Living in Harmony with Vegetarians by Alison Green

[eese]

ITA that veggies in a non-veg environment do take a lot of grief, from those who love us and those who could care less.   Either way, feel good about who you are, and what you eat, and the rest will fall into place.  I've taken an example from my dh and become a selective listener when it comes to those kinds of comments.  I can instantly zone out, or become involved in a conversation a few people away, simply because I don't want to rehash the same argument with my mom.  again.   

So it's really ok to get worked up about what you choose to eat, but don't become someone who feels justified or righteous, just doing what you want to do, no judgment.  Peace, all.

This (and the FAB article) has helped me heaps!  I need to learn to leave people alone and just wait for them to ask (reasonable) questions if they want to.  I am trying to make the main way I communicate about veganism, to cook for people, and then they tend to ask questions whilst eating delectable somethings... Works a treat, and takes the tension out of the dialogue.  If they don't ask, I don't tell, but usually they ask, thus falling into my CUNNING TRAP!  GWA HA HA HAAAARGH!     

...ehem.

[rebeccalee]

I can definately relate to this article! I was almost brought to tears last night at a dinner with my boyfriends family and work associates. I have been vegetarian for 7 months, and became vegan a month ago. One of the men at the table would not leave me alone with stupid questions, and kept antagonising me. He really made me feel defensive, and i couldn't take it anymore after a while. Luckily the man sitting next to him eventually told him to give me a break, as it was my own decision. I am really so sick and tired of people picking on me because of the choices i have made regarding what i put into my body! I am actually starting to think that meat eaters get annoyed that there are people out there strong enough to make the right ethical choices when it comes to food....

[atreyuas]

kudos!  thanks for the article.  i really enjoyed it.  i admit, i often cheat on my diet because my options seem to be so limited where i live.  there are no vegetarian restaurants here, much less places that offer vegan-friendly options, and i pretty much have to pack a lunch to carry with me if i'm going to some type of community event. 

my fiance's an omnivore, which is fine with me, and i'm not interested in converting him, but it does cause some stress when we're trying to decide what to have for dinner at times.  with all the pressure to just conform and at least eat eggs and dairy, veganism seems like one of the tougher lifestyle choices one can make these days, and that's why it's been so hard for me to stick with it.  but i find a renewal of my committment always helps, and i shrug off stupid questions by asking others to figure out where their menu options came from instead of asking me to justify mine, which they often do.  reading articles like this reminds me that i'm not the crazy one here, and i should stick to my guns.

thanks! 

[danleep]

For 40+ years I have struggled with the corrupted intelligence of the non-vegetarian, as to "what do you eat?", "how do you get your protein?" to "I could never do that...I've got to have my meat!" and with nothing  but loathing from even my "closest" friends and relatives.
With many people we know, if we don't look exactly like them, think exactly like them or eat/do exactly like them...we are the outcast and if murder or manslaughter were legal, I have no doubt that I would have been left to die or made to die many times!  Now, maybe murder or manslaughter may be completely off the rational thought line but it should get my point across.  Those inconsiderate people that have abused our goodwill and impuned our good character, have never seen the 'light of day' as to their own charactor and/or the darkness thereof.  In many instances in my life, I have been greatly abused by inconsiderate folks everywhere I have been/lived and it was only my spiritual goodwill that made life tolerable.  Now, with all that being said, one might even now say that I sound very angry, but such is not the case.  I am only sadened by the lack of love and tolerance by so many others in this world.  I at no time have ever tried to encrouch upon anyone elses 'personal space' with the belief and understanding that this world is big enough for all of us, even the radical Muslims that will infact kill anyone that does not believe exactly, everything that they do.  The world is big enough for all of us!  Continuing on...The poor folks who do not understand our vegetarian and vegan experience must be loved and forgiven...for they know not what they do.  Most people, it seems, focus on the 'differences' one from another and that is what gets us into trouble.  The differences...are in fact, the minority of view...that gets all too much attention/consideration and, hence, seems to make one person look objectional to the other.  The 'differences', in fact in all cases, are the minority...not the majority!  Let's start with the points of commonality, and yes, there are excpetions to every rule, but considering the majority average...we all have eyes, ears, hair, mouths, teeth, chins, eyebrows and if we want to continue, we could go ad infinitum clear to our toes.  We all breath air, eat and sh...Let's see, what else do we all have in common...?  Well, have I made any points, so far.  We all are much more intune with one another than not.  So I have run both sides of the thought question...the inconsiderateness of some and the love and compassion of others, no matter what the inconsiderate consider.  Since we are probably never going to change the thought pattern/process of most others with truthful rational, and, when that fails, we must fall back on the phylosophy of loving our neighbors and not just our friends and not being critical as they can be/often are to us.  Even if/when they do wrong, that does not mean that we should do wrong.  Forgiveness is perhaps one of the hardest things to do...until we do it, and then we find that it wasn't that hard at all!

[danleep]

In review of the 'post modern feminest writers' posting, living with someone that does not share the same dietary view as you, ie, being vegetarian or vegan (or other important issue(s)) with close-in relationships with opposing views, can be stimulating, it can also be disastrous and I wouldn't wish that for anyone.  If the person with the opposing view doesn't 100% support you and you are not 100% sure of the support, once again, the fruitfullness of an enduring and happy relationship may well be at risk.  There is an old saying:  Birds of a feather flock together.  The significance of that is that the assembly of those of like thought/action can and do encourage strength and over all, wellbeing...of the group/union.  When someone embarks on a new or unusual endeavor, it helps greatly to have as muich common ground as possible, deriving support, love and consideration...towards the goal.  When there is devisiveness, goals typically flounder and often fail.  When goals succeed even through devisiveness and hardship, there are often scars that are hard to heal/eradicate.  Being one that has personally endured much of the above, trying to live with those that have little or no understanding of vegetarian/vegan life, typically makes living quite stark and often barren and not at all the way IT COULD BE.  Wishing all well, please plan your life.

[Netherbeastie]

     I use three ironclad arguments that have never failed me.  The first is that I would never be able to kill something, anything, and for me to buy it at a store already done would be hypocritical.  If I wouldn't do it on a farm, I won't do it by proxy in a supermarket.  When they follow up with all of that "you need meat to be healthy" crap I simply look at them and cock my head and say "oh really" because I am known to be a very energetic and healthy person and that is the best advertisement we ever need.  That usually ends that bit. 
    (Unless they remember eggs, which I do eat in limited quantities from free-range, organic sources that allow their chickens to be chickens and not producers.  At which point I tell this person, who seems to be ignorant of biology, that I lay an egg once a month and I see no difference between a female chicken's egg and my own as long as it is unfertilized.  And furthermore, more human beings in this world and throughout history have used insects as their main source of protein rather than steak or chicken.) 
    The second argument is that I do not want my money going to encourage things that I do not agree with.  A lot of republican-types feel that they have staked out supply and demand as their own concern, so this usually perks the interest of the "oh you're just a hippie and we're never going to relate" type.  I want to encourage small-scale, free-range, respectful agriculture close to home, and I want to discourage large-scale agribusiness that devalues our most precious resources and makes us and our environment unhealthy.  I live in a diverse agricultural region so anyone I encounter from here has no problem appreciating that.
    (If I still have some time here I inform them that many of the equations used in ecology to explain population dynamics and other environmental concerns are the same ones they use in economics and isn't that interesting?  Just in case this person was under the assumption that we're bleeding-heart idiots who don't know how the "real world" works.)
    However, the last, and best, argument is to just talk about food.  You can use this one as a preemptive strike too.  I love to eat, and I love to talk about cooking.  I also love to convert old onmi favorites to my dark side.  So when they realize that you eat the same food, just changed a bit, and hell it is lots healthier too--they tend to not put their walls up.  I also love to feed people my food.  That helps.  Especially cookies    They are hard to argue with, and mine are cheaper to make, haha.
    I do live with an omni, and he's been with me ten years.  If I make it, he eats it.  If he wants meat, he has to make it and most of the time it doesn't go with what i'm making for dinner (or there is an obvious protein source so meat would be redundant).  So most of the time he doesn't bother.  There is no need to fight, people.  Just feed 'em and they can't argue.         

[VeganBoricua83]

I'm so glad this is out. I have been about 99% vegan for a few years now (I only eat dairy if no other choices are available, sometimes I'm not so lucky ...) and when I was younger I would get all this crud. I still get people who say "I couldn't do that, I love my meat!" or "I need meat" everytime I told them I was vegetarian. I would tell them its not as hard as it looks if you really are motivated. Then they taste my cooking and they are hooked, even if they still eat meat.  I wish folks would let go of stereotypes already. *ho hum*

[sh.megan]

Might I just add the suggestion that the non veggies and non vegans stop inspecting the rest of my lifestyle for cracks they might infiltrate. I have smoked cigarettes since the 8th grade, this is a fact. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't care about my diet or wearing sunscreen or whatever. This never fails to annoy me, and it comes up with alarming regularity. So because I foolishly chose to begin a unspeakably addictive bad habit at an impressionable young age, I should forget about doing ANYTHING healthy until I can quit? I just tell people (and if you are in a similar situation, feel free to use this): "While I agree that choosing not to smoke is the healthiest thing, I haven't quit yet. However, eating a healthy diet/using sunscreen/exercising regularly is almost as important." This seems to satisfy their quest for bringing you down a notch (you agreed!) while gently reminding them that everything has it's place, even in a smoker's life.

[cibubur]

Even though I am not 100% vegetarian, but this article is very useful.

Cheers,
Cibubur
admin of www.engineervacancy.com