Living in Harmony with Vegetarians by Alison Green

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Living in Harmony with Vegetarians
By Alison Green
The Washington Post, 8/25/95

I concluded, after careful consideration, that eating meat was incompatible with my values, even though I loved meat and didn't care much for vegetables. I was sure my tastebuds would rebel, perhaps hold a beansprout or two hostage in my mouth until I paid a ransom of a burger or strip of bacon.

Happily, it didn't work out quite the way I expected; my biggest problem as a vegetarian has not been the food--which I've found to be delicious and every bit as satisfying as meat--but the bewildering attitudes of my family and friends. Other vegetarians have the same complaints: the weird looks, the silly questions, the hostile interrogations. It seems vegetarians--12 million of us in the U.S. and growing daily--are a sadly misunderstood minority indeed. Thus, I've devised ten simple edicts for meat-eaters in their dealings with vegetarians:

Rid yourself of the idea that vegetarians are spartans who subsist on raw carrots and bean sprouts. The question I hear more than anything else is "What do you eat?" This one baffles me; how would anyone with a reasonably varied diet answer that? I eat spaghetti, stir-fry, hummus, stew, raspberry sorbet, minestrone soup, salads, bean burritos, gingerbread, lentil chili, lasagna, tofu kabobs, waffles, veggie burgers, artichokes, tacos, bagels, saffron rice, lime mouselline, wild mushroom risotto--what do you eat?

Learn some biology. I'm still not sure what to do with otherwise intelligent people who think a chicken is not an animal. For the record, vegetarianism means no red meat, poultry, or fish--nobody with a face. I can't count the number of times waiters have suggested the seafood platter as a "vegetarian" entree.

Especially if someone is a vegetarian for ethical reasons, don't assume they won't object to "just a little" meat in their meal. Would you accept "just a bit" of your cat, or "just a little" of Uncle Jim in your soup?

Quit lobbying for the meat industry. Carnivores seem to think that vegetarians are like dieters and that we want to cheat a little now and then. My father is convinced that if he can convince me of how good his corned beef and cabbage tastes, I'll give in and eat it. Friends try to get me to try "just a bite" of whatever meat product they're eating, on the premise that it's so good, I couldn't possibly pass it up. I sometimes think meat-eaters took their lessons in peer pressure from the bad kids in the anti-drug movies we used to watch in high school. Listen up: no matter how "good" you insist it is, we're not going to eat it.

When a vegetarian gets sick, don't tell him or her it's because of malnourishment. From the comments I hear when I have the flu, you'd think meat-eaters never get sick. When I get sick, there's always someone waiting to tell me it's because of my diet. In actuality, just as there are healthy and unhealthy meat-eaters, there are healthy and unhealthy vegetarians. (And by the way, studies have shown that vegetarians have stronger immune systems than meat-eaters.)

When you're in a restaurant with a vegetarian, have patience--eating out can be a challenge for even seasoned vegetarians. Despite the acceptance into the mainstream of a veggie diet, most restaurant menus are still cluttered with animal products. Some restaurants seem to have nothing but meat on their menus; even the salads have eggs or chicken in them! Don't complain if our attempts at ascertaining the exact ingredients in the minestrone seem like paranoia; experience has taught us these tableside inquisitions are warranted. After years of quizzing waiters and waitresses, I've found that items described as vegetarian often contain chicken broth, lard, eggs, or other animal ingredients.

Don't make faces at our food. Before you scrunch up your face at my soy hot dog or tofu, think about what you're eating. Just because eating animals is widely accepted doesn't mean it's not gross.

Realize we've probably heard it before. One of the funniest things about being veg is the person who is positive that he has the argument that is going to change my mind. It's almost invariably one of these gems:
(a) "Animals eat other animals, so why shouldn't humans?" (Answer: Most animals who kill for food couldn't survive if they didn't do so. That's obviously not the case with humans. And since when have we looked to animals for our standards of behavior?)
(b) "Our ancestors ate meat." (Answer: Perhaps--but they also lived in caves, conversed in grunts, and had very limited choices of lifestyle. Supposedly, we've evolved since then.)

Despite popular opinion, you do not have the right to expect vegetarians to compromise personal beliefs for the sake of "politeness." People who would never dream of asking a recovered alcoholic to try their favorite vodka, or demand that someone who kept kosher have some bacon still think it perfectly reasonable to expect me to eat Aunt Sue's meatloaf because I adored it as a child and she would be ever so insulted if I didn't have some now.

Stop telling us humans "have to" eat meat; we're living proof they don't. People who otherwise respect my ability to take care of myself refuse to trust that I did not make the decision to become a vegetarian rashly. I've done plenty of research on vegetarianism--probably more than you've done on diet and nutrition--and I'm confident in the choice I've made. Are you aware of the studies showing meat-eaters are almost twice as likely to die from heart disease, 60% more likely to die from cancer, and 30% more likely to die from other diseases? I wouldn't be eating this way if extensive research hadn't convinced me that vegetarianism is healthier and more ethical than eating meat; a more appropriate question might be whether you can back up your diet.

Now go forth and exult in your smooth dealings with vegetarians. You might find things so harmonious that you'll want to try vegetarianism yourself.

[hot_tea_and_toast]

 

*standing ovation!*

Even though I am not 100% vegetarian anymore, I still deal with all of these arrogantly directed comments.

[mama2veggie]

    I'm sending this article to my entire family!  I have a cousin who swears that I was sick 2 months ago because I don't eat meat anymore.  Kudos to you Alison!

[TinSwordArthur]

This makes me wish I was still a member of Myspace so I could post and link this.  I'm sending this one on to my family, and I may just print one off and post it by me at work.

[Capture]

Very well written! I am hopefully more meat eaters than veg*ns will be reading this and will hopefully change a few minds!

[melthibs]

I agree.

[Val1232]

  Very well stated! I am a vegan and the questions often border on the absolutely ridiculous. That's fine with me as my resolve only strengthens each time someone wants to convince me that eating raw animal, saturated fat, and hormones is the way to go. Thank you for addressing things "head on". Bravo!

[clunkygirl]

And don't forget the, "Oh, I went through that phase too when I was younger"...

[Lily78]

Thank you, it's perfect!!!
I've just send it to a so-called friend of mine who "likes" to make fun at my veganism, he's not liked it

[Steviedg]

 Excellent. You might add that the largest and most powerful animals on land, the elephants, bears, buffalo, gorillas, steers, etc. are NOT carnivores.  Also, in referring to our ancestors, there are studies that point to the length of human intestines, the chemical composition of gastric juices, and the shape of teeth that scientifically prove humans are not meant to be carnivores.

I love to point out to people that the human species is the only species in nature that feeds its infants the milk from DIFFERENT SPECIES!  I firmly believe that's the beginning of mankind's horrible ailments.

When I'm asked that incredibly asinine question "What do you eat?", I always say "Everything that is not the charred flesh sliced from the corpses of slaughtered animals".  They usually say "Ewwwww!" and sometimes they make a comment about how dare I use that kind of language to them. Amazing!

[endiahna]

I have heard many of those questions from meat eaters as well. The one I hate the most though is "Are you getting enough protein? You need meat to get your protein."

I will so have to share this article with others.

[EceGled]

Weird... I'm brand new to vegetarianism... I'm doing this gradual beginning, where I don't eat meat on Buddhist holidays (several days a month). And Buddhist vegetarians/vegans were amazingly rude to me when I asked them for help, using sarcastic extremes to imply that I was a murderer for still eating meat instead of answering my questions. I don't know if this is typical of others, but vegetarianism seems to get Buddhists riled up like nothing else. So it's like... the hostility at my introduction to vegetarianism isn't coming from non-vegetarians but the vegetarians themselves. Now if I receive hostility from the non-vegetarians as well, then it's going to be like Barack Obama and being half-white and half-black! I'm not skillful enough to handle both this brand new moral and the sarcasm at my unskillfulness at the same time.

It's sad that vegetarians are treated this way... and that some feel the need to treat me this way and that animals are being treated poorly. We ALL should learn some more patience along with compassion. And understanding - thanks for this informative post. I didn't know vegetarians/vegans go through some of this crap.

[Lauuren]

It's sad that vegetarians are treated this way... and that some feel the need to treat me this way and that animals are being treated poorly. We ALL should learn some more patience along with compassion.

I think vegetarians are sometimes being antagonized so much by others that they become very defensive.  The longer I live as a veg in a non-veg society, the better I get at explaining my choices as something that makes sense for me without threatening others - but it's always difficult when people are constantly trying to debate you about something.

I'm sorry you've run into some antagonistic vegetarians.  If you stick around vegweb, I think you'll find a lot of evidence that those people aren't the majority.  I have friends who eat meat during the week and vegan on the weekend, and I'm glad they're making the amount of difference they are, for the world and for their own health - anything helps, I think.

I did a gradual beginning to eating vegetarian, too - well, my mother sort of imposed it on me, because I was a kid, but the deal I struck with her was that I would basically give up one animal at a time.  It took me about two years to get all the way to ovo-lacto vegetarian (four more to vegan), but I never missed anything I had quit eating. 

[vegarificmama]

ITA that veggies in a non-veg environment do take a lot of grief, from those who love us and those who could care less.   Either way, feel good about who you are, and what you eat, and the rest will fall into place.  I've taken an example from my dh and become a selective listener when it comes to those kinds of comments.  I can instantly zone out, or become involved in a conversation a few people away, simply because I don't want to rehash the same argument with my mom.  again.   

So it's really ok to get worked up about what you choose to eat, but don't become someone who feels justified or righteous, just doing what you want to do, no judgment.  Peace, all.

[original_sinsuality]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has to go through all of that bs. Lol. People have treated me exactly the same way and have asked me the most ignorant of questions .

I've never been much of a meat eater myself so it was very easy for me to become veggie. Plus, after a while I lost all taste for meat anyway. At first I'd want it once in a while but now the thought of it actually makes me nauseated!

The best food I have ever tasted has been vegetarian/vegan (now converting to veganism).

Loved this article x3.