The Moratorium Auditorium: In Which We Unite In Shunning Inadequacy
Posted by KissMeKate on Jan 25, 2009 · Member since Aug 2007 · 7322 posts
Crossover from the open letters thread!
Represent.
:-*
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I feel close to the same way Kate. I usually let girls come to me too (not doing too well at the moment though, eh?), unless I feel that there is some massive attraction I can't wait for. I don't think this means I lack confidence, I just usually like to take things easy. If I liked someone and they gave me their number, I would definitely call within 3 days, probably 2.
But see? Exactly. If you really liked her, you would call. I'm holding out for the ones with the "massive attraction."
What if you had the massive attraction? Would you call?
How about it MD... does this guy make you all hot and bothered? Or just hot?
K and I have had a fifth date. 'Twas verra nice. ^-^
Where'd you go? etc.
What if you had the massive attraction? Would you call?
I would just give him my number and let him call me if he felt he wanted to. I don't really take guys' numbers--I would just give him mine. Again, it's old fashioned, but it gives me the upper hand. Weed out the lukewarm ones.
Okay, so I have another update on R. I invited him out with me on Monday. My best friend and I took him out drinking and dancing. We had a fabulous time. He is starting to weird me out though and I don't know if it is just me being crazy. I am sort of used to dating totally aloof jerks. R seems super duper nice. I don't know if I can handle it. He is coming on a little strong. Here are some examples:
First, he tells me I am cute and sweet about 5 bazillion times per hang out.
Second, we were talking the other night and he asked me, "What are we doing here? What is this?" This was only our third time hanging out. I have known him a little over 2 weeks. I thought it was a little soon for a question like this. I said, "We're getting to know each other."
Another example. I am going to Philly this weekend for like 3 days. I told him on Monday and he seemed taken aback by it. Then he said, "Don't forget about me!"
I don't know. Maybe he is just being sweet and trying to show how much he likes me. I am not used to it.
Okay, so I have another update on R. I invited him out with me on Monday. My best friend and I took him out drinking and dancing. We had a fabulous time. He is starting to weird me out though and I don't know if it is just me being crazy. I am sort of used to dating totally aloof jerks. R seems super duper nice. I don't know if I can handle it. He is coming on a little strong. Here are some examples:
First, he tells me I am cute and sweet about 5 bazillion times per hang out.
Second, we were talking the other night and he asked me, "What are we doing here? What is this?" This was only our third time hanging out. I have known him a little over 2 weeks. I thought it was a little soon for a question like this. I said, "We're getting to know each other."
Another example. I am going to Philly this weekend for like 3 days. I told him on Monday and he seemed taken aback by it. Then he said, "Don't forget about me!"
I don't know. Maybe he is just being sweet and trying to show how much he likes me. I am not used to it.
hmmmmm....well the 'cute and sweet' bit of it could be that he's nervous and needs to break/avoid silence in the conversation or he's nervous and lacks the ability to formulate more 'creative/verbose' sibling versions of the statement.
Again the questions part seems to me that he's a nervous person who 'likes to live in their heads'. He ponders/over analyzes every millisecond attempting to negotiate every word and action on your part, so he may determine whether he should continue in pursuing as an 'intimate' relationship, or retreat into the 'safer' water of 'friendship' or cut off all ties in order to prevent him getting hurt.
The third, I don't know the context, but it could be him trying to be funny.
Ok, I have an update too. I met a guy on plentyoffish and Monday night, we talked on the phone for 3 hours (i hate the phone btw). So we decided to meet and go for a walk along the river (there's a really nice path/park). He lives further away than I do, so he called me to let me know he'd left his house, and we ended up talking nearly the whole drive. I was so excited b/c I felt like we were really connecting on the phone. So, then I saw him and I have to say, I was a little disappointed. :-\ I feel so shallow. I don't know. It's not like he's unattractive, but he doesn't really look like his pictures and honestly, based on our conversations, I was kinda expecting some "fireworks" or instant attraction. Obviously that didn't happen, but we did have a really nice walk. I'm going to see him again next week. I just think I set myself up for disappointment. I don't know. I also think I'm finding nitpicky things because I am commitment-phobic don't want to "settle." You know? Oh, and he wears jean shorts. I don't know if I can handle that (that's not nitpicky...right?).
Ok, I have an update too. I met a guy on plentyoffish and Monday night, we talked on the phone for 3 hours (i hate the phone btw). So we decided to meet and go for a walk along the river (there's a really nice path/park). He lives further away than I do, so he called me to let me know he'd left his house, and we ended up talking nearly the whole drive. I was so excited b/c I felt like we were really connecting on the phone. So, then I saw him and I have to say, I was a little disappointed. :-\ I feel so shallow. I don't know. It's not like he's unattractive, but he doesn't really look like his pictures and honestly, based on our conversations, I was kinda expecting some "fireworks" or instant attraction. Obviously that didn't happen, but we did have a really nice walk. I'm going to see him again next week. I just think I set myself up for disappointment. I don't know. I also think I'm finding nitpicky things because I am commitment-phobic don't want to "settle." You know? Oh, and he wears jean shorts. I don't know if I can handle that (that's not nitpicky...right?).
What kind of jean shorts?
What kind of jean shorts?
YES. Hell no to those short ones that look like his mom picked them out.
Also, DON'T SETTLE. Lack of attraction is lack of attraction. Don't feel bad--you don't have an obligation to be attracted to everyone you meet.
On a related note, stillflat, I wouldn't really worry about it, unless/until he starts to irritate you. I mean, maybe he just really likes you, and wants you to know! BUT, if it starts to annoy you, then..there's probably nothing you can do. I had an ex boyfriend who just started to annoy me/grate on me, and it elevated to the point of disgust. He did nothing wrong...he just....annoyed me. I don't wish that on anyone, though.
On a related note, stillflat, I wouldn't really worry about it, unless/until he starts to irritate you. I mean, maybe he just really likes you, and wants you to know! BUT, if it starts to annoy you, then..there's probably nothing you can do. I had an ex boyfriend who just started to annoy me/grate on me, and it elevated to the point of disgust. He did nothing wrong...he just....annoyed me. I don't wish that on anyone, though.
I had that too, and it really just made me start to hate the guy and be subtly bitchy to him, which wasn't good. It was just a personality clash. No good.
Ok, I have an update too. I met a guy on plentyoffish and Monday night, we talked on the phone for 3 hours (i hate the phone btw). So we decided to meet and go for a walk along the river (there's a really nice path/park). He lives further away than I do, so he called me to let me know he'd left his house, and we ended up talking nearly the whole drive. I was so excited b/c I felt like we were really connecting on the phone. So, then I saw him and I have to say, I was a little disappointed. :-\ I feel so shallow. I don't know. It's not like he's unattractive, but he doesn't really look like his pictures and honestly, based on our conversations, I was kinda expecting some "fireworks" or instant attraction. Obviously that didn't happen, but we did have a really nice walk. I'm going to see him again next week. I just think I set myself up for disappointment. I don't know. I also think I'm finding nitpicky things because I am commitment-phobic don't want to "settle." You know? Oh, and he wears jean shorts. I don't know if I can handle that (that's not nitpicky...right?).
Did he sort of look like his pictures? I think that it would be a total deal-breaker for me if the person didn't look much like their picture, because in essence they would be lying. I'd be ok with some minor differences, but I don't think you should feel shallow, physical attraction is one of the first things that we notice; we're hard-wired that way.
It's cool you had a decent time though, and the connection you felt over the phone could be a nice gateway to better things.
Let us know if he wears jean shorts at your next date!
P.S. If it doesn't work out, I could always drive down there and take you out to try and cheer you up! :)
What kind of jean shorts?
YES. Hell no to those short ones that look like his mom picked them out.
Yes. They were definitely picked out by his mom (at least I hope they were). Ha.
Did he sort of look like his pictures? I think that it would be a total deal-breaker for me if the person didn't look much like their picture, because in essence they would be lying. I'd be ok with some minor differences, but I don't think you should feel shallow, physical attraction is one of the first things that we notice; we're hard-wired that way.
It's cool you had a decent time though, and the connection you felt over the phone could be a nice gateway to better things.
Let us know if he wears jean shorts at your next date!
P.S. If it doesn't work out, I could always drive down there and take you out to try and cheer you up! :)
Yeah, he sort of looked like his pictures...just different angles, you know? I knew he was tall (6'6) but in his pictures he didn't look "lanky." In person, he's definitely tall and lanky. Eh. He called again tonight. It was nice to talk to him. I don't think I'm quite ready to dismiss him yet... even without the fireworks. But seriously, if he wears jean shorts (with a belt and t shirt tucked in, ugh) on our next date, I will be taking you up on your offer Cams. ;)
Actually, you know what Cams...if you are willing to drive down here, I would be willing to cancel the second date with jorts boy. 8-) ;)
Ugggh, with the belt and the shirt tucked in? I agree, no harm in seeing him again, definitely. But if he turns out to be a mama's boy, watch out. That's the worst.
No, I don't think he's a mama's boy. For one thing, she lives in another state (ohio, i think?). Anyway, from conversation, I can tell he's not a mama's boy. But I agree...being a mama's boy is definitely a deal breaker for me.
Did he seem stuck in 1992?
Actually, you know what Cams...if you are willing to drive down here, I would be willing to cancel the second date with jorts boy. 8-) ;)
I am.
Actually, you know what Cams...if you are willing to drive down here, I would be willing to cancel the second date with jorts boy. 8-) ;)
I am.
Are you serious?
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