I need to ask the experts...
Hi, I'm new here! Embrace me, I'm fun! I loooove the recipes here and only just joined the board instead of creepily lurking about to answer random questions for myself by searching the board.
So I haven't been doing this veg thing that long (about 2 1/2 months) but I've already run into a problem with my omnivorous loved one..he won't take me seriously! The whole "want a bite of my burger?" thing was funny for the first thousand times (not really) but now I feel like he's undermining my values, in a way...I know some of you have this odd couple thing down with your significant others, so how do you keep the respect?....and how do you explain a change like this without sounding offensive? People take it personally that I don't want to shovel cow into my colon, for some reason....
"You want a bite of my burger?" "I'd sooner eat a booger out of your nose."
That ought to shut him up.
I started cooking my own stuff and not offering DH a taste. After a while he did eat things like tofu with the few veggies he likes, bean sprouts, etc. Can't get him to even try hummus, though. Which is too bad because it often starts to ferment before I can eat it all.
I'm dealing with this right now myself. My husband is traveling quite a bit for his job, and so it's been so much easier when he's not home!!
But when he is home for a few days, he alternates between being incredibly supportive and incredibly rotten about it. It will be two months Saturday since I decided that being vegetarian was right for me. He basically told me last night that I never stick to anything, and this isn't going to stick either. I made myself stay calm, as I explained to him that it is sticking and why (without going into details). I also reminded him that he's not correct when he says I never stick with anything.
I have a LOT of weight that I need to lose, and a lot of it is because of his and my interactions. When I start trying to tell him how I feel about something, he either completely misunderstands and we get into an argument, or else he scorns or downplays how I feel, and so I stuff it back down. I'm in my early 40s, and still don't know how to deal with emotions. I've always eaten anger, depression, sorrow, whatever. I told him last night when we were having this discussion that if he is as supportive of my efforts to lose weight as he says he is, he's going to have to learn how to listen to me express my feelings. He doesn't have to agree with anything I say, but he doesn't have the right to put my feelings down, either.
Sorry for that huge sidetrack. There is a point to all my rambling. I've been quietly firm about this with him. I have put my foot down and I will not eat meat. He's really fond of those home-cooking type places where it's hardly safe to even get vegetables because they've got bacon or lard in them, so when we go there I get the usual--salad with no bacon & vinegar and oil for dressing; plain baked potato, etc. And most of the time he's cool with going to places that are a little more veg*n friendly. When I cook at home, I won't cook any meat, and he doesn't expect me to. I've let him know that if he wants to eat meat, it's his choice and I'm not going to preach at him. In return, he doesn't have permission to preach to me about my choices.
Did any of this even make sense?
He basically told me last night that I never stick to anything, and this isn't going to stick either.
It's things like that that start our fights...like he knows I WANT to be vegan so I'll go a few days without any dairy at all and then he'll keep pushing that I eat some ice cream or something, and when I take a bite he'll say "see, I knew you couldn't do it" - now I'm not saying sabotage.........okay, I am. Sometimes the people that love you are like...really mean
ditch him! If he doesnt respect you in this area, think of all the OTHER areas he won't respect you in.
So many ladies here seem to have meat-eating boyfriends! I think talking to him about it was a very good thing to do. I had to do the same with my boyfriend- he's "trying out" being vegetarian with me, which is fantastic! But, I don't think he likes it at all, and he's always pointing out commercials or menu items that we "can't have." I told him it's not what we can't have, it's what we choose not to eat.
It does get very annoying, even if he's not actually eating it. I've only been vegetarian for a week now, and he's already getting on my nerves with his comments and general dissatisfaction with everything he feels he's missing out on.
Talking may not work the first time, but remind him if he does say things that hurt your feelings or annoy you that what he just said/did is exactly what you meant when you told him he wasn't being nice.
i wouldnt say ditch him or anything, but whats the point of being with someone if theyre not supportive and trying to bring you down?
on the other hand, could you be pestering him about it nonstop?
this is just me trying to maybe see his side, which is hard
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