sexual harrasment at work
So, I'm sure we have all had the whole thing at work where we have to go and sit and listen for like 45 minuets about what defines sexual harassment and what can be done about it. Usually, the advice includes going and talking to a person who's job is above the individual who is making the harassments. But what if its the company owner?
Also, women, (and maybe men too) how often do you feel you are being sexually harassed at work? The ideals they talk about in the conferences is just that, idelic. When the rubber meets the road its a whole other story. At least I find.
At one point I eventually had to quit my job because the sexual harassment got so bad. I was 17 and working in a nursing home and a male coworker kept saying really inappropriate, sexually explicit things to me. Another employee over heard it and told the manager...who, instead of coming to me and the guy responsible, made an annulment to the entire department....she used our names (didn't keep it confidential) and made it sound like I was to one to complain. So, the sexual harassment got a million times worse--all the guys int he department started making inappropriate comments and gestures. I tried everything, ignoring it, telling them to stop, whatever....eventually it progressed to the point that the guy who started it all pushed me up against a sink and started thrusting his hips at my butt like he was humping me. I left that night and did not come back.
Now, a few years later, I find that there are always men saying relay really inappropriate things to me. My boss once asked me a really personal question and I told him that it was inappropriate and he kept pushing the subject....for like a half hour. I told one of the female managers, who, even though she is technically HIS employee said something to him about it. He later apologized. But he still makes me uncomfortable by doing things like asking me "how hot" a customer is before he goes to speak with her....
AND theres this guy at work who is constantly staring at me and like ---doing that eyebrow thing...I totally thought it was my imagination t first but now other employees are starting to say (once again. male) inappropriate things about me and this guy who apparently has a crush on me....
So, I dunno....maybe I'm being kinda petty....but I just feel so uncomfortable, all the time...Should I anticipate the rest of my life being like this? I'm really not sure if every women experiences this an ignores it and doesn't worry and bitch...or if it DOESNT happen to everyone and I'm just like, asking for it or something...thoughts?.
You are totally NOT asking for it and unfortunately have just had bad experiences. I've been fortunate to have never experienced this, and I've worked some crappy jobs with some shady people and even then, no harassment. I don't really have any advice since I've never experienced that, but I just wanted to let you know that it's NOT your fault and you should NOT have to put up with that shit.
Wow, I guess I am lucky that I have never had to deal with anything like that at work. I hope that everything gets better for you. I am thinking about you and wishing you luck!
On the one hand, I'm really glad you guys haven't had anything like that to deal with...on the other hand it really DOES make me wonder if there is some kind of energy I exude that makes people think its okay to say/do stuff like that. I know I come off as really naive...and I blush when people say things that make me feel shy. I think maybe some people like to take advantage of that. :(
I also tend to be be a little too nice sometimes and generally assume the best about people,s o maybe that lets things go too far to. For example, not very long ago, my boss told me that my success as an woman in business will come from "who you know and who you blow" and went on to say he could help me out....I really wanted to believe that we was not saying he could help me out if I blew him...and that AMYBE he really believes that and was trying to give me sincere advice...but it was totally awkward. i just replied with something like, "you know that may be true but I don't feel like any success could possibly be worth the sacrifice of my integrity..."
I am in no way saying that this is your fault, but I do think that these men may be doing this to get a reaction. In a slightly related story, I used to get followed home from school a lot, and people would try to grab me, say perverted things etc. I was 12, I got more and more scared, and would literally look around terrified every day. That seemed to make it worse, people noticed me and wanted to mess with me because people are mean and they like to prey on what hey see as an easy target. Once I stopped being afraid, random strangers stopped bothering me (for the most part, there are always pervs out there). I cannot give you advice on this, because no longer caring is not a tangible thing that you can project, it is an internal attitude, and consistent harassment and intimidation by your coworkers, and having your employer take no measures to protect you would make me so angry.
My point being, it is not you, it is them. They have no value or self worth, so they are trying to knock you down and get a reaction out of you to make themselves feel more powerful, and that is there issue and their problem. The only thing I can reccomend is not giving them the satisfaction of seeing you react to them.
sounds like you needed to get a friend to kick some ass for you
also documenting that sort of thing and getting a tasty lawsuit is always an option
to think people like these guys were working in a nursing home makes me fucking sick to my stomach
everyone deserves to feel safe in their workplace. if you're uncomfortable for any reason - SPEAK UP.
I was at a "women in journailsm" workshop the other day - and these successful, prolific female journalists said, straight out, that if you're looking for a job where political correctness, equal treatment, etc. is common, don't expect to find that in a newsroom. they said that sexist jokes and swear words just happen in this field - and that they, as women, don't have a problem with it. women just need to join in, be like the men.
they said that if you want a safe workplace, somewhere that will be sensitive to women's issues, go work for a women's magazine or just stay out of the industry.
bullshit. I don't accept that.
I was at a "women in journailsm" workshop the other day - and these successful, prolific female journalists said, straight out, that if you're looking for a job where political correctness, equal treatment, etc. is common, don't expect to find that in a newsroom. they said that sexist jokes and swear words just happen in this field - and that they, as women, don't have a problem with it. women just need to join in, be like the men.
they said that if you want a safe workplace, somewhere that will be sensitive to women's issues, go work for a women's magazine or just stay out of the industry.
bullshit. I don't accept that.
Yeah, wow, that's total bullshit. Just join in? Yeah, I'll get right on it. I love making demeaning jokes about women :-D >:(
VHZ, they definitely could be taking advantage of your shyness/niceness (still not your fault, they probably just see you as an easy target because you won't fight back. Jerks.) If you can, stand your ground. Maybe even threaten reporting them the next time they say something--that might just knock them right on their ass and shut them right up, especially if they have been reported in the past and another reporting might cost them their job. I know that creepos at the bus stop used to be a lot worse when I was nice to them than now, when I'm just short with them and assertive. Not saying you have to be mean to everyone, but if people are giving you a hard time, they have no right to be treated with kindness.
The only male I ever worked for (my current boss) I haven't technically met, so no I haven't experienced anything like this in the workplace - but I assume every female has experienced some dumbass trying to exert his overwhelming masculinity through inapprorpriate jokes, flirting, or innuendo. I don't like when a person in a position of authority over you does not realize how intimidating the things that they say are, but I can't stand the men that USE that intimidation to imply that you're expected to sleep with them.
I always think that guys try to take advantage of me moreso than other girls because I'm too shy, I stay quiet about little things and am really afraid of hurting anyone's feeliings. ALOT of guys take silence to mean "you can keep doing what you're doing". If you don't say no, no one else is going to do it for you. I would not hesitate to tell a boss "that's really inappropriate" or "that makes me feel uncomfortable" if that's what you're feeling. If you were me you'd throw some cursing in there. Boys respond well to being told that something makes you feel FUCKING uncomfortable. Or that if they don't stop, you'll FUCKING scream...or FUCKING call the cops. Maybe I needn't curse, just be assertive, but I think the cursing helps get the "i'm not kidding" across.
But it's possible that you're being overly sensitive now that you've experienced sexual harrassment. If a coworker has a crush on you, it's not the end of the world...it's not his fault if he's into you, you just have to make sure if he crosses any lines that you tell him to back off. You don't need to suspect that every single guy is an asshole.
vhz, KEEP A RECORD!!! When guys see you writing shit down after they said something inappropriate, they'll probably ask what you're writing, to which you can sweetly look up and say "just what you said". I won't lie, there will probably be some backlash, this is not an easy road to hoe, but it sounds necessary. Also in the future, when asked the common question in interviews "What do you look for in a job?" I always respond with my first demand, that I have a safe and healthy environment where I do not feel threatened or intimidated by my coworkers or superiors. I've found as long as I state that in the beginning, and if I am then hired, I don't have problems.... Whereas before that, I had similar issues with coworkers, and one boss (but I was a nanny then, so I just left...I still do miss those kids though). Bottom line, you need to be more forcefull, even if it is just passively leaving up a page on the National Organization for Women, or the ACLU, etc up on the monitor for them all to see, there are also books you could bring with "scary" titles you could leave out. Although I won't back down from a fight when cornered, I do tend to prefer fighting a little more "passively"....
When it comes to the jokes, meh, I'd probably join in, only with male-bashing vs female-bashing bias.... That's just the kinda "girl" I am!
But what if its the company owner?
Contact your state's Department of Labor and ask them how you can go about filing an harassment complaint. If they don't handle them directly they'll be able to tell you which department does.
these are all really good suggestions. I know I have written down some stuff in my journals that would have specific quotes and dates....so that might be agood place to start the logging process.... I'm leaving this job in about a month, so maybe I shouldn't bother worrying about it...I guess the concern for me was "so, I have to get another job....is is it going to be the same things over and over again?!"
My sister used to work at this job with me. My boss gave her a worse time than he gave me. He was always commenting on how hot she was/how large her breast were/etc....my sis is really surly and I am very protective...so I defiantly told him to piss off...and I know she had some not-too-nice words for him.He once even asked her to going him and this other person for a threesome....my sister totally quit the job. good for her. It just seems that the resolution so often includes LEAVING the job, an thats just not very feasible. :-\
and good for you laurabs, not accepting that about journalism!
My sister used to work at this job with me. My boss gave her a worse time than he gave me. He was always commenting on how hot she was/how large her breast were/etc....my sis is really surly and I am very protective...so I defiantly told him to piss off...and I know she had some not-too-nice words for him.He once even asked her to going him and this other person for a threesome....my sister totally quit the job. good for her. It just seems that the resolution so often includes LEAVING the job, an thats just not very feasible. :-\
and good for you laurabs, not accepting that about journalism!
If anything like that ever happens again contact a lawyer immediately. That kind of behavior in the workplace is criminal. That guy should be fired and probably jailed. You could also sue the company and him for a sizable sum.
sounds like you needed to get a friend to kick some ass for you
also documenting that sort of thing and getting a tasty lawsuit is always an option
to think people like these guys were working in a nursing home makes me fucking sick to my stomach
I agree.
If anything like that ever happens again contact a lawyer immediately. That kind of behavior in the workplace is criminal. That guy should be fired and probably jailed. You could also sue the company and him for a sizable sum.
I agree. Don't let them get away with it. Even if you're not going to follow through completely, at least threatening legal action or filing a complaint will send a message. This also goes for your current situation-- even though you're leaving soon anyway, I think you should do something. If noone speaks up or makes any noise about this, he'll continue to do it to others. Noone should have to leave a job because of this bullshit (except for the harasser).
If an animal was being treated this poorly, I know you'd speak up! ;)
Document everything. Try to have witnesses around you as much as possible. Heck, carry around a small tape recorder in your pocket. I am not sure how admissible that is in court but it may prove enough to get the company to fire people or protect you.
Be safe! Stand up for yourself and keep notes.
Most lawyers will give you a half hour consultation free by the way! And check to make sure you sister's issues have not passed the statue of limitations yet. If you do decide to file, file as many as possible on them!
Document everything. Try to have witnesses around you as much as possible. Heck, carry around a small tape recorder in your pocket. I am not sure how admissible that is in court but it may prove enough to get the company to fire people or protect you.
Be safe! Stand up for yourself and keep notes.
Most lawyers will give you a half hour consultation free by the way! And check to make sure you sister's issues have not passed the statue of limitations yet. If you do decide to file, file as many as possible on them!
Look into the relevant statutes in your state before recording anyone without their knowledge. While it is inadmissible as evidence in most states (unless obtained under warrant) it is actually a criminal act in some. You don't want to give the harasser cause for filing a complaint against you and that's a real possibility if they think they can use it as a bargaining chip to get you to drop your charges.
If it's possible, make as many formal complaints internally to the highest management you can, anything that will get documented.
Granted, if it's management that's doing it, that makes it difficult, but if you establish a consistent pattern of abuse (because that's what this is, don't kid yourself), it will be much much easier to take it to court, if that's where it ends up. It shows that you both attempted to resolve this as well as establishes a timeline for the duration of the behavior. Most workplaces have some kind of procedure for sexual harassment or any kind of grievance (I'm assuming you do not have a union), so I would imagine that even though this place sounds bassackwards, there's some kind of documentation process you can begin (keeping in mind your personal safety is more important than precise legal steps - they sound like the types to threaten physical harm). If not, all of what you're describing is sooo very illegal and you have every right to talk to a lawyer and sue the shit out of them.
I dug out the handout that the university gave to everyone when we had an attendance mandatory seminar on "The Do's and Don'ts of Harassment". Sexual harassment is a big issue at most universities. The head of the department I once worked at Texas Tech was fired after repeated charges of sexual harassment including a lawsuit brought due to his actions which Tech lost and it costs them over a $250,000! He had actually had sex in his office with the woman who sued when he refused to let her end the affair and threatened to fire her if she stopped complying. How he managed to keep his job after that, I never understood. But finally, after the final victim of his harassment threatened a lawsuit, they did fire him. I think it was more the excitement he got over having power over the women than the actual sex that motivated him.
Anyway, back the to handout.
"Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits sex discrimination against an individual with respect to compensation, terms, conditions, or privileges of employment because of the individual's color, religion, sex or national origin. The United States Supreme Court has held that sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination, and the Equal Employment Opportunity (EEOC), the primary federal agency for enforcing Title VII, has issued regulations prohibiting sexual harassment.
Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, request for sexual favors, and other verbal, visual or physical conduct of a sexual natures when:
Submission to such conduct is made, explicitly or implicitly, a term or condition of an individual's employment;
Submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as a basis for employment decisions; or,
Submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment."
. . .
EEOC regulations hold the employer responsible, not only for its own acts of sexual harassment, but also for the acts of its agents and supervisory employees."
You could probably take your case to the EEOC right now and repeat what you've told us and they would have to investigate it. If you want a copy of the handout, email me and I'll scan it and email it back to you. My email address is in my profile. You could make your boss a copy of it and tell him that it applies to his business too not just colleges. If it were me, I'd definitely do something. (At Texas Tech, I did "testify" to the harassment of the woman that department head had picked out to be his next "lover", even though he basically left me alone. I'm so glad I wasn't his "type". The things he said to her in front of everyone in the office made for a very hostile work environment, though.)
I'll echo the documentation idea. It will be a great weapon especially if you ever have to file a hostile work environment lawsuit due to sexual harassment. I've had to do it...meaning documenting behaviors, meetings, e:mails, etc....not due to sexual harassment but due to EEO and FMLA violations. Believe me...the more documentation you have, the better.