The Moratorium Auditorium: In Which We Unite In Shunning Inadequacy
Posted by KissMeKate on Jan 25, 2009 · Member since Aug 2007 · 7322 posts
Crossover from the open letters thread!
Represent.
:-*
The World's Largest Collection of Vegetarian Recipes
He and I were going to go to strip clubs so I could desensitize around half-clothed (or less) dancing women.
Oh. So that's not really erotic talk. That's sounds quite utilitarian/platonic. To me erotic means, in a way that turns both of you on, for that express purpose. The way one reads erotic literature. But that's not what you mean?
Because if I were madly in love with my husband, I'd be a little confused why he wanted to go to the strip club with someone else. I hope she knows about that.
To modify, we talk about semi-erotic stuff, but in a practical, utilitarian way that's not directed at turning on the other person. There are no blurred boundaries.
To modify, we talk about semi-erotic stuff, but in a practical, utilitarian way that's not directed at turning on the other person. There are no blurred boundaries.
Does the wife know, though?
Know what I'm sayin'?
I mean, it doesn't sound ok with me, but that definitely doesn't mean anything, necessarily.
AC, I bet you are so much like JC IRL!
Because I wouldn't want my husband talking (semi) erotically with another woman? ???
To modify, we talk about semi-erotic stuff, but in a practical, utilitarian way that's not directed at turning on the other person. There are no blurred boundaries.
That's good. But even if you are confident in the boundaries of it, you can't really assume his wife would be. Ya know? As long as she knows. It's all about consent with us vegans. ;)
Of course she knows. When we were talking about it on the phone, I think he even paused to tell her. And since he lives over an hour from me, I'd likely go to their house, we'd go to a club (it would be more fun if she came with us, so I hope she'd come - but not out of insecurity), I'd be awkward there too, then we'd drive back to their house, and I'd spend the night since it'd be late.
No! Because you are sweet and good and thoughtful and in a loving relationship.
Ohhh, ok! Well..thank you. ;D
I've been on the other side, too. I've been in bad relationships.
FWIW, I wouldn't care if my SO had conversations about sex with another person. I suspect I'm in the minority, here though.
I not bothered by that, either. We might be the only two, though.
FWIW, I wouldn't care if my SO had conversations about sex with another person. I suspect I'm in the minority, here though.
Oh, neither would I, especially along the lines of what we are talking about here. I would just be miffed/confused if it was happening without my consent.
That makes more sense, HH. ;)b
Conversations about sex, fine, its normal. What would disturb me and be adulterous in my book was if my SO was having conversations with another person that were..sexual in nature, rather than just talking about sex. Eg, text flirting with or without sexual content is not ok. It's all about intent really, rather than content.
eta: That sounded wrong, often text conversations can be just naturally, platonically and innocently flirty, once again its normal. I mean serious flirting - once again it comes back to intent.
so this means when we meet you (eventually) we can all yell at you to see how quickly you trie from each accent ???
Absolutely.
Like KMK said, it's all about consent. I guess I'll throw honesty in there. When people aren't up front, I begin to suspect deceit. I like to have rational conversations about sex all the time, which don't necessarily involve my sex life and I wouldn't care if my partner did the same thing. I would hate it if someone felt like they needed to "hide" those kinds of conversations.
On another note, my "relationship" moratorium has been going on much longer than this thread and I would like for it to end. I bit the bullet and put up a profile on an online meetup site. KMK...I think it was your insight into online dating that gave me the push.
Conversations about sex, fine, its normal. What would disturb me and be adulterous in my book was if my SO was having conversations with another person that were..sexual in nature, rather than just talking about sex. Eg, text flirting with or without sexual content is not ok. It's all about intent really, rather than content.
I agree with this. Also, there has to be complete disclosure/honesty..with all parties involved. Commmmuniicaaattionnn. I'm all about it.
eta: I like the platinum rule.
Conversations about sex, fine, its normal. What would disturb me and be adulterous in my book was if my SO was having conversations with another person that were..sexual in nature, rather than just talking about sex. Eg, text flirting with or without sexual content is not ok. It's all about intent really, rather than content.
I agree with this. Also, there has to be complete disclosure/honesty..with all parties involved. Commmmuniicaaattionnn. I'm all about it.
Yep, that has to be part of it too without a doubt. *agrees*
i agree with the idea that if it's something you wouldnt' say in earshot of your spouse or if it's a text you'd rather your spouse didnt hear then it's obviously something you know you shouldnt be doing.
No! Because you are sweet and good and thoughtful and in a loving relationship.
AC and JC rockin' the thoughtfulness up in the hizouse!
Like woah.
8)
Josh called me from work tonight and said "Hey, let's talk dirty!" and I was all "Nah, I'm trying to write this paper for class, I can't do that right now." and then he said "Dirt dirt dirt. Mud. Dirt dirt, mmmmmmmud."
I lol'd.
FWIW, I wouldn't care if my SO had conversations about sex with another person. I suspect I'm in the minority, here though.
I not bothered by that, either. We might be the only two, though.
Three!
And this segues into Cali's Ideals of Love!
Most people have this concept that love is limited. That once you are "in love" there will be no others that come along that you could love. Its not something you are taking away from others though. Love is something that can grow and continue to grow, in my eyes, with care, honesty and attention. Just like a parent having a second child does not love the first one less, but possibly finds even more love in their heart now that their joy is compounded. Just like when you got your second pet, you did not cease to love the first one, or love it less. You loved them both, for who and what they are (were).
So why limit your own heart? I think that any time there is a limit or boundary put on love, that lessens it, even if you never wanted to stretch it as far as that boundary. Now it is not as far as your eye can see, but it has a fence showing the end.
Maybe it is just where I am at in my life or my life experiences thus far, but if I found people to love who loved LB and I like we do them, I would include and surround myself with them, going so far to have another husband and wife.
And this segues into Cali's Ideals of Love!
Most people have this concept that love is limited. That once you are "in love" there will be no others that come along that you could love. Its not something you are taking away from others though. Love is something that can grow and continue to grow, in my eyes, with care, honesty and attention. Just like a parent having a second child does not love the first one less, but possibly finds even more love in their heart now that their joy is compounded. Just like when you got your second pet, you did not cease to love the first one, or love it less. You loved them both, for who and what they are (were).
So why limit your own heart? I think that any time there is a limit or boundary put on love, that lessens it, even if you never wanted to stretch it as far as that boundary. Now it is not as far as your eye can see, but it has a fence showing the end.
Maybe it is just where I am at in my life or my life experiences thus far, but if I found people to love who loved LB and I like we do them, I would include and surround myself with them, going so far to have another husband and wife.
Open marriage?
eta: I would like to discuss this, because the difference in thinking (from my own) interests me. Inquiries: Why would you want to spread the love (so to speak) to others? I get that you are saying that loving others wouldn't mean you would love your husband less, but why would you want to love others? To allow your heart to love more? What does that really mean, though? To have different experiences? You feel the need to love more?
I have no problem with open physical relationships if the partners are respectful of one another. However, I don't know about open emotional relationships. Mostly I think that's because I'd selfishly want my partner there if I needed support.
KMK! You're right next to Colpo in the photos down there! :-*
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