How to bring it up...
So, I became vegan fairly recently (fully vegan for about 2 months now) but I have yet to let my family know. I go to school in Arizona and am originally from Montana (read: animal-flesh eating capital of the country...maybe second only to Texas) and won't be going back home until Christmas time, so I have time before I need to confront the situation head-on and tell my parents that I won't eat the cheese-covered, meat-filled casserole they have made for me. I'm pretty sure 'vegan' is a word that my parents have never even heard, let alone understood and were supportive of. I've been slowly dropping hints (i.e. sending my mom cookie recipes with no eggs, milk, or butter; talking about the tofu quiche I made; etc.).
Last time I was home, I was only quasi-vegetarian (didn't eat it when I cooked, but I would eat small amounts of it if others made it so I wouldn't be rude), so I'm pretty sure this would come as a shock to them. They already think that college has turned me into a crazy, liberal hippie anyway and I think they would see my veganism as a 'phase' rather than a life choice. I've also been thin my entire life (have stayed 5'4" and 105-110 pounds since the seventh grade) and always get comments from my and my boyfriend's family about how I need to 'get some meat on those bones' so I know I'll get the "you need meat/milk products to be 'healthy'" speech (while my mom continues to struggle with her weight and cholesterol levels) and will be lectured about how eating meat is 'natural'.
Any suggestions on how to 'break the news'?
I think you've already gotten off to a good start by mentioning vegan food during your conversations. Almost every time I talk to my mom and dad on the phone, I tell them about the different kinds of foods I've eaten during the week. I think they are somewhat curious and fascinated about these "crazy" foods, like quinoa, seitan, and edamame. I'm not pushy about it, I just mention these things as a matter of conversation, in the same tone that I talk about the weather.
They talk to me about their roast beef, pork, etc. I try to be respectful of them; I have made an effort not to pass judgments (it's not terribly pleasant to listen to this "meat talk," but I feel that if I expect them to listen to me about vegan cooking, then I should make an effort to bear through the "carnage talk.").
I'm going to visit them soon. The last time we talked, my mom was really excited to tell me that an organic co-op opened up nearby (in Wisconsin--home of the deep-fried livestock testicles ;D :P). Since now it may actually be possible to acquire the ingredients to cook a vegan meal at my parents' house, I plan on really making some stuff that will give them a taste of veganism. I'm glad that they're open to it. I think deep down they're not convinced that it is a sensible diet, but they are coming around slowly.
If you are planning a visit at Christmas I'd mention it now...just casually in passing, that way it's not the new shock at xmas. And it won't seem as phase-y that way becuz at that point you, in fact, will have been this way for months...
I'd turn the conversation to food... like i'd love to get your recipe for XYZ mom, and then say, "yeah I've been vegan for 2 months now" leave it at that, even get off the phone soon after so it's not THE discussion, it's just a fact.
Then your mom can ask a question the next time she calls about what that means. and you can have mini conversations about it over the next few months, so that by the time you go visit it is accepted and not a random new thing to them.
We've been training our in-laws in this fashion (small, little by little bits) we know they don't fully "get it" yet but when we do visit, in response to us asking, "are there eggs in this?" they will say, "Oh yeah that's right you don't eat those... i forgot" and we'll move on.
and though i wouldn't say, be difficult, i would not make exceptions and eat things with a little egg when you go just to be easy, becuz they will just think "you ate it last time" on your next visit. or if they can get you to eat hidden egg it's only a step away from steak.
also if your weight is an issue for them (5'4'' and 105 to 110 is a slightly underweight BMI, BTW) just try not to let the conversation center on food and what you eat, if the conversation turns to veganism, i'd answer the question with a polite short answer and quickly chnage the subject, instead of going into detail (if they really have questions, they'll ask again or later)
and though i wouldn't say, be difficult, i would not make exceptions and eat things with a little egg when you go just to be easy, becuz they will just think "you ate it last time" on your next visit. or if they can get you to eat hidden egg it's only a step away from steak.
This is good advise (actually all of it was, but I have something to say about this in particular). I think a lot of veg*ns do this, especially at holidays and it has been my experience that it only prolongs the "agony." You just get a little piece of turkey or whatever to shut Gramma up and then *bam* you've set a precedent that you'll really eat what they put on the table, despite what you've said, with a little prodding.
Fortunately for me I was an a**hole from the beginning ; ;) and my family after years of discussion is relatively at peace with my vegetarianism. Will has been the "taste it to shut Gramma up"-type and after many many years (including several as a strict vegan) is still getting it shoved in his face. As a matter of fact my MIL came into town for Mom's Day and offered to take him to the grocery store (behind-my-back, of course) to get him "something that she won't cook for you."
I absolutely agree that you should tell them now so it isn't the only thing you'll have to talk about at over the holidays. But be prepared, it probably will seem like it. Someone posted a while ago a good simple retort to the question "why don't you eat meat?" "Why do you eat meat?"
Good luck; it will be worth it in the long run.
One way to get the discussion out of the way fast is to keep bringing good vegan food with you when you visit; or at least bring your recipes and make some delicious dishes.
Everyone thinks vegans eat carrots and celery; the best thing to do is to prove them wrong. Show up with some great vegan chocolate chip cookies, the lemon bars from this site, or a fantastic vegan lasagna. I wouldn't bring anything they would consider funky (General Tao's tofu -- though this is amazing). Just keep a steady supply of good tasting food handy and they'll come to see how much vegans eat and how great it tastes. My die-hard meat eating father has actually started by Tofutti-cuties because he likes them better.
I think it's mostly a fear of the unknown for people. I remember my mom making vegan dishes 30 years ago -- many of which were awful tasting and looked gross. People don't realize things have changed and there's more to life than alfalfa sprouts.
Also, when people have events they feel obligated to make you something, but feel really lost about what to prepare. So bringing or making your own dish for a while lets them off the hook.
And if anyone asks the dreaded protein question, just send them reading to The China Study by T. Colin Campbell.
I can sympathize with you kbuettne, my family also still seems to think I'm in a liberal hippy type phases and my vegetarianism will shortly pass. I would also recommend you not eat something just to be polite or get people off your back. I went vegetarian in the beginning of November. The next time I went home was for Thanksgiving. My mom says "Go ahead and eat a little turkey, I won't tell anyone." Like this was some diet thing I was doing to lose weight. She still makes comments as to "I just don't understand why you don't drink milk." But stick to your guns. I would tell her soon. I know it's hard, I struggled with it too. I still have yet to tell ond of my friends. (She's a bit more conservative in her thinking and very out spoken :) ) Hang in there, you've got a community of people here backing you up!
Thanks, all! I definitely won't be making exceptions this trip--last time, I did, because I was testing the waters of vegetarianism, but the results are back and I'm hooked! Mom hasn't noticed that the recipes are vegan because, well, like I said...she doesn't know what that means :) I think right now my parents think I eat tofu and don't eat eggs for health reasons--which is partially true; however, they still don't 'get it' because they continue to recommend recipes loaded with anything but vegan-friendly ingredients. Jennifer--yes, I have a low BMI, but I have been this way for 9, going on 10, years now and seem to be doing fine, although I know it will be an issue...especially with my boyfriend's grandmother (who is the spitting image of Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond, so you can only imagine the things that come out of her mouth ;) ).
Nutdragon--I completely understand the MIL thing (although I'm not married, my boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years and we live together, so his family is practically in-laws to me). I love his mom, but I can totally see her doing the same thing (esp. since he and I have similar BMIs and she's constantly telling him he needs to gain weight although he already eats like a horse and has also been thin his whole life). He's not vegan, but I do most of the cooking (he tries, but bleh...the cooking skills just aren't there yet ;) ) and I can see her being concerned that 'he's not getting what he needs'. Oh, geez...being vegan is easy...getting people to accept that, now that's the challenge...
I heartily agree w/ jenniferhughs advice.
Another thing to consider is that some family members just won't 'get it'. I aperantly have in a 'phase' for about 13 years now according to my family. I have the same discussions time after time when I go home which is less and less frequently.
Don't let it drive you crazy! Good luck.