so my BF of 4 years dumped me
i don't think i have ever felt more insanely hopeless, unhappy, sad... blah blah... i can't stop crying... i feel lost without this guy and considered him my sloemate but appatently he despises me... my life revolved aroud him and now what do i do? i called in sick for work tomorrow as i have been crying for days... i want him back and he hates me... so i guess i will just end up lonely and alone my entire life as the 1 person i love times infinity can't stand me... how can i deal with this? i hope to not use food as an answer as i usually do... he also left me with his car that is in my name with a huge payment (the car is owed more than the damn thing is worth so i will lose money by selling it or kill myslef tring ti pay the bill... someone help, give me good advice, make me happy i haven't been so upset since being a suicodal teenager
I'm sorry to hear this, Ms. mylove. The best thing for you to do is to surround yourself with your friends. Hang out with them as much as possible, at least for the first week or so until the initial shock is gone, and continue hanging out with them after that. Your friends will always be there for you no matter what. Its inevitable that you will be sad and depressed, that is a normal feeling. I've felt it so many times before as well, so I know what you're going through. Just remember, there will be another person who will make you happy, even more so than this guy ever did or could.
And what an asshole for leaving you with the car. >:(
I'm not really sure what to tell you to do about that right now. I'll try to think of something.
O gee, this saddens me.
I agree with the above. And would add possibly heading to a therapist to develop a personal self improvement plan.
Its all very overwhelming ending a close relationship.
I can completely understand you not being in your right head, but if you can for a short period of time be able to come up with an alternative solution to the car and communicate that with him in a very business like manner, the rewards will be down the road.
Try to stay bright, youre always welcome here!
I'm so sorry amymylove. A similar thing happened to me several years ago, a five year relationship just thrown away, and I still recall that horrible feeling of loss. It takes time to move past such pain, but you will move past it. Healing is a slow process and Charbot is right, surround yourself with friends.
So many hugs to you.
Holly
Yes, call or hang out with someone you're close to, as soon as possible. If you're anything like me you'll want to crawl under the bed and die but reaching out to someone for support will make you feel a thousand times better.
If you have a money-savvy friend, talk to them about the car. Maybe you can renegotiate lower payments or something. I'm not super-smart in that area but I bet someone can help you sort that problem out.
I'm so sorry sweetness.
He doesn't hate you.
Feel your feelings, talk about them, cry when you have to cry, know that you're going to feel lonely, depressed, and sad. Then show up for life. Don't call in sick again. Put one foot in front of the other.
I eneded a ten year relationship and was miserable. I'm still single after three years, and it's not the end of the world. I cook for one, travel by myself, love myself and my company and am open to whatever the universe sends me.
Hugs.
I'm so sorry, Amy! I know it can feel soso tough, and like it will never change, but it WILL. You will move on, and probably faster than you could have imagined. You don't want him in your life if he can just leave you like that. That's not what you want! You deserve someone so much better who will treat you as you deserve. You can get past this, and you will! You have your pups. <3 They wuv u. Maybe this will be a great time to learn more about yourself, and get to know you. You never know what life has in store. You can do it, and we are here!
I'm sorry I don't have any advice about the car; I'm clueless about that stuff.
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSIgXebt_8FEKAQtXqP6sv5gcCU44EnWDE1HcGqSCReZ7WQhDk&t=1&usg=__qsUxSZAXVmGW9v-zWfCXcvIGiIA=
I'm sorry. When a relationship of mine ended, I went to my bff's house and stayed on her couch for days. Reach out to people or a person, irl or online, hug your doggehs, and then (it's totally hard) dust yourself off and go to work. Don't worry about trying to not be sad, because you will feel sad - just monitor yourself and ask for help if you need it.
About the car: if you had an understanding that you'd both pay for it, take him to small claims court for his share. Even if it's something where, if you sell for less than what is owed, you'll split the loss.
oh hell, amy...
I'm so sorry....but like everyone else has already said, it WILL get better - give yourself all the time you want to be sad, but know that it won't last that long - I PROMISE!
my best friend just went through a similar situation, except not only was she left with a car she could not afford, but a house too - his name wasn't on the mortgage, but they had bought it 'together'....she just sold her car on craigslist, only short $400 or so...I've watched her struggle, but I think it has empowered her - made her so much stronger than she ever realized she could be...
So I have faith that this experience in your life will be for the best and you're gonna see what a strong woman you really are!!
But if you ever need someone to chat with, I'm here! Too bad you don't have fb.....
Oh my, I feel terrible for you (and I don't even know you!). Heartache is the worst, absolute worst.
My ex fiance and I ended our relationship a few years ago and I was seriously depressed after the break up. It was like all my nightmares coming true. I stayed inside, didn't go to work, avoided my friends and took sleeping pills. One day (about 3 weeks later) I realized I had to do something and not lock myself inside. I went out with friends, met new boys, saw my family, and I felt so much better.
Reach out to your friends and family. Occupy yourself, do things you know you like to do even though you feel sad. Of course you should take a little bit of time to cry and get it all out, but don't wait too long. In time, it will past. And don't see him again or call him again, that never helps it usually makes it worse, IMHO. Time heals everything, you'll get through it, though it may not seem like that now.
As far the car...can you sell it?
Amy,
You are a vibrant, funny, loving girl. You are one of my favorite vegwebbers! If this guy cannot see you for the amazing person you are, then fuck him. It hurts. It is going to hurt. But months or a year or 5 years from now, you are going to be a stronger person because of this. You will find someone that loves you for all you are AND all you will be. You will find someone who thinks you fart rainbows.......and your ex....will be sad because he realizes no one comes close to you. Eat chocolate. Remember the good times, remember the bad times, take a bath, take a deep breath and know that though the journey may be long, it is a new beginning- a brand new adventure for you, and that you are not alone while you take it.
oh, amy, i'm so sorry. i feel like you have already been given some stellar advice that i can't do better than, but i'll be sending happy vibes your way. you can come down and visit if you want/need!
I don't have any great advice like some of the people above, but my best friend once gave me this advice about recovering from a break-up:
- sing along to cheesy love songs (happy or sad)
- dance in your underwear
- date yourself
I hope you can return to work soon and resume the rest of your life. Sometimes doing your regular routine helps prevent dwelling too much at one time.
Definitely take him to small claims court after you sell the car, and do it as soon as possible to get that weight off of you.
Last year my husband was being kind of a shithead and I lived in a city where I didn't really have any friends (I moved to be with him...), but it helped to have a job I enjoyed and was able to get out of the house to do it. When I was at work I was able to get my mind off of my problems, so if I were you I would try to go to work tomorrow and see how it goes. You'll be ok, we're all rooting for you :)
Thank you guys for all the nice things u have said... i feel like i have alienated so many people since having a BF that I hardly have anyone to talk to... My life revolved around him :( Even though i am still balling you have made me feel better... My gma is going to help me figure out the car as well as the massive amount of credit card debt i have accumulated since being with him... I at least have my bro and sis and a few friends to talk to... i just don't even know what to do with myself... What hurts me so much is he would never talk to me about what was wrong so things never got better... You think after 4 fucking years someone could open up but no... i feel like maybe he was using me... my whole family hated him :(
Amymylove~
I adore you on VW. I think you're intelligent, witty, beautiful and caring.
Fuck that stupid douchbag (with a capital D). He obviously doesn't deserve you. Sell the car asap. Who do you have the loan through? Go talk to them directly to see what your options are.
I had a boyfriend of 6 years that caused me a lot of debt. If your partner brings you down then you don't need to be with them!
(((((hugs)))))
Lauren
((((Amy)))) I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Broken hearts take time to heal, but you will heal... and you will find love again. He sounds like an immature jerk and you deserve SO much better!
I agree with all the advice you've received. I think the best thing you can do is keep yourself busy by getting back to your normal routine as soon as possible, feel what you need to feel, surround yourself with people who love you, and be good to yourself!!
"Sadness flies away on the wings of time." ~Jean de La Fontaine
Honey, a relationship that cuts you off from your support system is not good. And yes, it hurts like hell because he has been your main artery for all this time. But I bet all your family and friends are still there, just waiting to come in now you have time and space for them. If they really didn't like him, you can bet they will be there for you now that he has hurt you.
Watch silly movies--not romcoms, just silly crazy comedies. You need to laugh in spite of yourself.
Make a pizza just the way YOU like it.
Play music you have loved since you were 13, far too loud, and sing along.
Do something you've been wanting to do but haven't been able to because of whatever. This could be as simple as sitting around all Saturday in your sloppy nightgown, doing your toenails and watching reruns.
Have a sleepover!! Invite your BGFs and/or sisters if you have any and get along with them.
My sympathies Amy! *hugs*
All good advice so I will just say, love yourself and you can get through this!
Remember that there are people who love you and want you around! That is the best advice I have, and we here at VW love you!!
Incidentally, El Hubbito says to tell you you are beautiful and that guy's a super-dink.
I don't know what to say except I'm sorry! <3
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