Polyamory
So as to not take over the other thread.
I do have emotional relationships. If something happened and I or my partner wasn't able to have sex, I could work around that. If our emotional/intellectual relationship diminished, it'd be over. For me, the "connection" is the most important thing. Sex is important to me, but it isn't defining - although bad sex will end a budding relationship. I can usually tell by kissing styles. I tend to work on the "connection" with people who I think will be good sex partners, so it goes hand-in-hand. In a relationship, for me, what makes us "us" is the overall bond.
I avoid casual sex. There's a high probability of first-time sex being bad because partners aren't in tune with what the other person likes. I'm likely to be sexually monogamous, because for sex to be good (for me) it takes a few times with the same person and that wanders into emotional monogamy space. However, I don't feel necessarily tied to either casual sex or monogamy.
I dunno why I don't have a problem with open-ish relationships. If people continue this dicussion, it may help me put it in words.
Oh my.
Ten paragraphs of vitriol is a bit much, but I'm entertained.
that's why i removed my posts. because of this girl. because i was obviously upset and she (and a couple others) chose to continue making me a joke. Why? Well, I'm not a human behind this screen, right?
i couldn't care less if the conversation is "floundering" because all anyone wants to do is come to this thread and find out the "drama" and perhaps tell me a piece of their mind about how I should phrase and type out my posts instead of taking a fucking joke like it was intended in the first place. you people are fucking exhausting.
don't worry about me posting in this forum.
I know it doesn't make it right, but you slung the insults first, with something about "popular people" and people being mean and humorless. You can't expect to get respect without giving it. Also, if you write things to the effect of "I don't care if people get offended," and then they do, you shouldn't be surprised. It's not as if I came in here unprovoked and made a joke. I regret taking the discussion off track, but I really can't be apologetic for disrespecting someone who disrespected me first. If you can't take it, then don't dish it out.
mm,
I think we all know there is a human behind the screen, some are just letting their senses of humor out. Since it was obvious you didn't care about/wanting to be(ing) offensive to them, why should they restrict themselves of the same freedom you assumed?
eta, I was writing this at the same time as kmk
stop wasting your time in this thread, everyone. you don't really know what the story is, nor do I want you to, which is why i removed my posts. people read what they want to read. too many busybodies.
hanashi: wanting to be offensive? i don't know where you get that, but please, just drop it already. i don't even know why you're poking your nose into a moot point.
Regarding the topic at hand, I still am not sure. I just feel like polyamorous people are more attuned to their feelings for other people outside the relationship--but I think everyone has those feelings, including monogamous people. I know I've been in relationships where I had spurts of crush-like feelings for other people, but they really didn't matter that much. It's just like, if I acted on every feeling of attraction I had for every other person (like you say, for honesty's sake), then I would have a whole heck of a lot of partners! It doesn't really make me sad to know that there are some people out there who I have attractions to who I'm never going to have a relationship. It's just all too much! Lots of people are attractive! (by looks or personality)
I listened to some other woman's polyamory podcast last night. It was verrrrry New Age-y, I almost couldn't listen to it, but the basic idea was to "let energy flow" where it wants to flow. Meaning, like you say, if you have a feeling, let it carry through. I just feel like, since when is that a rule of thumb for life? If I acted on every emotional urge I had, I'd weigh three hundred pounds and have a celebrity-caliber wardrobe. We can't act on every emotion we have. Anyway, that's where the woman kind of lost me (in terms of understanding). Not that she is representative of any larger group, but it does relate to what we are talking about.
hanashi: wanting to be offensive? i don't know where you get that, but please, just drop it already. i don't even know why you're poking your nose into a moot point.
Are you even serious?
I remember your post. It said, "If you are offended, good." Or something to that effect.
Honestly, can we please move on? Or are you determined now to bring the conversation off track permanently? It would seem so.
*sigh* I was expecting to come back to more POLYAMORY posts.
mm, in your multitude of posts, you have yet to discuss polyamory except in your "joke" post. We get that you're unhappy. You stated that your intent with the first post was to get people talking. We are talking - about polymaory - and I still invite you to discuss your views on how polyamory is primarily responsible for the spread of STDs.
sorry, hh, i lost the desire to debate with anyone here. my orig. post was up for awhile if anyone chose to talk about it, but no one did, you know what happened instead.
thanks for being so polite and inviting me too, though. I appreciate that. I would stop posting in this thread but I am unable to PM. This is the last off-topic post from me, I apologize for hijacking the thread.
I love all of you. :)>>> :flower:
For the record: I won't be your entertainment, so I removed my posts.
No one was using you for "their entertainment" they were simply discussing your post.
i think she was referring to kmk's entertainment quote
Oh my.
Ten paragraphs of vitriol is a bit much, but I'm entertained.
Ahhh! Thanks Kelsi. I skimmed and assumed that she had meant the 10 pages of this thread. That makes more sense.
I have tried to read (skim) most of the thread, while portions have been deleted, I notice them term intimacy was only used once by Tino. And I wonder why.
After a handful of brief relationships, a seven year monogamous (by definition) and failing at things miserably these days. I still have not yet defined, for myself what love is, what it encompasses, although I would be confident in stating I dont think I would become involved in a polyamorous relationship. For me it seems to adds a complexity to a already complex bond between two individuals.
Thanks to all for the time and thought.
I have tried to read (skim) most of the thread, while portions have been deleted, I notice them term intimacy was only used once by Tino. And I wonder why.
After a handful of brief relationships, a seven year monogamous (by definition) and failing at things miserably these days. I still have not yet defined, for myself what love is, what it encompasses, although I would be confident in stating I dont think I would become involved in a polyamorous relationship. For me it seems to adds a complexity to a already complex bond between two individuals.
Thanks to all for the time and thought.
Said essentially what I had to say, and I feel the same.
While I think polyamory works great for some people and I don't care if it's what they want - I hope no one ever expects this sort of relationship from me.
I am still trying to figure out "love" and I've ruined far too many relationships trying to figure it out (asking questions and coming off judgmental).
This whole thread makes me think of Brave New World.
sometimes i wish i could be monogamous. it would in fact make things less complicated since i live in a mostly monogamous world.
(world being the place around me, not the planet earth)
being polyamorous in a monogamous relationship can cause a great deal of frustration on the poly person's part. frustration, guilt, and sometimes resentment.
Dessie, there's nothing wrong with asking questions! I wouldn't necessarily blame yourself for relationships that didn't work out if you're just basing that on asking questions. But then, I don't know your situation. It can be hard to talk to people about important things in a way that doesn't put them on the defense, I guess, especially with relationship stuff, but discussing boundaries & things that are important to you is how relationships stay healthy.
Re: my statement about intimacy...I suppose I should have been more clear about that. Probably what I should have said is that society seems to only validate specific kinds of intimacy, but there are more out there that should be acknowledged.
I reading this brilliant list of bad exam answers and one had to be mentioned on this thread.
10) Religious Studies
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
HH, that is awesome
hh, that's hilarious!
heidi's joke goes like this:
monogamy?!!! isn't that a type of wood?
i think i've got a monogamy dresser in my room in fact!
I have friends who always used to say "mahogany is a kind of wood" when someone else was talking about monogamy. heh.
:)
Doesn't matter to me as long as everybody involved in the relationship is happy. :)
Personally, though, I have some difficulty imagining myself in a steady monogamous relationship, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't consider it personally.
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