My advise on harrassment
For anyone who is a target of harrassment I have quite a bit of information about it.
It's a growing element of society and few people will not be touched by it at some time in their lives. In general terms the most important thing to concider is harrassment only hurts you when you react. The initial superrficial attack is meaningless and should be disregarded entirely as just that. It is your reaction that nurtures it into something larger and personally damaging.
Don't be hostile in return. That is obvious but also don't shake your head or even 'laugh it off' towards them. The only functional strategy that protects against harrassment is to blankly ignore it. If it becomes clearly threatening you'll need to develop evidence. Photos, a journal with carefull archiving of events including all particulars, large or small. Officials can do nothing without quite a large and indisputable body of evidence so going to the police before you have this is unwise as it has caused targeted individuals additional problems like being accused of a mental disorder ect.
There's organisations that are trying to help but the problem has become so large it's nearly impossible for you to get help. That sounds hopeless but actually harrassment rarely goes much farther than the superficial attack as long as you ignore it.
Again, make no direct communication of any kind. Don't engage yourself. Don't think hostile thoughts towards them. Don't think of them at all. Go about your day as usual. Get a large body of evidence BEFORE you go to the authorities and only when a true physical threat has been directed towards you
Keep on love love lovein folks.
Peace.
the most important thing to concider is harrassment only hurts you when you react.
I beg to differ?
Rethink on that a little
the most important thing to concider is harassment only hurts you when you react.
I beg to differ?
Rethink on that a little
Actually, I could not agree more with you, Paul. You have obviously reflected quite a bit on the issue and are full of life experience and wisdom. Good for you and good for us there are people like you around. :)
Maybe I'm missing something, but to me it kind of reads "don't fight it"
and uh...what? If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you should probably voice your concerns (to the police, your boss, whatever) before it's too late. Women tend to "let things go" too much, I think.
Maybe in my head "harrassment" reads more serious than what you're talking about. I don't think of dirty jokes in an office, I think of verbal or physical abuse or being threatened. So when I beg to differ about harrassment only hurting you when you react, it's because even if you do absolutely nothing, it still hurts. For instance, being called a name or being pushed down a flight of stairs isn't going to hurt any less if you don't do anything about it
But you must be thinking about a particular situation, and it really isn't made clear.
Thank you Luki and humble reciprocations.
I agree with Fee--if you're being harrased don't wait for it to get worse! Tell anyone you think will listen to you--the more people that know the situation the more eyes you have to be vigilant!
Don't be hostile in return. That is obvious but also don't shake your head or even 'laugh it off' towards them. The only functional strategy that protects against harrassment is to blankly ignore it. If it becomes clearly threatening you'll need to develop evidence. Photos, a journal with carefull archiving of events including all particulars, large or small. Officials can do nothing without quite a large and indisputable body of evidence so going to the police before you have this is unwise as it has caused targeted individuals additional problems like being accused of a mental disorder ect.
I appriciate that you are trying to give words of wisdom here--but as someone who has been victimized more then once I fell like you are telling people that unless you have a massae amount of "evidence" to prove you are not making up a story you will be shut away in an asylum! Ignoring harrasment only allows the perp to continue unthwarted! Allowing a snide comment go is one thing--but if you feel you are being victimized or harrased or even if you feel uncomfortable about a situation you have the right to speak up! And speaking up about a problem--or even a potential problem is not being hostile.
I gotta side with Fee and Capture, too. Especially in a peer-group environment like school or the work places. If someone is constantly harassing me, I'd definitely try to work it out with the individual first if the behavior hurt me, and I totally think harassment can be VERY hurtful without reacting. As the "fat kid" all throughout middle and high school, I definitely got harassed for it and it HURT, even when I ignored those that started all the trash talking. If the same thing happened to me now, I'd take the antagonists aside and speak with them.
Here's my take on it, although I'm generally not harassed because I'm a laid back alpha.
If I feel safe, I'll just be very direct about the persons statements. I work for a sexist supervisor and whenever he says something, I have a calm and direct conversation with him about his comments. He's not in a position to affect my job, so I don't let him get away with anything or take it to management.
If I don't feel comfortable, I put the person on notice and speak up to a lot of people. I was being harassed by an anonymous caller who had my work phone number. It was sexually graphic talk, not threats, but I didn't feel comfortable so I filed a police report so I could get a court order to have the phone company turn over the anon caller's phone number and identifying info.
PR - When you say harass, are you talking more about bullying?
In my opinion, letting harassment continue, unnoticed, sends the message that the behavior is appropriate. Telling victims not to react devalues their right to be free of harm. If you feel offended, hurt, or threatened by another's words, you have every right to state your wish for that behavior to stop. I agree that there is often nothing done in harassment cases to punish the offender. I think that stems directly from the tendency to brush off verbal harassment as non-harmful.
What type of harrassment are we talking about here?
If someone is making fun of me or giving me a hard time, I'll gladly ignore them. Eventually, they'll find another victim to bully.
But, if we're talking about sexual - I'm absolutely going to tell them first that what they're doing is inappropriate, and if they do it again, I'll report them - to everyone I meet. I'll make sure they know that if it continues, regardless of whether or not authorities believe me, I'll make sure their professional reputation is sufficiently tarnished.
For the most part, people who will sexually harrass someone will not continue if that person stands up to them. It continues because people remain silent. Silence, IMO, is not the answer. Being loud and clear about what is and isn't OK, on the other hand, works. People, after all, usually don't abuse others when there is a crowd around.
Maybe I'm missing something, but to me it kind of reads "don't fight it"
and uh...what? If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you should probably voice your concerns (to the police, your boss, whatever) before it's too late. Women tend to "let things go" too much, I think.
Maybe in my head "harrassment" reads more serious than what you're talking about. I don't think of dirty jokes in an office, I think of verbal or physical abuse or being threatened. So when I beg to differ about harrassment only hurting you when you react, it's because even if you do absolutely nothing, it still hurts. For instance, being called a name or being pushed down a flight of stairs isn't going to hurt any less if you don't do anything about it
But you must be thinking about a particular situation, and it really isn't made clear.
i agree w. you fee.
allowing harrassment to go on, and not call it out, that person may then "step it up" and perhaps become even more aggressive. it reminds me of a situation when i was working at camp and we had a "peeping tom"...well, the head honchos and cops didnt take it seriously and tried to placate all of us. then the "tom's" behavior stepped up, to the point where he was in our cabins, stealing underwear, and had to be chased off property by the cops. scary.
it also can create an environment where others may think that it is acceptable. thus, possibly leading to others to pass this same sense of "acceptable harrassment" on.
I agree with you Paul especially about the part of having lots of evidence before you go the police.
I was getting harassing, threatening phone calls last year from a former patient (I am a massage therapist). I went to the police with nothing more than his name, and last known address, and my story. They kept a patrol car around the house for a couple days and talked to the guy and I never heard from from him again.
You do not need a ton of evidence to talk to the police. To get a restraining order or something of the like you will need more evidence. But talking to the police at least is a good start. It will get a file going and set up a time line.
If you feel unsafe do not wait to go to the police.
I was getting harassing, threatening phone calls last year from a former patient (I am a massage therapist). I went to the police with nothing more than his name, and last known address, and my story. They kept a patrol car around the house for a couple days and talked to the guy and I never heard from from him again.
You do not need a ton of evidence to talk to the police. To get a restraining order or something of the like you will need more evidence. But talking to the police at least is a good start. It will get a file going and set up a time line.
If you feel unsafe do not wait to go to the police.
Excellent advice, taneva!! I grew up with the "ignore it and it will go away, they only do it for attention" philosophy around me. No, it doesn't go away. Yes, you're telling them it's OK to do this if you don't do something pre-emptive. And at the very least, they will do it to someone else.
Any kind of harassment is indictive of a serious underlying problem, and can lead to stalking, physical attack, or worse. There have been several cases of schoolyard bullying here in Spain that went ignored by teachers, parents and police--and led to the child being seriously harmed, killed or ending in suicide on the part of the victim because they simply couldn't live with it.
And of course, if you are in a position of authority and recieve reports of harassment--DO SOMETHING. Don't just brush it off or pass it on to someone else--take action.