Dear Zealia, or other nannies.. advice please!
I could really use some advice, I know this probably isn't the best place to do it but no harm in asking right?
When you're with a child so long, and you care about them as if they were your own, how do you cope when they've been ripped away from you?
I ask this not for myself, but for my mom and sister who have grown very fond of a child who was with them sooo long (4 years, 12 hours a day except for when it was her mom's day, then it was 24 hours most of the time), but the mother decided not to bring her daughter to them anymore after being called out for being a bad mother and a bad friend.
The little girl loved them too, which makes it more sad.. Her mom said to my sister "I'll just tell her YOU don't want her over anymore!" ... My mom and sister are very upset by this... I just want to know if you could suggest something I could do, maybe something you would have liked someone to do for you when/if you were in their position?
I'm not looking to help them patch things up with the girl's mother, I'll leave out all the details and just say that bridge has been burning for years and is nothing but ashes now. Maybe they just need time, but it's so painful to watch, I just want to cheer them up. I know sometimes people need to cope on their own, and I may be wrong for wanting to "fix it", but they don't deserve this sadness! :'(
Wow, that's really tough. I'mgreatful to have never been in that position yet. Although I have been very close to children in the past, they never were *quite* like my own and I have always been able to keep in touch with the families after I stopped watching the kids. How sad this whoole thing is for your mom, sister and the little girl. In a lot of ways you just have to allow the grieving process to progress as it normally would if they had lost a child. Let them know you are available to talk if they need to. Maybe distract them by taking them out to a funny (not child related) movie.
I'll tell ya, the advice I've heard that feels most appropriate to give comes more from what I've learned from foster parents for coping, because that is a LOT of time to spend with a child....what maybe helps to be reminded of is that they had a long time to impact that child's life and I'm sure she will carry their memory with her as she goes about her life. It helps to know you are not forgotten.
I would hope that the mom would be willing to do what was in the best interest of the child, including giving her some closure in the situation....like letting her have "one last visit" sort of thing...its a sad situation and I know the child will probably be grieving just as any child would about losing a primary relationship. :'(
Thank you for taking the time to respond, and thanks too for your advice. I really appreciate it!