Breast feeding officially sucks and I hate it.  I will continue to do it because it's best for my son.  I feel no bonding urges while doing it just extreme annoyance.  I cannot wait until this shit is over and done with.

In general; I just hate it.  Despite multiple trips to lactation consultants we can't get him to latch properly.  Sometimes it hurts and other times it's just irritating.  He has bad habits at the breast.  I can't blame him though because there might be an underlying problem.  We're going to see a pediatric ENT and potentially an Occupational Therapist to try to correct his suckle.  We're also dealing with some reflux issues (which would probably be worse if he was formula fed/bottle fed).

I'm also having a hard time adjusting to motherhood; freaking out about everything, being grossed out by spit up, poop, etc... And the crying certainly gets in my nerves when I can't figure out why he's crying.  All in all, I pretty much suck as a mother right now.

Erin ~ I hope it is easier for you than it is for me.  Thanks for your kind words though.

I feel really, really awful admitting this now, but I think sharing this information with brand new moms is important. When Amelia was less than a month old, I told DH that I hated her - and at the time I think I meant it. I even mentioned that there has to be some nice couple out there that really wants a baby. I was sure we made a terrible mistake having a baby.

Me too!  I wanted to give Stella to my parents.

Thank you both for these posts.  I've said it and felt this way too (mainly when BF-ing and his crying for no apparent reason fits).  I was thinking that I was a horrible person.

I also hated breastfeeding for quite a while.  It took 4 weeks to get him to breastfeed at all (before that he was not latching correctly, screaming all the time, losing weight, etc., and I too felt like a shitty mother).  Even after he started latching properly, it took soooo long for him to feed (a lot of which was probably comfort sucking, but I was afraid to take him off after all the effort it took to get him on in the first place).  I was counting down too.  And actually I did pump exclusively for a few days (mostly to get his weight/strength up, but it was a HUGE relief for me to not have the sole responsibility of feeding him.  I mean, it was my milk, but DH did the feeding and I barely even touched Vincent for those few days because he was such a source of stress for me).  It took about 3 months before I really felt comfortable with it and even longer before I started to enjoy it and bond and all that.

Regarding the crying...Vincent cried every day non-stop from about 4 or 5pm until 11pm or later from when he was 6 weeks until 3 1/2 months.  It seriously SUCKED, but apparently it's normal for some babies and there's not much you can do about it.  The best advice I got for it was: if you've tried everything (bouncing, rocking, feeding, bath, etc.) and none of it works and you're getting really stressed out, put the baby in a safe place (crib or stroller) and leave.  He's going to cry whether you're there or not, and if you're stressed enough you are likely to do more harm than good (which could be anything from the baby sensing your tension to actually physically harming him...this is the kind of thing that leads to shaken baby deaths).  So even if it means leaving the baby in the house alone while you go for a walk, do it.  Your sanity is the highest priority.  (Also, if you think you may have post partum depression, it's important to both you and your baby to seek help).

Motherhood is such a huge adjustment and no amount of reading can prepare you for what it's really like.  Just remember that no matter how hard it is now, he'll eventually grow out of it.

Also, this

I will continue to do it because it's best for my son.

means you are actually a good mother.  I know it's hard to feel like it since you're so frustrated with the other shitty aspects of motherhood, but when push comes to shove you're doing what's best for him.

yeah this thread is going to keep me not pregnant. that's a good thing.

LLG- I'm glad things are getting better.  Again, I think no amount of reading can prepare you for what it's really like, but I guess if you had NO idea about the "unsettled periods" (the nice name they give to the screaming-for-no-reason time every day) and all that it would come as a huge shock.  But he won't be a baby forever.  Vincent as a newborn was...well, I wouldn't go back to that for anything.  But seeing him today, at 16 months, walking around and smiling and making funny faces and giving me hugs... :)>>> :)>>> :)>>>.

lol. that baby...