I need to ask the experts...
Hi, I'm new here! Embrace me, I'm fun! I loooove the recipes here and only just joined the board instead of creepily lurking about to answer random questions for myself by searching the board.
So I haven't been doing this veg thing that long (about 2 1/2 months) but I've already run into a problem with my omnivorous loved one..he won't take me seriously! The whole "want a bite of my burger?" thing was funny for the first thousand times (not really) but now I feel like he's undermining my values, in a way...I know some of you have this odd couple thing down with your significant others, so how do you keep the respect?....and how do you explain a change like this without sounding offensive? People take it personally that I don't want to shovel cow into my colon, for some reason....
Trick him ;)
Feed him the stuff that he normally eats (but veganized...haha *evil laugh* ;D)
I know it might suck to lie to them at first but but all like "I gave up" and see his reaction get the awesome ooo's and ahhh's and then later go *SUPRISE I GOT YOU!!!*
I've had to do it a few times with my family and it sucks to have to lie to those that you care for but this is YOUR decision and you know that you aren't being deprived of anything.
my omni bf wasn't very thrilled about my change either. so one night for dinner i made spaghetti with "meat" marinara...only thing is that he thought it was real meat. in fact it was protein crumbles. i didn't lie and say it was really meat, but i didn't say it wasn't either. when he finished and said it was amazing, then i laid it on him that it was completely vegan. since then he's changed his mind and been more open to try my new dishes! i felt a little bad tricking him like that, but i wanted him to see that it's not so bad!
Thanks so much for the tips! He's a sharp one, though..any suggestions on something really flavorful that he might not recognize as meatless?
The thing is that we got into a huge fight last night where he accused me of not making a difference by not eating animals and I promptly told him that his soul would be affected by his meat eating. I didn't mean it, but fights will be fights. Maybe we should just establish a silent respect and not talk about it
My boyfriend gives me a "hard time" about it all the time. Once I said something like "I was thinking about eating fish but I just don't know if I can" and he got all upset! It came out that he really admires me for what I'm doing and loves me for it. I think people just react that way out of their own crap, but deep down they think it's awesome and maybe even wish they could too. Just a thought. ;)
They do because you are questioning one of the foundations of their life. Think about it... all our lives we've been told meat and dairy are essential, healthful and MANDATORY. In school, 4 food groups... animal products are half of those.
Your S.O. may be feeling that his worth is being questioned. You have changed a fundamental way in which you exist. He may feel that you may want to leave him or come to resent him for his beliefs in regards to eating. I recommend sitting down and having as serious a talk as you can manage about why you're doing this. It is a big issue, and not to be laughed at.
And if the making a difference thing comes up, let him know that the single best thing a person can do to help the environment, is to go vegetarian. Vegan is bonus points.
You should just talk to him about it. Seriously. So that he knows this is important to you, and you want him to support you.
My boyfriend eats meat, but he's the cook in the relationship. So, he will make me a vegan meal and then just add meat to his at the end.
Respect is so important in a relationship. If there is no respect ... it's hard to keep it going. So, if I were you, I'd just have a chat with him and let him know his comments bother you.
Trick him ;)
I know it might suck to lie to them at first but but all like "I gave up" and see his reaction get the awesome ooo's and ahhh's and then later go *SUPRISE I GOT YOU!!!*
I would cook dinner for my mom and step-dad occasionally. My mom would know what the entire meal was and she would pull the surprise card on my step-dad after he had eaten it. ;) I didn't even have to....she did it for me! It got him to open his horizons beyond meat.
I would talk to him. Tell him that eating vegan/vegetarian is right for you. Tell him that it's an issue close to your heart and you need him to love you and respect your decisions. That your eating decisions are not a personal attack on him, anymore than his are on you.
When he says "want some?" just give him that 'please don't make fun of me' look or the 'I'm tired of you making fun of me' look and say "Baby". That's how I would handle it, except my boyfriend is quite understanding (for an omni) so I don't have to.
Depends on who does the most cooking. If it's him, you'll have to take on your own veggie dishes, since it wasn't his decision and you don't want to be doubling the work involved if he's not into it.
If it's you...I have a decidedly omni husband who eats very little fruit and veg; but I started making veggie versions of "omni" favourites--spaghetti with mushrooms instead of meat in the sauce, chilli with TVP or mushrooms, hearty soups that just don't happen to contain meat, etc. A lot of guys like "spoon food"--bean casseroles, lentils and similar dishes. Branch out into Indian and more "traditional" bean-based dishes.
Vegemite is a good "meaty" flavour to add to soups and full of vitamins as well. Use it to "pump up" a sauce that tastes a bit bland.
My boyfriend's always been very supportive but I used to live with a girl who was very like that; constantly putting my choices down and telling me I was unhealthy and so on. Eventually I turned round to her and put my foot down. I told her if she didn't have anything nice to say, to keep her mouth shut. That if it came to picking between her friendship and my ethics, I knew exactly what I'd choose. I was very firm about it, letting her know that it made me angry and upset, and that I had no intention of letting her negativity affect me.
It may be selfish but at the end of the day, I look out for myself. If it'd been my boyfriend giving me attitude about my diet, he'd have got the same speech.
Institute "Vegan Mondays" where regardless of the cooking situation in your house, you make breakfast, lunch & dinner - all vegan of course and he eats it. Vegan Monday also includes the rule that you can't be negative about veganism. The other days, he can do what he likes. By Wednesday he'll realize that Vegan Monday is more fun that the rest of the week :)
have you just up and told him to "stop being an asshole"?
have you just up and told him to "stop being an not a very nice person"?
I have to agree. It really doesn't matter if he understands your reasonings or not. He should respect your decision, and you should respect his. End of story.
This really should be a non- issue. You need to talk to him; let him know that it's bothering you.
As far as someon's advice to trick him: I do not agree. That's wrong. Turn it around onto yourself. You wouldn't like it if your SO or a friend or anyone used chicken broth in a soup and didn't tell you until after you'd consumed it.
I agree, don't try and trick him into eating something he's not expecting. You could say, "hey, try this, it's vegan" and not tell him exactly what it is, but don't just pass something off as meat.
As to his annoying comments, you may just have to blow up on him once or twice. I had to do that with my family. They kept making dumb comments, like "But tell me how you get protein again?" so I had to drop some f bombs and then print out some information about veganism and shove it in front of their face saying, "and if you ask me again, I'm going to take a poo and smear it all over the walls!" I didn't actually say that, but I think something like that.
I agree, don't try and trick him into eating something he's not expecting. You could say, "hey, try this, it's vegan" and not tell him exactly what it is, but don't just pass something off as meat.
As to his annoying comments, you may just have to blow up on him once or twice. I had to do that with my family. They kept making dumb comments, like "But tell me how you get protein again?" so I had to drop some f bombs and then print out some information about veganism and shove it in front of their face saying, "and if you ask me again, I'm going to take a poo and smear it all over the walls!" I didn't actually say that, but I think something like that.
"WHO CARES ABOUT THE PROTEIN????!!!!?!?!? I GET PLENTY OF FIBER!!!!!!!"
I like your take, Camillus.
Thankyou guys so much! I went for the "stop being not very nice" approach and it worked....after some very juvenile meat innuendo jokes, I think we're over it. And I'm doing that Vegan Mondays thing, he loves when I'm domestic ::) :)
If someone says,"You want a bite of my burger?" Tell them, "Did I ask for one?"
If someone says,"You want a bite of my burger?" Tell them, "Did I ask for one?"
I like that one. Funny.
Priceless, I'll remember that!
i didnt read all the replies so some of this might have already been said..
i just went through this with my BF. i have been vegetarian for quite a while. sometims i will break down and have a bite of this or a bite of that, that was usually in the beginning when i couldn't really stand up to the pressure of "want a bite of my burger?" or "just take a couple chunks of chicken with your salad"
the 2 of us just recently had a major fight where i was 99% sure we were going to break up, but we didn't and we were talking seriously the next day when i finally told him: "i don't feel like you respect me and my decision to not eat meat"
i explained to him in a calm manner that i turn down having dinner with him so much because he usually says "we can have something with chicken cuz i know you'll eat that" and it usually ends up with him having the chicken and me eating the veggie sides of the dinner. he once asked me if i wanted to try the chicken in his dinner (i'd tried the other part of it--it was beans and greens) and i said "no thanks, i know what chicken tastes like" and he got so mad at me for it.
so maybe just calmly explaining to them that it's disrespectful. don't necessarily have to try and explain about the hormones and chemicals in the meat or the torture or anything, i've given up on that a long time ago because he doesnt respond to that well.
hope some of that helped at least a little
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