Reasons to Cry Like a Baby
Posted by hotcooknmama on Jul 05, 2011 · Member since Sep 2009 · 848 posts
("frown" didn't seem adequate)
I had to put my sweet black dog to sleep yesterday... knew it was coming-- she was 14, & had been treated for lymphoma for the past several months-- but it just never gets any easier. We were friends a long damn time, and I miss her very much. Pics & FB eulogy here: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.179450365448242.45816.100001498387941.
Many of the 2-legged creatures in my3-D world fail to understand the sadness magnitude of this event... like, "that's too bad, oh well she was old"... then I kick them in the shins/ balls, and go back to bed.
Cyberhugs needed.
(((larisuena))) Damn, just damn. You've had some crap hands this year. I really don't know what to say except I'm so sorry and hang in there!
My husband has anger problems, and I feel like if he doesn't get them under control that neither of us are going to be happy in this marriage. I love him so much...I just feel like I can't live with this drama for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what to do. I spent my whole childhood being emotionally abused and made to feel like if I said the wrong thing that I'd be beaten, or punished, or yelled at. With hubby, he doesn't take things out on me, but if I say the wrong thing he gets pissed off at himself and storms out for a walk and then comes back and starts yelling because "he's not allowed to show any emotions and he's tired of all the bullshit" but then when I apologize he yells at me for "feeling like everything is my fault and apologizing for everything."
He can't have it both ways. He can't say that I'm not letting him show emotions, then yell at me when I apologize because it's "not my fault".
My husband has anger problems, and I feel like if he doesn't get them under control that neither of us are going to be happy in this marriage. I love him so much...I just feel like I can't live with this drama for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what to do. I spent my whole childhood being emotionally abused and made to feel like if I said the wrong thing that I'd be beaten, or punished, or yelled at. With hubby, he doesn't take things out on me, but if I say the wrong thing he gets pissed off at himself and storms out for a walk and then comes back and starts yelling because "he's not allowed to show any emotions and he's tired of all the bullshit" but then when I apologize he yells at me for "feeling like everything is my fault and apologizing for everything."
He can't have it both ways. He can't say that I'm not letting him show emotions, then yell at me when I apologize because it's "not my fault".
Tough one, Fuf. Really, I can relate to this. It takes a lot of practice to learn to let him change his own emotional diapers. I've been married almost 30 years and it took a long time to learn to actively not take responsibility for his moods. I learned to say, "I'm not going to argue with you." And just let him get over himself as and when. Because like you I was trained to grovel, "fix it" and/or take the blame. Then I realised that even though my hubby is a sweet man, if I cry, somehow he "wins" in his own mind. So I don't do that anymore.
It takes a lot of practice, but you can acquire the ability to leave him to it. And you know, he seems to feel less need to get angry now. How does opting out constitute standing my ground, I don't know, but it seems to work.
You're in my pocket. (((Fufu)))
(((fufu)))
(((fufu)))
^ this
I grew up in a house with anger problems (which is why I avoid lt relationships now), but what I learned is that you can't solve or apologize away someone else's anger. Recognize it and let them have it if they have to, but it's that person's, not your's.
preach, hh. i couldn't have said it better.
My husband has anger problems, and I feel like if he doesn't get them under control that neither of us are going to be happy in this marriage. I love him so much...I just feel like I can't live with this drama for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what to do. I spent my whole childhood being emotionally abused and made to feel like if I said the wrong thing that I'd be beaten, or punished, or yelled at. With hubby, he doesn't take things out on me, but if I say the wrong thing he gets pissed off at himself and storms out for a walk and then comes back and starts yelling because "he's not allowed to show any emotions and he's tired of all the bullshit" but then when I apologize he yells at me for "feeling like everything is my fault and apologizing for everything."
He can't have it both ways. He can't say that I'm not letting him show emotions, then yell at me when I apologize because it's "not my fault".
I learned in my pre-marital counciling that usually when a significant other is mad at you they are in reality afraid of something. Do you think your husband fears he's going to lose you (to your cancer that is)? Or is afraid of anything else?
Hope it helped fufu :) <3
My husband has anger problems, and I feel like if he doesn't get them under control that neither of us are going to be happy in this marriage. I love him so much...I just feel like I can't live with this drama for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what to do. I spent my whole childhood being emotionally abused and made to feel like if I said the wrong thing that I'd be beaten, or punished, or yelled at. With hubby, he doesn't take things out on me, but if I say the wrong thing he gets pissed off at himself and storms out for a walk and then comes back and starts yelling because "he's not allowed to show any emotions and he's tired of all the bullshit" but then when I apologize he yells at me for "feeling like everything is my fault and apologizing for everything."
He can't have it both ways. He can't say that I'm not letting him show emotions, then yell at me when I apologize because it's "not my fault".
I learned in my pre-marital counciling that usually when a significant other is mad at you they are in reality afraid of something. Do you think your husband fears he's going to lose you (to your cancer that is)? Or is afraid of anything else?
Hope it helped fufu :) <3
Interesting perspective....maybe..hmm..... I wrote him a letter earlier about how these arguments make me feel, and letting him know that it's not the feelings I have problems with, and it seems to have helped, so we'll see how it goes.
I send you a hug fufu.
Ok. I'm getting stressed about the whole no-job situation. I've followed up on my résumés/applications and no decisions so far.
I've applied to the hospital for 8 different jobs and they're "still reviewing applications". I've called them once a week and have visited them in-person to introduce myself while asking to meet with someone. I've got my uncle-by marriage who's put in a good word for me with his buddy who's friends with the hiring lady. His wife (my aunt) works there but she refuses to put in a good word for me only because she doesn't know the HR lady. SO WHAT!!! Things in this town are all about connections and you can easily say, "hey, my nephew's looking for a job. He's a great candidate." That's how a lot of people get jobs here. According to the national reports (yes national) the local hospital is one of the best places to work and it's the largest employer in this city of 22,000 people. Yes, I went from a city of 2 million plus people to 22,000.....I'm not a small town guy.
My buddy referred me to work at Delta airlines as a baggage handler..where he works. I filled everything out online and had a phone interview yesterday. He was impressed with me and asked me to start the next step in the process. I did so last night and felt good about moving back to Columbus. However, I just got word from my friend that the job is no longer available. Shot down.
I'm here in this town with no job. I've applied for 18 jobs and not one of them have made any moves. School doesn't start until January. I'm falling behind on my bills. I'm in a town with a town's energy that's suffocating me. I'm trying to stay positive and patient and up-beat and determined (ya know..JFM-y) but it's hard doing it by yourself when no one seems to understand. It upsets me too because I was planning to attend school in Portland. My financial aid wasn't processed before the move and wasn't supposed to me finished until November. Well, it was processed and completed one day after I got to my mom's home. Seriously?! I could've gone to school and could still be there.
I just want to cry. A lot. Not give up. Just cry.
Ok. I'm getting stressed about the whole no-job situation. I've followed up on my résumés/applications and no decisions so far.
I've applied to the hospital for 8 different jobs and they're "still reviewing applications". I've called them once a week and have visited them in-person to introduce myself while asking to meet with someone. I've got my uncle-by marriage who's put in a good word for me with his buddy who's friends with the hiring lady. His wife (my aunt) works there but she refuses to put in a good word for me only because she doesn't know the HR lady. SO WHAT!!! Things in this town are all about connections and you can easily say, "hey, my nephew's looking for a job. He's a great candidate." That's how a lot of people get jobs here. According to the national reports (yes national) the local hospital is one of the best places to work and it's the largest employer in this city of 22,000 people. Yes, I went from a city of 2 million plus people to 22,000.....I'm not a small town guy.
My buddy referred me to work at Delta airlines as a baggage handler..where he works. I filled everything out online and had a phone interview yesterday. He was impressed with me and asked me to start the next step in the process. I did so last night and felt good about moving back to Columbus. However, I just got word from my friend that the job is no longer available. Shot down.
I'm here in this town with no job. I've applied for 18 jobs and not one of them have made any moves. School doesn't start until January. I'm falling behind on my bills. I'm in a town with a town's energy that's suffocating me. I'm trying to stay positive and patient and up-beat and determined (ya know..JFM-y) but it's hard doing it by yourself when no one seems to understand. It upsets me too because I was planning to attend school in Portland. My financial aid wasn't processed before the move and wasn't supposed to me finished until November. Well, it was processed and completed one day after I got to my mom's home. Seriously?! I could've gone to school and could still be there.
I just want to cry. A lot. Not give up. Just cry.
<3 I'm in the same boat deary. The only thing that keeps me sane is that at least KY is famous for bourbon. Hang in there. Ohio is stifling, but YOU are strong and persistent. You will either escape again one day, or I will be forced to move up there for the same reasons and we can all pool our resources and start a hippie caravan headed west ;)
that's so frustrating. it's hard to be that 'upbeat, positive applicant' in those types of situations.
a number of years ago i had to petition for more financial aid for the school i was going to. initially the deadline they told me was wrong, so i missed the real deadline, and as a result, there would be no decision on my aid until the following month, which worked out to be the friday before the semester started, and mind you, this was in a different state. they gave me barely enough to actually go to the school in the end (but only for a semester), but it was just impossible to go. so frustrating. no plane ticket, no classes to register for, no housing worked out. so i stayed home for the semester, felt miserable, got a full-time job, applied to transfer to cheaper schools, and saved money in the event i'd return to my initial school for just the spring. Ultimately I got late acceptance to a school here, and it actually worked out really well for me. At the time I was kind of terrified that I'd end up never being able to go back to a 4-year school (because I had to have enough aid to cover living expenses, so acceptance into a school itself wasn't enough), and it's more difficult to transfer as a first year, and from a private school no less.
I hate those crappy school situations. It means so much to be able to go, yet there's often so much red tape to go through. I hope that you'll find, in the end, you'll get to go somewhere or do something that made this experience all worth it. It helps to stay optimistic about things even if they're not initially what you wanted, but so so hard if it's clear there was an alternative.
fufuberry -- Thank you for your electronic pat-on-the-back. I needed that. And I'm up for the idea of a hippie caravan heading west. :)
faunablues -- Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm sorry it didn't initially work-out for you. :/ What you said totally makes sense, though. I'm trying to find that balance of being open without losing myself here. Live in the moment without falling into the figurative sand trap that exists here. Maybe that's my way of buying into the American dream. Ha!
I honestly want to find success here until I get out (again). It's just hard when I'm finding dead ends with the pressure of everything else. I thought about it as I drove around today.. I've decided that I'm here as a pitstop to get my shit together and then I'll be on my way. I'm hopeful school here will provide more opportunity than I have now. In the meantime, I've got the energy and mindset of a big city. It clashes here so I need to find a way to make it work.
I'm sorry if I made no sense and/or rambled.
This may be impossible, but if your financial aid has been approved now could you stil go back and go to school?
Sorry to hear it's so hard :(
Story on the news about some guy in OH who had a bunch of big cats on his farm. He got out of jail and found out his wife left him, so he let the animals loose and shot himself. The police are now in the process of murdering a bunch of lions, a tiger, etc.
Crap.
Story on the news about some guy in OH who had a bunch of big cats on his farm. He got out of jail and found out his wife left him, so he let the animals loose and shot himself. The police are now in the process of murdering a bunch of lions, a tiger, etc.
Crap.
Yeah it's pretty epic. It was on NPR this morning. Apparently they tried to tranquilize the tiger but it came after them anyways, so they had to shoot it. Some eff up in gov't let the ban on purchasing exotic pets expire last year. They are trying to get an emergency reinstatement.
Thank you for your concern and thoughts, Miss Theo. :) I thought about going back through online classes but I don't know how'd that work because they may charge me out-of-state tuition now. Plus, when I did online classes at another school, I had to report on campus for exams. I'm not sure if all schools are like that? My luck, I'd have to fly out there for a quiz or something. Haha!
eta: Fufu/Yabbit: I didn't hear about the lions/tigers being killed. That's crazy. It's also crazy this news made it all the way to Spain.
Lion Tigers and Josh OH MY!!
this is really sad, all around on every account.
and Josh, if you did have a quiz or final you had to take, you know you could crash here.. :)
Hope everything works itself out for you soon Josh!! I know how frusterating it is to end up in the very place you want to leave. One day at a time. You have a bright future.
I cried this morning and last night seeing the pictures on the news of all those animals piled up dead :(
I chopped some friggin onions like, an hour ago, and my eyeballs still hurt.
:'(
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