i need help, please
hey guys i'm sorry this is gonna be one of those rant/depressing threads, i just don't know what to do...
i've been getting more and more depressed lately and i feel like i have no control over it. i'm taking mood stabilizers (lamictal, about a month and a half) and i was doing really good at first and then it just kinda went downhill and now i'm back to being as depressed as i was before i started it. i've been crying really hard, staying on the couch as much as possible, the only time i exercise is when i'm absolutely forcing myself to but i'll use any excuse not to, and i'm binge eating more frequently now (i stopped for a while).
but days like today, i binged and then Dean got home, and when i binge first i get really depressed and then i get incredibly angry at myself but end up taking it out on him. i don't feel good enough, i feel like a huge failure, both in life and my relationship. i try doing everything i possibly can to make him happy, and it works, but i never feel like it's enough. i know the truth is that the only time i make him unhappy is when i'm like this and especially when i get angry and start yelling at him, and i need to stop. i'm terrified that if i do this even one more time that it'll be the last straw. he doesn't usually get angry with me but he gets really frustrated and we end up fighting about the stupidest shit.
i don't feel like i can control it and i don't know what to do to stop feeling this way. cuz after all of that i can't say i'm sorry enough and it ends up not meaning anything because i say it so much.. it's not him, of course there are things i'm unhappy about in the relationship but that comes with any kind of relationship, but it's not him. i just wanna go back to feeling how i felt when i started taking this medication, like everything was perfect and i was happy.. :(
i'm not an expert, nor do i have experience with this stuff, but could it be the medication? i've heard that sometimes meds like those can make you more depressed. have you talked to your doctor/whoever prescribed the meds? i would do that. also, hugs and i hope you can get things sorted out.
i'm not an expert, nor do i have experience with this stuff, but could it be the medication? i've heard that sometimes meds like those can make you more depressed. have you talked to your doctor/whoever prescribed the meds? i would do that. also, hugs and i hope you can get things sorted out.
yeah i saw him yesterday, he thinks my dosage is too high, said if it gets too high i'll start to not feel anything, just "blah".. but i wanted to wait to see if i had anything to do with how much i exercise and how healthy i eat... now i'm thinking that wasn't such a great idea..
Sariea, I'm on Lamictal as well. To me it sounds like you need to go back to your Dr. and discuss your med situation, the two of you will then get the happy job of deciding whether you need to change the dose of Lamictal (I'm @ 150 mg right now, and may go up to 300 mg, but we'll see how I am in another month on this dose), or to add ANOTHER med, or scrapping the whole deal and try a new med. Good luck, I know how much it sucks when meds just up and quit on you.
eta, crying/binging doesn't sound like "blah"/numbness to me....it sounds like depression, two VERY different experiences.
well, we all go through rough times. I dont have first hand experience of this situation though. I just say, try to stay positive, and remember that you being positive will make Dean happy.
And of course its okay that you post threads like this, we're here to help!!
Hugsss :)>>> Try to be happy!
Sariea, I'm on Lamictal as well. To me it sounds like you need to go back to your Dr. and discuss your med situation, the two of you will then get the happy job of deciding whether you need to change the dose of Lamictal (I'm @ 150 mg right now, and may go up to 300 mg, but we'll see how I am in another month on this dose), or to add ANOTHER med, or scrapping the whole deal and try a new med. Good luck, I know how much it sucks when meds just up and quit on you.
eta, crying/binging doesn't sound like "blah"/numbness to me....it sounds like depression, two VERY different experiences.
i'm on 150 at the moment as well. i was really fine at 100 and agreed to go to 150 just to "be safe" but now sounds like it was a bad idea because it probably doesn't help the situation.
thanks underSARAH, i dont have any friends so it's nice to know i can come here and talk to you all
If doc thinks it's too high, silly, go lower! Hope you feel better!
It could be a simple adjustment of meds, sure. But I also think that you're very hard on yourself and maybe set too lofty of expectations for your relationship. Dean obviously loves you for who you are. You just have to start loving yourself a little more, although I know that's easier said than done. You'll never be perfect, Sariea, but it does seem to me that you and Dean are perfect for each other and that is a rare, wonderful thing. I know you've been through an awful lot and Dean is still there by your side. It makes me sad when you say you don't have any friends because that's so important in getting through life. It's a shame we don't all live close by to actually spend time together and talk. Despite the limitations, I hope you know you have our support at VegWeb and if not me, you can write and vent to others anytime. Take care, sweetie. :)>>>
Sariea,
First, *HUGS*. It will get better! Go back to your doctor and ask for it to be lowered to 100mg which you were fine on.
Secondly, you cant make Dean happy. Nothing you do will make him happy. All you can do is add to his happiness. So stop trying to do everything you can to make him happy. Do everything you can to make yourself happy. If you do that, then he will be happy because he loves you and wants you to be happy.
Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Work on yours. Be nice to him. Try to explain if you are having a rough day, week, year. I am sure he loves you and wants you to be well. Let him provide the support you need.