Positive Action, Self-Harm Prevention, and Recovery Club!
Welcome!
This is a space for VWers of all walks of life to come and share their experiences as We work toward recovery from self-destructive behaviours, such as eating disorders, substance abuse, and self-injury.
Of course, this thread can't replace the help of medical professionals, but I think a lot of Us would benefit from this little bit of therapy. YOU set goals for Yourself, share Your progress (and setbacks, when/if they happen), and We'll all be here to cheer You on!
This is also a place where You can come when You're tempted to do something self-destructive (like self-injure, binge/purge, get drunk, etc.) and You need some distraction. Even if no one else is online, come and vent and just type away/post pictures/whatever instead of engaging in harmful activity.
Don't be ashamed if You're struggling with meeting Your goals or keeping Yourself out of the cycle of self-harm.... We've all been there, and this isn't a place for judgment. But be ready for advice and maybe even some tough love--We want to see everyone through their struggles, but it's important that We all remain open to absolute honesty and constructive criticism.
So if You're new to this discussion, feel free to share some information about Yourself--however much/little You want--and tell Us what exactly You want to change. We'll help You set up some goals, p'raps give some advice on how to work on them, and cheer You on as You work toward self-betterment.
;)b
So I went a while feeling okay about myself. Then I was asked when my baby is due. Contentment bubble burst.
why would anyone ever ask someone this?! i don't care who the chick is i would never ask unless i knew for sure the girl was preggo...
courth, you are so damn beautiful this pisses me off.... sure people have different body shapes and hold there weight in different places... like me, my arms stay stick thin but i gain weight boobs down... you in no way look pregnant courth... i've seen you in a bikini top! <3
Courth I am so sorry you were at the receiving end of such an idiotic comment. Whether it was said in innocence or not, people need to think before they blurt out statements about another person's body. Otherwise their own credibility is questionable. I wouldn't let it get you down. I know it's easier said than done. My family means well but sometimes they too make comments that seem to bore into my soul and make my fears ten times worse. I think as introverts we tend to read a lot more into what others tell us and worry about what others think. It's hard for me to let certain things go. At any rate, from what I have read and seen of you, I think you are a beautiful person with much to offer. HUGS
"At any rate, from what I have read and seen of you, I think you are a beautiful person with much to offer..."
"Courth, you are so damn beautiful..."
^ Yes, these ^
NB, yes on the reading too much into statements! Also, there are certain types of us who can be in a room of 100 people, 99 of whom adore us, but we will obsese over the 1 person who cannot stand us. Funny thing is through cunning or intuition or whatever a lot of times that 1 person is doing it intentionally because they know the hell it can put us through. How much time I wasted over all this! Now I answer to myself. That is healing for me. To be a light unto yourself, that is freedom.
I did not have to drink whiskey today and for that I am truly grateful. In fact if that is all I get today, it is a good day regardless of the many mistakes I will make and those who hate me with or without a reason.
<3
PS: I have noticed that occasionally that 100th person, who today I treat with all the love and compassion my selfish humaness can manage, lots of times now will come around and ask, "What have you got going on? You seem so together?" <--- that is priceless!
Hey... I'm back on VegWeb again, interbutts transient that I am. :P I don't think I've posted in this thread, have I?
Anyway, I've been getting my arse in gear (sort of - I mean, by my standards, which is something, at least) with some positive things in my life, things that I have been putting off for literally years. I had my first meeting of group with the adult eating disorders program today, which... well, I can say that it's a group of people who talked about eating disorders. Exactly what it says on the tin. I'm also trying to kick out the other two legs of my Issues Tripod - I got dragged around and kicked to the curb by a string of psychiatrists with regards to what my gut instinct wants to believe is some kind of bipolar disorder (family history stuff has come to light, as well as my experiencing for the first time a real, honest-to-goodness, full-two-weeks manic episode)... but even though the final link in the chain dropped me like a sack of bricks and refused me treatment, I've taken another route and I'm seeing a counselor on-campus whose role is less to sling meds and more to let me vent and help me straighten out my thoughts when I'm really scattered. Aaand I finally, finally got around to seeking out resources for gender transition, after five years of hemming and hawing and being scared. Of course, this still leaves me with a year to wait before the wheels leave the runway, so to speak, but one year... well, I could have spent another five years avoiding the subject.
Sorry, that was really long and all Narci Narci Narci (username asserting its influence...) but I just wanted to get the status report out of the way because holy crap I've been gone a long time (I guess I was finding vegan fora a little triggery?).
Courth, it's been ages since I've said this to you, so I'll have to mention it with extra frequency to make up for last time, and echo what has been said: You. Are. Beautiful. You're a beautiful person. Your ego deserves every boost and your self-confidence every hug and reassurance and damnit contentment is the absolute least you deserve. Whatever person it was who had the audacity to overstep boundaries like that was just straight-out uncouth. I mean, really, it is honestly just RUDE to ask questions like that, and I would have thought that would just be common sense. I know it's not as easy as just ignoring a hurtful comment or doing the water-off-a-duck's-back deal but honestly this kind of invasive crap is just meaningless drivel. Be awesome, Courth. I mean, you ARE awesome. Keep on keeping on.
Um, I think I might have needed to get some things off my chest? PUN UNINTENDED.
Hi Narcissus, nice to meet you! I am a newer member of VegWeb having registered in March? I can certainly understand why you would need to step away from the forums for a while. Sometimes I have to do that if I am feeling a bit triggered also. Of course sometimes EVERYTHING is a trigger in my life. Sighs. Anyway thanks for sharing your positives! It's gotten me a little inspired. You seem like such a fun person.
I have been eating a lot more since overcoming that nasty stomach virus and starting school. My digestion is still a bit off since being sick so I have to be careful but my appetite is vorocious. It frightens me but I still perservere on. I need brain power for studying. At least part of it is fear too that pushes me to nourish myself. Since I was hit by a minivan while riding my bike a few months ago (it wasnt major but the minivan pulled out too far as I was biking by and shoved me out into the road more; fortunately no cars were on the road at the time) I have had left hip and pelvic pain. Well now it has gotten so bad I can not sleep at night AT ALL. It hurts to sit, to lay down, to stand in any position but sitting and laying down are worse. Sometimes its unbearable. I havent been able to ride my bike for a week and exercise has dwindled down a lot. It's causing my anxiety to go sky high. I am so worried I may have a stress fracture. I have osteoporosis so my worries are justified. I am going in today to see a doctor. Lack of sleep is taking its toll. I tried taking an anti inflammatory a few days ago. I havent taken over the counter meds in years. All it did was make me terribly nauseated, didnt touch the pain. The body sure has a way of letting you know when you have pushed it too far and when to start taking better care of yourself. I am really fighting my anxiety and fears and feeling guilty as heck for eating what I percieve is a LOT but it's mostly healthy stuff too. And not being able to exercise is hard.
I havent been on much as school is keeping me busy, but I always come back to Vegweb to see what's up with everyone. This is sort of my home group I guess. I hope all of you are finding some positives in your lives!
Narcissus, thank you! It sounds like you're doing well for yourself. That's a good thing.
NB, What are you studying in school? Sorry if you've mentioned it before. That is terrible about getting hit. I can relate to your feelings of pain and not being able to exercise. My knee is killing me due to what my doctor thinks is a torn meniscus, and I can't even walk without a limp. Ever since the pregnant comment I've been really sensitive about my weight. This really doesn't help. And now people look at me because I have this huge knee brace and I hobble instead of walk. I have to take the elevator to the second floor. I feel lazy, but I really can't do theses things.
I am studying Health Information Management. I work in medical records already but at an entry level position.
Sorry to hear about your knee. I can relate to the elevator thing and feeling lazy but at the same time we know that we are doing the right thing in taking care of our bodies so they heal properly. Nothing lazy about that! If we perservere we will be stronger people down the road. Hang in there! Injuries suck!
So, it's been over a month since anyone has posted here. How are you guys doing? My knee still hurts, even though I didn't tear anything. Since I hurt it I've gained almost 15 pounds. I feel like a fucking cow. I went back to underusing insulin to lose weight, and I ended up in the hospital on Tuesday night. I was given three bags of saline by IV for severe dehydration, and it made me really puffy. I'm so stupid. My knee is just starting to get better, so I don't want to hurt it, but I need to exercise. Even walking at a good pace for a mile or so makes me hurt, so this is a challenge.
I hope everyone is doing better.
oh no courth i am so glad you are ok!!!!
i am doing the same... crappy as usual haha and life has been drama and chaos... wish i had something better to report =/
Courth, as far as exercise, can you do something lower-impact like swimming or riding a bike?
Courth I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Hang in there! I was thinking swimming would be a good choice if you needed to exercise also. Even just stretching while sitting or lying down.
I am really struggling so have not posted here. School is stressing me as is work and the intrusive eating disorder thoughts. I have gained approximately 1 lb of actual fat over the last month but it feels like way more. I am stuck in a binge starve and now purge cycle (rare for me but I went through this before). Stress and instability always lead to this and its just a vicious cycle. I was just thinking this morning how I long to have someone to talk to about this hell I keep deep inside me. There is no one I can trust who won't throw me in a hospital or judge me in some way if I am honest. And then to think the holidays are just around the corner. Ugh.
I have been wondering about you guys but have been afraid to post. And school is keeping me so busy. I should be studying right now, not drooling over vegweb recipes and obsessively planning meals. Sigh...
Just a half positive note to share in regards to recovery efforts. I went out to eat for the first time in three months Saturday. I called the restaurant ahead of time and drilled them on how they cook their vegetables (it was an Asian restaurant and I was worried about butter or oyster sauce in it) and other food and I still didnt quite believe the person I talked to on the phone but then I thought I really needed to relax and take a break and just have some fun and get out. So my boyfriend and I went. The meal wasnt that great (I had tofu, udon noodles, veggies, green tea) as it was a little bland and soggy and the cost of the meal was outrageous but at least I tried. I ate almost the whole plate which felt like an enormous amount of food.
I hope everyone is hanging in there and having some positive experiences. I'd love to hear some. I could really use some encouragement.
good job NB at doing something out of your comfort zone, i'm glad it went well for the most part <3
i wish i had something to add but my life is a mess
Sorry to hear that Amy. From reading your posts around vegweb I would never have guessed. You seem like such an upbeat sociable person with a great sense of humor and so sensitive to others. Maybe this place is a respite from real life huh? I hope things get better for you!
Sorry to hear that Amy. From reading your posts around vegweb I would never have guessed. You seem like such an upbeat sociable person with a great sense of humor and so sensitive to others. Maybe this place is a respite from real life huh? I hope things get better for you!
i wear my mask well :)
but really there is just too much toxic stuff going on right now... kinda at the eye of the storm... vegweb and blogging are my little escape from this socal rukus
I'm glad you made a step forward, NB. Even if it seems like a small thing. It's a step in the right direction.
Amy, I know what you mean about wearing the mask. I am also really good at it. I hate when people give me "that look" when they know I'm bummed out or whatever. The first four weeks of my semester were like that because of my huge meltdown last fall. I'm pretty sure word spread through the department's faculty. I could tell. :(
Me? I haven't found any good low-impact exercise. I was starting to feel good for a few days, so I started with a slow jog. I made it less than 1/4 mile before I had to stop because of my damn knee. Also, I'm feeling really stressed right now. Last weekend my car was broken into. The one time I leave everything in my car, it is stolen. In my driveway. In a nice neighborhood. Flute, piccolo, laptop, backpack, all stolen. So now I'm spending a shit ton of time rewriting the papers I was working on. It figures. I don't procrastinate this semester, and yet I still end up scrambling like I have been. Ugh. The temptation to hurt myself is so strong. But I've gone since... September? Yeah. I think it's been since September.
Hang in there courth and NB! School, well state college, was the most stressful 2.5 years of my life it is very hard to balance work, life, school all at once, I do not envy you!
Courth those people should be keeping your issues under wraps or that is seriously against the law. I know how you feel though cause when i go to the doctor i am pretty sure everyone in the office knows or sees on my chart that i have an ED so i always feel kinda awkward but whatever, that's their job!
I am sorry about the theft sitch that really sucks. I guess just don't leave stuff in your car. Though I am a dumbass and do that all the time!
And please courth cut yourself some slack and do not cut (wow that sounded weird)! Is there another way you could relieve the self hatred? Like force yourself to do 100 crunches LOL... Do you have a gym membership?
Love you both <3
Amy
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