Vegweb Confessions
This thread is dedicated to brutal honesty and things you would probably only discuss with a shrink or a close friend/family member. Please note that this is not a pity thread, just a venting thread. The point is to learn more about each other and possibly connect on new levels as a community
- I have a really awful relationship with my father. We just don't talk... I never call him and vice versa. The only conversations we ever have are about music, becuase the love of music is the only things we have in common.
- I have a hard time letting people get close to me. Whenever I get too close to someone, I subconsciously push them away. This has ruined the two relationships I've been in, and countless close friendships. I think this stems from my shoddy relationship with my father.
- I have an addictive personality. I've had some major run-ins with drugs in my lifetime. Thankfully, I don't partake in them anymore but sometimes I fear that my drinking will become a serious issue later in life.
Well, apparently they are. Do you think they would be friends? I don't get energy policy updates...but ya know..people have to have a few differences. I guess I don't like to think about it, but confession: I'm not a patient person? I guess some ways I am..some I'm not. I was actually going to add "snugweas" to my quote in the former post; Patrick: "I just want to be close to you. We're married. Snugweas!," but I didn't know who was up on my weasguage. haha! I'm good with snuggling at night b/c it's cool here (cool there too, at night?)..but usually not in the day. I have to say that P would probably beat J on the snuggling meter. Not that I want you to try it out with him...just sayin'.
I'm interested in energy policy, but not as much as VW ;)b
I dunno, Josh is quite the snuggler-he'd probably win the contest. I think he'd snuggle all day if I let him. I don't mind snuggling at night (yes, it's cool here...yay!) but I'm so not a snuggle sleeper. When I want to sleep, I want to sleep. No arms tangled around around me, no bony elbows bumping, etc.
I just thought of another thing. I've only slightly gotten better about NEEDING to thoroughly re-organize a certain section...of whatever...if we get a new thing to add to it. For example, we are re-organizing (I don't even know if it can be called that..since we have so little room) our kitchen, and I needed to find a new place to put our giant fruit bowl..plus I want to add my new cupcake decorating set/baking cups/etc. from Willwolf..so.....I had to re-organize/clean out the fridge, wipe all the counters, move a few things around, and re-organize the cabinets...to put everything away. It's truly necessary, at this point.
BUT I have evolved with time to where I don't have to do it so obsessively...unless it's something I really care about. Like if I don't care very much...I'll be lazy and not do it.
eta: KB, I can only snugweas before going to sleep (unless I'm REALLY tired and can quickly fall asleep) b/c P has a mega "jimmy legs" body. He falls asleep 20 seconds after getting into bed..and his body jerks-and it's scary..like it jars my body. I have to be like "BABE!!" He immediately knows to turn over..
My parents are both very ill. My father has Parkinson's, and is pretty much housebound. My mother has Stage 3 ovarian cancer and is on her 5th round of chemo. She told me last week that she doesn't think she is going to make it this time. It scares me, as she has been positive the entire 4 years she has been sick. She told me she told my father he needs to figure out what he is going to do if she dies. This would most likely mean a nursing home. Or living with me, but I would need to hire someone to be here with him during the day.
I stayed in North Dakota for my parents. As well as my partner. It makes me bitter sometimes, as I realllllly want to move. It makes me hate my sister, though I know it was my choice to stay here. And I would never expect her to move back. When I visit her in Minneapolis, I am really jealous.
I have struggled with alcohol for years, and still at least weekly down a six pack of beer before my partner gets home, just in time to find my tipsy. I feel I wasted much of my life and squandered many chances because of drinking. Moved out of state a few times, and then moved back too soon. The older I get, the more I really wish I had done better for myself. I have been diagnosed with mental health problems but think this was just the drinking. Still I just started to go to a counselor to deal with the stress with my parents.
But I have been vegan for 8 months. That has been wonderful. And the drinking has really chilled out. Life could be much worse.
Sprinkles, I'm happy to hear that being vegan has helped, even if in a small way.
1. I've never met my father. I've never felt bad about it...like, when I was little i didn't really feel like, oh, Why does everyone have one and I don't?
Oh boy, you've really opened another one of my can of worms. For your viewing pleasure, because you seem like such a cool person, I'm going to type out the whole story. Here goes.
I have 2 brothers and a sister. Patric is my eldest, he's 10 years older than me and is very slender, blonde-hair with blue eyes. My baby sister is blonde / blue eyes, as well, but has a different look. The brother closest to my age, Aaron, looks exactly like me. Well, at times he does.
Both my mom and dad have either blue / green / blonde eyes and hair. Got that? Good.
So in grade 7 or 8, out of no where, my mom takes me, my sister and Aaron down to Florida for a Disneyworld vacation. Now, we were dirt poor growing up, so this was pretty cool, and I didn't understand any of what was going on at the time. Any who, in Florida, we stay with this guy who buys us anything we wanted. He takes us to Disneyworld and he's like Santa. I even like racked up a huge bill on his AOL account (back in the day when it was cool and fun), and he was fine with it. Anyway, so he takes Aaron and myself shopping one day.. pulls us aside, and says, "I'm your real father". We were like, uhm, Ok. So we tell our mom and she's like, "He was shot in the head in the army, he's crazy, don't listen to him.. we had a relationship but he went crazy". Or something that effect.
After that, I asked my "dad" who I had thought was my "dad" if that was true and he said it wasn't. My mom said it wasn't true. So we moved on but we always suspected something was up. To cut to the chase.. just a few months ago did I finally find out the truth. My eldest brother helped me corner my mom into a confession, cuz he knew something was up. Turns out Aaron is my only full brother, that guy who i Met for one weekend was my father, that my sister is actually my half sister, and that Patric is the only biological son of my "dad"! But wait, there's more! Turns out the whole reason we even ended up in Canada (we had driven up from Florida) was to get away from my biological dad who wanted to help raise us! The whole time, we were told that we came to visit Canada to visit our grandparents, and that my mom just got too sick to go back. (Looking back, it was soooo obvious, but whateves.). Oh, and it turns out I have other half bros/sisters out there that I haven't even met or that I don't even know about.
But really that's just the tip of the iceberg. My past is still very much a mystery to me in many ways. Up until a few years ago, I even LEGALLY had a different birthdate, due t a "paperwork" error.
Surprisingly, I'm ok with it all and I think it's all funny. I can't say the same for my siblings though.
So yeah, you're not the only one with "Father" issues :-D
s_o_g. i really liked the end of your story. i think its great that your mom and you are going to counseling together to solve these problems together. i think thats really brave of you to do that instead of running away. i really hope that it works out and that you and her can have a positive relationship. : )
. And yeah, I've always been the one that wanted therapy...my mom's the one to run away.
But really that's just the tip of the iceberg. My past is still very much a mystery to me in many ways.
So, I know some people would think it's wrong to share such intimate family information on the web, but, it's not really that big of a deal to me, so...
Wow, "family of secrets," that's totally mine. My mom grew up in a convent so she's like soo super ashamed of the fact that she had sex with more than one guy. And the father I grew up with is a professor and she's sooo proud of that, she doesn't want her "reputation" to be tainted. It's soo silly that she does that to herself. As if anyone would care if she was just honest. I know that my brother doesn't even know the full truth, because she's afraid he wouldn't be able to handle it and would go bezerk (he has quite the temper.)
I am sorry to hear that your mom physically abused you, you're obv. a very strong person so be nice to yourself! They say that abuse is a cycle, which it is, but most people don't realize it can be turned inward as well.
By the way, my biological dad really wanted to contact me as well, and my mom kept it from me. That part does suck.
My husband has a very similar story. His mom never came out an told him his stepdad is not his real dad. He had a "feeling" when he was ten..then it came out like 6 years later. We went and met his real dad, step sister, and his 17 aunts and uncles! like 2 years ago. His half brothers (13 and 8) still don't know that Patrick is their half brother........really bothers me.
i have a really bad temper. i feel like breaking things. a lot.
I get that way too. Often. But only in my own home and around my family. People who know me wouldn't expect it, and it's embarrassing and ridiculous that I can't control my emotions sometimes..
i have a really bad temper. i feel like breaking things. a lot.
My co-workers would think that's my confession - but I get over it quick. My friends think I'm mellow. Somehow, I compartmentalize. I let a lot of things slide because I don't know how to deal with it without getting mad.
I used to feel like breaking things, but one time when I worked in the cash office at Target I got really mad and threw a big pile of money and then had to pick it up. It took forever. In another dimension, I'm still there looking under the counters.
i have a really bad temper. i feel like breaking things. a lot.
My co-workers would think that's my confession - but I get over it quick. My friends think I'm mellow. Somehow, I compartmentalize. I let a lot of things slide because I don't know how to deal with it without getting mad.
I used to feel like breaking things, but one time when I worked in the cash office at Target I got really mad and threw a big pile of money and then had to pick it up. It took forever. In another dimension, I'm still there looking under the counters.
HH, I worked at Target for 10 long years.....and I bet when yo threw the money the assets protection dude saw you do on the monitor.....it's like you couldn't pick a wedgie without them seeing you do it! lol
i have a really bad temper. i feel like breaking things. a lot.
My co-workers would think that's my confession - but I get over it quick. My friends think I'm mellow. Somehow, I compartmentalize. I let a lot of things slide because I don't know how to deal with it without getting mad.
I used to feel like breaking things, but one time when I worked in the cash office at Target I got really mad and threw a big pile of money and then had to pick it up. It took forever. In another dimension, I'm still there looking under the counters.
Haha....I worked at Target about 14 years ago. Is working there a requirement for being vegan?! :-D
HH, I worked at Target for 10 long years.....and I bet when yo threw the money the assets protection dude saw you do on the monitor.....it's like you couldn't pick a wedgie without them seeing you do it! lol
-I hold a lot of pent up anger for my ex-boyfriend who chose alcohol over me. I just want to yell at him and punch him and say why is his life so horrible that he needs to drink? He is going to become an alcoholic. He lied to me so much about his drinking. UGH. However, I haven't talked to him in about 2 months and I really don't want to talk to him.
-I miss my dog Rose every single day. I'd do anything to have her back.
http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii300/Weelittlebuddy/DSC03497-1-1.jpg
-I can be a big snoop.
i have a really bad temper. i feel like breaking things. a lot.
My co-workers would think that's my confession - but I get over it quick. My friends think I'm mellow. Somehow, I compartmentalize. I let a lot of things slide because I don't know how to deal with it without getting mad.
I used to feel like breaking things, but one time when I worked in the cash office at Target I got really mad and threw a big pile of money and then had to pick it up. It took forever. In another dimension, I'm still there looking under the counters.
Haha....I worked at Target about 14 years ago. Is working there a requirement for being vegan?! :-D
HH, I worked at Target for 10 long years.....and I bet when yo threw the money the assets protection dude saw you do on the monitor.....it's like you couldn't pick a wedgie without them seeing you do it! lol
yes, you must work at Target before going vegan...lol
what area did you work in?
yes, you must work at Target before going vegan...lol
what area did you work in?
The women's department and also a lot at the jewelry counter. I used to hate having to go up to the registers when it was busy and ringing up people's crap.....damn they were rude.
I was a team leader over a few different areas in softlines, and then over price and presentation.....damn, that was a hard job, the only thing I miss are the benefits!
I was a Cash Counter (in the Cash Office) / Lead Cashier. I'd count the previous day's sales in the morning and then sup in the afternoon. Before I did that my job was to walk around the store for eight hours scanning items to make sure they scanned the right price. I found a lot of 90% off items that were never marked down. My entire apartment was fitted with, and all the gifts I gave were, 90% off Target clearance. Good times.
my sister works at target and has worked her way up to manager and is pulling something like 60K per year now! she makes more than my dh and I put together. she seems to really like it. she does the same thing with getting the great deals....but buys a lot of stuff she doesn't need just cuz its cheap
my sister works at target and has worked her way up to manager and is pulling something like 60K per year now! she makes more than my dh and I put together. she seems to really like it. she does the same thing with getting the great deals....but buys a lot of stuff she doesn't need just cuz its cheap
60?!??!?!?! oh my goodness. i've worked in retail before. it was hella stressful for me. i certainly wished i had gotten paid more. i dont know if thats good or bad though. a manager of a retail store makes more than two teachers combined. hmmmmmm. on one hand, retail is very stressful, but so is teaching, but retail brings in a profit, but teaching is for, you know, our future leaders. hm.
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