Sariea, you seem like such a beautiful person, with such skill in the kitchen (if your photos are anything to go by) and always with interesting input into vegweb conversations.  You'll get through this rough patch!

I would put the other 2 suggestions together, and get out of the house and write!  Grab a notebook, go to a cafe, and sit down with a cup of nice herbal tea (doesn't cost much) and just people-watch and write, write, write.  It really helps to get it out of your system, and you can write about anything, how you feel, your day, anything!

In the very least, get up out of bed (force yourself) and turn off the computer and go for a walk.  It'll clear your head a bit, and maybe then you'll feel more up to yoga, or work.

Hang in there!!!

i've struggled with depression on and off for the past 15 years or so, and i know how absolutely awful it is, but also how much better it can get. i'm sure that right now you're thinking 'better? yeah... right!' but you're depressed today, and i'm not, so you'll just have to take my word for it- as a  person whose thoughts aren't totally biased towards unhappiness right now- that it can and will be better! you've been told, so nah! :P

short term and emergency fixes: the last thing you'll feel like you can or want to do, is exactly what you need to do. turn off your head, and turn on your arms and legs. get out of bed, get washed, dressed, fed, and ready, and go outside and be with normal, undepressed people. go to work, and focus on work. switch off the part of your brain that you don't need to do your job, and refuse to listen to all your miserable thoughts- if you listen to them, you'll follow them, feed them, and make them feel true. i know this is true- i catch myself doing it all the time! find yourself thinking negative thoughts? put on music and sing along loudly and make yourself jump around a bit (excersise is good for seratonin and dopamine), read a book, go see a movie- refocus your brain. if you hear a rogue thought popping in there, catch it, and tell it to sod off! do not feed it, listen to it, or give it more thoughts to play with- its just like a troll.

long term fix: go back to your doctors as soon as you can. i know its very very hard, but you have to bug them into helping you. tell them exactly how awful you feel. cry and wail in the office if you need to. get medication and talk to a pychiatrist if they and you both agree you need it (even maybe just for the short term, like crutches, till you're less wobbly), and definately gt a plan for talk therapy and councelling- preferably long term. humans are excellent storytellers, we can talk and think ourselves into almost anything (including depression)- as a plus, we can talk and think ourselves out of it too- its just a lot of work if you're not used to it. it feels twice as hard when you feel crap, but once you get going, it gets easier- like riding a bike, you need that initial push to get started. get yourself started today- cognative behavioural therapy can work wonders.

you can get well, ok? i know you can do it.... just take it one step at a time!

sariea,

no matter what you're going through right now, it will not be bad forever. everyone has good days and bad, but when your bad days begin to get chronic, it's time to get help. there is absolutely zero shame in this. the tricky part is that you actually have to do it. i was severely depressed for many years of my life, edging on suicidal many times, but i realized finally that this is the only chance i have to live my life, and i can either bide my time until i die or i can put myself through the temporary discomfort and uncertainty of discovering myself and being active in my life until i reach a point at which i can say "yeah, this is some pretty cool shit, this business of being alive." it's odd i suppose that depression can be comfortable: it's familiar and constant, kind of like wrapping yourself up in a big polar fleece blanket and taking a nap for 12 hours. the unhappiness can be calming in a way, even as it suffocates us.

please, look for help. i'm sure you think you're too weak, that you're not worth it, and that nothing is ever going to change. you are so wrong about that. please believe me, because i've been exactly where you are.

take care please. lots of love,
m

If you have an account, can you private message me?

Please flush the laxatives, toss 'em in a dumpster, whatever.

If you would like to email me, it's my user name here, at hotmail.  Sometimes it really helps to have more than one person to talk to.  I know you are overwhelmed, but this all may be overwhelming for your boyfriend to help you with, too.  

Can you find another doctor, one who will listen and be more proactive about helping you?

You deserve so much more help than you're receiving, it sounds like.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I don't have advice for you because anything I have to add (e.g., try more exercise, know you're fine as you are) sound so hack.  I'm happy that you posted your feeling here and also that you went to work.  I don't know if work helped you today, but doing something else sometimes helps me on my bad days.  As for laughing, I work up to it.  Prelaughing for me involves things like appreciating how light breaks through tree leaves.  I guess it softens me so I can laugh later.