Veg Significant Others
I'm just wondering how many people are with another person who shares their lifestyle choices.
My man convinced me to go vegan when we met and we've been happily munching on veggies ever since. My best friend is also a veg, but her man isn't. She doesn't make him any animal products at home, but he eats out, brings home packaged, frozen food, etc. I've noticed how much they seem to fight, over lots of things, but they never seem to touch on the food issue. I personally think this is kind of the source of their problems.
For those who are with omnivores, how is it you can be with someone who doesn't share your principles?
What sort of compromises do you make to keep the relationship going?
Do you buy/prepare meat for your other?
Do you stay with them in the hopes that they'll eventually stop eating meat?
Do they respect your decision to be veg?
Just questions to get you thinking. Feel free to add/ignore whatever you choose.
For those who are with omnivores, how is it you can be with someone who doesn't share your principles?
For me it's not too hard. I don't want to be a peta vegan (you knoww, one of those people that is really aggressive with trying to convert people) AND I know I would hate to be judged for what I eat, so I don't bring it up unless he starts it, which is rare.
What sort of compromises do you make to keep the relationship going?
He doesn't cook at all aside from ramen and hot dogs, so there's not a lot of stuff. As long as he keeps hot dogs in ziploc bags and doesn't make me touch them, it's fine. That and no steak, but he doesn't eat that anyway. When we go out, he can get meat stuff and I don't bother him about it since Kansas does not have a lot of good veg stuff and so I guess I understand.
Do you buy/prepare meat for your other?
Nope. Aside from cooking to 160 F, I have no idea how to cook meat and it grosses me out a lot.
Do you stay with them in the hopes that they'll eventually stop eating meat?
It's not a huge deal to me if he never becomes veg. Like, it's not a deal breaker. I figure it's better to date non veg people because then you can expose them to it and share stuff and show that it's not all salad and blah tofu.
Do they respect your decision to be veg?
While being veg is not a deal breaker, respect or lack of it definitely is. I absolutely hate having to feel like I need to defend myself for my choice of lifestyle. You wouldn't bother someone about their choice of religion, so how is veg-ness any different?
I've never dated a vegan, but everyone has respected my choice for the most part, especially if baked goods are involved (: My ex is actually lacto and sometimes ovo veg, going for vegan, so that makes me happy that I influenced someone to change.
eta: i did not steal deal breaker from sarah. i typed it before she did! :p
wish i had a significant other to begin with... :-\
I don't. Being single is fucking awesome. 5 years and counting!
I've talked about this in the M-A thread, but I was open to and have dated non-vegans in the past, but when I was on my last date before I met Lotus, the person asked me if I thought I was "settling" because I was choosing to go on dates with non-vegan. (She said this in response to me telling her I've been on a bunch of vegan dating sites, and hadn;t been successful on them.)
I said no at first, but after I thought about it a while, I determined that my ideal partner would is vegan, and that I was attempting to "settle."
What sort of compromises do you make to keep the relationship going?
I've been with my 'other' for just over 7 years, married for one year, and I have been veg for about 2-3 months. I don't complain when he wants to go to a fast-food place and eat a big greasy burger and he doesn't complain when I find super-awesome meat-free recipes to cook.
Do you buy/prepare meat for your other?
I will buy it for him if he asks, but the agreement is that me makes it himself.
Do you stay with them in the hopes that they'll eventually stop eating meat?
He already eats a lot less meat than he used to, and I'm grateful for that. I don't push him (or at least I try not to) to eat like me, and whatever he decides is his choice. He has all the same information that I do, but I know that if he decides to give up meat it will be only for his health (not for the environment or the animals).
Do they respect your decision to be veg?
He better! ;)
When you're with someone that's been making meatloaf, grilling brats, and broiling steaks for the last 7 years and suddenly that changes... We had a few disagreements about it, but he's been very supportive and definitely lets me know when I find a recipe that he really likes. I make sure to file it with a big star on it so I know to make it for him again. If he wants meat I only request that he makes it himself, not because it goes against my principles or anything like that, but I'm already cooking a meal for the two of us so if he wants something extra that's just for him he can make it. I think that's fair.
wish i had a significant other to begin with... :-\
I don't. Being single is fucking awesome. 5 years and counting!
Second this, Base. Just spent three and a half years dealing with somebody else's issues and passive aggression and it feels so good to not have to compromise on every. Little. Thing. Ever.
I dated a vegan for the first time about 8 months ago. The relationship ended not too long ago, but I have to say, it was so nice dating a vegan. There weren't any awkward moments when we'd go out to dinner cause we only went to places that had plenty of options for us, we ate the same things, liked, mostly, the same foods. Whenever we went out somewhere, we were like a team, we didn't have to experience awkwardness alone (BBQ's!). My ex's before that would say they felt sorry for me when we went out to dinner, they'd have this big meaty meal, and I'd be eating french fries and a garden salad. I'd tell them not to feel sorry for me, but I'd agree to go to their meaty restaurants so they could eat freely, blah blah blah.
It's just complicated. I'm speaking from a single/dating persons perspective, there are a lot of awkward situations that you can come across with omni's especially when you're on a date and don't know them very well. Either they're in a state of awe, "whats that called? Mill-et?", they feel like they're being judged, even though you're totally not, etc. etc.
I'll try my best to date vegans in the future. Can't say I'd make it mandatory though.
I've talked about this in the M-A thread, but I was open to and have dated non-vegans in the past, but when I was on my last date before I met Lotus, the person asked me if I thought I was "settling" because I was choosing to go on dates with non-vegan. (She said this in response to me telling her I've been on a bunch of vegan dating sites, and hadn;t been successful on them.)
I said no at first, but after I thought about it a while, I determined that my ideal partner would is vegan, and that I was attempting to "settle."
Ok, I was confused when I read this the first time because I have a hyphenated name and my initials are M-A. hehe So anyway. I suppose I will throw in my 2 cents.
I never had any hopes of dating vegans or vegetarians (prior to meeting Cams, of course). It was never really a problem though in my past relationships. My partners were respectful and always ready to eat my veggie food. The only problems that ever came up were with their parents. You know...I was "so and so's girlfriend with the picky diet." That always made me uncomfortable.
The last non-veg guy I went on a date with (some of you will fondly remember him as "blue jeans shorts guy") was completely disrespectful the last time we talked. He lives in a rural area and told me that he thinks it's fun to swerve into the path of squirrels in the road to try to hit them. >:(
My same sex partner and I have been together for 30 years. He is an omnivore but has significantly cut down on meat over the years. I keep dairy away from him to try to keep his cholesterol down. He loves many of the vegetarian and/or vegan meals I make for him and specifically asks for several of them on occasion. He loves the way I make tofu and vegetable Asian dishes. Tonight I'm making him a meatless meatloaf with mashed potatoes and greens and maybe cornbread.
I'm proud of his changes and when we go out he's always scouring the menu for things I can eat.
Well, my current boyfriend is vegan, but none of my exes were. In those cases, for the most part, the only compromises being made were the types of restaurants we would eat at, and I'm not gonna lie, that was a huge pain in the ass. I would never buy meat for them, except this one time when I accidentally bought a chicken sandwich (was right next to the veggie sandwiches, they were packaged and looked the same) and my boyfriend at the time ended up eating it.
I've definitely always wanted to convert an omni significant other, but it was never a super huge deal to me. They've always respected my decision to be vegetarian.
i think it's great how much everyone has shared, including the links, which I've been reading sporadically throughout the day, so thank you.
i'm very curious about what people have been saying about communication in relationship being a more important factor than the veg principle, and i think it's awesome how open-minded and considerate some people are with their partners (or how their partners are with them)!
that said, no one can convince me that a meat-eater can respect animals, and i wouldn't want to be with someone like that. but that's me. i think it's great how a lot of relationships can make those compromises, sacrifices really, to each other and the meat thing isn't an issue. i agree that each person should be respected in their individual journey, and that to be one of those crazy PETA types only alienates more people. being as respectful of their eating habits as they are of yours is important. as for omni partners eating more veg, that's just a good thing, all around, so yay!!
kelsi, meaty kisses. :-D me too, no way!
as far as friends go, i think there's a lot of what lotus mentioned going through before finding her man, his parents aren't supportive, she's the picky-eater. She told me she even found meat in her "marinara" spaghetti sauce when she was eating there for dinner!
i am beyond grateful i have found someone who shares the most of the same principles with me and we can bring up our children according to those. :)>>> we differ in same ways, as all humans do, but i can only imagine what stress it might be if one partner wanted to raise the children one way while the other partner wanted to raise them in a different way! i commend anyone who can communicate and compromise that well, because I don't think I'd be able to do it.
I don't know what the M-A thread is? I think that's an interesting topic, the idea of "settling" for a non-vegan, and would like to read it.
and NRKevo, good for you on going veg! welcome to this site, it'll keep you in veg recipes for years to come!
I'm proud of his changes and when we go out he's always scouring the menu for things I can eat.
this makes me :)
Having grown up in a rural area where farming is prevalent (especially with my family) I can certainly see a difference between meat-eaters who show respect for animals and those who don't.
It may seem black and white at first, and for some people it may always be so. But to me, there is a huge difference in the way animals that are raised "for food" are treated and thought of during their life.
I could never, ever be with someone who thought of animals as put on this earth solely for consumption and exploitation by humans. I could also never be with someone who genuinely did not care if animals are purposefully tortured, and killing for "sport."
There's a huge difference in the way my boyfriend thinks of and treats animals, and the way some of my uncles and cousins do. I call my boyfriend respectful. Maybe not as respectful as not eating meat, but moreso than castrating a pig and then bragging about it, like it's a sick rite of passage.
Just clarifying my point of view.
;)
I can see the difference there, just as there's a difference between milking your own animal and buying milk from the store, and I can respect that, definitely. Thanks for pointing it out. If only more of that respect pervaded the rest of mainstream society's mentality towards meat and animal products.
I think I've said this before, but I have only ever dated omni guys (none even "veg-leaning" whatsoever--pretty meat and potatoes) and it has SO not been a problem. The guy am I dating now has pretty much the opposite eating habits I do. We discuss it openly, and it's all very good discussion. We are very respectful and pretty insistent that we don't want the other one to change their habits. It doesn't bother me to see him eating meat the way it doesn't bother me when pretty much everyone else in my family/friends eats meat. It's just like, there are so many other things that he and I connect on/are interested in that it's just a non-issue.
I just don't prioritize food preferences. I DO prioritize the person I am seeing being respectful, healthy, intelligent, and confident. If we have those, then it's a non-issue, in my experience.
For those who are with omnivores, how is it you can be with someone who doesn't share your principles?
It is not a big issue for me. The most important thing for me is that even though he doesn´t completely share my principles he respects them.
What sort of compromises do you make to keep the relationship going?
Me being veg, and him being an omni doesn´t cause any problems in our relationship. Our relationship is about so many other things than food.
He will eat the vegan, vegetarian meals I make and if he wants to add meat he has to cook it himself and he would never dream of using the same pan as me or anything like that.
Do you buy/prepare meat for your other?
I have bought meat for him in the same way that he buys veggies and tofu for me it is a two way street. But he knows he has to prepare the meat himself and he would never ever dream of asking me to prepare it.
Do you stay with them in the hopes that they'll eventually stop eating meat?
No. I am with him because of who he is not what he eats. But I am glad to be a good influence on him and since meeting me his meat intake has gone way down.
Do they respect your decision to be veg?
100% He knew from the first day that I was vegan and had no problems with it. I think it helps that he has several vegan and vegetarian friends, so he actually likes vegetarian dishes and respects vegetarianism more.
When we go out to restaurants, which we seldom do since we prefer to cook together, he always finds a resaturant with veg options and always a large selection. And when we go to places where there are all vegan restaurants he happily goes to them with me.
He has said multiple times that he has never eaten this healthy. So I am happy that I am influencing him for the good. But at the same time I respect his choices and never give him a hard time about being an omni or pressure him to eat veg. I let him make his own choices in that department and he does the same.
And as for meaty kisses. ;D He knows that there are no kisses after he eats meat. Either he has to wait at least half an hour or go brush his teeth. That is the only rule I have.
Having grown up in a rural area where farming is prevalent (especially with my family) I can certainly see a difference between meat-eaters who show respect for animals and those who don't.
It may seem black and white at first, and for some people it may always be so. But to me, there is a huge difference in the way animals that are raised "for food" are treated and thought of during their life.
I could never, ever be with someone who thought of animals as put on this earth solely for consumption and exploitation by humans. I could also never be with someone who genuinely did not care if animals are purposefully tortured, and killing for "sport."
There's a huge difference in the way my boyfriend thinks of and treats animals, and the way some of my uncles and cousins do. I call my boyfriend respectful. Maybe not as respectful as not eating meat, but moreso than castrating a pig and then bragging about it, like it's a sick rite of passage.
Just clarifying my point of view.
;)
this reminds me of a conversation i had with a rancher friend of mine about how awful factory farms are. she asked me why i am vegan and i said one reason is because of the animal abuse that goes on in factory farms and she followed up with how disgusted she is with the mistreatment of animals in those places how the animals are treated like merchandise. she said that at her ranch, all of the animals have names while they are being raised. the kids know that they go to the slaughterhouse and that they just have to learn that is a fact of (their) life. so they treat the animals like pets until, you know, they eat them.
it is a gray area. that kind of attitude is certainly better than not giving a shit about animals at all, but in my book its worse than not eating them at all. *shrug*
Kelsi, I know what you mean. My cousin's little boy is 6 and he's being raised that way--- treat the little cows and pigs like you would treat your dog. Then kill them as painlessly as possible and eat them without complaint.
I mean, it's better than she was raised (I have terrible memories of staying at her house during weekends when we were kids), but.... it would give me a complex.
Oh wait, it did! My complex is called "vegetarianism!"
:-D
Kelsi, I know what you mean. My cousin's little boy is 6 and he's being raised that way--- treat the little cows and pigs like you would treat your dog. Then kill them as painlessly as possible and eat them without complaint.
I mean, it's better than she was raised (I have terrible memories of staying at her house during weekends when we were kids), but.... it would give me a complex.
Oh wait, it did! My complex is called "vegetarianism!"
:-D
haha maybe you should have someone look into that complex of yours. : )
My SO is vegetarian. The last one was vegan. I haven't dated an omni since going veg*n, but it wasn't an intentional thing. It just happened that way and I honestly don't think I would be comfortable dating an omni now. Besides, I'm planning on keeping the SO I have now. :)
I'm going to reply to this from the single perspective.
I wont date a meat-eater.
I don't want to necessarily convert someone, either; I'd rather find someone who made the conscious decision themselves, because they felt it was right.
Being vegan means a lot to me, and I need someone who it means a lot to, as well.
Someone being "ok" with me being vegan just doesn't cut it for me.
I would never judge someone who dates omnivores, but I simply could not do it myself.
I can't settle.
I live in hunting territory, and I'm ok with the fact that I don't have to be with someone every second of my life.
I was single enough before going vegan, so it's not that big of a difference haha.
i have to say how glad i am that people have commented on the respect issue and communication issue. people have not been making fun of, or disrepecting those w/differing opinions. that says a lot.
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