families can be so complicated...
I love my family to pieces, I really do. They just make me crazy sometimes. This weekend I had 2 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 parents, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and 2 cousins over to see my new house. I told everyone not to bring too much food, as I'd provide salad, cake, and munchies. I am of the mindset that if they want to bring something with meat and cheese, it's OK as long as they prepare it and either consume it or bring it home with them. I made hummus, tabbouleh, a gorgeous veggie tray, 2 salads, had pita chips and salsa, ginger cookies, and a beautiful homemade vegan chocolate cake. For breakfast I had pumpkin muffins, fresh fruit, oatmeal, coffee and juice.
Well, they brought enough nonvegan food to feed a nonvegan army. We're talking meatballs, salami, about 12 kinds of cheese, chips, dip, chicken wings, some other chicken thing in a crock pot, huge sugary Danishes, white bread, donuts...you get the picture. I don't have a problem with them bringing their own food, it just bothers me that:
1) I went out of my way to make healthy, tasty food that wasn't too "weird"
2) I TOLD everyone not to bring too much food
3) After 13 years of being vegan/vegetarian, I still get comments about what's in my food
4) They ALWAYS try to stick me with their leftovers and I hate it! I hate wasting food and I feel uncomfortable then pawning it off on other people (i.e. putting it in the teacher's lounge at work) because I don't believe in eating it in the first place.
Not to mention the conversation between my aunts, mother, and cousins seemed to center heavily around weight loss and health and it drives me crazy to hear them talk about that and then see what kind of food they choose to eat. I had tons of healthy food and no one ate it except for my almost vegetarian sister and me. I believe in leading by example and I don't harp on them about it, but it seems the older I get the more crazy it drives me.
I finally have my own place and JUST ONCE I would like to host a completely vegan gathering and not get drama about the food.
Grrrrr. OK. Rant over. Thanks for listening.
I don't know whether it helps, but I'm screaming inside for you. In sympathy. Sincerely. >:(
That sucks....especially after ALL the nice things you made AND the comments to not bring much. I wish you were part of my family :) all that foods sounds delicious (at your age I couldnt even cook!)
I have NO communication with my family so I'm not sure how they would react. But its very poor manners on their part. They weren't very good houseguests. Maybe they would have been very pleasantly surprised to how yummy and light the food you made was. Then they could have gasped...BUT these are so yummy..healthy wow maybe I can lose some weight eating your yummy vegan food! :-\ Sigh...
Please tell me ....nobody touched your cake or cookies?? :o My friends have NO problem gobbling up my vegan deserts.
Are you a teacher? What do you teach? I am a music teacher to little ones.
Totally understand why you need to vent.
WOW my mouth is watering just reading all that delicious-sounding food you made!!! Maybe they mistakenly thought they were sparing you the trouble of fixing food for them, but it would have been nice if they would have at least tried your food you that you so sweetly worked hard over for them!
Where I used to work, the tradition when someone left was always to go to the supermarket and buy lots of lunch foods, always meat and cheese. When I left, two very sweet women made many wonderful vegan dishes and everybody ate up and complimented the food. I even had a cake shaped and iced like a carrot.
Hey Pineapple...
I'm really sorry that your family feels the need to act that way towards you and your (YUMMY) vegan food. It kinda sounds like they are insecure about stepping away from what they know. :( How about hosting a get together and only inviting those that would appreciate the vegan-ness of your food?? If only Minnesota weren't so far away I'd visit! Keep your head up and congratulations on your own place!! 8)
My last post was missing the point of the post, which just made it sound a bit rude.
My point was that your family might not quite "get it" (and mine don't), but there are some people out there that do. It's the old "you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends".
I hope you have some of those sorts of people in your life, and I'm sorry about your weekend.
i don't invite any of my family (aside from my sisters) to any event that i'm holding at my place. apparently, one of my cousins went vegan a year ago with his wife but i haven't talked to him in about eight years.... i feel for you, i really do. i have attachment issues, so it's easy to disclude my family from my life. i'm happy that both of my sisters are open minded when it comes to food and love (and sometimes prefer) veg*n food. most of my friends are omnis and all love to come to my place for dinner parties and holidays because they "can't wait to see what I will be cooking this time around."
i like laurenmisplaced's idea. it's sort of what i've done with my get togethers. people talk about how good it was and then perhaps other relatives will be a little more open minded.
I've got to say that this food bringing may have nothing to do with you being veg....
I mean, my mom's family would do the same thing regardless of what the host was cooking. Just to bring stuff cuz they wanted to help. Not becuz the host's food was going to be yucky. Just becuz this is what they DID.
Finally, my mom said, "this has to stop," and assigned items for each person to bring (cuz they were gonna do it anyway), not leaving it up to them so there would be too much, kind of hit them off at the pass, you know? And that way she could feature her dishes if she wanted. Even saying, YOU (aunt)- salad (leaving it up to them what kind) YOU (sister)-(chicken dish) etc....
I mean I know you were hosting the party but if you are going to allow meat foods (which i think is totally fine, you're veg, not them), then maybe coordinating with the food bringers (even the meat dishes) might help to compliment the theme of your party as well? and then maybe without the over abundance of food, they'd try some of yours and you can eventually see what they liked and assign less and less to other family members to bring for future parties??
otherwise what they did sucks. and i do understand, i'm just trying to play devil's advocate.
also....
HELLO ALL VEG*NS... people pick apart and analyze EVERYONE'S food, not just ours!!!
Yes it can be rude. But sometimes it's a compliment (we know from "that look" when it's not though... LOL) becuz they want to know what's in something becuz they are enjoying it. ;)
This is one of several reasons that I rarely visit with any of my family any more except one aunt. After 13 years I am tired of the 'oh your still doing that'[I am fortunate enough to have some really supportive friends that aren't vegan but go out of their way to bring good vegan food to gatherings even if it isn't necessary.
If you are going to end all family gatherings frustrated you might want to set some guidelines as to what people can bring. Like jeniferhughes said some people really need to feed others. I am one of those people. This way people still get to bring something, they might learn more about vegan cuisine, you are not frustrated, and you still get to have your family over.
BTW, your food sounded wonderful.
"EDIT"...opps...posted this in the wrong place...duh! ;)
Pineapple princess, I can sympathize with you all to well! This weekend, my sister got engaged and the happy couple chose Red Lobster to have their celebration dinner. I went, (she is my only sister and I am so happy for her) And I did not say one negative thing about the food or the poor lobsters in the tank up front. I ordered a salad, steamed veggies and a baked potato and was content. Then my dad offered me some stuffed mushrooms and I asked what they were stuffed with and my mom replied "Seafood" so a said "no thank you." Then my sister's fiance's mom was like "oh she doesn't eat fishes?" and my mom gets this digusted, annoyed look on her face and actually rolled her eyes and said "no, she is a vegetarian now" GEEZ mom! I am still your daughter, show a little support! Then my mom is always bugging me to come back home to visit but when I do she acts so put out because she doesn't know what to cook. I have emailed her several vegan recipes that are simple and delicious but I'm pretty sure she just deletes them. ARRRGGG!!!!
i am so nervous about going home next month... i haven't been home in almost a year and i have to stay there for two weeks (:0)! i usually only visit for a couple days at a time, and i've been a pretty lax veg for a few years before i made the switch to vegan, and so my family hasn't had to deal with my food issues (i usually just eat around the meat, or avoid the baked ham etc.). now that i'm a lot stricter, and will also be making the extended family rounds, i'm really worrying about what to eat. i'm even planning to do as much cooking at my mom's house as she'll let me, so at least some of our meals will be vegan. i'm still not sure what to do about the visit to my grandparents house. they are really conservative eaters, and when i went veg in highschool, started throwing eggs in everything (i'm not kidding, even the broccoli) for fear i would die of malnutrition. i really don't think they'll understand no eggs/no dairy, and they'll probably be put off if i bring my own food.
sigh
Count yourselves LUCKY!! It doesn't do me any good to even ask what's in something, my family thinks that if it only has a little meat or cheese it's fine and they count that as vegan and will LIE to my face. One of my cousins told me about how the even laugh about it!! I eat before or after, or I only eat what I bring. Thing is I have tried never to make a big deal of it, I just ask what they put in a dish if it looks like I'd like to try some. How old does one have to be to make decisions that people respect?? Rachandra don't pack any clothes just carry food.
Oh geez Nanci, that's horrible! My mom (when trying to decide what to cook for dinner one evening when I was there) showed me a recipe for a pasta dish that had chicken broth in the ingredients. I pointed this out to her and she's like "Oh geez, there aren't any meat chunks in it!" unbelieveable.
Yeah, I really think that non-vegs just don't get it sometimes. I had a similar experience with the chicken broth thing before I myself went vegan: I was catering food for a band that came to my town to play, and their contract states to provide vegetarian options, so I chose a yummy stew to make (see "Estradastew"). My brother asked, so what type of broth will you use? Chicken?" And I said, "no, silly, vegetable broth". And he was like "there isn't any meat in chicken broth." and I said, "yeah, but most vegans/vegetarians don't want to eat something that a dead bird has been simmering in!!!"
I feel with you all! I can not even began to tell you what my Dad says to me and I am a 30 year old successful, educated adult. My Dad's head is going to explode when he finds out I will remain vegan while pregnant AND will raise kids vegan. I can only sigh when I think of the grief ahead of me.
But, my lot in life is trying to be positive and ignore the negative remarks. I wish for once that the meat eaters could stand in our shoes and feel sad like we do when people talk to us and treat us like that. :'(
Thanks for all the great ideas guys. It's good (well, not good, but you know...) to know that this happens to other people and I'm not crazy after all.
After cooling off for a day and giving it some thought, I've decided that this unfortunate abundance of nonvegan food may, in part, have been due to people wanting to help...but mostly I think it's because they are scared to step out of the comfort zone in any way, shape, or form. I say this mostly because of the comments like, "is there tofu in this?" and "where's the REAL milk?" and, "hummus? Is that like pumice?" (Come ON!!!)
I'm usually a pretty laid back person and don't let much get to me, and it's nice to know that this sort of thing is justafiably frustrating.
At least I have tons of great VEGAN food left over for me! (and anyone else that wants to come on over?) Cheers to that. :)
That sucks....especially after ALL the nice things you made AND the comments to not bring much. I wish you were part of my family :) all that foods sounds delicious (at your age I couldnt even cook!)
I have NO communication with my family so I'm not sure how they would react. But its very poor manners on their part. They weren't very good houseguests. Maybe they would have been very pleasantly surprised to how yummy and light the food you made was. Then they could have gasped...BUT these are so yummy..healthy wow maybe I can lose some weight eating your yummy vegan food! :-\ Sigh...
Please tell me ....nobody touched your cake or cookies?? :o My friends have NO problem gobbling up my vegan deserts.
Are you a teacher? What do you teach? I am a music teacher to little ones.
Totally understand why you need to vent.
Sadly, no one ate the cake or cookies. My male relatives all apparently believe I am trying to poison them by hiding tofu where they least expect it (in a baked good). My aunts swear you can't make dessert without eggs, and anyway, they were all mostly commenting about how they were avoiding sweets to be healthier. But then they ate whole platefulls of meat and cheese and Danishes for breakfast. So much for that idea.
I teach special education, mostly children with autism, emotional and behavioral disorders. I love it! My best friend when I lived in Texas was a K-4 music teacher and I loved going to watch her programs and stuff.
Well...I don't care if you're vegan, carnivorous, kosher, weird, a bad cook or dieting...In my book, if you invite ppl to YOUR house, YOU are the hostess.
>:(
I can understand if someone was allergic or had a religious issue with your food, but this is ridiculous. If you told your family that they shouldn't bring very much food, as you were planning on providing for them (a.k.a. working hard, taking the TIME & spending MONEY to cook & bake lots of very yummy food for them), they crossed the line. They purposefully DISREPECTED you in YOUR home. I don't know your family, but I would think twice about inviting them over or hosting them in any significant way again until you get a formal apology...And if it were me, I would write them all a nice letter to let them know that they are no longer welcome and why you won't be hosting them again. If you say and do nothing, nothing will change. If you allow them back, I highly recommend banning all outside food, as they cleary cannot be trusted not to take advantage of your easy-going nature.
My heart goes out to you Pineappleprincess. I think when you start to make choices with your heart not every one is going to understand, but everyone here does.
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