Since I found out that I am pregnant I have lost my appetite, nothing tasts good anymore, my sleep is restless, and i am shaking like I am cold all of the time, even though I am  not cold.  I am still so scared, what if I am making the wrong decision?  How doens one know what is the right thing to do?

That comes from your not feeling in control of the situation.  That's where being calm comes in.  You have a lot of options, you can pick any of them.  If you stopped shaking, you'd still have all of those options.  I think you're working yourself up so you can make a decision and later say that you made it because you were scared at the time, to justify it to yourself down the road.  The decision will be the decision, you don't have to justify it to anyone else, except the father.  Making an empowered, informed decision will help you feel better in the long run.  Don't let your emotions win control from your mind, even though that seems the easier path now.

I'm disappointed in your friend, though.  If he doesn't want to pay child support what is he doing going around having unprotected sex?!?  If you're this shaken up by being pregnant, even though there are options, what are you doing having unprotected sex?  Condoms are available everywhere.  Plus, I suggest being checked for STDs.

Edit:  My whole point there was to find empowerment in the situation so later on you can feel at peace with whatever decision you make, but it came out a bit more tough love than I was trying for.

SnowQueen, I took the pill combo a few years ago. It was helpfull, because I could tell certain family members that I had a miscarraige and not feel like I was lying. I will pm you and you can then ask me whatever questions you may have about my experience with RU 486.

Oh wow, SnowQueen....I don't even know where to start...

I guess....First of all, you can count me in with those who support your decisions.
This is a very difficult time for you (from what you've described), and I think you're acting in a very responsible manner.  YOU know yourself and your strengths/abilities better than anyone, and if bearing and raising a child is not within your capabilities right now, it'd be unfair to bring a life into that situation...of course, adoption IS another option, but there are so many complications that go along with that (both for your own body AND for the future of the child), as I'm sure you know...

So you've got A LOT to think about, and it's difficult to make decisions when you're under all this stress....but as I said, I think you're being very responsible, and it seems like you're doing the best you can right now.

and I don't suppose there's much I can say to help ease the physical and emotional distress you're experiencing...I think that the best you can do is talk to a doctor/counselor/trusted friend whenever they're available, and make time for yourself to relax....I recommend stress-reducing breathing exercises and meditation, those really can help!  In fact, when you stand/sit in ways that open up your airways, and breath more deeply, your mind (and whole body) can function more efficiently, and (typically) handles stress much better.

...but that said, this will be a healing process that's not likely to be over very soon.  I've never gone through this myself, but I know some who have....and really, all you can do is take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal.

How are you doing SQ? Havnt heard from youina  bit...I hope you are feeling okay!

Hello all.  I am still here, the abortion appointmet is for Friday, so I have time to think about it.  I was thinking of keeping the baby after talking to my mom, but then it occured to me that I was making that  decission because my mom wants me to make that decision.  I think that she wants another baby so bad that her emotions are all causght up in this.  I don't want to have this baby. I am not ready for it, and I don't think it is fair to have a bastard child.  Not fair for me, not fair for the baby.  Like I said the father wants me to get an abortion, but right now I am not talking to anybody, I am trying to decided for myself what is the better thing to do.  I know abortion  will ruin the close relationship I  have with my mom, but I can't have a baby just to make my mom happy.  I don't want it, I heard that coffee can cause miscarrage, so I am drinking coffee, anything with caffeine hopeing to miscarrage.  Is that wrong?  I am still very scared, but calmed down a bit over the weekend, though I still am having trouble sleeping and eating.  This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  Why was I so stupid? 

But thank you all for all of your suppport, there is a lot of love here on VW!

Hanashi: could you tell me more about your experience?  You said that you took the RU-486 pill, which is what I am thinking of.  What was it like, was there a lot of blood?  How bad did it hurt?

Oh fucking hell.

Language such as that bolded above really pisses me off.  No child is illegitimate.  Ever.  Just because a child does not have a married hetero couple as parents does not make that person any less of a person.  Nor is there anything wrong with a parent or parents who aren't "man and wife". 

No body here is judging you, so please refrain from judging others.  Kthxbai. 

SQ, When I took RU486, I was in my 8th week of pregnancy. Since I took it so late in the pregnancy, it was very painful for me, I had very heavy bleeding, it truly was a miscarriage, which is why I didn't have a problem with telling friends and family members that I had a miscarriage, it just depended on their disposition as to whether or not I told them it was induced. I was able to eat, but only because I had someone there, willing to spoon it into my mouth.... Once I started bleeding (after the pill insertion, aka step 2), it didn't stop for a good 3-4 days. The only time I threw up was, due to pain, when I passed an enormous clot that was the size of a large orange. Please, please, don't go through it alone! Have a trusted friend there staying with you, one that has seen you at your worst and best, and preferably, doesn't pass out at the sight of blood. Those people are invaluable.

Upon reflection, here's my suggested "Checklist to make the best out of the worst situation"

1.) Trusted Friend
2.) Painpills, AND or whatever your "socially taboo" indulgent of choice may be
3.) 4-5 days worth of food
4.) Box of "Overnight" Sanitary Pads
5.) Trusted Friend
6.) Lots of toilet paper
7.) Something chocolate (lots of it)
8.) Funny/Gory movies (For me, seeing lots of blood and people being killed can relieve tension, it also helped me to feel not so bad, if I'd bleed through the pad... I mean a spot on the couch is A LOT easier to get out than the amount of blood in say.....the Texas Chainsaw Massacre... It also helps to serve the purpose of breaking up the monotony of slapstick humour)
9.) Phone number for the 24 hr nurse
10.) Trusted Friend
11.) Stain Remover

I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks or so, and the day after the positive test, I was in a massive car wreck, that left me bed ridden for a few months... At the time my ex and I were living on $10/week for food for the two of us....So it was in no way shape or form possible for us to bring a child into the world heathfully. (Then it turned out this guy was truly psycho, so it was a good thing I didn't carry on his gene.)

PS: I agree w/ TKITTY about the whole bastard child  comment.... However, I do understand where you're at and that term just seemed like the "right one"...

You have already gotten a lot of good advice. Follow your heart and do what is RIGHT FOR YOU!!!! Don't worry what others think, you will live with the consequences, they won't.  If you are not ready to be a mother, don't let others shame you into making a decision you don't really stand behind.  Having a child is HUGE and it will alter your life forever....it is a big responsiblity. I wish people would think more about what they want and not what is expected of them. Children should always be wanted.
Good luck to you!

If I had it to do over again I would put the child up for adoption. It's not the child's fault that I did what I did when I was in no position to give it a life. That's MHO so don't bother to flame if you disagree, peeps. That was almost 27 years ago and it haunts me to this day.

Years ago my friend got pregnant, freaked out, got an abortion, went into a big depression for almost a year, and ended up living with her mom and cut herself off from all of her friends during that time.  It's a big decision to make.

That's the thing about going into the decision empowered.  You are going to have to live with yourself and it sounds like you tend to be emotional.  Know that if you do have an abortion you still are going to have a long healing process.  All of your options have their own baggage.  One is not more of a miracle cure.