Making friends as we age.. (40+)
Posted by Trinket on Nov 22, 2008 · Member since Jul 2005 · 154 posts
I've met a few people who have mentioned the difficulty they have making new friends in their 40s, and I'm the type that though I can't relate, I at least want to be able to understand!
Is it really harder to make friends as we age?
and if so, why is that??
Where does one meet new friends when they're over 40?
Is it more men who struggle, or women as well?
???
I'm a hermit, so even the idea of making friends is a bit foreign to me. lol And I say "40s" but really any age beyond, I don't mean to single out those in their 40s, and I hope saying that hasn't offended anyone reading.
(Sorry if I did, things don't translate from my head to the keyboard very well for me)
Well, I'm not 40 yet but let me answer this anyway... I think the reason people say that is because typically as you get older you are doing less and less new things. People probably stay in their comfort zone more. Thus, reducing the actual amount of new people they meet. As I've gotten older I've also become more selective about those I will let into my personal circle. I say 'no thank you' to drama that comes from people not knowing who they are and what they want out of life... Which is what most younger people are trying to figure out.
The older you get the more entangled you tend to be in "the dailiness of life"--the job, the family, the shopping, the meetings at work or in a certain circle of events. You acquire a "round" of life, a routine and it's hard to make space for new things just because the ones you're already doing require so much. Particularly people with children and/or demanding professions. You get home, you're tired, you want some food and relaxation. You can't do it all and do it well.
I am 45 and I have actively tried to make friends the past couple of years, but people just aren't receptive....or maybe I'm just not likable. I've always been an introvert so it took a lot for me to make the effort to meet people and then to find them not interested at all was kind of a bummer. I think Yabbit's probably right, people are just to busy with their lives, or maybe at that age they already have a tight circle of friends and just aren't looking to add any new ones.
i think the biggest problem is that the first 23 years of your life are typically spent in school. so you learn to make friends by going to school and being around the same age people. then after school, you need to learn other ways to meet friends. and it takes a while. because thats all youve known your whole life. because who really remembers a time before school. i certainly dont.
I'm in my 30s. The problem is that people get married, have kids, and get pulled into the routine of family life. My friends are mostly in their 20s because they're unmarried and have time for friends outside of the family unit. I find that single people of any age are more receptive to new friendships.
I'm the sort of person who's always on the edge of a group, anyway. I used to try to push myself forward and join in, but found others less than receptive (and this was still in highschool). So I figure it's probably just me. After the hundredth dissappointing afternoon/evening sitting or standing somewhere wondering "What am I doing here, anyway?" and finding out if you walk out you go unmissed...you just stay home.
I totally don't get that. I'd be over the moon if you chose to hang with me, yg.
I totally don't get that. I'd be over the moon if you chose to hang with me, yg.
Yeah, well--but you're a VegWebber! You have a brain that you've actually read the instructions to. I seem to be surrounded by people whose mental CPUs are still in the original packaging...
;D ;D
I agree with hh, I would love to hang out with you irl...although I would be the dumb friend.
I seriously want to hang out with all of you.
Age ain't nuttin' but a numba.
;)
:^
I agree with hh, I would love to hang out with you irl...although I would be the dumb friend.
That'd be true of all of us compared to yg.
I agree with hh, I would love to hang out with you irl...although I would be the dumb friend.
That'd be true of all of us compared to yg.
My blushes, Watson! :-[ ;D
Being on the upper end of the 30's I have problems making friends.
Think it might be the area I live in.
Did not have this much of a problem when I lived in the DC area.
Main problem is trying to find people with similiar interests.
I'm in my 30s. The problem is that people get married, have kids, and get pulled into the routine of family life. My friends are mostly in their 20s because they're unmarried and have time for friends outside of the family unit. I find that single people of any age are more receptive to new friendships.
That too!!! I only know one person here thats my age and not married and doesnt have kids. but we don't have anything else in common. most of my coworkers got married in their early 20s and started making babies asap. i just dont get it. your 20s is supposed to be fun!! you just graduated college, have a job, have money, you can go out and have fun, go on vacations with your friends. its not time to make babies yet!! haha. not for me at least. because once you make babies, then your free time is gone.
I'm in my early 30s and I'm single without kids. I live in a conservation, predominantly Catholic part of Texas where most women my age (married or not) have several children, some of them 10 yo or older.
The fact that I've been to college, grad school and had a career make it damn near impossible to find friends down here since it's hard for us to relate to each other. It's literally taken me 8 months to make some friends - and it's only because I joined a women's organization. Of the 40+ women in the group, I've connected with 2 of them - both of whom are in their early 20s and are newly married.
It's hard work to make friends - I would have thought I'd be much better at it by now, lol!
because once you make babies, then your free time is gone.
Yes.
For planning, it seems wise to plan children so you won't retire until they are out of college. I'd say it'd be good to have them by the time a person is 40. There's plenty of time.
I am 45 and I have actively tried to make friends the past couple of years, but people just aren't receptive....or maybe I'm just not likable. I've always been an introvert so it took a lot for me to make the effort to meet people and then to find them not interested at all was kind of a bummer. I think Yabbit's probably right, people are just to busy with their lives, or maybe at that age they already have a tight circle of friends and just aren't looking to add any new ones.
Also 45 and trying to make new friends... not having a lot of luck making FRIENDS. It is easy to meet people, but building a friendship takes time and effort and I find that most people are too busy with their jobs and family. Also depends on where you live, where we lived previously I had many friends, but it was a more transient area (DC) and lots of people from all over, looking to make friends. Now we live in an area, where a lot of people have lived all their lives and they already have plenty of friends and aren't looking to make new ones... so I am finding it really hard.
I think I live in the Northern version of your town.
Not a good choice for me.
I'm in my early 30s and I'm single without kids. I live in a conservation, predominantly Catholic part of Texas where most women my age (married or not) have several children, some of them 10 yo or older.
The fact that I've been to college, grad school and had a career make it damn near impossible to find friends down here since it's hard for us to relate to each other. It's literally taken me 8 months to make some friends - and it's only because I joined a women's organization. Of the 40+ women in the group, I've connected with 2 of them - both of whom are in their early 20s and are newly married.
It's hard work to make friends - I would have thought I'd be much better at it by now, lol!
Another thing is, by the time you're the other side of 40 you usually lose patience with the games, the trying to fit in, the bending over backwards to be nice or accepted that you learn as a child/teen who wants to be "in the group." As we age, we often decide it's time for us, and are less willing to put ourselves second...I don't mean that in a negative way. It's just that sometimes we are more aware of people who are takers, users or irresponsible. I know that if someone "forgets" or cancels a meetup 3 times, I stop trying. And I know people who don't even go that far.
i'm screwed because i'm in my 20s and find it hard to make friends. wow.
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