Veg Significant Others
I'm just wondering how many people are with another person who shares their lifestyle choices.
My man convinced me to go vegan when we met and we've been happily munching on veggies ever since. My best friend is also a veg, but her man isn't. She doesn't make him any animal products at home, but he eats out, brings home packaged, frozen food, etc. I've noticed how much they seem to fight, over lots of things, but they never seem to touch on the food issue. I personally think this is kind of the source of their problems.
For those who are with omnivores, how is it you can be with someone who doesn't share your principles?
What sort of compromises do you make to keep the relationship going?
Do you buy/prepare meat for your other?
Do you stay with them in the hopes that they'll eventually stop eating meat?
Do they respect your decision to be veg?
Just questions to get you thinking. Feel free to add/ignore whatever you choose.
Yes, I think loving someone for who they are and not wanting to change them is so important. I mean, it's bad when we start getting into the mindset that omni's are just fundamentally flawed or something because they don't see it the way we do. Omni's can be just as thoughtful about these things as vegans, and vegans can be just as thoughtless as like, Joe Shmoe meat-head omni. Dating an intelligent omni helps me remember that veganism isn't the ultimate moral "right," it's just MY right. I don't want to get into the mindset where I start resenting omni's--because that would alienate me from practically all my friends and my entire family! I'm cool with being like, veganism is MY path, and that's what matters, and the rest of you all can come along if you like--the only thing I can control is me.
I don't have much experience in the dating realm, but in all curiousity are vegan guys generally not as big of jerks as meat-eaters, or do they fare pretty similar in all of your experiences?
I don't have much experience in the dating realm, but in all curiousity are vegan guys generally not as big of jerks as meat-eaters, or do they fare pretty similar in all of your experiences?
I've met vegan guys who are totally socially-inept douchebags and jerks, and I've met omnis who are class acts. People are people. There is plenty of variation within any subgroup of the population. A dick in every bunch.
Ok, so I am proberly going to get slammed for this, but since I have a somewhat different perspective and practice, I figured I would throw it in here anyway. My fiancee is omni as is my daughter, my step daughter was vegan for 2 years and just recently reverted to vegetarian. My fiancee can not cook...I repeat he can not, not does not, but cannot cook. Burns water, causes fires, totally inept. So, yes I do do all of the grocery shopping and cooking. Sometimes it is hard to cook meat, and I know this is wierd because I am in the minority here, but it is because it is hard not to want it. I am not a vegan because I don't like meat or it grosses me out, I just have to try really hard to not eat it for the ethical reasons. And cheese was my all time favorite food in the world so that is even harder. But veganism is my choice, and it is not yet theirs. BUT, I love my man and we have been together for 7 years and I just don't think that it is a deal breaker. He would not make me cook for him if I wasn't willing, but he would seriously be eating out alot which is not good either, And my daughter is planning on going veg soon, but doesn't feel quite ready yet so I still have to cook for her as well, and I don't feel that it is right to force vegetarianism on her until she is ready. I will say that for the most part I do cook vegan and everyone will eat it, and my fiancee has tried in the past to convert, but he just honestly doesn't feel capable of sticking to it. Yet. I feel that if I am as understanding as I can be there is hope for the future, but if I try to cram it down his throat it will never happen. Would I love them to change yes, does it affect my relationship, no.
I think that sounds like an overall positive situation! It's really awesome that you are so true to your ethical convictions even though you are tempted (aesthetically) by the meat and cheese all the time. You are being a good example for them! In time, if it's their thing, they will come around to it. If not, then oh well, that's OK too because you still have a good relationship.
Another way to look at it is--by sticking with your omni family, you might be effecting more of a change (even if it's small....you affect how they perceive veganism, things like that) than if you were with a vegan. Just by being a good example. Being a positive influence is more than just converting X number of people to veganism.
Thanks KMK! I really thought I was going to get the "how can you say your a vegan if you buy and cook meat" thing. Not that I don't understand whay some people would think that way, because I do. I guess I always feel really different because I have to try so damn hard to stick to my beliefs. I don't know why. And I do think that I have made a positive difference, I mean Tom will go months without eating meat, sure eventually he will give in, but considering his meat and potato's at every meal upbringing, I think that is a big improvement. And my daughter is so close. I have the meat down to once every one or two weeks. So anyway, thanks again for the support.
My BF and I just had a discussion the other night about raising kids veg*n. I wanted to talk about it because we've been seriously looking at engagement rings... and before we went any further in the relationship I wanted to lay out my beliefs on raising kids.
Before I could even start, he said "I think we should raise them vegetarian until they are old enough to decide what their individual morals are. But we'll do what we do now-- no meat cooked or stored in the house-- because I think that's fair and a good situation. If all our kids decide to eat meat when they're older, though, we'll have a discussion about meat in the house or not and see what everyone is comfortable with."
That is why I LOVE this guy. I was so worried he'd be all "Uhh, I don't think we should raise vegetarian kids because how healthy is that?" But I guess after supporting me this long, and even going through getting my anemia under control (and hearing the doctor say 'It's not diet related, vegetarian or not, it wouldn't have this huge an impact'), he's learned enough to be comfortable with it for our future kids.
:)>>>
My BF and I just had a discussion the other night about raising kids veg*n. I wanted to talk about it because we've been seriously looking at engagement rings... and before we went any further in the relationship I wanted to lay out my beliefs on raising kids.
Before I could even start, he said "I think we should raise them vegetarian until they are old enough to decide what their individual morals are. But we'll do what we do now-- no meat cooked or stored in the house-- because I think that's fair and a good situation. If all our kids decide to eat meat when they're older, though, we'll have a discussion about meat in the house or not and see what everyone is comfortable with."
That is why I LOVE this guy. I was so worried he'd be all "Uhh, I don't think we should raise vegetarian kids because how healthy is that?" But I guess after supporting me this long, and even going through getting my anemia under control (and hearing the doctor say 'It's not diet related, vegetarian or not, it wouldn't have this huge an impact'), he's learned enough to be comfortable with it for our future kids.
:)>>>
this happened with me too! i asked my boyfriend if we could feed our dog vegan food and his reply is "of course, this is a vegan house, and if we ever have kids, they'll be vegan too" yay.
corin! WOW! props to you. i cant even handle the sight of meat anymore. it makes me nauseous. i cant imagine cooking it. i certainly hope your family realizes what you have to go through for them.
Me, my husband, and our six dogs are all vegan. My 15 year old daughter, however, is not. I have tried to explain to her many times the benefits (to both humans and animals) of being a vegan, but she still chooses to eat meat and dairy products. I do not buy her any meat, and she doesn't put up a fight about that, but I do buy her dairy products and items that contain dairy (even though I don't like to). I try to cook as many vegan meals as I can that I know she will eat. But as soon as she is out of the house, she eats meat without a second thought.
It really bothers me that she doesn't want to be vegan, but it is her choice to make. I will not give up on trying to convert her, though! ::)
WenRen, I remember being that age (even though it was 10 years ago... it sticks out in my mind).
Probably the best thing you can do is set a good example but don't press the issue. Through the teens, I know that all I wanted to do was WHATEVER my parents didn't want me to. It didn't matter what it was, I didn't think my parents really knew anything, and I wanted to experience the things they told me I shouldn't... just to see.
I mean, I wasn't bad, but, for example... my parents are NOT vegetarians... and it was around the age of 14 that a stubborn young JC said at the dinner table "I don't want to eat meat anymore, I've decided to be a vegetarian."
That didn't go over well, and they had a fit (a pretty bad fit)... and I didn't try again until I was 23. BUT! Point is, my parents were SO against it, that at 14 I thought "If they're against it, it's GOT to be worth exploring."
So... she'll come around in her own time. Might be in 10 years, but she'll figure it out. ;)b
My fiance Tom was omni when we met; I was already vegan. He completely respected my decisions, and I wasn't bothered by him eating meat.
Within six months, he stopped eating meat completely. I totally didn't push him, he made the decision completely on his own. He didn't even tell me he was giving it up - I came home from work one day and he surprised me by telling me he was going vegetarian. He was so proud of himself. He'd been quietly and steadily cutting more and more meat out of his diet (he only ate meat out or at work, he wouldn't eat it in front of me, even though I told him it was okay). He had one last hurrah, so to speak; we went to his favorite sushi place (ew) and he had a $200.00 goodbye-to-meat fest.
He's been veggie ever since, and totally loves it. He said he feels the healthiest he ever has, and does plan on going vegan eventually, when he can kick the cheese habit. He definitely plans on being vegan by the time we start having kids, since we plan to raise them vegan as well. =)
I think it is great when kids are raised vegan or vegetarian, it is so healthy, and if they are raised that way, they usually won't have an issue with it. I guess my situation is a little different because I was a meat eater my whole life and I went straight from that to vegan overnight a few years ago. But up until then my kids ate meast and so did my fiancee. I only originally went vegan because my step daughter came home one day and said "I'm vegan now" and I had to learn about it and healthy ways to feed her...and the rest was history. I talked to my omni daughter this morning, and she actually said she was ready to give vegetarian a try...so hopeully Tom will be next!
corinnas54, I have a very similar situation. My husband is an omni, but because I do all the cooking in the family, eats vegan most of the time in the home. I will cook meat for him every so often, but this is far better than every day or even every week! MY daughter is vegan, she is almost 1 year old now, and had had a few bites of dairy from others, but not by me. My sons are both very picky eaters, one won't even eat meat, the other loves it. I try to keep animal products as minimal a part of their diet as possible, but both of them are autistic and self limit to the extreme that the oldest only eats about 5 or 6 things at the moment, so yes, I let him eat cheese. Its hard having so many different preferences in the house, but as the cook, I try and make decisions that are happy for everyone. It works most of the time. I love my husband and don't mind that he eats meat, but I worry for his overall health, so the fact that he will eat veggi in the house makes me happy.
I was omni when my sons were born, so they ate some dairy at first.
My husb, I am sure, would prefer to have meat with every meal, but respects for the most part that I do this for my health. My fibromyalgia was so out of control after my daughter's birth, I couldn't even take care of my kids. Being GF ( I have celiac) and vegan helps keep the pain under control, and along with a minimal amount of prescription meds, lets me be me again and I know that makes him happy.
Also, my family has a long tradition of heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, high colesterol and diabetes and my kids, esp my sons, need me to be here for them for a long time to come.
Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement, jeanacorina! This site is the only place I can go to discuss my lifestyle without being ridiculed. It's so awesome to be able to communicate with people who can relate! ;)b
GFVegmom,
I can respect that you seem to be very understanding about what is best for your family. You are doing a great thing just by being there and encouraging a low meat and dairy diet for your famly. They may not be completely veg, but because of you, they are still making a difference in a small way.
Is it more gross that I did not brush my teeth last night or this morning 9( I used listerine) or that a girl I have been seeing was talking about how delicious her egg and cheese sandwich was? It made me disappointed not for what it is but that there are clearly vegan options that she dosent make attempts at.
Me, my husband, and our six dogs are all vegan. My 15 year old daughter, however, is not. I have tried to explain to her many times the benefits (to both humans and animals) of being a vegan, but she still chooses to eat meat and dairy products. I do not buy her any meat, and she doesn't put up a fight about that, but I do buy her dairy products and items that contain dairy (even though I don't like to). I try to cook as many vegan meals as I can that I know she will eat. But as soon as she is out of the house, she eats meat without a second thought.
It really bothers me that she doesn't want to be vegan, but it is her choice to make. I will not give up on trying to convert her, though! ::)
Don't give up. I was raised a vegetarian but started eating meat at about 15 years old just because I rebellious. I'm sure my Mom was disappointed too. I became a vegetarian again at 32/33? and then vegan at 35. My Mom still can't get over me being a vegan after all those years of being a prick!
That age is difficult you want to become an individual and will rebel against your parents, it's probably sad but don't give up she may eventually come round like I did.
i dated a couple meat eaters. NEVER AGAIN. my boy is vegan. and we both went vegan independently of each other and are kind of at the same "level" of veganess. neither of us are super strict about things like mono and diglycerides but we do look out for things like whey and sodium sterol lactate. we wont buy anything with those ingredients, but we will buy beer and/or wine no matter what. i guess the only vegan difference between us is that hes a honey vegan and i'm a no honey vegan.
Hiimkelsi, this is just about an *exact* description of me and my husband in every way that relates to veg-ness. Maybe it's a Texas thing. ;)
i dated a couple meat eaters. NEVER AGAIN. my boy is vegan. and we both went vegan independently of each other and are kind of at the same "level" of veganess. neither of us are super strict about things like mono and diglycerides but we do look out for things like whey and sodium sterol lactate. we wont buy anything with those ingredients, but we will buy beer and/or wine no matter what. i guess the only vegan difference between us is that hes a honey vegan and i'm a no honey vegan.
Hiimkelsi, this is just about an *exact* description of me and my husband in every way that relates to veg-ness. Maybe it's a Texas thing. ;)
yeahh laid back texas vegans. niiice.
OH i dont know if you're into punk, but theres a show in dallas tomorrow (saturday) for the pheonix project with free vegan bbq! http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.showDetails&friendid=370080207&Band_Show_ID=38546623 i went to see a couple of the bands tonight and they told me about it. i wish i could go!
Is it more gross that I did not brush my teeth last night or this morning 9( I used listerine) or that a girl I have been seeing was talking about how delicious her egg and cheese sandwich was? It made me disappointed not for what it is but that there are clearly vegan options that she dosent make attempts at.
to be honest, i think the listerine grosses me out the most. :D
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