Online Dating Sites, and other Catastrophies
So how many people have been doing this online dating thing? I started it a couple of years ago, and almost immediately I met a truly wonderful person, and we ended up getting engaged. Sad to say it didn't work out for one reason or another, but since those 3 years ago, I've only dated one person who I met online. I've talked with a lot of people who've seemed to like me, but most of the time they stopped contacting me before we even went on a date. Some have even deleted their profiles from the dating sites. I know I'm a bit awkward, but I hope I haven't been creeping anyone out!
Has anyone else had similar experiences?
Here's a brief rundown of my last two dates, both of which weren't people I met online, but attempts by friends to set me up.
One date was going decently well until the girl insulted a friend of mine, then proceeded to get drunk and puke all over herself and the walls of my friends house where we had dinner.
The other date was apparently a surprise to the girl I was supposed to meet, because the woman who was setting it up forgot to tell the girl I was coming to dinner. The girl came to dinner in a sweat suit, with the side of her face all puffy because she had a tooth infection. She was also drugged up with pain medication, and kept falling asleep at the table. Sweeeet.
Anyone else have fun/horrifying stories? :surrender:
We've been seeing each other about once a month or so. I'm gonna try to find an easy way to get to the city, like megabus or something so that it will be an easy trip. We also talk on the webcam/phone a lot. It's not too terrible, I mean, I feel like I'm always quite busy with work, so it would probably be really difficult to manage something where we lived right close together anyway. It's my last year that I'm going to teach in Hartford, most likely, so then I can think about where I want to relocate.
It's not too much of a big deal to me anyway because I dated a guy in the navy for like 2 years and saw him almost never.
You and jorts boy were a couple and you know it! :P jk
We also talk on the webcam/phone a lot.
A LOT.
Also, I remember when you told me how much you loved jorts boy, Lotus. I didn't want to break my promise then, but I think it's ok now. Too bad that he didn't like you.
Maybe he's omni Lubi... Anyway, I've met some nice people on veggiedate.com I haven't actually gotten a date from there yet, but I've been chatting with some people. Sorry, no new crazy internet dating stories from Cammy yet. I'm sure it'll happen though, I do tend to make things awkward at times =P. Good luck everyone!
Cammy, there's nothing wrong with being akward. I've got to be the most akward person I know and I love me (sometimes). :P Plus akward boys are cute.
Sorry, no internet dating stories from me. I met the guy I'm with nearly 10 years ago and that's pretty much the story of my dating life (very exciting, I know). Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to date agian, then I hear all these dating horror stories. I would be almost afraid to date now, as I'm quite wierd and tend to just blurt things out without thinking. I don't seem to have a mental edit button.
please forgive as i haven't read through all of the posts on this thread - just wanted to add my experience here.
I have done a lot of online dating. I find the experiences can really run the gamut. There are of course those communications where people just "fall off the face of the earth". I consider myself pretty cautious and respectful in my communications with people (my level of communication will vary from person to person, depending on the vibe i would get from the other person) - so i don't believe it was anything i said/did - i think they just found something more shiny and new to catch their attention to play with. Although i might personally see that as rude (just dropping out) .. in a sense - i'm grateful because that spared me the time of getting to know them.
I've had plenty of dates where i liked the person but they didn't like me, and vice versa.
Some people i made genuine friendships with - w/o any physical involvment. For others, even if there was physical involvement - the friendship was always first. I personally detest the "FWB" phrase. It puts too much emphasis on the "WB" part. I prefer to think of it as "friends" that share a mutual attraction/physical chemistry and aren't opposed to sharing in that manner, but w/o it at the same time having to be the cornerstone of the relationship.
There have also been those "hi - how are you...*stuff happens* - well, that was great, take care now..." but it was never disrespectful to either party.
Sometimes i've met people where there was both a friendship and romantic connection - while at the same time, we knew there was no basis to be romantically invovled - so we appreciated the time we shared while knowing it wasn't a long term thing.
There was a couple of (what i consider) rare times when there was an out and out romantic connection - that ran it's natural course.
Last, but certainly not least :P - i met my current fiance through a free online dating site. We hit it off right away online, met in person rather quickly, and continued going full steam and that was over a year ago - never looked back and in so many ways - we match up so well together.
Those are my experiences - here are some of my observations of online dating:
- It's a breedy ground for flaky behavior. There's a kid in the candy store mentality - if you don't like what you have - jump onto the next best thing.
- There can be a bit of fakeness involved as well. Someone might date you and not be upfront about still dating other people (for fear of not wanting to burn any bridges)
- One of the most fun things is that you get to meet people that otherwise, you'd probably never have run into in your average everday walk of life.
- You have the opportunity to learn a lot about yourself, and grow accordingly - as you interact with many people
- when doing online dating - the less serious you can take yourself and the whole experience - the better off you'll be
- don't tie your self worth into online dating
Ok, I must have missed it, but what does 'FWB' mean?
sorry - it means "friends with benefits" and as far as my experience goes - i've yet to meet even ONE person i dated who was willing to provide me with a comprehensive medical and dental plan :P
Hehehe, I should have known that, or at least attempted to figure it out. I've never really had one of those, so I'm not sure if I would have gotten free eye exams.
I've hit the online dating scene many times. Most of the time when Everytime I found a guy that I liked (and thought we clicked) he ended up going back an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. Not that I believed that line of BS. It's been used a lot on me. The rest were just freaks.
Here's a short story about one....
I actuallly went out with this guy twice. First date we meet at a bar/grill type place. He seemed to know a couple of the servers. We're there talking and he's telling me about some people he knows. The he proceeds to tell me that they frequently go into restraunts and act like they are mentally disabled. Doesn't he go into one of the spiels that they do. He's talking really loudly like he's got moderately severe Downs Syndrome. I was so embarassed. I didn't care if he knew a lot of the people there. iIt was just down right wrong.
We were then talking about movies and Star Wars came up. I told him the original three are some of my favorie movies. He then thought it would be cool to talk like Yoda. Every dang message he left on my machine was like this. For the second date, we were at a club type thing for one of his friend's birthday. I ordered one wimpy mixed drink and said that's all I want since I had to drive almost an hour home. He kept ording them for me. After the second one, I stopped drinking them. He'd drink them and order another saying, "oh, you can drink this one." After the second date, I told him it wasn't going to work. I probably should have said "see ya" after the first date, but since I was short on the responses on the dating web site, I thought I'd give him another shot.
By the way, he was unemployed and lived at home. Told me he just took the civil service test and is waiting to hear back about a job at a liquor store.
I had been talking to a guy for a few months, and it was obvious that we both liked each other. (we met in a myspace veg group, so we were both vegans).
He lived in Florida, I lived in Florida. We were about 6 hours away from each other.
Anyways, this other girl I could telllllll liked him, he even said before we started going out she kept trying to hold his hand. And I asked, "you don't like her? why?" He said something like "I don't know, I just don't."
Anyways, so we were "in a relationship." He hung out with her and didn't tell me they were hanging out.. a picture with her is then on his myspace and stuff.
Yeah, I got super jealous and broke up with him via text (our relationship was purely texting, we talked on the phone once or twice.)
He insists that he wont stop talking to me; he never talked to me again. Why? Because he started dating the girl he insisted that he didn't like! They're still dating now, a year and a half later.
After I broke up with him, she kept sending me mean messages on myspace ("I was always more of a girlfriend to him than you.")
I couldn't reply to her, because she had it set to "only friends can reply."
it seems silly now, typing this all out. And it was. Honestly.
I'm not the kind of girl to fight over a guy. I think it's dumb and that if the guy liked ME, I wouldn't have to fight over him anyway.
anyways, it still confuses me. Did he like her the whole time, or did he go out with her to make me angry, and then end up falling in love with her?
we were in an internet relationship for 3 months (my longest relationship to date; also my last boyfriend), and we never met.
I LOVE online dating...or rather meeting people that I originally came to know in the online world...on dating sites, or Myspace or whatever. I have had great dates and terrible dates, but all have been interesting. I have met people that I ended up spending a chunk of time with, and others that through mutual agreement I never saw again. I have met a few guys who were not exactly "good"...certainly not keepers, and quite possibly potential stalkers...but had been careful from the get go, so no harm no foul. I have met people who's paths would NEVER have crossed with mine had it not been for the internet. There are a few men who, though the original plan may have been different, have evolved into AMAZING friends. I guess overall, my "online" experiences have run about on par with my "real life" experiences.
I don't have anything to add for the benefit of conversation... I am not dating anyone and it's getting a little frustrating because I do want to share some of my free time with someone. I am thinking that I may have to give this a try... perhaps I'll have some stories to tell! :)
(Or not, I don't think that those sites have too many folks in my area, but worth a shot all the same!)
Give it a shot Awnree. I was on okcupid.com and plentyoffish.com for a little while. Eventhough I didn't find anyone serious on there, I went on quite a few dates...more than I had been on in the past like 4 years combined. I thought it was pretty low key. At least it got me out of the house a couple nights a month. ha
i used Plenty of Fish too - that's where i met my current fishy! :P Matchdoctor is another free site - although not nearly as many people as PoF.
The cool thing about those sites is they both have forums - so you can get to know people before necessarily doing the whole "get to know someone" email ...
Well, I've had my first date with someone it was terrible, I'm really contemplating my cave of solitude again; maybe not seriously...
If I had a bit more time, I would get the basics out in more detail, he's the highlighted points:
- he was rude as all hell (I could go on and on, but really don't want to relive it).
- dictated all of the plans, and changed them at the last minute
- was pissed that stayed in contact with my friend through out the course of the evening so I she knew where I was
- called one of my friends a b*tch
- blared the radio and wondered by I didn't want to talk
- and kept telling me that he expected compliments... uh, yeah.
all around made me uncomofortable and scared...
I didn't like him, and there will never be another date with this jerk.
I am sure that they are not all like this jerk, but that's my dating adventure as of now... I wish I was a better writer, I could do some sorta Veggie dating tales.
I have gotten several people who say they can't date someone who doesn't eat meat, what am I thinking and so on...
I kindly remind them that THEY contacted me....
Anyway, I have been having conversations with several nice and interesting people too! :)
I hope to have some funny/entertaining tales to tell as time goes on!
Until then, single Veggie girl is going to enjoy her solitude, friends and new conversations on PoF. :)
Oh Awnree, I'm sad to here that your first date didn't go well. :( The first guy I went out with was a jerk too. And what made it even worse, was we figured out that we had met in college the night before we were supposed to meet. It was a disaster. But then I met several interesting people who were just trying to do the same thing as me. You know? So keep talking to the nice people! Maybe something will happen! :)
Well, I've had my first date with someone it was terrible, I'm really contemplating my cave of solitude again; maybe not seriously...
If I had a bit more time, I would get the basics out in more detail, he's the highlighted points:
- he was rude as all hell (I could go on and on, but really don't want to relive it).
- dictated all of the plans, and changed them at the last minute
- was pissed that stayed in contact with my friend through out the course of the evening so I she knew where I was
- called one of my friends a b*tch
- blared the radio and wondered by I didn't want to talk
- and kept telling me that he expected compliments... uh, yeah.
all around made me uncomofortable and scared...
I didn't like him, and there will never be another date with this jerk.
I am sure that they are not all like this jerk, but that's my dating adventure as of now... I wish I was a better writer, I could do some sorta Veggie dating tales.
I have gotten several people who say they can't date someone who doesn't eat meat, what am I thinking and so on...
I kindly remind them that THEY contacted me....
Anyway, I have been having conversations with several nice and interesting people too! :)
I hope to have some funny/entertaining tales to tell as time goes on!
Until then, single Veggie girl is going to enjoy her solitude, friends and new conversations on PoF. :)
i'm sorry that you had an unpleasant experience. Like what Lotus42 and you said, even if one experience is bad - that wont necessarily speak for future experiences. One *great* thing about bad dates - is they make great conversation for the future. Trust me, there's almost nothing as entertaining as telling someone about a "bad date" story. of course - it pays to be leery if telling a bad date story to a new suitor - that can either go over really bad or really well - depends on who you're out with. Some people enjoy hearing about their crazy "competition" while others may unfairly judge you as complaining.
I think someone should be patient if their date is keeping in touch w/their friends - because there's a dangerous element to be a woman and going on blind dates. So for me, i would never want to make someone feel weird about staying in touch w/their family, friends, etc. At the same time - there's a balance. If someone was just doing a quick "keep in touch" to let them know of current whereabouts - that's cool, but if someone was just randomly chatting with friends/family on the phone, texting, etc - i'd personally see that as rude and/or disinterest in the date.
I was on a date with one girl and she kept texting someone throughout the date. I did think it was rude (but didn't verbalize that). I liked her and didn't hold it against her for a first date. At a later point we had discussed that and she didn't even realize that it could come across as rude. Funny enough though - she did admit that she was texting her ex who she still had a *thing* for - oops! We only went on the one date, but we remained in touch via email for a bit (a few days later i met Shelley - and they advised everyone i might have been in touch with - that i was no longer "dating" and wanted to focus on Shelley instead). So it was probably because of that, that she felt comfortable to tell me that - again, oops! :)
Well, I went on a site once (plentyoffish) but not really for dating- I just hardly know anyone at all on this half of the country and wanted conversation. I set up a profile and got several messages pretty quickly. Oddly enough, I got a message from this guy that worked for a transport company that I went through. I had thought he was cute, but didn't really do anything about it, seeing as he was much older and typically guys don't show interest in me. Somehow we ended up going on a date that went wonderfully. He took me to a Japanese restaraunt (the kind where they cook everything in front of you) and even made sure they cooked mine first, vegetarian, before the other meat made it on the grill. After that, we went and watched planes take off. We dated for 3 months.
I've already mentioned the rest of the story several times. I'm sure y'all are sick of it!
Anyways, good experience at first.
Not so much in the end.
tl908, I met my first fiancee on a dating site. He wound up being a manipulative, psychologically abusive prick....Yeah, he manipulated me, took our business out from under me.... the only good thing I got from him was my cat.
I've had mixed results.
After crunching the numbers from my observations, I figured out approx 1 in 5 responses were worth responding to. From there 1 in 20 were possible meet ups.
Up until recently, I haven't felt ready to return to the dating pool after my breakup with G.... It has been over 3 years since I was really 'on the market'. Before then, I could write a witty and descriptive profile in no time!! This time around.... I spent over an hour on it.
At this point, I've had a profile up on plenty of fish for about 3 days, and already have 2 possible meet up people. One, I'm meeting Tuesday! We spent over an hour IMing tonight, and had a few emails before then, similar histories, etc....
I've learned to be VERY picky with who I write back/respond to. Make my profile as honest and quirky as it can be, along with 'deal makers' and 'deal breakers'....Along with various 'unique' questions:
Favorite Cookie?
Proudest moment?
Last show?
Best memory?
Fig Newton: cake? cookie? something different?
tl908, I met my first fiancee on a dating site. He wound up being a manipulative, psychologically abusive prick....Yeah, he manipulated me, took our business out from under me.... the only good thing I got from him was my cat.
Sounds like my relationship with Eddie, only I didn't get anything good out of it. Maybe if I got a pet out of it, I'd be less spiteful.
I'm pretty much in agreeance with sirepididymus (interesting username btw). I've done online dating on and off for about 4 years now, been on dates with probably about 50 men, talked with hundreds, "dated" about a dozen, and been seriously involved with 1 which lasted and is still a little on and off'ish for 2 years. I think like with anything you get better at screening out the phonies, pervs, and other such undesirables, so if your first experience with it wasn't good don't give up!!! I think it's a great way to meet people for all sorts of personality types. Where/how else can you screen for prospective partners so well??
If there's one thing I've really learned it's this, if you're on there looking for a "serious" relationship, don't be afraid to get into the pretty "big" subject topics like marriage and kids early. Anyone else who's also looking for something serious won't get scared off by this at all and realize that you might as well find out if there's any major road blocks sooner than later. I mean why put all this time and effort into getting to know someone only to find out there's a major obstacle blocking your happiness together??!! And once you've gotten those major obstacles out of the way, meet in person ASAP. If there isn't chemistry there, move on. I'm a firm believer that it's either there or it's not. Then again I like loves/relationships that are very passionate, starting off as friends, or seeing if something develops just isn't in my vocabulary. :)
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