How have they changed?
Have you noticed major changes in your significant other since you've been with them? Its amazing to me how much you can change when your with someone. Me and my fiance' are like Dharma and Greg! Im the animal-loving, veggie-eating, soul searching Oriental medicine student/ artist. My fiance' was a 250 lb meat and potatoes loving boxer/office worker/security officer/Catholic. We've been together for almost 9 years now. I can say he's now a 210lb fruits and veggies man who now calls himself the proud dad of a Lhasa pup named Megatron! Lol! He even meditates with me and lets me do tui na on him. As for religion, he's chosen to find his own path. What about you guys?
Married 5 years, to friend of 18 years... his fam of origin is very traditionally southern; brothers are big hunters/ fishers; balogna & bacon were present at like *every* meal, while he was growing up... When we first met, he use to say things like, "I don't mind vegetarians... leaves more meat for me!"... then by the time we got married, he'd say, "I like all kinds of cooking, veggie or meat or whatever".... then eventually he'd say "yeah, I really don't eat meat that much anymore..."
I've been really careful to not make it any 'pressure' kind of deal; I'll buy carnie food on request without comment or judgment, though of course I'm not ever gonna cook it... But over time he's watched & read a bunch of food stuff I've brought in, like 'Eating,' 'Food, Inc.', various books I've talked about or read excerpts from (as in, 'OMG: listen to this'...), with books like Harvest for Hope, Fast Food Nation, etc... And of course -- well, I'm wordy & like to argue... so he's been around more than once when I've gotten drawn into vociferous debate with friends or acquaintances (who just couldn't leave it alone/ had to poke the bear!), about all the reasons why a plant based diet is a good idea (health/ environment/ ethics-- in any rational debate its a stacked deck, in favor of non-meat! makes it almost too easy)...
So anyway, over the last couple years, I've noticed he orders veggie entrees most of the time, at restaurants; every now & then he'll grab a burger or something, & at T'Giving w/ his fam he still has turkey... but this happens less & less frequently, maybe once or twice a month... He was reading something on a veg*n website recently, & went, "Hey, I'm a flexitarian!" (like, 'who knew?!'... I smiled!)
The best thing: recently I overheard him on the phone with a family member, basically fielding uninformed-omni-comments like a pro: "Well, I'm not trying to change your mind, or tell *you* what to eat -- I'm just saying, for me, the more I know about it, the less I want to eat that stuff... No, I don't worry about calcium at all-- it's weight-bearing exercise that builds up your bones, not milk... Protein? there's protein all *over* the place, in a veggie diet..."
I was like, "Awww!" It totally gave me mushy feelings!
Aside from going vegan, becoming parents and re-evaluating our religious, philosophical and political outlooks on life over the past 9 years... nothing much.
I have changed. My significant one never did. Same old -sad story. I guess I was in denail in the begining of our marriage now ... coping with the reality u-oh :( :-[
I personally have changed enormously over the 27 years of my marriage...all positive changes. My DH has changed too, though as he was 37 when we got married to my 20, perhaps he came into this less malleable than I.
But DH has changed a lot, too. He is much more open to new foods. I always swore I would never marry a picky eater. Well when I got to him, that's exactly what he was. I respect his repugnance toward most raw fruits, which is deep and lasting, but he certainly has eaten things with me that he'd never even heard of. Spices, tofu, Indian cooking...and on and on.
He has slowly learned the importance of recycling, using ecofriendly lightbulbs etc. over the years.
Certainly since he retired he's become more relaxed and willing to socialise. He had a highstress job with long hours at a desk where he dealt with the public and on weekends and holidays he didn't want outsiders, it was just us. Now he is much more outgoing.
I don't mind because I married him for the man he was, and is. We respect each other and though we have many divergent interests (his fascination with war movies and documentaries, my preoccupation with my faith) we also share a great deal, such as our love of cinema and languages. Mutual respect is the key.
We've both changed! We've got 5+ years of dating (2 of which have been long distance, which blows, if you were wondering), during the first few years we were both off and on vegetarians, sometimes at the same times, sometimes not. Now I'm a vegan and he's an omni (though really he's a vegetarian unless he's at a restaurant).
I think I did most of the changing...by becoming exponentially a bigger hippie. And also going to counseling and turning vegan and becoming a much happier person than I ever was. He's suffering through his final few months of torturous grad school, I have 2 more torturous years of law school, then we have big plans for a small house with a big garden.
This was a fun thread to read. :)
In the 6th year of my former relationship I bought a place for the two of us, that shocked just about everyone.
She even cried when she laid eyes on the bathroom, we had loved in an rather raw artist loft together for the previous six years, another 4 for me on my own, never had a private bathroom.
One would think that buying a house together would suggest an extended committed relationship. She joined a fairly popular underground cabaret punk band and started touring. She evolved into something that I did not ever see in her, bratty, opinionated, nasty. I called her on it and she suggested maybe getting her own place nearby and maybe it decompressing back into our life together. Maybe, maybe not, but the major problem that lead us to separate was her infidelity and unwillingness to satisfy my requests in attempts to repair a broken trust.
So yes, significant others can change for the better and for the worse.
I did see her a few months ago at the classic film theater in town, she seemed happy.
I was probably a bit cold as I would rather have nothing to do with the long past.
Cant really erase seven years, but I can just hold on to the fond memories and haze over the bad...
Addendum: after 5 years of marriage, hubby also is now TOTALLY aware of turtles in danger on the highways! That's a very cool change...
Today we were headed out on errands; there was a turtle crossing the road (a huge one, shell maybe 10" diameter!), and he pulled over before I even had time to say anything -- he started pulling over before I'd even spotted the turtle, which was just moving from roadside grass onto asphalt... I boosted it across the interstate, like I do... Getting back in the car, I said, 'Hey that was cool: you saw a critter I needed to rescue b4 I did! Points have been officially assigned to your account!'... hubby said, 'Yeah, well... I was going to turn left back there, but I knew you'd see it in the rearview, & I'd just end up having to back up on the freeway...' (he rolled his eyes, but in a very affectionate & friendly way!)...
This could also be posted under 'Reasons to Smile'.
Aw, hotcooknmama, I love that story! That is true teamwork! I also love "points have been officially assigned to your account" and will likely steal it. ;)b
these are nice to read! Hotcookinmama thats so cute about his vegan conversation! YG congratulations on 27 years! Jen, grad school is hard on everybody involved! I feel ya!I'm sorry she changed for the worse Eric, thats hard to not want to think about seven years of your life.
A former boyfriend guy I dated started out really sweet, when we were really young. He was into the band thing. But then we went through a a long, twisted, more negative than not road of being very on and off...so yes, people can change in ways you don't want them to! The good thing is I changed as well. I think for a long time I was mistaking being nice and forgiving for being someone that gets a little walked all over. I became much more confident and sure of myself. And stopped needing approval from everyone around me. The whole situation feels so long ago that all I feel now is overdramatic and embarrased, very "what was my problem!" I'm friends with that guy, which is what we should have remained in the first place
...which brings me to my current boyfriend. He is a great example of changing for the better! I met him as my current, self-confident self in Hawaii. Life was different there for a long time I was working at a cocktail waitress at several bars, and partying with all my single/cocktail waitress girlfriends every night I had off. Sigh....it was very very fun! My boyfriend was doing the same amount of partying and his biggest concerns, (other than his buisness, I'll give him that,) were going to reggae shows, playing music with his friends, and surfing. We were together for abut three years before I got pregnant and during that time we did start to calm down a little. I got a job in my profession, that required me to be up early and he stopped going out as much. He ate a lot of fish, and I was vegetarian, yet his diet was probably healthier than mine. I was still eating lots of frozen cheese pizzas and veggie nuggets and he taught me how to cook rice from scratch, how to shop at the farmers market, and he was constantly bringing home fresh fruits from trees around his house and at work. He always said he would never leave Kauai, but here he is in Minnesota taking care of our now two year old, (oh yeah, he said he never wanted kids either..) and loving being a daddy! We have become the world's most boring people and although there are times we think about those beach party days, we are doing pretty well at our new lives. Seeing him with our daughter makes me very happy, (even though je still occasionally eats chicken, but he respects that I don't allow non-vegan food in our kitchen so thats nice.)