<come up from commercial about check cashing outlet>

<scroll at the bottom of the screen reads: "Earthquake devastation. Can America Rebuild?..... Jerry Faldwell: "earthquake is God's wrath against Jews and Muslims for letting their children watch Tele Tubbies"....">

"We go now to the phone lines, we have Liz in Bloomington, what's your question or comment?"

"Uh, Yeah, uh, Hi..."

"Liz, go ahead..."

"I just don't think it's fair, the way the Earthquakes select certain cities and not others. I mean this is clearly part of a blatant partisan attempt by the Republicans to..."

"Okaaay. We have Stephen from Dallas, go ahead, you're on the air..."

"Hi."

"Go ahead Stephen."

"Is this where we call for auto insurance quotes?"

"Ok, that's what's on America's minds in the aftermath of the earthquakes. Let's go out to the scene now to our field reporter Susan Davis. Susan..."

"Yes, Dan." <hand holding her earpiece in; slight wind is blowing her hair; but she is hunched up a little as if in half a hurracaine>

"How does it look out there, at "ground zero" so to speak of the latest quakes that rocked American and the world?"

"Yes, Dan. Well we just were over at a local shop..." <has Starbucks Venti cafe mocha in her hand. Camera pans to show normal people, in no hurry, walking in and out of coffee shop> "And what we can tell you is that many folks here are, while not shaken up per se, certainly pretty concerned that the cash register has been down for any hour and they are only accepting cash."

"Wow, not even taking debit cards..." <Dan looks down and shakes his head in grief> "So the earthquake has already had some devastating affects on the local econom..."

"Oh no, Dan, it wasn't the earthquake. Apparently Darrin," <cuts to still shot of metro-sexual sporting green apron and highlighted faux-hawk then cuts back to Susan> "forgot to run reports last night."

"I see." <looks even more contrived and sincere>

"Yes, these reports have to run every night or there can be some problems with the inventory system. But I talked with Shaniqua, the local manager of this national chain, and she said this earthquake could not have come at a worse time, coinciding with the computer malfunction. Darrin was not readily available for comment, as apparently he plays World Of Warcraft with his bros on Wednesday. Back to you, Dan."

"My, well keep us posted, Susan." <looks very sincere, like a cousin he hates has just been diagnosed with testicular cancer>

"You bet, Dan."

"Well there you have it, America. That was Susan Davis with details of the local economy, decimated by these ruthless acts of mother nature. The world mourns, as the economy struggles and a nation rebuilds, in the aftermath of 8/23." <camera changes, Dan perks up as he looks to his left at new camera> "Stay with us; coming up we will have Bob Bellacocacola, our earthquake consultant and counter terrorism analyst to put some perspective on these tragic events." <cuts to shot of Minke's candle picture, with reflective, somber music. Fades to black.>

<Fades from black to queued commercial with Charles Barkley and Bob Dole in a Greek bath house talking about erectile dysfunction>

this thread is cracking me up!

http://ugliesttattoos.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/aeb153ce-eddc-4f57-aa31-588c1b631031.jpg

Don't think so. Hah.

Homemade tats!