Hubby is forever an omni!
My DH is supportive of my new veg lifestyle but he thinks he can't be full unless he has some meat on his plate at dinner time. I have made some delicious veg*n dishes (at least I thought so) and a couple weeks ago, my hubby tells me that my cooking used to be awesome but since I gave up meat, it has gone downhill. :'( He then continues on to tell me he just isn't satisfied unless he has meat of some kind. I think this is all in his head since before I went veg*n, I made meatless dishes before and it never bothered him. So I tell him to make his own meat dishes if he wants but he counters with he hates cooking. (the only thing he knows how to make for himself is spaghetti)
So last week, I made him a oh-so-boring plain breaded chicken breast (basic, nothing exciting, no good spices) and he said it was the best thing I made in a long time. I asked him to watch this DVD and read this book that made me make my decision to switch to an animal-free diet but he refuses, saying if he watches the DVD, he won't want to eat meat anymore and he likes eating meat! I feel like I am preaching and lecturing to him and I don't want to be like that, after all it is his decision. I just want him to be informed. This is getting to be long, but thanks for listening, guess I needed to vent a little.
Anyone else in a relationship with an omni? How do you cope? I'm getting to the point where I don't even want meat in my kitchen anymore, it's just too sad to me. Yet he doesn't know how and doesn't want to learn to cook.
MDvegan, you are awesome! Great advice. I'm glad to hear that it is possible for a meat and potatoes guy to come around and like veg. cooking. If he does decide to become a veg*n, I want it to be on his terms. Thanks for the tip on the chicken from the grocery store, I never thought of that. It's also a more healthy option than the fried chicken he usually buys. I made the french lentil soup recipe that was on here the other day last night, I loved it buy DH hasn't tried it yet. He asked what lentils were and I told him, adding that they were high in protein. That seems to get his attention, I might be onto something here! Thanks for the advice, and the reminder on my wedding vows! ;D
I'm not vegan but I had given up being ovolacto soon after marriage as we were both working and making 2 meals on a Spanish timetable was a major pain. Over the last years our income has remained static while prices have risen, and meat is getting expensive! Then for the last 18 mos DH has been on sick leave from work, and he encouraged me to return to vegetaria if it made me happy (with me it's a question of preference). Well I began quietly to prepare meatless dishes, and esp. in the evening, a veggie dish for me plus whatever he wanted. He's an easy supper tho, he's often happy with just a bit of tuna salad or a cheese sandwich.
Slowly he has started trying *some* of my dishes, even tofu, though I doubt I'll ever sell him on things like creamed celery, eggplant dishes etc...anything that is too obviously a plant! :D
Face it, you're not going to "convert" anyone on the basis of animal rights, cruelty etc. unless they share your convictions. The statement about refusing to see the DVD because then he'll never eat meat again tells me he feels very threatened by the changes he sees. Stop talking about it, and go underground. Make your own meals to your taste; don't force him to eat what he doesn't want to. He is after all an adult, and if you've cooked meat all these years with no problem, it does set a powerful precedent of the type: "It never bothered you before." (See the discussion on this board re: holiday cooking). Consider how much you value your relationship/marriage, and how much pressure it will bear. When I lived in the States I was amazed at the problems created when one of the two spouses made a unilateral decision to totally change the way the entire family (or both members of the couple) ate; in one case I know of, it ended in divorce. My mother was very faddy in the way she cooked and my father didn't like it at all; they stayed together, but my goodness, the fights!
I guess what I'm saying is, mutual respect is the key. If he respects your wishes not to be forced to eat meat, I would say you have to respect his desire to eat it, as long as you don't have to. And remember, over time the more you go into veg*nism, your tastes change and your perceptions of flavours do too! As this isn't his choice, you need to give him some extra time to adapt. You say he is supportive of your lifestyle, and that's good, at least he isn't hostile. If you take it calmly and slowly, you may yet find he isn't averse to cooking easy things for himself (surely anyone can fry a burger?) to relieve you of the burden...he may even come around to new ideas. Keep cooking those tasty vegan dishes, and just set them there...he'll end up tasting and liking, just like my DH. Best of luck.
I have been ovo-lacto and substituted tofu you name it for meat. I'll be honest...I never felt full enough and tofu is well, in a word, BORING when you eat for nearly every meal. I need something chewy, or something richly sauced at least a couple of times a week. I have gotten onto soy concentrates like Dixie Diner or healthy-eating.com recently. They have significantly more protein per ounce and with my gastroparesis, this is important because I also have low blood sugar. I can't get quite enough plant protein to fit in my stomach in order to keep my blood sugar up. THese concentrates really do the trick. THey are also chewy and can be flavored about any old way you can think of. They are about the same price or less than tofu, pound for pound, easy to store on the shelf and make up just what we need. They come in a variety of shapes and textures from sorta spongy and chewy in "chiken breast" as nuggets, as chunks, ground, strips, finer chunks, I have it all. I served my family and omni friends at Christmas Eve with green chili stew made with chiken chunk style. No one said a word about the contents, but I got raves on the lovely flavor it had (and it did).
I see why he thinks he needs meat. He might have low blood sugar too and not really know it. It takes a while to be happy with the way the vegan food sits in the stomach because unless one profoundly overeats, that heavy full feeling never comes. Pretty soon one prefers it that way, but not right off. Meat analogs make the switch a little easier. I notice that the further I get into this the more I like to go back to rich tofu stuff for the rich food stuff I need and want.
Tonight is Louise Hagler's Spinach Souffle made with silk tofu and soymilk. I can't wait, it looks wonderful.
Hiya Deuce0
I'm also in a wonderful relationship with an omnivore and we've been together for 2 years. He completely supports my eating choices, and I will "tolerate" his (not support.. there's a difference between supporting his choices in food and tolerating it). However, since before we dated, he's understood that I won't cook meat. I won't touch meat. I will tolerate it in my house (when my family comes over, when guests come over with party foods) but I'm never handling it or cooking it. He's a big boy, if he feels like it he can make or order his own meals.
However, since we've been together and since I've been cooking for him, we've never had to. He's constantly told me I'm one of the best cooks he knows. I learn exactly what it is he likes and I'll give him a delicious meatless substitution of it.
I do cook him cheese and egg meals though, even though I don't necessarily eat it myself. Sometimes it takes just a little bit.
I picked up Robin Robertson's "Vegetarian Meat and Potatoes" a while ago. It's a great cookbook for when you need cheesy comfort foods with meat-like textures and strong flavours. I suggest learning to make lasagnas and chillis. TVP (Yves Veggie Ground Round, stuff like that) is very available. Also there are a variety of meatless burgers that some people swear they can't tell whether it's real meat or not. My omni friends are fond of Zoglos and Tofurky brands and my boyfriend has declared PC's Meatless Portobello and Swiss burgers (non-vegan) his burger of choice.
I have a feeling your dude is all about the texture. Cook well, and he can't say crap about vegetarianism. Otherwise, tell him to learn to cook for himself. ;)
wow, i'm so glad that my boyfriend is a veggie too! he wasn't before i met him, but he's been really easy to turn. i became a veggie when i was in highschool, and my family was not so supportive, but i think that was because i hadn't managed to sell my sudden change in behaviour. there are a lot of reasons not to eat meat, and i think a lot of people are most turned off by the "ethical" reasons. it's really hard to not feel threatened by that, because while humans can have different tastes, religions, health needs etc, we're supposed to all have the same ethics. so you suddenly saying that it's horrible and wrong to kill an animal to eat it, (even if you're not actually saying those words) can make people protective of their own ethics.
anyway, i have found that the best way to get people to accept and embrace your food choices is to concentrate on the other issues. Health is one, and pretty irrefutable. a couple of well placed comments about heart attacks, and not wanting to live into old age by yourself could do it. the other, as someone else already pointed out, is price. the easiest way to get my boyfriend to give up his starbucks lattes was to point out how much money we'd save. the third is to concentrate on the foods of other ethnicities and regions. north american food is centered around meat, so it can seem forced to try and replace it in every meal. however, most people in the world eat no or very little meat at all. japanese, african, indian, mediteranean, and asian recipes (real ones, not americanized versions) usually have very little meat. maybe your husband, if you play the card of trying new kinds of foods, will be less inclined to notice the lack of meat. my morrocan themed christmas was a hit, and the lack of turkey was not really felt.
good luck! and if all else fails, i would personally consider a little "kitchen strike" not out of order. i don't think it's fair to ask anyone to do something they feel is wrong. after all, if you were jewish, i doubt he'd make a huge fuss about you not making porkchops.
there are a lot of reasons not to eat meat, and i think a lot of people are most turned off by the "ethical" reasons. it's really hard to not feel threatened by that, because while humans can have different tastes, religions, health needs etc, we're supposed to all have the same ethics.
I recently ran headfirst into that!
Visiting with a family friend, I found myself surprised that she still didn't know we were vegan, so when I said "we're vegan. ." she immediately replied "I don't blame you! They put all those hormones in everything. . ".yada yada yada
When the conversation came around a little, I mentioned that that wasn't the only reason, and began (ONLY began) to speak of the 'process' being inhumane, and was cut right off!!! Subject changed fervently. The end. No more. All done. :-X
funny how that is, isn't it. i wonder if slavery would have ended sooner if the reformers had been able to prove that owning slaves increases your cholesterol level or something. i guess people are inherently selfish, so doing something for themselves is easier than being convinced to do something for someone else.
Even meat and potatoes guys have a favorite vegetable. Find out what it is if you dont already know, and plan a meal around it, something special that you havent tried before. Not so exotic that you'll worry about botching the recipe, but not so plain that he gives you the same yawn routine. I made a vegan dinner for my omni boyfriend one night that wow'd him from the get go. Stuffed bell peppers, corn bread, tomato & corn salad, and blueberry cobbler. The trick is to not let him notice he is missing the meat. Veggies and rice gets old, so does spaghetti and marinara. But I'm lucky, my sweetheart is ridiculously understanding and sympathetic. He's Asian American so HE was the one who introduced ME to tofu after I went vegan, and since most of the fun of being vegan is learning new recipes and discovering new foods, I cook for him all the time and he adores it because before, well, my recipe repetoire was pretty limited. But anyways, your husband should come around eventually, he probably just feels threatened that you're never gonna let him eat meat again since you refuse to cook it. Going vegan is a very intimate decision - we all know that it affects EVERY part of our lives - and some people, even when they see and read the same things that opened OUR eyes, just arent ready to *really* see and hear the truth behind what they eat. The best we can do is wow them with yummy food, cruelty free :)
Good luck hun, I hope to someday have a veggie partner.. My bf has several times before told me that if Orlando FL had the vegan restaurants that he saw in LA, Cali last month, he would go vegan.. that and if I learned to cook mock meats like the ones they served at our local Garden Cafe an oriental restaurant that is all vegan... Oh well a girl can dream right :)
Janeyboo, you are making me hungry!
May I please have the recipe for the stuffed bell peppers? That sounds like an amazing meal!!!
Sure, its actually based on a recipe off this site.
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=12409
That recipe makes about 5587945 peppers so I basically just eyeballed it for 2 people. I subbed mushrooms for the burger crumbles but I'm sure your hubby would like that better. Its really a very simple recipe you can customize to suit your tastes. Like spicy? Add more ground pepper or chilli seasoning, or stuff like that. Italian? oregano and basil. If you end up making them let us know how it went ^_^ I got all the other recipes off this site also except for the corn and tomato salad, which surprisingly was his favorite of the dinner, and I got that from the goveg.com recipe list.
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Hope the veggie cooking is going well, I know how you feel: my bf of 7yrs is a freakin BUTCHER! We were together before I was vegan & begore he became a butcher. I see other veggies reactions when I tell them what my partner does, but I am not about to break up with him because of what he does if I love him.
He accepts that I will not cook meat for him anymore & I accept, that try to educate him as I might, he will want some meat occasionally. I do not aggree with or support this, but being vegan is my choice, not his. We manage to live together because he is usually too lazy to cook for himself & I really make an effort to make wholesome tasty vegan dishes for dinner, he is often suprised at just how delish veg dishes can be: and I've found there is no better compliment than a meat eater saying that they may just preffer the eggplant schnitzel.....