Unsupportive parents
Posted by wiersmak on Jun 02, 2008 · Member since May 2008 · 5 posts
Hi guys,
Just venting my frustration with my parents lately. Ive been vegan for a few months now but my family still arent used to this.
They are always slipping in their snide remarks. My mother actually gave me a meat dish but told me that it was vegan. They roll their eyes at me when i eat my dinner and recently told my sister "not to be silly" when she said she would like to go vegetarian. Its really getting on my nerves. Anyone here encounter the same thing from friends or family and how do you handle such people?
Have a good one :)
Hi there! Were you vegetarian before you went vegan, or did you just dive right into veganism?
If you were vegetarian before, then you must have gotten used to this kind of thing! For all 15 years that I have been veg*n, I've always encountered this kind of thing, and just to let you know...it never really goes away. There will always be snide remarks, the sound of people making moo'ing noises when biting into their burgers in front of you (I swear, that one STILL cracks me up every time. NOT.), and the relentless questions: "But milk doesn't kill the cow, they find it a relief to be milked!...the eggs aren't fertilized so they never would have been baby chickens anyway...what DO you eat???"
Its most frustrating when it comes from friends and loved ones, but you have to do your research and have on hand lots of hard facts as to WHY you have made this choice. Show them passages from books like 'Diet for a New America', or 'The Food Revolution'. That should shut them up. Also, try making them lots of yummy vegan things. The more they eat vegan and find that it is delicious and healthy, the more they will maybe learn to accept it.
They probably think that this is a fad, and with a little muscle they can get you to forget about it, but hang in there! Also, support your sister as much as you can if she does want to turn vegetarian! There is strength in numbers, so if there are two of you in the house foregoing meat, then maybe your parents will start to be a little more sensitive to you.
You're over 21; they can't forbid you to do it, so they hassle. People don't like what they don't understand. It's the old "herd response" you met up with in middle school. As long as you live with them, you'll have problems...but independence day is coming. Cook good food, don't make a lot of fanfare, but if they want to taste, let them...good food has converted more than one! I highly recommend any of AshleyKimball's dessert treats for a good starting place!
They probably think that this is a fad, and with a little muscle they can get you to forget about it, but hang in there!
Exactly. My mother used that on me this weekend except she said, "Phase." *grumble* She hasn't given me any grief, but that word got to me. Coming from her though, I expect it so let it go. That's what I've been doing...expecting people to NOT agree or understand. When they don't, I'm not disappointed and have my guard up.I'm ready. When they respond positively vs. arguing, it's a nice surprise. Sad, huh?
The longer you're vegan, the more they'll become accustom to it. Hopefully, the remarks subside with their acceptance. I sometimes think parents give their kids a hard time about becoming vegan to test resolve. Some parents are obnoxious forever, though, and that's what looking forward to college is for.
Fear of this type of situation is why it took me so long to go vegan myself. And I regret that I let it hinder me. Now that I'm older and living on my own noone really gives me a hard time. It helps if you educate yourself about the health benefits of a vegan diet, then you can come acros as being more logical about your diet instead of just emotional, which is how most people seem to view vegitarians. I recommend a a health book such as the China Study or Skinny Bitch, plus get a couple of good cookbooks and make sure you eat a varied healthy diet. Once they see how happy & healthy you are and that a vegan diet can be yummy, they should stop giving you such a hard time. And offer to help your sister out in any way that she may need.
My parents weren't too happy about it at first either, but I don't live with them (and didn't when I started cutting animal products out of my diet). For the most part they don't say much one way or the other, but I did have an issue when my younger sister asked me why I stopped eating meat. When I started explaining to her (in a very non-'preachy' way) my mom kept cutting me off, and got really worked up. It ended up more of an argument between her and I than a conversation between me and my sister. I think people find it hard to have their own lifestyles/mindsets challenged, even if it's not in a confrontational way. Alot of people don't WANT to know why others are vegan lest they become uncomfortable with being omni, and thus feel like they have to do all this work to change their diet in order to have a clear conscience. Ironically, the more you discuss this with people, the more open they seem to become (in my experience anyway) as they realize that we can still enjoy lots of different foods, be healthy, and that it isn't that hard to make the switch. My mom ended up apologizing to me later that night. That was probably the worst time I've had with this though, otherwise people have been pretty respectful and often curious. I guess it just takes some patience.
Over the years I am sure VegWeb has seen tons of these posts. Unsupporting parents, family, significant others and even friends all feel the need to 'correct' new veg*ns. Either it is based on tradition, defensiveness or ignorance but it is not very helpful for anyone.
My advice is simply educate yourself. Present any points you have in a calm, clear and concise manner when confronted. Leave information and documentation around the house to passively educate others. Be it articles printed from VegWeb or PCRM, books like the China Study or links on your computer's desktop to Earthlings or other videos. Becoming upset, crying or screaming will be seen as either an attack or just drama directly related to the new 'diet'. So your mission is to be above and beyond any petty squabbling, name calling or fighting. Dont let them drag you into a fight. Be serene, mature and knowledgeable.
Write down a menu, plan shopping, cook and eat your own meals if you can. This may start out as just once or twice a week, but increase it as you can. I hope you have either a job or some money saved so that they are not requiring them to foot the bill, but that is something you can work on. My advice would be to then leave your 'menu' stuck to the fridge so that they see what you have planned and it may be tempting.
And finally, just hang in there. Make good food, stay healthy and keep making informed choices regarding your nutrition. Be sure you watch what happens so they dont try to 'trick' you into eating something you do not want to. No need to be obvious about it, but still, keep an eye out. Helping prepare meals does have an added benefit here.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Wow, it's awesome to know that I'm not alone in all of this! I've only been vegan for a couple of months as well, and I thought that my family and friends would have adjusted by now (especially since I've been an on-and-off vegetarian for a while). But apparently not... When I first made the switch, everyone I know (with the exception of one vegetarian friend) was convinced I wouldn't last as a vegan and that it was the stupidest idea. My mum still calls me every couple of days to make snide remarks about how I won't last much longer and to check and see if I've gone back to eating animal products yet. I suppose the ridicule has made me want to stick with veganism even more, just to prove them all wrong. But it's so annoying that I still have to put up with everyone telling me how good meat tastes, etc. Really! You'd think that they'd be as bored as I am of talking about it by now. It amazes me every time.
I actually just started this internship a couple of weeks ago and all of the other interns here have been awesome about the fact that I'm vegan. They make fun of me every now and again, but nothing out of line. And whenever we go out to eat, they all go through the menu to find stuff that I can eat. It's awesome! They're so much more supportive than anyone else has been. This has made me think that all of the ridicule I've had to face is from people who knew me before I was vegan. It's so strange that they are so much more resistant to change. I wonder why that is... Any ideas?
Hang in there. Sooner or later they will tire of it if you stick to you guns.