they make me feel weird/different about the person(s) in the dreams for a little while, but of course it passes, after the dream feeling has passed. You know? If you already talk to him, how about you just openly communicate about it? Just have a little convo about how you don't feel comfortable with that kind of talk with him, since he's your boss, and you have a bf (or however you want to word it). Say it made you feel strange at work, and you don't think it's appropriate. I don't think it's anything to take to hr, unless you think he's harassing you, or something like that. It seems like he might have decided that he likes you more than he thought? Does he know you have a bf? (not that it would be appropriate, anyway)
In addition, you could just start being shorter/to the point with your texts, or not texting back.
He could be fishing, he could be not. If not, let it drop because it's really not that big of a deal. And it will pass.
If he is, let it drop. Don't answer his texts, because that will encourage more. Unless you're interested, and it sounds like you're not. Act like nothing has happened--because up to this point, it hasn't. And you don't want to assign any importance to it. Only respond to work-related texts. He'll either get the point, or he won't. If he does, fine.
If he doesn't, you might text or tell him, "Look, I'm busy, we're here to work." Or just say "Please don't bother me," or words to that effect.
I don't know your working relationship so I can't advise on exact words but you get the idea. It's like naughty toddlers; less attention/reaction is usually better.
As you stated, it could go a number of ways. But as 'nothing' came of the initial conversation. I'd say it is best to just drop it. If he happens to bring it up again, then mention your unease; otherwise, just continue on your day to day routine.
ok, my 2nd thought when he said he had a dream about you (obviously the first thought was a flirty/dirty intention) was that maybe in the dream, you were in danger or got hurt. that's why he was happy to see you. sometimes when you have a scary dream about a person - even one that you arent that close to it's comforting to see them afterwards all ok & healthy. plus, his follow up text saying that you survived leads that way too. maybe the follow up was a cover, but i honestly think alot of texts come across the wrong way depending on the tone that the reader assigns to it. i'd lightheartedly ask him about it.. say something like "so you dreamed someone killed me off cus my coffees so bad -or what?" i would try to not jump to conclusions and just let it go. even if it was intended as flirty - the fact that you kinda froze up sent him a non-verbal message that you're not into it.
thanks to you all for sharing your thoughts. i think it's best to just let it go and not say anything right now; despite the fact that we text, we are not really friendly and are consistently professional, with basketball talk the only exception. the texts are just a quick way to communicate about work stuff.
it's probably not a big deal, but it did weird me out, particularly because we've never had that kind of exchange before, where he's "happy to see me." like propinecone, i had the thought that maybe i was harmed or something in this "weird dream," but the overall phrasing and way unusual nature still threw me off. plus, and i know i didn't mention this, but he's kind of intimidating. i've seen him lose his temper and it ain't pretty.
anyway, thanks again. i feel better just sharing it with unbiased strangers, i suppose. ;)b
i agree with ppc, especially if you've never had any other kind of flirtation from him and you have been working there/known him for a while.
Off track, but you text each other about work in an office of four?
Off track, but you text each other about work in an office of four?
good question - only when we're not both in the office. there's a lot of in-and-out.
;)b got it.
I'm with everyone else, I don't think it's a HR issue. If you feel more comfortable about it, document it yourself with the date/time/text and keep it in a personal file.
Sorry, I completely disagree. What he is doing is inappropriate and as a senior executive of the company he should know it. It is absolutely not acceptable corporate behavior for managers to text their employees that they had a dream about them. So unfair to you.
What I would do is document this incident. Print out a copy of the text message if you can. Also, the "so happy to see you" messages. That is nonsense. Completely unprofessional.
You can keep them in your drawer for now and do the cold shoulder thing, but if one more thing happens I'd take all my papers and go to HR.
Yeah, I'd probably keep copies of the texts while I still have access to them, but do what every one else is saying behaviorally - just kind of back up a bit.
I don't think one text message with "I had a dream about you" is something to go to HR over. If it had been in the tone of "I had a sexy erotic dream about you and I'm happy to see you because it gives me the warm tingles"...that's different. But with the potential to ruin his professional life over something that may not be sexual in nature is premature after one text.
I don't think one text message with "I had a dream about you" is something to go to HR over. If it had been in the tone of "I had a sexy erotic dream about you and I'm happy to see you because it gives me the warm tingles"...that's different. But with the potential to ruin his professional life over something that may not be sexual in nature is premature after one text.
+1
You need to be really certain with documented evidence before you ruin someone's life. There are cases where it's necessary, but it's not something to take lightly.
Actually, I am an HR Manager, and reporting this won't ruin his career at this stage but it is better to document it in case you have any future issues. You can report it without it having to go further. You could state that it made you uncomfortable but that perhaps it was something misunderstood but you just weren't sure how to handle it. But should anything further happen it would be harder to go back later and then report it. We have had situations reported where it was a simple comment over a cocktail at an office party that was innocent to the person who said it but offensive to the person who heard it and took it personally. It went no further than that incident and did not hurt or impact anyone's career but I think both parties learned from it in terms of sensitivity and communication. the office can be a hard dynamic to work with - especially if you have worked someplace for awhile. I know there are some people I am very close to in my office and we hve a different sense of humor that if we said similar things to other co-workers we'd have them running away. But ultimately you shouldn't feel like you have to apologize or cover up feeling offended. If it bothered you and made you uncomfortable then it was inappropriate.
That's good to know. It's always nice to hear from those in the know.
I just want to put in my vote for not making a big deal out of it. If he seems flirty to you otherwise, that's different, but as an isolated incident, it wouldn't bother me at all.
I just want to put in my vote for not making a big deal out of it. If he seems flirty to you otherwise, that's different, but as an isolated incident, it wouldn't bother me at all.
Yeah, I mean, if he gives it another try, then I'd rethink. But if nothing happened, he either got the message or just wrote a stupid text which he regretted after pressing "send."
Advice:
Document everything. Record text messages verbatim, dates, times, circumstances, including your own responses and reactions. If it turns into something creepier, you need to have evidence.
Other than that, stop texting him back, to cover your own butt, and otherwise let it go. That's the easiest way to get back to a comfortable working relationship. Good luck. :)
yeah thats never a bad idea because something like this happened with my mom and it ended up developing into something worse even though she ignored him. Not trying to scare you, its just better to have the evidence than to not if it does in fact turn into a harassment thing and you have to report it to some one.
anyways, its most likely just some flirting. he probably doesn't mean anything by it.
just wanted to say thanks again for all the input. it's really been dropped since, but the perception of friendship remains - i.e., there are still off-work-topic convos. thankfully, they remain light - about the weather, etc. it also doesn't hurt that he's been traveling an awful lot lately and not around (not texting either). whew.
maybe i blew it out of proportion a bit, but it seemed really weird and certainly unusual. i made the decision to chalk this one up to "forget about it," but i'm certainly mindful now and would likely say something were it to happen again.
thank you all for sharing your thoughts.