Veg Web vs. Real World
I started to post to the "why I love you all" topic, and then I got off topic, so I decided on a new post......
I think I like the anonymity of the whole thing, and the safety of being behind the screen......why is it that on this board I feel like I have something in common with almost everyone who posts, yet in the real world I have a hard time relating to 98% of the population, family included (not counting my husband and son of course)? And I'm not just talking about the VEG thing....I have been to veg meet ups, play groups, etc..... and still found myself looking at most people and thinking, "I have nothing to say to these people" , and not really caring about what they had to say either. Am I horrible??!!! What is wrong with me? ::) I can't remember if I have always been this way, but I think I have. Maybe its getting worse.
OH MY GOD I think I am becoming one of those computer-psycho-anti-social-geek-people. :o
Deep breath, sigh............ok, I am fine with that, but imagine this:
All the VegWeb people end up in a room ala "Breakfast Club Style" (rent the movie) wearing our screen name tags of course (shiny gold with black lettering). How would things be different?!!!! Just a little "food for thought". It's late and I can't sleep! Can you tell?
I actually think Internet relationships can be more intimate, partially because of anonymity. You are willing to disclose things to strangers who don't know who you really are that you wouldn't tell your mom, or sometimes your doctor... think Dear Abby! And once you know how tenderly and intelligently they can respond, you're willing (sometimes) to meet them in person.
I'm always shocked when people say "he's only an internet friend"-- meaning, not a real one-- because, for me, these relationships can grow and flourish just as in-person ones can.
However, it sure is easy starting with a group of like-minded people.
I was an anthropologist for years... and found myself sometimes feeling very misanthropic. "I have nothing in common with the people around me, and nothing to say" could have been my "battlecry." But I fell into easy rapport with people with whom I KNEW I had something in common.
In short, I think it's totally a normal phenomenon. :)
I can say something completely ridiculous, and you can't look at me funny! Like. . .Little2Ant -- the person in the picture that explains everything you say talks really, really fast. :)
Maybe there are many veg*s that pass through here and don't relate. There's a reason the ones who stick around do. We're possibly self-refining.
First I like these 2 quotes:
why is it that on this board I feel like I have something in common with almost everyone who posts, yet in the real world I have a hard time relating to 98% of the population, family included
and still found myself looking at most people and thinking, "I have nothing to say to these people" , and not really caring about what they had to say either.
I have to say, though I get along with, or can relate to a lot of different people, I often feel the same exact way! On the other hand, I do keep a very limited amount of close friends (mostly just ones I've now known for years)....and don't let too many new ones in my "world"...if that makes any sense? I'm not talking about acquaintances....but, true call-you-at-4am in the morning to talk kind of friends.....You mention family included above....I know what you mean, I was recently in NY for the birth of my new niece and my family was there, and though I do truly love them all dearly, they are so so very different than me. I really don't have anything in common with them, and the things that are important to them in life are not the things that are important to me. It's not just about food, it's about life and lifestyle in general. We all love each other, but I can't yet figure out how I ended up being so different then them. My parents did support me every step of the way in my choice/destiny to become a musician and I was really really lucky to have such great parents! On the other hand, I can't understand my brothers (both of them) that can spend a few thousand dollars to fly to a different state to see a sporting event?! Personally, I wouldn't go watch any professional sporting event,even if it was around the corner, for free! (It would be as much fun for me attending the republican/taliban convention). I just don't care, it does nothing for me. On top of it, my oldest brother mentioned to me that he and his wife bought a new dog!!!!! And he told me expecting I'd be excited about it! He is caring in ways that I'm not. He adopted a child from Cambodia 8 years ago, and goes there every year to do free surgery for children stuck in orphanages (that is something I'm in awe of). It's a project he started. Overall, I just always see too many contradictions. As I said I love them dearly, but I find very little to talk to them about at times....I'm sure I'm not the only one....
But then again, to be honest, I don't think it's just the internet for me....I think I've been that way since I was pretty young and most definitely before I was vegan. It probably has a lot to do with my views on religion, politics, people slaving away at 9-5 grinds like robots (not knocking anyone on this....just my view on society....I don't believe humans were designed to sit at a desk under bad lighting for 40 something years, retire to Florida and die), I could go on and on. There is a different type of support group thing going on here, and it's not just about being vegan. It's deeper, and there seems to be a lot of people starting to really open up about themselves personally here and seeking some pretty personal advice. I think there is a great amount of "trust" that is present on this board. People are not afraid to perhaps, "expose" their thoughts or fears on issues that are personal to them. Overall it seems healthy and I believe there will be some real strong friendships that may develop from this board. Maybe only on our computers....but who knows.......
I feel the same way too. My husband and I talk about this a lot. We have a hard time relating to people at work and our families. Most of our small group of close friends have moved away, some out of the country. :( A lot of times, the only way to communicate is through e-mail. Now that we are in our 30's and more involved with our jobs it' s kind of tough for us to get out there and make new friends. We miss hanging out with our friends on the weekends,making fun of each other, talking about politics, and music.
I feel like I am becoming more antisocial. But, I hope to get to know you all better. I can't stop reading these boards. Everytime I check on them you guys are talking about something interesting.
I like you guys better than most of my friends that live nearby. ;)
When we were living in the Bay Area, I thought hundreds of times about joining a veg cooking group (you know, where you go to someone else's house each week/month to have dinner...) but the fear of new people (especially going to their homes!) freaked me out too much.
i totally agree here. real people = scary. you people = nice and fun. and its really cool on here also because there are soo many different kinds of people from all over the world and, for the most part, it isn't an issue. people aren't gonna give you a funny look for sharing your favorite quinoa recipe or asking about some veg*n thing few outside of our community would know about. that is what's awesome.
I was just thinking about this too! I think it also has to do with the fact that you can read old posts and get to know the people here before jumping in. In real life, you take a risk in socializing with people, because you don't know them yet, and sometimes they turn out to be hurtful.
Little2ant, Davedrum and others, I can completely relate to what you all are saying, especially about connecting with other people in the real world, something that I have a hard time doing. I feel so different than my family, coworkers and even friends. The slaving at a 9-5 job is not what I think human beings are supposed to do (even though I have a 9-5 job!) I think breaking away a little bit from my "real life" friends has opened my mind to a new way of thinking and while this is good, I sometimes feel more antiscocial now. I'm still trying to figure a lot of things out and what I want to do with my life. Oddly enough, reading posts on this board helps!
One of my favorite aspects of this board is that all generations, orientations (political, sexual, whatever), religions, and nationalities are friends and are accepting and supportive of each other.
I've spent much of my life feeling different from my family in much the same way as others are saying. I have few friends other than my husband and children. No one at work knows the "real me" and they'd probably be shocked if I told them how I feel about many things. I'm sure they think they know me, having worked with me for years. I keep most of my opinions to myself in the workplace. As a matter of fact, I'm sure my extended family would be shocked if I expressed myself--not that I have any weird secrets, I'm just not mainstream. Love them dearly but love them best from a distance. The things most of them value are not what I value. And the older I get, the less I want to interact with most folks. It's just too hard and getting harder. My DH is much more outgoing than I am and much more willing to "put himself out there." There's nothing he loves more than a good debate.
I have loved getting to know all you VegWebbers and in spite of the age difference between me and most of you, I do consider you my friends.
Bookmama, I know what you mean. I think at the workplace, you almost have to not be your "real self" if you are not mainstream. I have been working on being my true self more (around friends and family), because it was just getting exhausting for me, I was feeling like I was leading 2 different lives sometimes! I figure if they don't accept me for who I really am, is it that great of a loss? There is nothing "weird" or "wrong" about us. We just think differently and I think that's a beautiful thing!
at least I'm not the only one that feels this way! I always feel horrible for not being able to relate more to my family. We're just so completely opposite. They're hard-core religious people and I'm definitely not. That creates some issues between quite often epsecially since I started showing my true self to them.
I have a nice group of friends but again, none of them have the same views as I do. Alot of times I feel I'm in my own little world with not many people in my life that truly know me or understand what I'm about.