Body type and dating
Posted by Courth on Feb 07, 2010 · Member since Apr 2007 · 3362 posts
From a purely image-related standpoint, how do you feel about dating people with a different body type than yours? I'm talking about really short people with really tall ones, heavy-set people with skinny people, etc.
I never really thought much about it until some guy was flirting with me and I found myself thinking "he is way too thin for me."
I don't know if this is a reflection of me being insecure/vain/superficial or not. What do you guys think about dating people with a different body type?
I have been known to date all types (short, tall, skinny, morbidly obese, young, old, nerd, jock, etc) the one I don't ever see myself dating again is the fat/obese.... I tried it, didn't like it.... felt like I was suffocating!!
I think a lot of people think like that.
I don't necessarily have anything like that based on aesthetics, but I have always found myself attracted to thinner guys and I realized a couple of years ago that I equate that (as an immediate assumption n my head) with someone who is more into health both athletically and nutrition-wise... and I can't really imagine being romantically attracted to someone who did not care about their health at all.
of course, this is just jerky-ness on my part, probably, because i am sure many people who don't look it care about their health a lot. hmmm... i suck.
and i feel like everyone is always a good deal taller than me, cause i'm short.
i don't have a problem with it though i know what u mean by it not looking "right"... i think i would feel a bit strange dating a really short guy... i know i didn't like to wear high shoes when i had a bf that was exactly my height
Well, Andy is a good 25 lbs lighter than me...always has been....he's 6'2 and I'm 5'11.
At first, I was very self-concious about it - there are still times where I feel like a massive beast next to him, mainly when I'm meeting new people, like his work friends....I'm afraid they expect him to be with some tiny girl, all cute and pocket-sized. He's just a skinny boy, and I'm not a skinny girl - I don't think I'm fat by any means, but I know I'm not skinny.
Height, however, is a huge issue with me. I don't think I could date a guy shorter than me - I already feel like a drag queen when I dress up - I can't imagine standing next to a guy that was a lot shorter than me....
I do/did this. I've never dated shorter guys... DH is the shortest guy that I've been with. I am 5'6 and he is 5'9. I've pretty much stuck to "average" size guys.... not really considered skinny or fat.
I think it stems from me conforming to the social norm of thinking that the guy you are with is supposed to be bigger than the girl is. Lame, I know. :/
I am pretty all around average, leaning toward just a little overweight when I get stressed out.
I dated:
1. A guy who was just a little taller than me (I was 5 foot 5 or so, he was maybe 5 foot 6).
2. A guy who was obese
3. An all around pretty average guy
and I married:
1. A fairly tall (though not ridiculously so... 6'1" or so) and thin (again, not ridiculously so) guy.
Experiences:
I towered over the first guy in heels, which made me super-conscious in my senior prom photos. (I have a weird posture in the pictures from leaning backwards trying to appear somewhat shorter, since I had on 4-inch heels)
I agree with hesp that the issue with the second guy wasn't the weight per se, but rather the very unhealthy lifestyle.
And with DH... the biggest problem I have is that he's one of those people who can eat whatever he wants and take weeks off from working out and noone would ever notice (if anything, he's prone to lose weight), whereas I balloon under those circumstances. Grrr!!!!
ETA: this doesn't bother me aesthetically... I don't worry what people think of either of us when they see us together. It comes from more of a cooking/living compatibility issue.
DH is shorter than me (I'm 5'9", he's 5'7"). A lot of my friends say they could never date someone shorter than they are, but I've never had an issue with it. Most of my friends are short to average height though, whereas I'm on the tall side, so I'd be ignoring a lot of guys if I only went out with taller ones. It would only be an issue for me if it was an issue for the guy as well (I had a friend with a not-much-taller boyfriend who would get upset when she wore heels. Not cool).
I tend to prefer skinny to average weight guys. I don't think it has anything to do with health or lifestyle...it's just an aesthetic thing that I happen to like. Sort of like some people prefer brunettes or big boobs or whatever.
(I had a friend with a not-much-taller boyfriend who would get upset when she wore heels. Not cool).
DH loves when I wear heels! It makes me either the same height or just a smidge taller.
sometimes i wish i liked heels cause i'd like to be closer in height to dustin. actually, i just realized that's only really for naughty reasons.
sometimes i wish i liked heels cause i'd like to be closer in height to dustin. actually, i just realized that's only really for naughty reasons.
Hence why I don't mind DH only being 3" taller than me! ^-^
N and I are exactly the same height (although I like to think I'm smidge taller!), and it's never bothered me at all.
I remember when we first irst got together it felt weird kissing a guy who wasn't taller than me, but now I am so used to it. I don't often wear heels, but when I do I love the fact I'm talle than him, just because we have a running argument about who is the tallest (it's me really!).
I've been out with an overweight, bordering on obese guy, and at the time it didn't bother me. This was before I was vegan and had as much interest in my diet, so I'm not sure how I would feel now, but like other have said it would be from a common interest point of view, not aesthetic point of view.
Not sure how I'd feel about someone skinner than me, but I'm quite slim anyway. I know when N and I first got together we were the same size and could wear each others clothes, but he was never skinnier than me. I can imagine I would feel weird about it if the guy was skinnierr than me, but not sure why I would feel that way.
I don't think I'd feel too weird about a guy being skinnier than me (other than maybe being worried that I would crush him). I think I might feel a bit self-conscious if I was with a guy who was really fit and/or muscular, 'cuz I'm not. But that's probably a common interest thing as well, not just me feeling insecure about my lack of muscle. ::) I'm not sure if I could date someone who was really overweight. I'd probably be ok with someone who's a bit chubby, but not obese. And that's probably purely for superficial reasons.
My boyfriend is 6'2" and about 145-150 pounds--he is so tall and slim. I'm only 5'3" and I weigh less than him, but not by a whole lot. A year and a half ago I lost 30 pounds, and before I did that, we were too close for comfort!! It would occasionally upset me. Sometimes he is just way too tall, and we struggle to kiss standing up for very long--my neck hurts. I don't ever wear heels, but sometimes I think it would be nice to be closer in height.
We've been together 8 years, so I only dated 2 guys before him, really, and they were both tall and skinny. Oh, and all 3 have been left handed! Weird!
Mark's about 6' 2" to my (barely) 5' 4" and approaching twice my weight. I kind of like it. It's super fun being able to wrestle someone and know you won't accidentally hurt them.
I'm not sure if I could date someone who was really overweight. I'd probably be ok with someone who's a bit chubby, but not obese. And that's probably purely for superficial reasons.
I wonder if it's more than superficial...we tend to have the body type we do because of our activity and lifestyle. If someone is really overweight, the chances of them eating healthy decrease. If they're overweight, then they might not hike, or camp, or run, or rock climb or whatever. I've thought about this before, and yes, I agree it is somewhat superficial, but it's also related to activity. I wouldn't want to date someone that just sits around and watches TV all day--I don't even own a TV! So don't be too hard on yourself and call it superficial!
Unless it's a blind date, the date-ee would know what the date-er's activity level and interests were. I think weight preferences are likely more based on culturally influenced aesthetics than people are willing to admit or realize.
I have a friend that is overweight AND active. He doesn't eat excessively, he hikes, etc etc.... So, sometimes I know it wouldn't necessarily be lifestyle.
In my experience, we all have the "ideal partner" in our heads, and we often end up with someone completely different. When asked I would have said, "Tall, muscular, blond or very dark, preferably with longish hair and facial hair." And I married a man just my height (5ft 7) who is slimmer than me, absolutely NOT muscular, medium dark but greying and with only a tonsure of hair left (male-pattern baldness to the extreme). No facial hair and no way could I convince him to grow any. He started by saying that he was greying and it made him look old. Then he finally admitted later that he found mustaches unhygenic (colds and leftover food) and "a bald man with a beard looks like he's compensating."
He does have beautiful hands. But slimmer than me and unable to pick me up in his arms without herniating himself. I just had to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be rescued from a burning building in the arms of a man with a Prince Valiant haircut...sigh. ;D I've always wanted to feel petite and fragile and protected. Not gonna happen.
Point is, when you really love someone, their appearance may be what attracts you at first but you live with the person inside. If you hook up with a guy who looks like a Greek god but treats you like crap...well it's not much of a relationship. I had a friend in highschool who was VERY tall and also a "big woman." Yes, she was heavy, but she carried it well (like Ava Gardner) and she was actually quite beautiful. Her boyfriend was no peanut, but he kept holding the weight issue over her head, saying they'd get married when she lost 30 pounds, and such as that. I always got the impression he was just using that as a way to make her feel small, and "responsible" for his putting off the commitment. I came away from the US before that resolved itself so I don't know what happened. But I have my idea.
I've been reading a lot of advice columns by Carolyn Hax (Washington Post) lately, and something she wrote about resonated with me:
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