To my homosexual friends:
Posted by Allychristine on Nov 05, 2009 · Member since Dec 2007 · 15438 posts
1. Does it bother/annoy/etc. you when people use the term "gay" to mean "stupid"? It's always bothered me, since the very first time I heard it used!
2. Does it bother/annoy/etc. you when people use what they think to be gay voices and mannerisms..in a joking manner? I've noticed a lot of my co workers (straight males and females) do this. I'm just like... ???
I guess I can see the problem with "homosexual" based on its origins, but the word to me does not seem to inherently suggest that it is the non-standard, and heterosexual is. I don't know of a more accurate word that isn't slang. But I guess the parts homo- and hetero- connote that there are distinct sexes, which some people would disagree with. And bi- from bisexual indicates that there's only two sexes, which probably more people would disagree with.
But I don't think bi people have a different, positive word to identify with other than bisexual. Maybe I'll just say I'm... "flexible."
Maybe MSM and WSW are just the better terms, though clumsy. I guess bi would then be MSMW and WSWM. Or you could say something like mascu-sexual or femi-sexual, which is more neutral to the gender of the person being described, and at least a little bit more gender neutral in describing the subject.
idk.
Actually, since there are homosexuals here and I know non in real life, I have a question that I have always wondered about.
Why do homosexuals (especially movie stars, etc.) seem to feel it is so important to tell the world that they are gay?
I never understood that. Personally, I don't care, don't want to know what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms, it is non of my business. I am not going to go out and tell the world "hey, I am straight!". Nobody cares. So why should they come out and tell the world they are gay? I never understood that.
I actually wish that everyone knew who was gay, so that everyone would realize that all these people they admire/love/respect/deal with on a regular basis were gay, and then they couldn't hate people for such a dumb reason. Like, you'd feel like a jerk for hating your cool cousin or boss or movie-star crush.
I think the reason why you don't feel the need to proclaim your straightness is because you have never been treated like a second class citizen because of it. I mean, no one has ever suggested that you are going to hell for liking guys, or you need counceling for having a child. Or that they don't want you around young children. If you knew what it felt like, maybe you would want people to know that, yes, you are normal, and yes, you are straight.
I actually wish that everyone knew who was gay, so that everyone would realize that all these people they admire/love/respect/deal with on a regular basis were gay, and then they couldn't hate people for such a dumb reason. Like, you'd feel like a jerk for hating your cool cousin or boss or movie-star crush.
I think the reason why you don't feel the need to proclaim your straightness is because you have never been treated like a second class citizen because of it. I mean, no one has ever suggested that you are going to hell for liking guys, or you need counceling for having a child. Or that they don't want you around young children. If you knew what it felt like, maybe you would want people to know that, yes, you are normal, and yes, you are straight.
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
Still makes no sense to me.
I actually wish that everyone knew who was gay, so that everyone would realize that all these people they admire/love/respect/deal with on a regular basis were gay, and then they couldn't hate people for such a dumb reason. Like, you'd feel like a jerk for hating your cool cousin or boss or movie-star crush.
I think the reason why you don't feel the need to proclaim your straightness is because you have never been treated like a second class citizen because of it. I mean, no one has ever suggested that you are going to hell for liking guys, or you need counceling for having a child. Or that they don't want you around young children. If you knew what it felt like, maybe you would want people to know that, yes, you are normal, and yes, you are straight.
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
Still makes no sense to me.
wow...i guess veganness doesnt necessarily imply compassion. i learned a lesson today. :-X
I actually wish that everyone knew who was gay, so that everyone would realize that all these people they admire/love/respect/deal with on a regular basis were gay, and then they couldn't hate people for such a dumb reason. Like, you'd feel like a jerk for hating your cool cousin or boss or movie-star crush.
I think the reason why you don't feel the need to proclaim your straightness is because you have never been treated like a second class citizen because of it. I mean, no one has ever suggested that you are going to hell for liking guys, or you need counceling for having a child. Or that they don't want you around young children. If you knew what it felt like, maybe you would want people to know that, yes, you are normal, and yes, you are straight.
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
Still makes no sense to me.
wow...i guess veganness doesnt necessarily imply compassion. i learned a lesson today. :-X
She's not vegan.
interesting. in that case, no comment.
How was I not compassionate? I am just trying to understand!? I am amazed at how sometimes I get criticized for not being "compassionate" when that isn't the case at all. I just asked a straight forward simple question, that is all. How was it being in-compassionate? I am thinking on perfectly logical terms, compassion has nothing to do with it.
I guess the way I think must be so far away from the way everybody else thinks here. Maybe it is the words? If I was to ask this same exact same question in person it wouldn't be a problem, I guess it is because you can't see my face or hear the expression in my voice, the words themself are cut and dry, if you could hear me you would know that it is a genuine question. It just irks me to be called in-compasionate when I am not. It is an insult, and I don't appreciate it!
I actually wish that everyone knew who was gay, so that everyone would realize that all these people they admire/love/respect/deal with on a regular basis were gay, and then they couldn't hate people for such a dumb reason. Like, you'd feel like a jerk for hating your cool cousin or boss or movie-star crush.
I think the reason why you don't feel the need to proclaim your straightness is because you have never been treated like a second class citizen because of it. I mean, no one has ever suggested that you are going to hell for liking guys, or you need counceling for having a child. Or that they don't want you around young children. If you knew what it felt like, maybe you would want people to know that, yes, you are normal, and yes, you are straight.
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
I guess that's the logic behind don't-ask-don't-tell.
The best analogy I can think of:
I went to college for a year in a small, private liberal arts college. One of our classes was sort of like a small discussion group, with a professor there as a facilitator. One day the topic of poverty and crime came up. The majority of the people at my school came from pretty well-off families (like... upper middle class to upper class). And, it soon became painfully obvious to me, that was especially the case in my group; the students in my group soon started off with some pretty classist things, complaining about how poor people leech off of others, how every one on welfare is scamming it and using it as an excuse to be lazy, how single moms are that way because they want to be on welfare and the more kids they have, the better, and that the reason why there's so much crime in poor neighborhoods is because "that's all they know." Now, this is my assumption here, but I think that these kids must have been pretty insulated from the rest of society, probably not knowing a whole lot of poor people very well. I was pretty horrified over hearing this "discussion" which chalked up poor people as dirty, lazy, uneducated, and criminal, not just because it wasn't PC, but because I come from a poor family, and a poor neighborhood. Nobody in the school knew this - we all lived on campus, off the meal plan, and the only reason I was even at the school was a very generous scholarship and some money my mom had managed to save up. I could have argued with them about how hard it is to get out of poverty once you're in it, or the effects that lack of services has on a kid's upbringing, but to them, what do I know, and it wouldn't shake their image of what poor people are like. I didn't have to tell them they were full of bullsh*t and that I have been and still am poor, but I did, because I couldn't stand to let prejudice like that continue to poison their views of others, and as a way to defy what they thought poor people were.
Anyway, that's my idea of why a person would "come out" in a biased society. Maybe when people are being homophobic you're not being the one directly criticized if no one knows, but you really are. It's like you've got this horrible secret, and if you're a model citizen (I guess that includes being famous :/), then that's even a better way to dispel the ideas people have. I think it's both a form of catharthis and activism. I mean, if you're going to have to face homophobia no matter what, may as well be open about who you are.
SQ, would you like to have your relationships always in secret? would you not like to feel safe showing love and affection for whomever you wished?
Most everyone just wants to be loved, and show love, and be able to do it with freedom. Everyone wants the freedom to be themselves, and to express themselves. Think outside your box.
Also, it's not just that we can't hear your voice, and that we aren't understanding your tone. Words are words. If we were face to face, and you said, "Why do homosexuals (especially movie stars, etc.) seem to feel it is so important to tell the world that they are gay?," I would be like :o just the same.
You don't have to tell people you're straight, because that's the "norm."
faunablues: Actually, you have a really good point on that, I didn't think of it like that.
It would be like if I was sitting in a group of people who believed that single mothers are just trying to milk the government or whatever, which I have heard similar comments before actually, I would be like "hey, I am a single mom and I am not like that!" and then they would all look down on me from then on but if I had kept my mouth shut then I wouldn't have that problem but the sterotype that single mom's are bad people would be allowed to continue.
So yes, that makes perfect sence, I hadn't thought of it like that. I just had to have it put in a context that I could relate to.
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
Still makes no sense to me.
That is the thing. Society shouldn't be treating people like second class citizens.... for any reason! I'm pretty sure gay people can't get married still. Their rights are being infringed upon because 'society' thinks it has the right to put limitations on other people's love. By dictating what other people can and cannot do, you are telling them that they are inferior.
I applaud 'celebrities' that feel comfortable enough with themselves and their sexual orientation to be open about it. As human beings we like to relate to others. Having positive role models is a great thing!
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
Still makes no sense to me.
It's not only a matter disproving stereotypes, but also of basic human rights. What you might consider "proclaiming" gayness, is considered ordinary behavior for straight people, e.g. talking about your spouse (partner, girlfriend, boyfriend), holding hands in public, etc.
Not long ago, you would have had to hide the fact that you had a child out of wedlock, or you would have been outcast from society. Hiding it would probably make you feel like you had to be ashamed of yourself and your son. You seem to be proud of him and like to talk about him. If you couldn't talk about your partner whom you loved, wouldn't that make you feel lousy?
It's kind of hard to not "announce" yourself as being gay.
You talk about your partner and people automatically know.
it's not exactly fair to have to hide.
I have met some pretty sleezy gay people, but I've met some REALLY sleezy straight people.
it only appears that gay people sleep around a lot because most people only have a few gay friends.
(not me.. 90% of my friends in FL were lesbian/gay.. and they were all friends. all of them).
kind of like if you're a vegan and you give a bad impression to people, they assume we're all stuck up jerks.
I have hope for the future, if only for one thing: the kids my age are, for the most part, pretty open-minded.
but my thought with the older generation goes a lot like this:
some people are so set in their ways, that people over a certain age are not able to change their mind.
this applies to veganism, gay-marriage, and the like.
of course, this is completely generalizing and never true for everyone, especially since I know most of the people on here are open-minded and not all young.
It's kind of like in the movie "Milk"(which was actually based on the true story of the incredibly kind, positive, & admirable politician Harvey Milk) - at one point in the film, he strongly urges everyone to come out if they're gay. It was very important at that point in the film (and obvoiusly in real life) as people w/ prejudice had those stereotypes in their heads since they didn't know anyone who was gay. If everyone came out, many people who were being so judgemental would realize that they knew a really great person who happened to be gay.
This actually happened to my mom! She used to stereotype gay people & then she made friends w/ a gay man. After becoming very good friends with that man, she totally changed her point of view on what "gay people are like." To this day, they are great friends - he is an amazing human being & I am grateful she's had him in her life!
I guess I can see the problem with "homosexual" based on its origins, but the word to me does not seem to inherently suggest that it is the non-standard, and heterosexual is. I don't know of a more accurate word that isn't slang. But I guess the parts homo- and hetero- connote that there are distinct sexes, which some people would disagree with. And bi- from bisexual indicates that there's only two sexes, which probably more people would disagree with.
But I don't think bi people have a different, positive word to identify with other than bisexual. Maybe I'll just say I'm... "flexible."
Maybe MSM and WSW are just the better terms, though clumsy. I guess bi would then be MSMW and WSWM. Or you could say something like mascu-sexual or femi-sexual, which is more neutral to the gender of the person being described, and at least a little bit more gender neutral in describing the subject.
idk.
i'm not a fan of the words homosexual and bisexual for the same reasons. one, homosexual sounds scientific and weird. and both subscribe to a binary gender system which i don't agree with. that's why we have wonderful words like pansexual, omnisexual, and my favorite, queer!
I still don't get it. If they never told the world in the first place, no one would know, and they wouldnt' be treated like a second class citizen.
Still makes no sense to me.
It's not only a matter disproving stereotypes, but also of basic human rights. What you might consider "proclaiming" gayness, is considered ordinary behavior for straight people, e.g. talking about your spouse (partner, girlfriend, boyfriend), holding hands in public, etc.
Not long ago, you would have had to hide the fact that you had a child out of wedlock, or you would have been outcast from society. Hiding it would probably make you feel like you had to be ashamed of yourself and your son. You seem to be proud of him and like to talk about him. If you couldn't talk about your partner whom you loved, wouldn't that make you feel lousy?
this!
if i'm talking about my life, i can't NOT come out. most everything i do involves my partner, so just by joining everyday conversations, i out myself. i'm not screaming from the rooftops "I'M GAY AND YOU BETTER LIKE IT." i'm just living. i talk with coworkers, friends, family, and if i talk about what i did this weekend or my plans for the future, they are invariably going to involve my partner. when i wasn't out to my family, it was seriously painful having to leave them out of a very big part of my life. what if people in hetero relationships kept their boyfriends, girlfriend, even spouses secretive and pretended they didn't exist? just sounds kinda silly to me.
also, i've had some people be upset or disappointed that i DIDN'T come out to them sooner. because people want to know and embrace that kind of stuff. though, sometimes i think it's because then they think back about homophobic crap they might have said and feel guilty and wish they had known so they could've "censored" themselves.
to the original post - it all depends on the context and who is saying it. if i know that someone is an ally, lgbt, or gay-friendly, then i don't take offense typically with people making jokes and essentially making light of stereotypes. otherwise, it makes my skin crawl. this weekend i went to a superbowl party where some guy kept calling the football players faggots and i left because it seriously just hurt my ears.
although not gay, most of my friends are. They do get upset using the term gay to mean stupid, but do not get upset by the immatation. just one of those things.
SQ has always been an ignorant cunt.
I'm drunk and being blunt. Ban me, I don't give a fuck.
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