The Moratorium Auditorium: In Which We Unite In Shunning Inadequacy
Posted by KissMeKate on Jan 25, 2009 · Member since Aug 2007 · 7322 posts
Crossover from the open letters thread!
Represent.
:-*
The World's Largest Collection of Vegetarian Recipes
yay ((((hh)))) no shame, it's ok!
I just got back from the doctor's to have an std test after my recent tryst. That's a walk of shame.
Nothing. Well, they took tests, but I was told that I look fine. Reportedly, I have a "very clear vagina."
The twist to the story is that it was drunk, unprotected sex. Honestly, the first of my life. And the last. Guh. I don't usually drink if I think there's even a possibility of being stupid. At house parties I'll find an opaque Solo cup and drink ice water all night. I drank a lot (four strong & large martinis and three pints of beer) because I wasn't driving and a hookup wasn't even on the horizon as a possibility. I mean, apparently it was, but I didn't realize it and I still don't see how I could have anticipated it.
eta: The good news is that my blood pressure is 116/63.
I don't see it as something to be 'ashamed' of.....it seems to me you're being very responsible after having what some would say is a common/necessary experience/mistake that makes up this mishmash of emotions, sensations and thoughts we call 'life'. Think of it this way: You now have THAT 'life experience' out of the way!!
IMO, the only way it is a mistake is if you don't learn/'take something' from this experience. If you have done this, then there is ABSOLUTELY no reason to feel shameful of it!
A few months ago, I went in to get the entire battery of tests done b/c I found out a partner from over 2 years ago has been sleeping with hookers and is now using IV drugs.....When I got to the clinic and told them what was up, they were surprised at 'how responsible' I was behaving.....
Just remember to get tested another 6 months and a year from now, since some STIs can take awhile to show up.
Again, don't be ashamed.
I was thinking about getting another series of tests during my next annual.
I don't think I feel shame from the act itself, but I had condoms in the room. It's not like I couldn't have taken a minimum level of protection. I think the shame is having a mechanism to be safer that I didn't use.
Holy crap! Hookers and IV drugs?!?
I wouldn't worry and I'd call.
Knowing me, I wouldn't be all, "Do you want to go on a date?" It'd be more, "One of us was supposed to call the other and I haven't heard from you so here I am." call. And with that give him the opportunity to ask me out for a proper date. I'm a bit wussy when it comes to that type of thing.
Holy crap! Hookers and IV drugs?!?
Yeah......Looking back on it, I can see I allowed my self to be manipulated by him....a few weeks following the testing (everything was negative!!), I began remembering him raping me that I had completely blacked out/forgotten.... So, I've been on a bit of a moratorium myself, just to get my head/emotions straightened out. Thankfully, G's libido has been dead as well, so it has only really been my thoughts/desires that I've had to focus on.
QUESTION!!!
The man in my life and I are locked in a battle of willpower, I think.
Background:
We were supposed to go out last week, but something came up last minute so we postponed. Saw him on Friday and Saturday and we discussed having a 'real date' soon.
He said I could call/text him any time and ask him out. I told him that I'd wait for him to get in touch with me. (I like it that way.) This was Saturday early afternoon. Haven't heard from him since.
Tell me not to worry!
that sounds like game playing and would irritate the crap out of me. giving you permission to ask him out? ehhh... that would totally turn me off and i'd say no thanks. if he wants to go out with you he should ask. and i'm all for asking guys out (ive done it bunches) but when he sets it up with that tone it feels power-trippy. sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear - i just gotta be honest. maybe im just more easily irritated by that stuff...
that sounds like game playing and would irritate the crap out of me. giving you permission to ask him out? ehhh... that would totally turn me off and i'd say no thanks. if he wants to go out with you he should ask. and i'm all for asking guys out (ive done it bunches) but when he sets it up with that tone it feels power-trippy. sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear - i just gotta be honest. maybe im just more easily irritated by that stuff...
I was going to say something like this, but I didn't feel "authorized," since I don't really have any adult dating experience.
yeah mrs. what are you doing here in the spouse-free zone??
yeah mrs. what are you doing here in the spouse-free zone??
You are being so mean to me lately. I'm re-thinking the whole thought of a bff thing with you. :(
mdv- i think thats a good idea.. just let things happen if they happen. don't stress though!
ac- sorry - i was teasing, im sure you have lots of good married-person pov advice.
that sounds like game playing and would irritate the crap out of me. giving you permission to ask him out? ehhh... that would totally turn me off and i'd say no thanks. if he wants to go out with you he should ask. and i'm all for asking guys out (ive done it bunches) but when he sets it up with that tone it feels power-trippy. sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear - i just gotta be honest. maybe im just more easily irritated by that stuff...
Yes yes yes to everything here. I'd say no thanks as well. I think any guy worth a damn will get in touch with you if he wants to see you. I wouldn't call him because it would leave me with the thought in the back of my mind that, well, what if I had never gotten in touch with him? Would he have even asked me out again? I would be like, I'm not bothering to wait around. kbye.
I think your plan is good. Just wait.
My friend and I were discussing this just before I left work tonight. Her vote is absolutely don't call. If he wants a date he'll cave, as he should, and step up to the asking out.
He said I could call/text him any time and ask him out.
I totally read over this part. What everyone else said.
that sounds like game playing and would irritate the crap out of me. giving you permission to ask him out? ehhh... that would totally turn me off and i'd say no thanks. if he wants to go out with you he should ask. and i'm all for asking guys out (ive done it bunches) but when he sets it up with that tone it feels power-trippy. sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear - i just gotta be honest. maybe im just more easily irritated by that stuff...
Yes yes yes to everything here. I'd say no thanks as well. I think any guy worth a damn will get in touch with you if he wants to see you. I wouldn't call him because it would leave me with the thought in the back of my mind that, well, what if I had never gotten in touch with him? Would he have even asked me out again? I would be like, I'm not bothering to wait around. kbye.
I think your plan is good. Just wait.
I have to put in a dissenting opinion here. I think if you really want to see him again, give him a call, or text him. If he doesn't want to at least you won't have to wait around wondering what if. To me, the wait is the worst. Plus, he could also be lacking self-confidence, which can sometimes account for the lack of a call.
I'd try and give a more in-depth description of a dude's rational when it comes to call backs, but I'm busy packing my stuff so I can move to South Carolina. :D
I'd try and give a more in-depth description of a dude's rational when it comes to call backs, but I'm busy packing my stuff so I can move to South Carolina. :D
:hotforyou: haha.
P.S. Do it! Rent is cheap here ;)
I ran into him tonight @ Open Mic. We talked briefly. Weird. I came home early. :-\
???
so he didnt say anything about going out? i bet he's being extra cautious/stand-offish because he's still mid-divorce. i'd sit back and let him work out his stuff. he might feel weird about moving into something so quick when the ties arent completely cut with the ex. it sucks that he's sorta been flirty and leading you on somewhat though.
my current boy has a divorce situation as well and he sounds a lot like your guy, mdv. it has only gotten worse, too. if he is being flaky now it probably won't change. i've been putting up with 4 months of this kind of thing now. I dunno, seems like it wouldn't be worth getting into.
I have to put in a dissenting opinion here. I think if you really want to see him again, give him a call, or text him. If he doesn't want to at least you won't have to wait around wondering what if. To me, the wait is the worst. Plus, he could also be lacking self-confidence, which can sometimes account for the lack of a call.
I'd try and give a more in-depth description of a dude's rational when it comes to call backs, but I'm busy packing my stuff so I can move to South Carolina. :D
Teehee. I like having the male opinion!
It's kind of a double standard. I mean, if the guy doesn't have the confidence to contact the girl, then I'd probably not be interested in him anymore, since confidence is pretty important to me. On the other hand, girls are allowed to do it because it's more ok for some reason. I guess it depends. I have no idea. How complicated. I still let guys come to me though, in general, because I can. Maybe that's bad and old-fashioned, but whatever.
K and I have had a fifth date. 'Twas verra nice. ^-^
I have to put in a dissenting opinion here. I think if you really want to see him again, give him a call, or text him. If he doesn't want to at least you won't have to wait around wondering what if. To me, the wait is the worst. Plus, he could also be lacking self-confidence, which can sometimes account for the lack of a call.
I'd try and give a more in-depth description of a dude's rational when it comes to call backs, but I'm busy packing my stuff so I can move to South Carolina. :D
Teehee. I like having the male opinion!
It's kind of a double standard. I mean, if the guy doesn't have the confidence to contact the girl, then I'd probably not be interested in him anymore, since confidence is pretty important to me. On the other hand, girls are allowed to do it because it's more ok for some reason. I guess it depends. I have no idea. How complicated. I still let guys come to me though, in general, because I can. Maybe that's bad and old-fashioned, but whatever.
I feel close to the same way Kate. I usually let girls come to me too (not doing too well at the moment though, eh?), unless I feel that there is some massive attraction I can't wait for. I don't think this means I lack confidence, I just usually like to take things easy. If I liked someone and they gave me their number, I would definitely call within 3 days, probably 2.
Sorry if this boy is being sketchy MD, you can do better.
Pages