parents...help w/teenager!!!
Posted by susan.brackett on Sep 02, 2007 · Member since Jun 2007 · 198 posts
Need some advice not to pull my hair out. :(
I have a teenager who over reacts to everything.
For example....
I took her to get jeans and a vegan belt for school. I went to where she wanted to go...horrible trendy music and clothes... I didn't interfer at all and listened to an Alice in Chains CD turned up loud with both ear pieces in. She came over to me with a pair of leather shoes and I said no....They weren't what we came for and non-vegan. I must have accidentally yelled, because I had the music turned up loud. Well, she gets mad and dumps everything stomping out of the store....Not what I'd consider a normal reaction and she knew I was listening to the CD.
Help!!!
This kind of stuff happens all the time. Any suggestions for peace. :)
I agree with the letting her buy them herself thing. As a teenager, I know sometimes I unintentionally just argue with my mom for no reason. There is very little real base behind our fights except for the fact that it feels like every single thing she says is to provoke me (I know that's not the case, we're different people and neither of us is perfect and it took me 19 years to figure that out). No amount of "sitting down and talking" would have helped our relationship, nor would her giving in to every thing I wanted.
If you raised your daughter vegan, she knows your reasons behind it and would probably agree with you if you were anyone but her mother. So she'll probably thank you one day, but not right now. You could show her some vegan shoes (I go to www.zappos.com) and she what she thinks, but if she still prefers her choice, let her buy it with her own money. Personally, I find non leather shoes to be much more flexible and lighter on the feet, anyway...
I agree with what has been said. I think it is important that she has the freedom to become her own person.
You don't say what age of teenager...12-14 still need to be guided, but over that, I would def. let her make some of her own choices. It's safer to have her happy with the purchase of un-vegan shoes, than wearing all-vegan clothes and rebelling by doing something much more dangerous without parental supervision...
I am not a teenager anymore, but I am still working through issues with my mom. Teenage girls and moms are often like oil and water. I know this is close to impossible, but try not to take it personally. There is no doubt she feels guilty about the way she reacts to you, but she's unable to process through it at this age...in my opinion.
Obviously the issue isn't about the shoes, right? ;) I would just give her a little time after an explosion and then try to talk to her about it and apologize for your part. ("I'm sorry I yelled, I was listening to loud music...") I think that would set a really good example for her.
You should check out the movie "In The Land of Women." There is SUCH a good portrayal of a mother/teenage daughter relationship in there. I had no idea that's what it was about and went to see it with my mom. We sat side by side sobbing because it was so accurate.
It will be ok, hang in there!
Yikes. It sounds to me like it was the accidental yelling that got to her.
Man, I wouldn't wish teenaged-femaledom on ANYONE! I was such a miserable little b!tch back then, and the slightest thing would set me off in a sour mood. Its just all those hormones racing around that create mood swings that you don't know how to deal with.
So, I think it was probably that you sounded like you were yelling at her, and she was thinking 'Geez, I was just asking!' And if anyone was in ear-shot, she was probably embarrassed, because lord knows its SO EASY to embarrass teenagers.
I would just sit her down and explain to her how much you love her, and that you sometimes don't understand eachother, but when those misunderstandings happen, she has to let you know in a calm manner. Tell her that you'll change your ways if she will change hers. Its takes two, although she is the one going through moods, but you don't have to say that!
In a few years when she is through this, she will look back and understand a bit better, but until then, just hunker down through the storm, and good luck!
Maybe if shes old enough you could drop her and a friend off at the mall, go to some book store for a couple hours and meet them somewhere to take them home. I hate those trendy stores. Blegh! I also agree with having her buy her own clothes and shoes if they're not vegan.
i'm a teen too.
but no where near the typical one.
i am more of an "adult teen."
me and my mom rarely argure and i like to hang out with her and her friends more than i do mine.
and i hate drama and trendy shops.
abercrombie sucks and so does leather.