holiday meals with a non vegan fam
so this is my 3rd major family holiday being vegan and i am starting to get a little fed up... for thanksgiving i carted like 3 dishes and an appetizer over to my gma's house so that me and my sis (also vegan) would have something to eat (others ate my dishes...stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry salsa too) and this Christmas i would basically have to do the same...
my problem is that i feel like my family (especially my gma) is making it more difficult on me then it needs to be... i just wish they would ask me if their is anything they could help me with or make something without animal products so i can at least have something to eat...
i am also sick of the comments from family members that are just plain rude and unnecessary... like they are mocking me or something (like for instance my gpa joking, "Can you have turkey? Is that vegan?"with a grin on his face... i am also getting uncomfortable with the fact that a huge dead animal is on the counter and not to mention it is so close to my food :(
sorry about the long rant but how do u guys feel about holiday meals with the fam? how do you deal? how do you feel about the whole meal revolving around a dead animal? i am just feeling fed up at the moment to the point where i don't even want to go to my gma's for Christmas
URG I know what you mean! The first holiday they attempted by making me a veggie lasiagna (lol horrible sp). But sadly Im vegan......But ever since they they dont even bother! This thanksgiving mom was convinced they would have food for me, so she refused to let me bring anything. Oh, she was right. They had food for me....The "before dinner" salad that everone ate....it was rather nasty too. But thats ALL i had to eat there and I was starving so I suffered.
My uncle K is horrible with the comments too. If I eat anything that even resembles an animal product he says something like "OP you ate (animal product) Your going to hell!" (he acts like ive convereted to a religion or somthing). (like the other day i ate a stomboli had undercooked dough that looked like cheese).
And my gramma still dosnt understand the whole "no animal anything" deal.
I am disgusted with the dead carcass on the table. But I dont say anything (I refuse to sink to uncle Ks level). Its gotten to the point where even the smell makes me want to gag. (my dad got some chicken from zaksbys the other day and it smelled like a chicken factory to me! To anyone whos smelled a chicken factory you know what I mean. poop, blood, death, horrible stank you cant even describ)
Just remember that they do love you and you love them.
It would be nice if they bent a little to make your feel comfortable and create food you can eat, but for some families that is just asking to much.
i always just make the meal or bring a lot to share.
This will be my first holiday eating (mostly) vegetarian, and I'm spending it with my sister. Although I've told her over and over not to worry about going to great lengths, she has questioned me repeatedly as to what I am and am not willing to eat and has framed the menu around that. She's truly gone above and beyond, without so much as me even asking.
As Tweety said, it's going to depend on the people and the family as a whole. Apparently my sister is very understanding.
I've had similar issues when going to see my family in Indiana... it seems like they think it's just harmless joking, which it might be under certain circumstances, but not when there's already very little food you can eat. Since I fly over there from CA, there was no option for me to bring anything, so it was making do with whatever they had (e.g., my grandma assured me she made everything with margarine and not butter, but margarine's kind of 50-50 chances on being vegan anyway). There's always this problem when getting served by other people... for instance, for years my boyfriend and I would get tamales from his aunt around Christmas/new years that she thought were vegetarian (she didn't put any meat in them), but as it turns out two of her ingredients weren't even vegetarian - manteca (lard; she thought it was like "manteca vegetal" which admittedly is confusing), and chicken seasoning (i.e. chicken broth, she didn't know it had chicken stuff in it). I guess the point is, no matter how well meaning, it doesn't mean you'll necessarily have more to eat : /
With my immediate family it's mostly not an issue. They're very used to me being vegan and like my cooking and live relatively close by, so I can bring stuff and my mom also brings things that are vegan. There *are* vegan jokes, but the difference is that they're *between* me and other people. For instance, "there's no baby cow blood in this cranberry sauce, right? ok, good." For whatever reason, some people can't immediately see if you're making fun of a group of people that only one person at the table belongs to... you're targeting them. I think it would be different if it were turned around on them, but that wouldn't exactly make peace :X
oh yeah, i was going to bring up what fb did, about there probably not even being more... it's true! anytime someone cooks something "for me" and it's "vegan" it never is.
yeah, you kind of just have to make do...my family usually always has a fruit platter for me and a veggie platter haha. hey they try, its the least I can ask. they've pretty much stopped with the jokes but in the beginning, ugggg, it was a bit draining to go to family events.
I usually always bring dishes as well.
well thank u for the input and some understanding... more thoughts on this are welcome!
I almost always bring something to family gatherings. My fiance's family is very understanding and there is always at least something (usually very tasty) for us to eat. I'm happy with a simple rice dish or something, i don't want them to put too much effort into it.
My family is awful, on the other hand. I usually have to bring our entire meal with us. And there are always stupid jokes and dumb questions. My mom tries, but not very hard. This year, for instance, she told me she bought tofu to make me something. I got excited and sent her a really easy loaf recipe from vegweb for it since she doesn't know what to do with tofu. Now she wants me to come over Christmas day and make it myself. I could just as easily make something at home to bring, wtf. Why even bother mom?
I am very fortunate that my family is not only veggie friendly, they are generally pretty curious about what I'm doing. They are always anxious to try things I bring for holiday meals. We always have pretty much the same menu every year, so I started veganizing some of the traditional dishes that are always served. That works well on so many levels...I get to eat the traditional food I thought I would miss b/c it wasn't vegan and most of my relatives don't even think about it being vegan since it looks like a dish we always have. For example...I asked my mother if I could be in charge of the cornbread dressing (to ensure no eggs or chicken broth) and then there's my veganized version of my mother's broccoli casserole. No one ever notices that these things are vegan.
Even though they are awesome for the most part, I still have to put up with stupid "logic." Especially from my new-ish uncle who is "sometimes vegetarian." It's really a shame that the "vegetarian" family member is the worst. Ugh. Plus he's a doctor, so he thinks he knows everything about nutrition. I think I fare pretty well in our debates, but I'd rather just avoid him.
My newly-veg best friends are hosting their family's Christmas dinner this year; they're really enthusiastically newly vegan, even the 13 & 17 year old kids are super excited about going animal-free, and my friend's brother-in-law & his family have also made the veg move... my friend's MIL has been rather pushy about insisting that she bring a ham: a big, smelly pig carcass, as the centerpiece on a vegan table... I mean, seriously!
Because she's been so overbearing about it, they've told her as nicely as possible that if she insists on bringing a dead animal, they'll set up a table on the carport for it; it won't be coming in the house!... but if she'd like to have the gathering at *her* house, obviously that would change things... 'course, that's not the goal: the goal is to tell *them* how to host the dinner!
I think so many issues like this are about control, underneath... especially with parents/ grandparents/ etc. Or sometimes I think family members take it personally, like you're saying that what they're doing is wrong/ how they raised you was wrong-- then they react emotionally to THAT, rather than considering other things like basic social graces and considerate behavior...
Yea this year is the first year with my Dad's side of the family since I went vegan... my Aunty apparently told my Mum all about this amazing vege lasagne she could make me (full of ricotta and cheese) and Mum was like "Ohhhh S really loves cooking, so she'll probably want to bring lots of food herself" trying to be really polite (she understands vegan) and my Aunty was like "Oh well if she loves cooking I'll send her the recipe and she can make it and bring it!" haha it's actually quite cute, not malicious in any so I can't be upset at her for it coz she's trying.
My way of dealing with it is always to just bring loads of food, enough for me and heaps to share. Then you can feel like you're in control rather than at someone's mercy - I hate that, I trust very few people to cook for me because as a few of you have already said, even when they go "Ohh I cooked vegan!" it often isn't. Also, it's far easier to handle teasing on a full satisfied tummy :)
A really cool thing about Xmas this year is that I get to see a cousin who I haven't seen in years and he's become a vegan too! So I'm excited about that :D
I'm usually decent with family. When we host things its awesome, because i get to cook and its easy. When we go over to family i'll generally bring something, or bring things to cook there. But my grandma still always tries to get me to eat things i cant.
My big dilemma is going over to friends. I usually wind up doing that because either my family eats really early or everyone just does their own thing. This year i got invited to my friends, but eh. I'm wondering if its worth the trouble of being the weird vegan girl with pink hair and a thing in her nose that won't eat anything and came for no reason.
I feel bad when there's a person who's all like "i made something vegan!" when it turns out they didn't. It's like they went to the special effort... and then the mix they used had chicken fat in it anyway (or something).
Like lotus, I make a lot of the traditional things vegan that aren't very noticeable. In fact, after making the green bean casserole (from here) one year, my mom insisted making it the next year. She didn't exactly follow the recipe (she never does :/), but it was still vegan. Cool stuff.
I am disgusted with the dead carcass on the table. But I dont say anything.
ugggg this bugs me too! I have the respect to not comment on what another person is eating and to let them enjoy their meal. I totally dont get why people need to find a way to make situations uncomfortable. Is it really necessary? I feel like its just common sense. dont criticize someones eating habits, really its just rude.
i know what you're saying... i have never said anything about the dead carcass though it really bothers me to look at it... but i understand (in my life time anyway) there is no way everyone will be vegan... though that would be an ideal world of healthy conscience eating people :)>>>
Now she wants me to come over Christmas day and make it myself. I could just as easily make something at home to bring, wtf. Why even bother mom?
Maybe she just wants to see you more?
I usually make something myself, and it's not a big deal. I usually try to plan something that doesn't use the oven, because the animal is usually inside there.
I'm another lucky one. Despite the fact that I no longer live at home, my mother keeps a couple of oven trays aside so when I'm here for Christmas dinner she can make separate baked potatoes (with oil, not lard) and a nut roast for me. Yes, I get the wind-up from my family but it's mostly harmless and she makes sure there's veggie gravy too so I'm mostly eating the same thing.
I think the advice here has been pretty good. Offer to make some sides, be clear about what you do and don't eat and tough it out for that one day. In an ideal world everyone's families would be wonderfully understanding and accommodating, but we do what we must to enjoy our meal with them!
well good news i told my gma how i feel about her trying to help me out a bit... she was really understanding of how little time i have right now and bought vegan ingredients to make a tofu turkey type of thing... she read the ingredients of what she bought for me :) so i will help her prepare and look forward to being able to eat something... thank u for all ur comments... keep them coming! i wish u all a merry christmas and hope everyone has something besides veggies to eat!
We're doing lunch this year.
there will be about 30 of us.
it's make your own sandwich day.
I'm quite happy about it, actually.
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