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i cried!

i am so sad.

i'm in the process of weening myself to "raw" veganism....
but, weening nonetheless

so, i met my mom for dinner at a soup and salad place.
there's one place i eat that i can have the veggie soup, and, i ASSUMED (we all know what "they" say abouot 'ass'-u-m(e)ing....
anyway, two bite into the soup, i realized something was ascew
so, i asked what the soup base was
it was tomato, and---milk!!!!

i wanted to crawl out of my skin
curl up and cry

i feel so dirty
so defiled

i wanted to purge
just to get it out of me
but, even so, it was already in me....
there was nothing i could do
i still want to cry about it

words can not describe how i feel right now...

anyone else sympathize/empathize about my level of disgust with myself?


I guess so.  But not really.

I would be kind of annoyed with myself if I carelessly ate an animal product.  But if I took two bites and realized it had milk in it, I'd stop eating it.  I'm guessing that's what you did, right?

I think you're kicking yourself a little to hard for a simple mistake.  You didn't purposefully order the soup because it had a milk base, right?  Everyone makes mistakes.

What is the attraction to a raw food diet, anyway?  Is there something inherently defiling and dirty about cooked food?


I don't know how long you've been vegan and what your relationship with food is otherwise, but when I first went vegan, for the first year I would have so much trouble forgiving myself and not feeling overwhelmingly upset about consuming an accidental animal product. I would have countless nightmares about my family feeding me cheese, about eating chicken, about murdering our cat, etc... horrible by-products of obsessing about what exactly goes in my body because it was so new to me (even after a year, it was still new!). While I wouldn't say I'm completely laid back about it now, I have curbed my obsession to the point where if I made a genuine effort to avoid the animal product (asking, reading labels, judging the food, etc.) I will only have an upset stomach, not an upset mind. That said, I do learn from mistakes. Chinese places tend to not know that egg is not vegan, but I know that now.

I hope you can feel better about this. I know the feeling and it's not pleasant, but think about the pain you are causing yourself, is it going to change anything in retrospect? No. If your goal in being vegan is to reduce suffering in this world, then that includes your own suffering.


" dont like judgement.
these things make me sad
no one likes to be sad."

This is in your profile.  Don't judge yourself so harshly.  When we tend to be so harsh with ourselves, eventually we become really rigid and create uncomfortable situitions for ourselves. I know because I do that too.  ;)

I am a bit concerned with your choice of language and how you described that you feel disgusted  and dirty with youself.  In one way, its about food but in another its really on how you deal with whats happening in the present moment...meaning how you handle  your emotions.

Forgiveness is really hard and I  would think you might be hard on yourself in other ways besides food.

Forgive me if you think this is too much.  :-\  :-\  :-\ 

From your quote it makes kind of sense you don't like judgement perhaps because you judge yourself??

Remember,  life is a process not an event.

I do apologize if this wasn't the advice you were looking for.


i do appreciate the responses,
i suppose the great deal of my level of upset stems from the knowledge/fact that it could have been prevented if i just asked, but, i assumed this was the place i'd been that had the soup i can have...

...i've been vegan for about 2 years, but off dairy for about 4

raw food diet, i feel "cleaner" when i eat raw...i'm not completely there yet, but, am working toward it.  raw is a personal decision for me, not moral, just a collection of personal experiences in trends that i've recognized the difference in my personal health during the trend period of raw eating v. eating cooked.

reduce suffering, including my own. i do agree, i hold myself to impossibly high standards.  i just dont want to play a role in anyone's suffering or the suffering of another being, or contribute either directly or indirectly to the cycle or promotion of ideals and practices that (i feel) brings harm and creates a sense of dystopia to a society.

but, that statement in itself is judgemental, right?  and that results in me feeling bad. 

see, and i do feel guilty because i'm so stressed out over this, but, there are more important things happening in the world:
children being sold into sex slavery

so, i need to move on, realizing that there are indeed, more significant tragedies occurring right now than the fact i had a few bites of soup with milk in it...


Sorry you had a bad day..... :P

I can understand how you feel. I was "duped" at a local Chinese restaurant. I felt sick, angry, and like I was on drugs (really). I never went back there again. I also was "poisoned" by some miso soup one morning when I was in Europe recently. Who would add "fish broth" to miso soup?! I find it harder and harder to eat out. That's such a shame because one of my favorite things used to be going out several times a week to eat. I'm hoping when I get to Asheville I can start doing that again.....

Like me, I think you'll just have to cook on your own (do you still call it "cooking" when you prepare a raw meal)? Maybe becoming vegan has turned me into a "control" freak. I really like to know exactly what it is going into my body. The only way I can do that is by cooking and preparing my own meals. Guess that's our life. It's OK....actually GREAT if you look at it the right way. We are healthier, and we don't contribute to the pain and suffering of animals (at least not directly), by our choice of diet and lifestyle.

Time to get my dogs back in and to try to go back to sleep! ::)


You have my sincere appologies for accidentily ingesting that foul soup.

I'm sure I would have reacted just like you!  I would have cried and thrown a fit, and probably left the restaurant RIGHT then.  And then I would go on a de-tox/fast to cleanse myself....and probably do a zillion more hours of volunteer work to "right" the wrong.

This is the exact reason why i NEVER eat out.  But then again I am one of those "angry new vegans"......


I'm sorry you had a bad day. I am also a big fan of raw food. I tend to go through phases myself. I'll go totally raw for a while and then feel like having some soup. I think if I didn't live somewhere that the winters get so misserable I would probably stay raw. It can be an amazingly healthy lifestyle and I agree it just feels 'cleaner'.


Much as I know that CateS and NoIllusions are dead on about why these cases of accidental ingestion shouldn't upset us vegans so much, I am more than with you, Carmenmichelle. It makes sense, when you're passionate and deeply ethically invested in something, to be deeply distraught when something like this happens. I have cried over things like discovering that the dark chocolate I was nibbling had butter in it, and having my groceries ridiculously over-bagged on an occasion when I forgot my own, trusty canvas bag. Then there was another incident involving some cream-based sauce that shouldn't have been, after I was hungry to the point of distraction. That ended badly, but I'll spare you the details. I realize that this sounds ridiculous to some people, but I take responsibility for my consumption very very much to heart. You and AshleyKimball and I would be in the bathroom bawling our heads off! My girlfriend, whose been vegan much longer than I have, is much more zen. She got a mouthful of beef that was mislabeled seitan and was pissed off, but not overcome with self-loathing. Perhaps we do have "angry new vegan" syndrome? Anyway, this is my a gesture of solidarity. 


I've been vegan for 6 years and I  used to get quite upset when I accidentally ate animal products or stood on a snail; quite understandably so too. But, I realised one day that I needed to develop a coping mechanism since this world is a vastly un-vegan friendly place.
I decided that if I didn't do it on purpose and I just made a mistake, I wasn't being actively ignorant - if you know what I mean - then I needed to rectify the situation as best I could, such as not eating anymore (insert food here) once I've realised what's really in it. Understanding that, yes, I just consumed milk, but it was an accident and I need to leave it behind now. I still get upset, but I remind myself that, that accident does not define who I am, I am still a vegan, I will keep fighting the good fight.

I needed to learn how to let it go and not punish myself.  I needed a way to deal, to cope, to be happy.


When I first read this post, I thought it was a strong reaction to two spoonfuls of dairy soup... until last night, when I reminded myself once again in a horrible and embarrassing way that I spontaneously vomit when I eat a meat substitute that is too much like meat.

I hope you are feeling better, carmenmichelle.

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