The Moratorium Auditorium: In Which We Unite In Shunning Inadequacy
Posted by KissMeKate on Jan 25, 2009 · Member since Aug 2007 · 7322 posts
Crossover from the open letters thread!
Represent.
:-*
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BTW, first 'real' date with my guy today!
w00t!
Perhaps I'm idealistic - I want to be with someone I love, at least for my first time. And I don't love K. I've thought about this a lot, believe me. And I'm just not comfortable sleeping with someone I barely know, don't love, and may not be able to trust.
This is definitely realistic, not just idealistic.
Plus, you are obviously mature enough now to know what you want/how you feel/what you should do-which is more than can be said for me, at that time in my life.
I would like someone a bit more... romantic and whimsical, perhaps. ???
This, however..well, good luck with that! No, I kid...there are different kinds of men out there..
I don't know the way men think.
You don't?!?? Well, get with the times! Allll of us know.
Ha! No. No one knows. No one has ever known. Men don't even know. I'm kind of kidding, Camillus, and other men reading.
Just sayin'.
The more communication, the better, but I can imagine how difficult that must be with the language thing.
Anyway, you should only do what you're comfortable with/want to do. NO reason to rush anything, or worry about what he might/might not be thinking/wanting.
I could tell you what I'm thinking, but it wouldn't be a good reference point for comparing to other men... I mean, I'm not exactly normal. :pirate:
P.S. Go for the weirdos Heli... I swear, they rock!
I could tell you what I'm thinking, but it wouldn't be a good reference point for comparing to other men... I mean, I'm not exactly normal. :pirate:
It's a good thing. "Normal" people should be avoided at all costs; they are highly contagious.
:-D Thank you for all the super advice, peeps. You've helped me oh, so much. I feel right about (ending) it now. I'll hold out for the right weirdo. ;)b
hh, regarding the language barrier - did you know K is from Iran? His English is still a bit weak.
I look forward to that drink with you. ;) :-*
Yay, mdv! I look forward to the first date report!
hh, regarding the language barrier - did you know K is from Iran? His English is still a bit weak.
I knew he was from somewhere, but not exactly where. All of the Iranian men I know are handsome.
Heli, you have the perfect *out* of this (not that I'd know anything about this kinda thing ::)) 'relationship'!! Bring up your guys' previous discussion where you told him primarily you want to be friends, and although you enjoyed what the two of you have done since, you've realized you'd be better friends than dating partners.
Basically, tell him the truth and be as honest as possible.
(I don't know how many times I've said something similar to the above....maybe that's why I'm experiencing what I am....karma can be a bitch)
K told me I was beautiful today. Not once, but twice. It kinda threw me. And made me feel really good.
*huge, confused sigh*
How about this: you don't break things completely off and you don't have sex. There's no rule that says that after so much time or so many dates it's gotta happen.
I could tell you what I'm thinking, but it wouldn't be a good reference point for comparing to other men... I mean, I'm not exactly normal. :pirate:
P.S. Go for the weirdos Heli... I swear, they rock!
This.
How about this: you don't break things completely off and you don't have sex. There's no rule that says that after so much time or so many dates it's gotta happen.
http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/5363/uowagree018fjuk0.gif If he's willing to be patient, I think I'll respect him a bit more.
How about this: you don't break things completely off and you don't have sex. There's no rule that says that after so much time or so many dates it's gotta happen.
http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/5363/uowagree018fjuk0.gif If he's willing to be patient, I think I'll respect him a bit more.
I'm sure he's learned to take care of himself a long time ago. If he gets pushy, buy him some lotion.
Is masturbation a sin?
...depends where your other hand is.
K told me I was beautiful today. Not once, but twice. It kinda threw me. And made me feel really good.
*huge, confused sigh*
OK. What were you doing when he called you beautiful? Was this in conversation, or on a date, or in the throes of passion? Because if he has these one-track expectations like we suspect he may, then he might be trying to persuade you. I mean, anyone can say you are beautiful, but the question is, is he worthy of your beauty?
If it were me, I'd say goodbye, for reasons which this thread has everything to do with. I know I've been guilty once or twice of continuing to go out with people who I'm just "meh" about--don't do that.
Did sex enter the picture, explicitly? Did you discuss it? Or are you just projecting into the future and thinking that's what he MIGHT be expecting? IS he pushy? If he is pushy whatsoever, I say boot him. Being pushy about sex is a huge no-no for me, and any guy (or girl) worth anything will not be pushy with a girl (or guy) he likes. No no no no no.
I am very wary of K from what I have read here. Of course, I don't know him, and you know best. Again, I think if there is such a dilemma, then it's not right. I say you shun this piece of inadequacy.
kmk, is your position because of his groping her 'n stuff?
kmk, is your position because of his groping her 'n stuff?
No, not necessarily that. Just the parts where she's saying that he's SO eager, and everything she says about him gives me the impression that she's lukewarm about him, like "I would like someone more ." I'm jst not feeling that she's feeling it. That, and she said she feels better about ending it. I dunno. Just my limited outsider perspective.
OK. What were you doing when he called you beautiful? Was this in conversation, or on a date, or in the throes of passion? Because if he has these one-track expectations like we suspect he may, then he might be trying to persuade you. I mean, anyone can say you are beautiful, but the question is, is he worthy of your beauty?
I was at my work, in my uniform, doing what I do every day. What he said made me feel all tingly... an instant physical reaction, as well as the pleasant thought that he finds me attractive at my most mundane. And said so spontaneously. :)
What I'm gonna do is give it some more time. We talked at work today, when we could snatch a few moments, and what I communicated was that (a) I had been having second thoughts, because I didn't/don't know what I want out of our relationship, but I feel better about 'us' now; (b) I am attracted to him (in my own strange, reactive way... I didn't say that part :P); (c) I want to go out again, but I don't want things to move too fast, because all these feelings are so new* to me.
Oh, and I also asked whether he found my behaviour confusing, and he did, and I apologised. Because, you see... something random at work today triggered a strong emotional reaction in me... I suddenly realised that I genuinely care about K. I care whether he's happy, and I want to try and make him so. I was so surprised by this that I got the shakes for a bit.
* A few minutes ago I was speaking to Dad about how I'm willing to give this a try and see how things go, and he agreed with me, and pointed out that I have years of catching up to do with regards to being involved (mentally, emotionally, physically) with someone. I think some of my confusion is from a kind of... delayed reaction... due to a lot of new experience in a short space of time. And I'm learning a heck of a lot from that. At the very least, I think K and I can be friends. But I can't seem to stop thinking about him, and my imagination is helping me get used to the possibility of more physical contact. My body knows what it wants - there's definitely chemistry. In other words, K knows how to turn me on. And I'm... okay with that. ^-^
Did sex enter the picture, explicitly? Did you discuss it? Or are you just projecting into the future and thinking that's what he MIGHT be expecting? IS he pushy? If he is pushy whatsoever, I say boot him. Being pushy about sex is a huge no-no for me, and any guy (or girl) worth anything will not be pushy with a girl (or guy) he likes. No no no no no.
Judging by our date last week, he would be happy for us to have sex just as soon as I'm ready. However, I don't think I should mistake keenness for pushiness; when I asked him to stop, when the touching got a bit overwhelming, he did. But the fact is, I was enjoying it.
Kate, you're not the first person whose advice I trust who's said that you're wary of K. But remember, everything I express here is... how do I put it?... tainted by my tendency to worry. With new feelings come new fears... fear of the unknown is a big one, but I'm getting past that. I might have made things sounds worse than they are.
Heli, tingles are a good thing. *hugs*
Cali, what happened to your profile? I miss seeing your smiling face! :'(
Okay. I am doing it. I am joining the Moratorium Auditorium! My long-term, live-in, boyfriend ever since I was in high school, oh my god serious relationship ended in February. And for the past few months, I was kind of into the whole inadequacy thing. I dated a bunch of jerks, but I was okay with it because I sort of felt like being a jerk too.
Now, I am over all of that! I think I am okay. And I am starting to date somebody who actually seems like a really good, really nice person. We will call him R. I am trying to do all of this dating stuff the right way with R. I am finding it all unbelievably difficult though because I was in a relationship for the past 6 years and it started when I was 17! I don't know what it is to date as an adult. It seems like there are a lot of strange, unspoken rules.
Anyway, R is coming over tomorrow night and we are going to cook dinner together. It should be super cute. I don't know what we should make. Any suggestions?
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