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depressed...

i'm in bed right now. i can't seem to get up. i've been so depressed the last few days that it's been hard for me to do anything. i couldn't even do my yoga last night and i don't know what to do about it. especially since i have to go to work in a few hours and i just want to call in..

i've been struggling with my weight for so long and every day i look in the mirror and hate what i see.. i cry myself to sleep every night. i have 2 doctors and it seems like nothing can help me anymore and i honestly dont really have the will to live anymore..

i dont know what to do... i hate being so unhappy all the time, its mainly because of my weight, but every time i get depressed i just go and binge eat so its not an easy thing to fix.. cuz i've been trying to stop binge eating for over a year...

i wish someone could help me...

Does somebody call you names about your weight? If they do your weight is not the problem they are.

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Hmm.. can you call up a friend and see if they want to hang out after work? Sometimes it's just fun to get out, shopping or to the movies, or hit up a healthy restaurant where you will have a controlled portion of food. I keep reading everywhere that omega 3s are a great treatment for depression and bipolar disorder, so maybe take a trip and get a supplement.  My advice is mainly just to get out of the house, even if you're alone, and do something that you enjoy. I hope you feel better soon Sariea..

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nobody calls me names about my weight except me

i would get out of the house and do something i enjoy but thats the problem.. i don't enjoy anything anymore. i can't go shopping, i stress about the money. and i don't have any friends to go with anyway...

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Sariea...it truly breaks my heart to hear you, as well as other people, speak this way.  I understand, feelings are hard to control, and when its something that you truly believe there really is no one that can tell you otherwise.  Please don't feel bad about yourself, and please don't feel like your life would be better is there wasn't one.  You seem like such a beautiful person, you look so beautiful in your picture!!

It's hard and it takes sooo much will power to not feel this way, and I'm sure you've tried not to  :( but please PLEASE don't give up on yourself...you are your best friend and only you can make a change.  I'm glad you are writing about it, if you ever feel trapped just write it out, here or in a journal or to a friend, anywhere...I find that putting your feelings on paper helps a lot...

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Sariea, you seem like such a beautiful person, with such skill in the kitchen (if your photos are anything to go by) and always with interesting input into vegweb conversations.  You'll get through this rough patch!

I would put the other 2 suggestions together, and get out of the house and write!  Grab a notebook, go to a cafe, and sit down with a cup of nice herbal tea (doesn't cost much) and just people-watch and write, write, write.  It really helps to get it out of your system, and you can write about anything, how you feel, your day, anything!

In the very least, get up out of bed (force yourself) and turn off the computer and go for a walk.  It'll clear your head a bit, and maybe then you'll feel more up to yoga, or work.

Hang in there!!!

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Sariea-  I know this is hard, but please realize that your weight is not something to "fix".  You are a beautiful person.  Your posts are filled with intelligence and compassion.  Please, please, talk to your mom or dad, or a close friend.  I agree with those who have suggested writing, or art.  Go out for a walk... something... You deserve better than this... yes you do.

((((((((((Sariea))))))))))

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Sorry to hear what you are going through......everyone here....they're "here" for you....."talk" to someone........

Remember this....when you are down....and feel you've hit the bottom....the "only way"...is UP! Way way UP....k?
-dave

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Sariea are you taking any kind of anti-depression medication?   Your description of how you're feeling and not finding enjoyment in anything anymore matches the definition of depression to a tee.  Please please go to your doctor(s) and tell him/her exactly what you've told us.  Depression like you're describing is not a light matter, as you must already know.  

I don't know a whole lot about anti-depressants and I'm not a doctor, but I 've heard there are newer (?) drugs called Selective Seratonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (called SSRI's for short) that work better than anti-depressants.  ??  Not sure just how accurate that info is, but please at least talk to your doctor(s) about it and see if getting some help in that area might benefit you.  You definitely need help at this point.  Sometimes people just need the drug temporarily to help as they learn better coping skills, and some people will need the chemical from the drug for life if their body is unable to produce it naturally for whatever reason. Either way, we all love you here at Vegweb and want to see you happy like you deserve!!!!!  Please go get help!!!!!  
 

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I'm sorry that you feel so terrible Sariea. If I was you I would go outside and take a nap in the sun, get dolled up, or cuddle up with my special someone. Sometimes sleeping too much can really create a vicious cycle. I hope you get to your yoga tape in today!

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i've struggled with depression on and off for the past 15 years or so, and i know how absolutely awful it is, but also how much better it can get. i'm sure that right now you're thinking 'better? yeah... right!' but you're depressed today, and i'm not, so you'll just have to take my word for it- as a  person whose thoughts aren't totally biased towards unhappiness right now- that it can and will be better! you've been told, so nah! :P

short term and emergency fixes: the last thing you'll feel like you can or want to do, is exactly what you need to do. turn off your head, and turn on your arms and legs. get out of bed, get washed, dressed, fed, and ready, and go outside and be with normal, undepressed people. go to work, and focus on work. switch off the part of your brain that you don't need to do your job, and refuse to listen to all your miserable thoughts- if you listen to them, you'll follow them, feed them, and make them feel true. i know this is true- i catch myself doing it all the time! find yourself thinking negative thoughts? put on music and sing along loudly and make yourself jump around a bit (excersise is good for seratonin and dopamine), read a book, go see a movie- refocus your brain. if you hear a rogue thought popping in there, catch it, and tell it to sod off! do not feed it, listen to it, or give it more thoughts to play with- its just like a troll.

long term fix: go back to your doctors as soon as you can. i know its very very hard, but you have to bug them into helping you. tell them exactly how awful you feel. cry and wail in the office if you need to. get medication and talk to a pychiatrist if they and you both agree you need it (even maybe just for the short term, like crutches, till you're less wobbly), and definately gt a plan for talk therapy and councelling- preferably long term. humans are excellent storytellers, we can talk and think ourselves into almost anything (including depression)- as a plus, we can talk and think ourselves out of it too- its just a lot of work if you're not used to it. it feels twice as hard when you feel crap, but once you get going, it gets easier- like riding a bike, you need that initial push to get started. get yourself started today- cognative behavioural therapy can work wonders.

you can get well, ok? i know you can do it.... just take it one step at a time!

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sariea, you are a wonderful beautiful inelligent woman..i know you do ot ee that but you are, tere is so much compassion and creatiity flowing from you, it's apprent through bulletins....

depression sucks....soo much moreespecially with an ed...i hate it, ican assure you though tat in time this will pass...depression will turn to the side and you will slide right by....it's a horrid hide ad seek game....

don't  give upyet...we love you!~

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sariea,

no matter what you're going through right now, it will not be bad forever. everyone has good days and bad, but when your bad days begin to get chronic, it's time to get help. there is absolutely zero shame in this. the tricky part is that you actually have to do it. i was severely depressed for many years of my life, edging on suicidal many times, but i realized finally that this is the only chance i have to live my life, and i can either bide my time until i die or i can put myself through the temporary discomfort and uncertainty of discovering myself and being active in my life until i reach a point at which i can say "yeah, this is some pretty cool shit, this business of being alive." it's odd i suppose that depression can be comfortable: it's familiar and constant, kind of like wrapping yourself up in a big polar fleece blanket and taking a nap for 12 hours. the unhappiness can be calming in a way, even as it suffocates us.

please, look for help. i'm sure you think you're too weak, that you're not worth it, and that nothing is ever going to change. you are so wrong about that. please believe me, because i've been exactly where you are.

take care please. lots of love,
m

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(((Sariea))))

Painting! I've seen your art work on your site - it's incredible! Please, please, paint more - don't deprive the world of the beautiful scenes I know are just itchin' to grow/flow out of you! And to combine some of the other suggestions - you can paint outside! And then do jumping jack or sit-up each time you change a color; it'll keep your blood flowing and your brain alive. Yes, this may all seem like an exhausting, daunting idea, but you can do the little steps - brush your teeth, put up your hair, pack your brushes into a little cup, walk out the door. Each of those is conquerable. You are a strong woman, you can do it!

more hugs:  (((Sariea)))

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If you have an account, can you private message me?

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sorry, i got called in to work early... otherwise i wouldve replied

i'm on anti anxiety meds, i've tired 3 different anti depressants (including SSRI's) and none of them have worked--actually they all made me feel worse

and my doctors know how i feel, i cry at every visit. last visit i actually cried the entire 45 minutes and could barely breathe. but all i really get is "well can u work on not binge eating?" but it never works.. and my doctor asked me if the people i lived with could help me and ilooked at him and said "i used to be 88 pounds. they're not gonna help me stop eating. they don't care that i'm overweight, as long as i'm eating" and even when i email him, he rarely emails me back unless its a serious emergency

part of the thing is... i am so completely overwhelmed, and every time i cry and get stressed about all the things overwhelming me, all i get from my boyfriend (the person who's supposed to support me the most) is "there are plenty of people who deal with more than you do and they're just fine"

i'm not sure if i'll be able to get up and do my yoga later... i'm ashamed i bought laxatives today and took some... i'm not proud of it, especially since i have conquered my addiction to them... i don't know why i still consider them as a solution to anything..

i just wish there was something to keep me from bingeing

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Please flush the laxatives, toss 'em in a dumpster, whatever.

If you would like to email me, it's my user name here, at hotmail.  Sometimes it really helps to have more than one person to talk to.  I know you are overwhelmed, but this all may be overwhelming for your boyfriend to help you with, too.  

Can you find another doctor, one who will listen and be more proactive about helping you?

You deserve so much more help than you're receiving, it sounds like.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.

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You're so beatiful inside and out.  I hope you realize this soon.  Hugs.

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I think you need to laugh a little bit. Do you laugh?  I'm not saying that's it, I'm saying that's part of it.

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I think you need to laugh a little bit. Do you laugh?  I'm not saying that's it, I'm saying that's part of it.

you're right. i don't laugh. even as close as a week ago i could laugh at stuff, even if it was just a show on tv. now i dont laugh at anything...

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I don't have advice for you because anything I have to add (e.g., try more exercise, know you're fine as you are) sound so hack.  I'm happy that you posted your feeling here and also that you went to work.  I don't know if work helped you today, but doing something else sometimes helps me on my bad days.  As for laughing, I work up to it.  Prelaughing for me involves things like appreciating how light breaks through tree leaves.  I guess it softens me so I can laugh later.

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