Ultra-high fat ovo-lacto foods? How theheck to feed "a man?" and my frustration
For readers digest types, you can read the first and last paragraph to get the gist of my post, the rest is just my rant.:)
So frustrated. So today when my husband picked me up from work he announces he is going back to eating beef because he "can’t gain weight." He went vegetarian about 10 months ago and has lost a lot of weight...but he was also weight training at that time and abruptly quit, so I don’t really see how we can blame it all on the veg diet. ::)
Ahem, so this weight thing has been an issue since pretty much the day he went veg. Once we got married in June I thought it would help because i could make him plenty of foods and richly stock the pantry. Now, he pretty much eats whatever I put in front of him....and that’s it. He doesn’t really eat anything unless I prepare it and serve it to him. Apparently he went from living with his mom (and being fed by her, apparently?) to being in the military (and being fed shitloads of whatever food he wanted in the mess halls) to living next door to his dad who loves to cook and make foods and he apparently mooched lunch and dinner off of the man every day for the last few years. He supplemented the food he got at his dads with some basics he knew how to make (he was just learning to cook meat when he went veg) and apparently he drank a gallon of milk every two days and some whey powder...
Okay, so a few months ago, we both needed to put on weight, so I stopped being so stingy with the fats and oils in cooking we increased our food budget. We were spending 200 a month and now we spend 250. So I’m vegan, and will pretty much only cook vegan. I cook mostly form whole grains and dried beans we use fresh and frozen veggies and fruit also. I Never really used to use any of the processed/prepared vegan foods but the $50 extra a month is basically going to buy those things because I *thought* my husband would be willing to prepare them for himself and because they tend to be higher calorie.
Well, it still seems that every day he is complaining that "there is nothing to eat" and that he is too skinny. I’m at my maximum capacity to feed this man anymore. I guess I didn’t realize until after we were married that he had zero ambition to make foods for himself. All I know is I cannot possibly be available to make 6 meals a day, It seems to me breakfast, lunch and dinner ought to be enough and he can supplement it ON HIS OWN. Okay, okay, he is admittedly very busy too so it’s not like he’s necessarily lazy, but nobody has ever really taught him how to fend for himself in this department. I contend that it’s actually his unwillingness to make his own food that’s causing him to lose weight, NOT the veg diet. A while ago he said he missed omelets, which is one of the only foods he knows how to make, so I bought him some certified humane eggs and some organic cheese and the just rotted in the fridge while he complained of not having anything to eat. When he told me he is going to start eating beef again I told him that was really his decision (I never asked or pressured him to go veg- he watched the movie Earthlings to put holes in my argument for why I am veg and ended up converting himself.) I did however remind him that I told him when we first started dating that I would never make meat for somebody- no matter how much I loved them and they asked me too and that if I ever lived in a house with other meat eaters we would have to have separate things like pots and pans. Umm, also I realize he is in charge of what goes into his body, but I also would not be willing to buy meat for him unless it was certified humane…so since that’s like a million times out of our budget, he’d also have to take himself to the grocery store and buy factory farmed meat. So given his unwillingness to cook, I don’t see that happening. Whatever.
Anyways, so I’m going shopping tomorrow, and I am going to try to pick up some high fat veg food that is really really easy to make…like just opening and microwaving. Problem is, I have never eaten that way (and for the record I have serious reservations about having a person whose health will directly affect ME for the rest of MY LIFE eat that way, but whatever!) So I don’t even know what sorts of foods like this exist. The only two things I can think of are frozen bean and cheese burritos and frozen cheese pizzas? Do they have egg and cheese hot pockets? The problem with all fast/convenient foods is that they are highly processed—and don’t even get me started on how bad the cheese and eggs are (for him and the animals.) And actually, he never has been into bad for you foods (IE processed or McDonalds/burger king etc.) He also doesn’t eat much in the way of oily foods cus it hurts his stomach. So maybe this won’t even work, but I’m ready to pull my hair out with all the complaining about needing more foods. Ideas?
i know my ex liked the vegan "chicken" boca burgers a lot... those are easy peasy to make... also amy's brand has some frozen burritos that are vegan... ummmm my ex liked garbanzo bean salad sandwiches, tofurkey sandwiches (peppered or i think roasted variety), and real cheese quesadillas... i can deal with having cheese around but meat hell no... also buy oriental ramen is vegan and easy peasy... peanut butter and jelly, bagels with tofutti or regular cream cheese, wheat thins and hummus... just a few ideas
geese i hope this all works out for the best! he's a grown man damn it! do you have a taco bell, subway, or chipotle in the area where he can easily pick up some fast food?
I can certainly empathize with you.
I do all the cooking in my house so the wife and kids eat vegan most of the time. My 12 year old son is a ovo-lacto and my wife and daughter are omnis.
The thing is they don't lose any weight, in fact my wife is heavier than she has ever been. But I can't put the weight on. I'm not skinny, just lean. I work out so I am stronger now than when I was when heavier.
I have started to eat a lot more carbs lately but I don't feel so good when I do. I have always been liberal with "healthy" oils (grapeseed, olive, sesame and hemp).
I have not eaten meat in over 10 years but I've only been vegan for a year. I was once 212 lbs. and now I'm 150.
Here is what I have discovered. . .
Once you get to a certain level of "lean" your body starts burning calories like a furnace. Once I crossed that threshold I could eat as much as I want of anything without gaining an ounce. Since your husband is working out and changed his diet he is likely experiencing the same thing.
I would recommend more carbs for him. You could always cook rice, pasta or potatoes as a side and have him fill up on that along with whatever the main dish is. That way you don't need to alter your diet, recipes or cooking style. You could even cook up a lot of rice, etc. in advance so that he can zap it in the microwave when he gets hungry. Another way is freeze it in 1/2 lb Ziploc bags so it is readily available in single serving portions.
I can't really offer any helpful advice (except...avocados? Lots of them? And maybe bananas?)
I just wanted to say, hey VHZ, good to see you posting! We've missed you!!
Maybe gaining weight is an excuse for going back to eating beef. Cooking up some meaty and filling foods could little his desire and want to leave being vegan. Things like homemade frozen nut/burgers, frozen pizza/calzones, tofu/seitan, meals with coconut milk, chickpea salad sandwich with some guac or mayo, and maybe lots and lots of bread. But I assume gaining weight would be hard task on a healthy diet; being a couch potato does wonders though, so he could try that. ;)
I can't really offer any helpful advice (except...avocados? Lots of them? And maybe bananas?)
:o
ok, you have to stop doing all of the work for him. that's ridiculous.
he should snack on things like clif bars, those are like 250 calories each. can you increase your food budget? he obviously just needs more calories and he'll gain weight if he's eating more calories from anything (and hopefully the weight he gains is muscle from weight training, since unless you ares severely underweight your aren't going to want to gain fat). anyway, meat is nasty and unhealthy and i don't know why the hell he would want to gain weight so badly that he would put his health in jeopardy. It's quite easy to gain weight on a completely vegan diet, as MANY people have before, including many on this site.
he should be able to make himself sandwiches and open energy bar type things, so give him those as snacks and provide things like fruit and granola in the morning. don't outdo yourself to make his health worse.
What if you make things like the garbanzo "tuna" sandwich filling and have it in the fridge so all he has to do is plop some on bread?
Zealia ~ Your husband is a grown ass man. Any nitwit is able to feed themselves. If HE is hungry then HE should eat. It is not your job to ensure HE is eating enough to try and get to and maintain a weight HE finds more desirable. You have already informed him (before you got married) what you were willing to compromise on as far as food. HE is fully capable to going to the store to buy himself meaty items. These are vegan body builders: http://www.veganbodybuilding.com/ So, it can be done. HE needs to be the one to put in the effort, not you.
Ideas for high calorie food: tofu scrambles with soy sausage and avocados, vegan protein powder, peanut butter with bagels.... What kinds (if any) cookbooks do you have? I have a 'Veggie Burgers Every Which Way' and 'Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook'. I can scan some recipes and email them to you if you want. You can also make hearty stews and your own vegan burritos and keep them frozen and he can just pull out what he wants when he wants it. That is what microwaves are for.
I am very sorry you are having to go through this. I hope that at least one of us has helped you. (((zealia)))
Hey guys thank you for the replies...yes, some of you have had some very good suggestions. I pleased to report that this AM my husband woke me up with breakfast! He made patties outta gimme lean breakfast sausage and slapped em in a bagle. He said "I need to take more initiateve with this weight gaining thing." So a cautiosly optimistic "yay" to that....
One of the other stuggles I have been dealing with is that we have only one ity bity skillet and one ting sauce pan...I havent purchased more becasue somebody ordered us a lovely stainless steel set for our wedding and we have had one headache after another with many hours over several months of bing on the phone with costco...Finally I am assured they are now on their way, so soon I shall be able to cook like a normal human being again. I normally make my own veggie burgers and lentil loafs, but have not been able to since i need a big ol stock pan...Ive been doing a lot of my cooking in my crockpot, which is aslo smaller than I like for bulk cooking. :(
I have tons of cookbooks, including: La Dulche Vegan, Vegan with a Vengance, Food alergy survival guide, Alternative Vegan Cooking, Cozy inside, VCIYCJ, A life in balance, Vegi-mex, Instead of Chicken-Instead of Turkey, and three huge general vegetarian cookbooks as well as these two ancient books that I ADORE called "The Oat, Pease, Beans and Barley Cookbook" and "Mother Natures Garden." (I get my veggie burger recipies from this book.)
I also have Vegonimoniocan on the way- it was a Christmas gift that hasnt arrived yet....
I bought my husband a soymolk maker for Christmas, which obviously I will be using, but he likes to drink things like milk and juice and sears this is healthy. Im confused because he grew up very, poor- like my family did and my parents strickly rationed things like Milk and tought us that juice was for special occassions, like easter morning. LOL, apperantly his mom managed to keep three boys drinking juice and milk ALL DAY as a single parent??? Anyways, I always compain about the soy milk drinking (keep in mind he used to drink a gallon of milk every two days) And told him he could drink more "milks" when we got a soy milk maker.
The potential of raising our grocery budget? We would have to look over the whole budget and see where we could cut back. We will be debt free by August so we could either start saving for a house or else spend more on groceries. LOL....yeah....I bet we could spend a little more. :-/ I was a little distressed about how much he ate of what i brought home from my shopping trip tonight. Yeah...
Ive dirrected him to that bodybuilding site before, he looks it over, gives me a list of things to buy (which I do) and then quickly loses interest.
I think Im gonna start "tough loving" him. Tonight he almost skipped dinner cus I was exhausted and just wanted to zap a veggie burger and have some salad with it. He looked in the freezer, picked up some Cheese totinos pizza rolls and declared he didnt feel like doing "all that work" (ie heating said pizza rolls in the toaster oven) just to eat. HAHAHA! I had to convince him that htey really were not that hard to make and assure him that I WAS NOT making his dinner tonight.
Adjusting to marriage has some funny struggles. LOL.
Ill respond more dirrectly to some of the suggestions and talk some ideas aout with you all...for now I gotta hit the hay. Night!
ok, you have to stop doing all of the work for him. that's ridiculous.
he should snack on things like clif bars, those are like 250 calories each. can you increase your food budget? he obviously just needs more calories and he'll gain weight if he's eating more calories from anything (and hopefully the weight he gains is muscle from weight training, since unless you ares severely underweight your aren't going to want to gain fat). anyway, meat is nasty and unhealthy and i don't know why the hell he would want to gain weight so badly that he would put his health in jeopardy. It's quite easy to gain weight on a completely vegan diet, as MANY people have before, including many on this site.
he should be able to make himself sandwiches and open energy bar type things, so give him those as snacks and provide things like fruit and granola in the morning. don't outdo yourself to make his health worse.
This. Even if he doesn't want to eat vegan he's still gonna have to know some basic stuff. YOU ARE NOT HIS MOM!!! Also, if he doesn't eat for a day because he's too lazy, and you're not doing it, he won't die. He'll get it eventually, if you help him, but if you keep doing it, it will be like that for the rest of your life, girl.
i agree... i have learned to let people just suffer when it comes to there own choices... i was an enabler with my ex, always putting my all into his well being, called to make sure he woke up for work, paid the bills just to make sure they got paid, always made sure he wasn't hungry and offered him food, bailed him out time and time again, signed him up for school, did his tax returns, etc... he never grew out of it and it did us in... once u feel like someone's fucking mom there is def gonna be a problem that will just continue to grow... focus on yourself don't enable this behavior... and if he wants to eat dead animals cause he's too lazy to throw together a fucking pb and j that's his own fucking problem... try to let go a bit i know it's hard but it will cause a rift between you love yourself <3
LOL
My husband and I became vegetarian a year after we got married and a year later we tried going vegan, instead of losing weight my husband got fat. We cooked all the time, tried new things daily. He started saying it was the vegan diet that made him fat, but it was just we eat so much more because we wanted to try to learn how to cook new foods. He started eating meat again and I went lacto-vegetarian. Now 4 years later I am still a lacto-vegetarian but I want to go back to being vegan. I cook vegetarian food for everyone and if my husband wants chicken then he will through frozen chicken in the microwave.
It’s hard when our diet is so different. He says he will be a vegetarian some day.
Anyways, I make these homemade muffins, called Bran Flex Muffins and I make then vegan they are a good snake, the kids love them and they are healthy. I got the recipe off of www.bobsredmill.com but for the recipe on that site is not vegan you will just need to make some adjustment.
I also keep cooked rice and beans in the fridge so when anyone gets huge them can warm it up. Someone is always huger in my house, I have 4 kids and man can they eat. I also make sure we have lots of first and veggies in the house so they can grab it and eat them.
I know how hard it can be so hang in there, that’s what I do.
One thing that I can say is my husband now how to cook good veg dishes. Maybe you can teach your husband how to cook, or just cook want you want and if he doesn’t like it then he can cook something else. That’s what I do.