Mean girls at work
I just started a new job a couple months ago. Was referred here by a friend (not a super close friend, but someone I'd met thru someone else a while back)..anyways, the first few weeks were fun: Ali (not her real name, but hey gotta protect peeps' identities) invited me to eat lunch with her and the other girls she knows in the office. The other three girls, Lexi, Violet and Kammie, seemed really nice, young, and cool and I thought, hey this will be fun working here and meeting new people to hang out with!
So, as the weeks went on, they started inviting me less and less (and I only eat lunch with them if I ask first)...and all they do is whisper, whisper, gossip, gossip about EVERYONE else here (its a small office and 98% women, go figure). If any of them has a party or get-together outside of work, I am only invited at the last-minute (out of courtesy) and when I say last minute, I mean, like at the end of the workday before I am going home. Its weird, I've known Ali for almost 4 years now, and yea, we were never really close, but I considered her a friend/acquaintance. The others are hot-cold: Violet is really nice and friendly to everyone here, Kammie is moody, but she's also preggo, so I'll giver her a break, but Lexie is a girl who strikes me as someone who never had many friends growing up/wasn't popular and 'latches on' to Ali and Kammie because she doesn't really know anyone else around here.
All I can say is I dread going to work, because I thought I graduated from HIGH SCHOOL YEARS AGO!!!!
What should I do? Oh, I have befriended another lady at work, Jamie, who's a little older than me and has kids/family, etc....I'm sure the 'clique' look down at me because of this... (rolls eyes) :(
Personally, I hate the office-gossip group. And I learned the hard way that if they are gossiping TO you, they are also gossiping ABOUT you. You nailed it: these three are pretty immature and still need to feel they are sitting at the "cool kids' table." I personally wouldn't give them another thought. Yes be pleasant, but don't accord them very much importance unless you actually like office drama.
Be friends with whomever you want. As you said, you left highschool a long time ago. It's amazing the number of otherwise professional adults who haven't...their minds are still in middleschool. And if you're starting to dread work as you say, you need to make a few positive changes.
This will be a good chance for you to strengthen your independent side, and just be yourself! I know working in that type of environment is tough, but you don't want to have all that extra drama and stress in YOUR life. Just do your work, talk to whomever you want to, and don't worry about what they might/might not be saying about you. Sheesh. They obviously have nothing better to do. You don't want to be friends with them, anyway, if they are going to act like immature teenagers. Find your own place to eat your lunch; I like to eat outside!
You can obviously continue to be kind, and not outright ignore everyone (if you don't want to), but you don't have to get yourself all tangled up in it. Just be yourself!
It sounds like you have a better friend in "Jamie."
Thanks, guys! Yes, its unecessary stress to have 'work drama.' I was stressing out about it last night, then I decided, you know what? Why make my life miserable worrying? I obviously don't need to be friends with people like that...I have way too many other (better) friends to spend my time with! And yes, Jamie has really been a nice lady to get to know..we have similar lifestyles/interests and take walks outside over the noon hour now that the weather is decent. She actually says she feels the same way about the 'clique' and that they used to be worse!
Do you think it has anything to do with you being veg? You said how they would invite you to lunch at first .... which is were you'd get 2 know eachother ... and than less and less afterwards??
It is SO hard working in an environment that is almost ALL woman! LOL ... I work in cosmetics and when I worked at a counter which is like 98% F ... it was a nightmare with all the gossip, backstabbing, and caddyness!
For me, I keep my mouth shut, repeat nothing, and AS SOON AS i hear someone start to talk about another person, or anything negative i feel can easily get blown out or twisted i just kind of wander off and walk away .... than i'm NO WAY mistaken for having taken part in it!!
As far as being vegan at work... well that's easy cause in the beauty/fashion industry ... lunch or dinner breaks usually consist of coffee and window shopping lol ... at most coffee, salad, and window shopping!!
zomg, when I once took a random job outside my industry, i went to the breakroom for lunch to sip my coffee .... the smell of different foods nuked was making me sick and everyone kept asking why I wasn't eating and if I was starving or was affraid to eat in front of people!! (ha never!)... meanwhile they were chowing down on rice and beans with hords of meat (keep in mind it was barely noon).... ugh .... I wanted to RUN! Now that was uncomfortable!!
Lexie has a cube next to mine..and all they do is WHISPER/GOSSIP all frickin day!!! Omg, it is so annoying!!!! (This is a VERY quiet office, so every little noise is heard) Time to bring some headphones..
Headphones are a great idea!
Yea my staffroom at lunchtime is gossip central, I'm getting really good at tuning everybody else out completely and just sitting there reading the paper or whatever while I eat. I can't handle constant yabber, especially when it's all gossipy and sensationalistic and loudly opinionated. It's my BREAK which means my quiet no-interaction time.
Though I did bite my lip one time...people were talking about something meat related (I don't remember what, I don't get involved...the people at work are very strongly opinionated extroverts with something to say about everything...I'm the opposite so can't be bothered) and this one lady was all like "ooh ohh oh no ew ew don't talk about that I'm vegetarian" I looked up all surprised and interested and she was eating either a chicken or tuna sandwich... *raised eyebrow, back to newspaper*
Lexie has a cube next to mine..and all they do is WHISPER/GOSSIP all frickin day!!! Omg, it is so annoying!!!! (This is a VERY quiet office, so every little noise is heard) Time to bring some headphones..
I have a pair of construction-worker's headphones, the type you are supposed to wear when using loud machinery like jackhammers etc. Mine are cheapies, got them at LIDL, but they do help when next door, upstairs or downstairs babies are screaming and I need to study. A good pair would be even better. You might wear those...Or, just say loudly when the whispering is going on, "You know, it's funny how you can hear every single word in these cubicles, whether you want to or not!"
Lexie has a cube next to mine..and all they do is WHISPER/GOSSIP all frickin day!!! Omg, it is so annoying!!!! (This is a VERY quiet office, so every little noise is heard) Time to bring some headphones..
I have a pair of construction-worker's headphones, the type you are supposed to wear when using loud machinery like jackhammers etc. Mine are cheapies, got them at LIDL, but they do help when next door, upstairs or downstairs babies are screaming and I need to study. A good pair would be even better. You might wear those...Or, just say loudly when the whispering is going on, "You know, it's funny how you can hear every single word in these cubicles, whether you want to or not!"
I brought my iPod today...nothing beats some rockin' tunes to drown out the DRAMA! ;)b
I figure its best to stay away from the clique, as they seem to cause 'trouble.' Ali just got in hot water from mgmt for cheating/lying on her timecard...I certainly don't want something like that associated with me!
Just ignore them. Some people are very very LIFELESS and immature individuals and it's true some actually think they are still in high school. They laugh at their own jokes/gossip I guess someone has to.
Just ignore them and keep thinking someday they will figure out what pathetic means.
girls r catty period!!! i can imagine how uncomfortable this makes u but don't let them know it bother's u... this always happens when ur the "new" girl at work... people wanna talk shit... just be urself and be nice to everyone and i'm sure u will make new friends... everyone seems to talk shit on the new person... it won't last forever i promise!