living in an inhospitable omnivorous world
I've been a vegetarian in various degrees since I was in junior high. I'm married to a vegan, and my family has gradually become extremely supportive (one has even crossed over!), but out in the regular world, I feel like there's no place for me.
The other vegetarians I know live and work in relatively veg-friendly environments: my husband works for a Unitarian church and and most of my veg friends work for nonprofits or in liberal arts academia. They rarely encounter extreme resistance to their lifestyle, so they don't really understand how hard it is for me. My colleagues come from very conservative subcultures, and they're not open to new ideas. Vegans were discussed in one of my courses as an example of a situation where people in our profession need to involve CPS. My husband thinks it's great that I'm "out there in the trenches" exposing people to the wonderful existence of vegetarians, but he's not the one who has to deal with it.
I try to keep quiet about my eating style, but people socialize over food, and they're always going to find out eventually. I try to keep it short when they ask for my reasons, and say something like, "I don't know, that's just how I am"--but they're still defensive. People are often offended by the suggestion of bringing my own food to a get-together, but if I don't alert them ahead of time, they're offended when I won't eat what they cooked. I have "made" two people cry by politely refusing to eat their birthday cakes. I don't even want to change the world anymore; I just want to be allowed to be who I am.
Does anybody else have to spend most of their time in a similar situation? How do you cope with this? How do you explain your eating style to other people so that they can accept you?
I've been dealing with it for half my life, but somehow it's getting harder now. I worry that if I can't defend myself... how will I be able to raise veg children?
Lauuren this is your life not their's.
Are you proud of your decision to not eat animal products?
Tell them that you think it's wrong to eat animal products and by no means will you be forced to "just deal with it" or give up... And you'll be a good mommy :) 'Cuz your vegweb family believes in you.
That sounds horrible - two people cried because you wouldn't eat their cake?! That was their issue - not yours. I have never experienced that, but I'd probably be very weirded out if it happened to me. I mean, who cries over stuff like that? Plenty of people have refused eating my cooking, and I don't cry over it, lol.
I don't know what it's like to work in such an environment. My suggestion would be to simply remain confident. Look them straight in the eye, and firmly state that you don't eat animals or their products. When they ask why, state your reasons in the same way.
I don't know why you went vegan, but I always play up the health reasons for people when they ask. I mention the chemicals and hormones in meat, how I don't want that stuff in my body, how organic veggies and grains are so good for me, how I have so much more energy, etc. I find this interests people more than the animal reasons. At least, in my experience.
My attitude is like it or lump it.
Or if you like it I'd adore you more and if you don't like it I really don't care.
I don't live to ask omnivores anything.
Look, try to look it this way sure there's meat eater's everywhere (their days are numbered though he he ;D ;D ;D) but it's not the law of the land.
i don't really socialize with a lot of vegetarians, let alone vegans, but i find that many people are very open to a vegan diet if they are just told about it in the right way. i do not preach my diet to anyone and i don't want anyone telling me that meat eating is the right way. i tell people my (many) reasons slowly and usually when they ask about them.
personally, i feel most people that 'hate' vegans are just insecure about their own diet and would really like to be veg*n themselves?
Lauuren... I totally understand what you are going through. my close friends are all very supportive, but my family and my coworkers are not supportive at all. I don't mind answering questions when I feel like the question is sincere and not an attack, but sometimes people ask me with a disgusting smirk. I hate that! I don't jump down their throats for eating meat, I would appreciate it if people wouldn't jump down mine. On a more positive note: Over the last few years, things seem to be getting better. People are more aware of the health benefits of the vegan diet and its is more talked about and understood. Finally!!
I haven't had many problems because I quit trying to justify my life to people. I've found that when I used to try to justify myself to people, they'd really let me have it. I'm to the point now that I am the way I am and that's the way it is. I have some co-workers who won't speak to me, but everyone else accepts me for who I am, being vegan included, and moves on (even the ultraconservatives).
i don't really socialize with a lot of vegetarians, let alone vegans, but i find that many people are very open to a vegan diet if they are just told about it in the right way. i do not preach my diet to anyone and i don't want anyone telling me that meat eating is the right way. i tell people my (many) reasons slowly and usually when they ask about them.
personally, i feel most people that 'hate' vegans are just insecure about their own diet and would really like to be veg*n themselves?
I totally agree, Hespedal. Same here. The only vegan I know is my best friend. As for people at work, they know I'm "vegetarian." I say that I'm vegetarian because most people can't even pronounce vegan right, let alone know what it is. Most people know what a vegetarian is, so they, pretty much, leave me alone at work. My hubby is an omni, but he is also friends with my best friend. He doesn't "dis" neither one of us. He is very supportive of both of us.
And crying over not eating cake ?!?!?!?! I was never a big sweet eater anyway (even before my vegan days). I wouldn't have touched the cake even if I wasn't vegan.
How long have you worked there? I was an oddity at first, but eventually people got over it. I think it's great that you're married to a vegan and have a supportive family. My ex-spouse and all my friends eat meat.
Embrace your uniqueness, don't get defensive, sooner or later it should die down.
Tell me you're joking that people cried when you didn't eat their cake?? That's emotionally immaturity that you can't own. We gave a party at work for a coworker who refused to eat the cake we bought her and we just ate it ourselves and didn't make an issue of it at all.
Anyway, hang in there.
We gave a party at work for a coworker who refused to eat the cake we bought her and we just ate it ourselves and didn't make an issue of it at all.
That's funny. My co-workers celebrate my birthday by bringing in food I can't eat. I bring in a vegan cookies to serve with whatever they're having so I can eat something and it doesn't become a big deal.
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personally, i feel most people that 'hate' vegans are just insecure about their own diet and would really like to be veg*n themselves?
I agree with this, but only because of a lot of reminding myself. Actually once I spent 6 weeks at a summer program where this one kid would spend practically all his free time at meals making fun of my diet. I just ignored him, until his teasing turned to arguing. I would calmly defend myself, but boy did he ever make me mad! Every day. In my own middle school way, I basically "hated his guts." Then a few months after the program he wrote me a long, friendly letter confessing that he had in fact gone vegetarian.
I might have seen that coming if I were in college. ::)
We gave a party at work for a coworker who refused to eat the cake we bought her and we just ate it ourselves and didn't make an issue of it at all.
That's funny. My co-workers celebrate my birthday by bringing in food I can't eat. I bring in a vegan cookies to serve with whatever they're having so I can eat something and it doesn't become a big deal.
That's not nice in one way that they bring in stuff or that you can't eat. I understand it this way that they might have no concept of vegetarianism and that's why.
<snip>
personally, i feel most people that 'hate' vegans are just insecure about their own diet and would really like to be veg*n themselves?
I agree with this, but only because of a lot of reminding myself. Actually once I spent 6 weeks at a summer program where this one kid would spend practically all his free time at meals making fun of my diet. I just ignored him, until his teasing turned to arguing. I would calmly defend myself, but boy did he ever make me mad! Every day. In my own middle school way, I basically "hated his guts." Then a few months after the program he wrote me a long, friendly letter confessing that he had in fact gone vegetarian.
I might have seen that coming if I were in college. ::)
Haha! Just goes to show, the people who react really defensively, the people really threatened by veg*nism, are threatened because part of them sees the truth and feels the guilt. I don't think I was THAT big of a jerk, but I argued with veg*ns too... even just a couple months before I started to convert.
<snip>
personally, i feel most people that 'hate' vegans are just insecure about their own diet and would really like to be veg*n themselves?
I agree with this, but only because of a lot of reminding myself. Actually once I spent 6 weeks at a summer program where this one kid would spend practically all his free time at meals making fun of my diet. I just ignored him, until his teasing turned to arguing. I would calmly defend myself, but boy did he ever make me mad! Every day. In my own middle school way, I basically "hated his guts." Then a few months after the program he wrote me a long, friendly letter confessing that he had in fact gone vegetarian.
I might have seen that coming if I were in college. ::)
Haha! Just goes to show, the people who react really defensively, the people really threatened by veg*nism, are threatened because part of them sees the truth and feels the guilt. I don't think I was THAT big of a jerk, but I argued with veg*ns too... even just a couple months before I started to convert.
no, me too. that is why i think that. i wasn't ever like 'you are wrong!' or 'animals don't have feelings' or dumb things like that but i really thought it was better for me to eat meat :D. god, i was a useless drone.
We gave a party at work for a coworker who refused to eat the cake we bought her and we just ate it ourselves and didn't make an issue of it at all.
That's funny. My co-workers celebrate my birthday by bringing in food I can't eat. I bring in a vegan cookies to serve with whatever they're having so I can eat something and it doesn't become a big deal.
That's not nice in one way that they bring in stuff or you that you can't eat. I understand it this way that they might have no concept of vegetarianism.
Yeah. I look at it as them doing something thoughtful, because even unedible food takes planning and time. After I gave up caffeine I don't have any desire for sugar. Sweets kind of make me gag now, so it's cool to have a reason to not eat their desserts. Veganism pulling double duty. 8)
I have the advantage of starting a new job when I was already veg. So I just told people I don't like meat. Easy enough, no one feels put off or affended. Most people have some sort of quirky likes & dislikes, so they understand. I have a vegitarian friend that claims this when she is asked, so I basically copied her. I was never big on eating meat anyway, so even my parents can't argue when I say I don't like it it. If I see potential in converting anyone I'll talk to them about the benefits of a vegitarian diet, but I don't like getting into it with people in general.
The school that I work at is rather conservative, one of my coworkers, actually, the person I eat next to, her husband is a poacher. They talk about fur coats and vennicin and such. gross. whenever they ask me about veganism, I try to steer it in the direction of milk because two people who eat with me are lactose intollerant, so I like to focus on the things that I have in common. I also like to talk about the health benefits, most of them are on diets, so we like to talk about our healthy foods, they talk about baked beans and salads, I talk about chickpeas and salads. If they dont ask me a question, I dont say anything. I'll wait until they want to know more about it, they slowly ask more, and so they slowly know more when they feel comfortable.
We gave a party at work for a coworker who refused to eat the cake we bought her and we just ate it ourselves and didn't make an issue of it at all.
That's funny. My co-workers celebrate my birthday by bringing in food I can't eat. I bring in a vegan cookies to serve with whatever they're having so I can eat something and it doesn't become a big deal.
On friday we are celebrating all of the summer birthdays, which includes me! I'm planning on bringing in a nayonaise potato salad... saying its for the lactose intollerent ladies.