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My boyfriend sucks

I just got home from college summer classes about a week ago and have been baking up a storm (I loveeee to bake) I've made some seriously awesome cookies, banana bread, cinnamon rolls, brownies and even this amazing cake from Vegan With a Vengeance (which i was up till 1:00am baking!). My family couldnt even tell the baked goods had no eggs or dairy. The absolute only thing my boyfriend likes is the cupcakes that are loaded with sugar. He's turned his nose up at everything! Mind you he is an omni and when I talk to him about my veganism I can instantly see his eyes glaze over and his brain switch to "I do not care" mode. I get so angry and tell him: you don't want to know/see what's going on but you're going to shove that S*** in your mouth?!

We've been together 4 years this month and I have been vegan for about 6 months. He still goes to McDonalds, drinks a TON of soda (Like two of the HUGO drinks from mcdonalds in one "meal") and does not exercise at all. When we first got together, he wore a size L or XL shirt- he is now wearing a 4XL. I can't even stand to get romantic with him anymore because of his bulging belly and sheer yuckyness.

I guess i'm just ranting- but really, does it sound like a "me" problem or is my angriness justifiable?

But honey, it is not your job to get "that flame under his bum."  It's up to him.

Sometimes though, it's nice to have someone to try to motivate you to get going. I mean, seriously, how can a person be motivated to get up and exercise when their significant other doesn't do anything themselves? Sometimes a person NEEDS someone to help them light a fire under their ass!

Anyways.. 

Superveg_n, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about! I myself live a very active lifestyle (8 miles of running a day, plus the gym and weights, and varies of other sporting activies), and I can imagine how hard it would be having a boyfriend who doesn't want to do those things with you, or just isn't active. Luckily my boyfriend is just as active (or more, as sometimes I can't keep up with him), and I can't imagine being with someone who wants to sit on the couch everyday of every hour eating crap food and watching TV. For me, that's just not an option. It's not my lifestyle, and I don't plan on making it one. So I totally understand where you're coming from there. And of course you have a say in his health! After all, you're the one with him and standing by him. Of course you want nothing but the best for him! It makes sense to me. I'm the same way with my BF, as I KNOW everyone else here is the same with their significant others. Granted, you can't tell him what to do, but expressing your concerns and offering suggestions are completely different things. You're showing you care for him, and (again) want nothing but the best for him.

Anyways, if you want to talk about this more, feel free to e-mail me. It's just my user name at hotmail. Like I said, I understand completely where you're coming from!

Agreed.  It's entirely possible that Ecstatic and Tkitty have never needed a good kick in the ass from a friend... but I have, and I'm extremely grateful for it.  Sometimes that's what friends are for, IMO.  And SOs even more so than "just friends".  If he's not into hearing it, then maybe the kick needs to just be that you leave him for this, that is, "I can't sit around and watch you do this to yourself, so, see you around."   Then he'll see that his unhealthiness is costing him not only his health but those he cares about.  I think sometimes that's exactly the role that a friend needs to play -- the role of ending the friendship.

I had a kick in my ass from my friend too. I fell off the bandwagon about a year and a half ago, and when I met my bf, he got me back on track. I'm forever grateful to him for that!

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There's a difference between a (quick) kick in the ass and riding someone's ass... and I got the impression that the latter was the case here.  

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There's a difference between a (quick) kick in the ass and riding someone's ass... and I got the impression that the latter was the case here.  

You are right. There is absolutely a difference! There's only so much a person can do for someone else...

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I meant that last post to be longer, but I got interrupted...
Anyway - I don't mind having friends and boyfriends tell me they want to eat healthier together with me, lose weight or become more active as a team...but if they're telling me what I should do, I know I have a tendency to be defensive.

Having one person nag the other probably won't help.  He really needs to motivate himself.  Just keep inviting him to do things with you, and maybe get his buddies to invite him to do active things he might enjoy with them....sports, etc.  He may ignore your pleas for a running parner but think hanging out with the guys for some basketball or whatever would be fun...

College may get him into busy mode, and make him happier.  Clearly food & activity level is easily tied to emotion...so you may see a change once he's got a more interesting schedule.

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My boyfriend singlehandedly got me to quit smoking, quit drinking, start running, and quit caffeine, and I KNOW I could never have done it or even wanted to on my own.  I completely disagree that it is wrong to want to change your significant other's bad habits. It just has to come from a respectful and loving place.   

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My boyfriend singlehandedly got me to quit smoking, quit drinking, start running, and quit caffeine, and I KNOW I could never have done it or even wanted to on my own.  I completely disagree that it is wrong to want to change your significant other's bad habits. It just has to come from a respectful and loving place.   

But, ultimately, why did you do it? For your boyfriend? Or because you realized you wanted it for yourself? It's one thing to support someone in these things - everyone does better with support! It's another to attempt to change a person who isn't responsive or isn't ready. My impression of the posts about her boyfriend is that she has already told him about his health, and changing. And it hasn't garnered results.

My S/O motivates me to run, but only because I'm already doing it for myself. If I were utterly uninterested in running, and he nagged me to run everyday, I'd just get pissed off.

As someone pointed out, a swift kick in the butt or a slap in the face in the form of a reality check is one thing. But, continuing to try and help a person who doesn't want the help is a whole other thing that, in my experience, doesn't work.

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But, ultimately, why did you do it? For your boyfriend? Or because you realized you wanted it for yourself? It's one thing to support someone in these things - everyone does better with support! It's another to attempt to change a person who isn't responsive or isn't ready. My impression of the posts about her boyfriend is that she has already told him about his health, and changing. And it hasn't garnered results.

My S/O motivates me to run, but only because I'm already doing it for myself. If I were utterly uninterested in running, and he nagged me to run everyday, I'd just get pissed off.

As someone pointed out, a swift kick in the butt or a slap in the face in the form of a reality check is one thing. But, continuing to try and help a person who doesn't want the help is a whole other thing that, in my experience, doesn't work.

I don't  agree with nagging someone every day to change- if whatever they're doing is that upsetting to you and there is no response/they don't agree that it's bad for them, then I don't think the relationship will work.  My point is... it's not wrong to want someone to change bad habits, and it isn't impossible to change them, despite the reasons behind it.  Personally, I don't know why I changed, I just got into the whole cleansing process.  The OP seems to be offering her boyfriend a better life, with her... and he seems to be refusing.  That would be my cue to skedaddle.

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I agree about the physical activity.  Invite him to do some fun things.  I would caution against running, anyway.  Does he like sports?  I'm thinking more like something where you drive to what you do and then drive home - like one-on-one basketball or toss a football back and forth at the park.

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What exactly does he do for you? Don't put that on the board though. Think about it.

Also from another point of view on some of the things you describe it sounds like your both just passing time with each other. And I don't mean to be mean it's just from some of the things of what you said.

Running don't do with him. He's a 4 x here. He could have a heart attack. Ask his doctor what's okay. I say do some walking maybe throwing the frisbee. I don't know if that's okay but do babysteps with him.

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After skimming the forum, my 2 cent internet advice is...
Print out the forum and hand it to him. In other words talk to him, in a concise, realistic manner.

If he chooses to be stubborn and not see your side (flaw of men and mankind).
Thats his choice and lifes happenings are no excuse. Life unfloding may be tough for him and you, but that is not a green light to not further oneself, the dynamics of a relationship or live in a negative state.

ps Im single ;)

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ermmm.... this tread is 3 years old :)

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Kudos to everyone in this thread. To all the vegan's out there! I just have a quick question...so what if we're a vegan...we can still love even though we are a vegan. why so they have to treat a vegan like a freak?why?

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ermmm.... this tread is 3 years old :)

ha!  that's what i was thinking!

"oooohh... i was just perusing threads for the 80's..."

i hope they broke up.

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I agree with the others.  You are going in different directions and there is little joy left.  You are young...leave!  You have so much time on your side.  With your new vibrations you will attract someone more aligned with who you are.  Don't settle so young. DON"T.

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