What to do when he won't return the favor?
Posted by ledzepfan12 on Jun 09, 2010 · Member since Jan 2007 · 675 posts
PS. I think he may have been with not so clean girls before so he may be scared. And he's not that good really but somethings better than nothin! Any other suggestions not listed in the poll?
Communicate.
Agreed. You gotta talk about these things.
agree with communicating.
I would probably be more concerned with the fact he has been with girls that aren't clean. That can be taken a few ways.
I have told him my issues with this. Several times now, I sort of think he doesn't care..
Tell him that. Communicate exactly what you're telling us to him.
Tell him how it is first.
Then, if he won't fulfill your needs, and KNOWS he's not fulfilling your needs, I say you need a guy who enjoys giving as well as receiving.
Yeah, talk. If this going one way makes you feel like you're "serving" him, then tell him.
Also, if he feels really awkward/on the spot about it (I mean doing it, not talking about it), 69 might help. Maybe?
I think its more of him thinking " Oh she's wet, good to go!" and I'm not ready for sex yet.
ok, so, I totally don't mind doing this... but: I like massages... I put effort into pleasing; I expect it to be reciprocal! so, if you ditch what I ask for, touch-wise, I'm less inclined to 'go that extra mile', ya know? it's not 'tat for tit,' so to speak, but it DOES begin to appear a bit... mmm... unbalanced, if only one party is willing to do what's requested.
I proposed... a chess clock! my turn/ your turn... don't like it? have *none*, how 'bout that?! (I didn't phrase it quite that way, but...)
The hint was taken.
I wasn't kidding, and have one in the dresser under my swimsuits, to introduce if the issue comes up again! (ok, not really, but... I've thought about it! if the issue recurs... I'm doin it!) I think (as many have said here) it's important not to keep this stuff to yourself... that way lies frustration and lack of joy. It's hard sometimes to approach stuff like this without hurting feelings, but try to find a time/ place/ way to talk about it that doesn't make him feel, like, threatened & stuff (i.e. while you're both dressed)... he may have issues about this that he's never shared with you, & may not know how to address it either... or, he could be a selfish dinkhead, idk... boys are tricky to figure out sometimes. But def'ly try to talk with him about it in a friendly way, & give him every chance to understand how it looks to you. No one gets to have *all* the cookies.
Sex should be fun for both of you. If he repeatedly refuses to take care of your needs in bed even after you communicate them clearly to him, that's a red flag for me. Ask him why he really doesn't want to do it - "not clean" girls in his past is no excuse. I deeply suspect laziness.
has anyone consider that maybe he just doesn't like to do that? I know I don't, but I will do that for my wife, just not very often, and she completly understands. Or at least she says she does.
has anyone consider that maybe he just doesn't like to do that? I know I don't, but I will do that for my wife, just not very often, and she completly understands. Or at least she says she does.
Completely valid point, but at the same time I don't think you can say "I don't like that" and leave it at that. If he enjoys receiving but doesn't like giving, putting up with it once in a while is fine but nobody wants to feel pressured into doing something they don't like, it means they're not going to enjoy it which is probably diminishing the experience for both partners. Really I'd think that an alternative that he can do for her the rest of the time would be the best solution, something he enjoys which also gives her pleasure.
If you can't come to some kind of arrangement that feels equitable, or you absolutely must receive oral and he's not willing to do it, that's an incompatibility that I'd have a difficult time ignoring and would probably move on.
has anyone consider that maybe he just doesn't like to do that? I know I don't, but I will do that for my wife, just not very often, and she completly understands. Or at least she says she does.
Maybe he doesn't like doing it but if he's anywhere approaching adult he should be able to communicate that and, like dmarkd said, suggest alternatives that would work for her instead. Nobody should listen to their partner request something over and over again without being decent enough to offer a reason why it doesn't work for them. Ledzepfan clearly said that she's been clear with him and he doesn't seem to care about her being ready for penetrative sex. That to me is a sign that he's not meeting her halfway at all.
I think its more of him thinking " Oh she's wet, good to go!" and I'm not ready for sex yet.
Ugh. That's like my boyfriend. He says women don't need oral. Men do, because they need to get hard. I have to tell him eff you. Either you 69 with me or forget about it.
I think its more of him thinking " Oh she's wet, good to go!" and I'm not ready for sex yet.
When that happens, I'm thinking about how I want to have a taste. Or two. Ok, a lot of tastes.
I think its more of him thinking " Oh she's wet, good to go!" and I'm not ready for sex yet.
When that happens, I'm thinking about how I want to have a taste. Or two. Ok, a lot of tastes.
LZF: You need a dude like this ^^^^^^ ;)b
I think its more of him thinking " Oh she's wet, good to go!" and I'm not ready for sex yet.
When that happens, I'm thinking about how I want to have a taste. Or two. Ok, a lot of tastes.
LZF: You need a dude like this ^^^^^^ ;)b
Tell me about it.
CK sounds like my kind of lover.
CK sounds like my kind of lover.
I thought I already was.
By the way, I had the perfect drink for that peach bbq tofu you made the other day: fresh squeezed lemonade! I was told that it was the best lemonade ever.
I think its more of him thinking " Oh she's wet, good to go!" and I'm not ready for sex yet.
When that happens, I'm thinking about how I want to have a taste. Or two. Ok, a lot of tastes.
LZF: You need a dude like this ^^^^^^ ;)b
Tell me about it.
Dudes need to man up and go down.
Pages