Sticky situation, need input from all the moms
Okay, long story short:
My ex who I'm still very close to is having a child w/ another woman. The child was very unplanned. The woman is a recluse to the n'th degree, no family or friends to speak of (literally), and believes that all she needs is to read the books and she'll be fine. That, unfortunately, is not the case, and the pregnancy is now high-risk, and she doesn't trust women. I'd like to help, my ex feels his hands are tied. I've been a birth coach, and helped teach parenting classes, was a nanny, etc, etc.... I know female companionship can help her. Given her reclusiveness, and inability to trust women, what can I do??? Right now, she's nearing the end of the second trimester and is still experiencing morning sickness. She has yet to find an OB/Mid-wife/Dula that she likes, trusts..... So yeah, any suggestions? Like I said it is a sticky situation. :help!: :help!:
I can't say for sure, but if this woman does not trust women, and you are the father of her baby's ex-girlfriend.......then I'm not sure that there is anything that you can do. Is your ex with this woman as a couple?
No, they are not together as a couple....they have agreed to be co-parents.....like I said, it is a sticky situation.
Random and none of my business, but -
if she's a recluse with no friends or family, how did they meet?
Random and none of my business, but -
if she's a recluse with no friends or family, how did they meet?
Haha. That was my first thought too. ;D
I'd say all you can do is offer to help. Do you ever talk to her normally? Maybe the three of you could get together & you could try to casually talk to her. Just try to keep it casual & nonthreatening & if you have been talking about her & the situation with the man, don't bring it up because then you may put her on the defensive. Say something like, "How are you feeling?" "Are you happy with your doctor?" or "are you excited about the baby?" mention that you've been a birth coach & offer to help out any way that she would like.
It sounds like youre close friends with him and not with "the woman" so I would advise him the best you can, but as far as she goes, its out of your jurisdiction. If he wants to share with you thats cool, but if she hasnt come to you in anyway, respect her individual privacy and the right to her own life. This is all contengent upon how well you know each other, so if I am drawing the wrong conclusion about your possible lack of a relationship with her, let me know.
Get a list of names of Doctors / midwives / dula's in the area. Note the male ones if that makes her more comfortable. Give as much information as possible about the offices, distance and surrounding location. Maybe she would be more comfortable going to a small out of the way single practice in a small building than a busy strip medical building location.
Other than that, and offering nicely your assistance should she want or need it, I dont know what else you can do. If she is competent enough to live alone and is unwilling to get assistance, its her choice.
My thought? If she is in a bad way with her mental health, perhaps having a child is not a wise choice at this time.
Okay, so yeah...pretty much just what I'm doing right now....
Thank you guys!!! You may not believe what you've said is that much, but trust me, it has helped!!!
To answer the questions...
1) internet dating
2) she's yet to meet any of his friends
3) I believe she's on the state's insurance plan, so she's stuck going to whatever facilities they provide
4) Whatever may be thought, she has decided she wants the child, and is entering her third trimester
As to why I'm concerned and this involved in a situation that most women would probably just walk away from is a philosophy and practice I've had for a very long time:
If I care deeply for a person, and love them, then I care about ALL aspects of their lives. If I'm friends with one person, then I make note of their s/o's birthdays as well as kids and their parent's anniversary....etc etc....Initially, it may be awkward for the families, but it has, in the long run saved many a misunderstanding, and is why the shortest friendships I have, have lasted well over 2 years.